What are your thoughts?!

"There is a very large gap between being intelligent and being wise."

~Sal~

I have sat here and thought all day about so many different things.  I am a notorious thinker/analyzer.  I wonder if so many people are so educated, why are they so stinkin' ignorant?  How can someone who appears to be so collected be such a mess?  I believe sometimes, people get so caught up in whatever is going on, at that moment, they neglect the very things or people that mean the most to them.  Most people seem to have to be continuously busy to keep so resemblance of normalcy in their lives.  Too many people don't remember how to stop the insanity, stop the constant information highway(TV), turn off the computer and cell phones, and just be.

I may not have the perfect life, or a fairy tale...but I have an amazing life.  It's never dull around here.  Having the kids with me all the time is always an adventure!  Then you mix in the housework, the horses, cows, chickens, pigs, dogs and cats....it's the makings of complete chaos if I let it get there.

Social media has proven an effective source for keeping up with family & friends around the world.  It has also become an effective source for people to vent their dirty laundry.  Too many times, people will voice an opinion and others are quick to jump in with their own opinion, and then you have an online argument over who is right.  Too many times, rather than letting someone voice their opinion on their own information highway in they way they choose to...too many with differing opinions feel the need to voice uninformed or biased opinions.  If one opinion differs from another, it's not a big deal..until the differing opinion becomes an online argument.  That in and of itself seems kind of illogical to me.  What is the point of arguing online?  Are you seriously sitting on the opposite side of the computer yelling and pointing your finger?  Kind of funny to think about, don't you think?!

Now, this bring me back to the original reason for this blog.  I sat here reading through the news feed this evening wondering:: how many people actually read these blogs?  How many people would read these blogs if there was a certain topic or idea being discussed?  What types of topics would interest readers to bring them back to this blog, anxiously awaiting the next and eager to learn whatever wisdom I could give them?  It got me thinking.  So, I did what everyone seems to be doing now and posted the question: "what types of topics/issues would interest you?"  As usual, my personal experience on social networks has been "blah" at best.  

So, I will pose the question to my readers - "What types of topics would you be interested in seeing me write about?"  I prefer something that I have some knowledge in, however, I will research whatever is necessary.  Leave a comment to let me know!

~Sal~

Discovery: "What took you so long?!"

"As I sit here contemplating our new school year, the changes in our

lives, and our family goals...I can't help but wonder; what took you

so long?"

I am the type of person that will analyze everything to death!  From my thoughts, to our relationship, the way we are raising our kids, our finances, and even the problems that are brought to me that are outside of our little family.  However, by being a constant analyzer, it allows me to really focus on an issue and eventually I get it solved.  That's not to say it doesn't cause me grief from time-to-time, but I can usually find a solution.

I spent years fighting the inevitable.  I may not have always been a country/farm girl, but that is who I have become.  Like it or not, and much to family and friends disgust.  I have really become a person that I am beginning to like.  I am a work in progress, but I am getting better everyday!  That's not to say I don't have setbacks, or doubts in my abilities.  I still have a daily battle to accept that I am not who I once was, and I'm not sure I would ever want to go back to who I once was.   I like who I am, and I like what our family stands for.  

As a girl, I grew up outside of town, but still pretty much a city kid.  I had most of the conveniences, opportunities, and even the pitfalls a kid growing up in a town/city had.  As a young adult, I experienced life on a whole new level.  I was introduced to a great life, and many options that I had never had previously.  I thoroughly enjoyed that life.  However, in my mid-20's, I was introduced to another great life, and one I really hadn't spent any time around.  It's since then that my life began changing and molding.  I was introduced to a country/farm life.  I have spent the better part of 15 years with that life.  The first several years, I fought it with all I was worth!  I didn't want to change, I didn't want to be a farmers wife, or live on a farm, or in the country for that matter.  A break through came in 2006, when I realized the thing I was fighting for was the very thing that was and had caused me so much pain and kept me disconnected with the very person I wanted to be.  It was at that point, I began considering that the very person I was fighting to keep...was no longer there.  That person, the one I thought was who I was, really wasn't me.  It was the spectacle of a person I had invented just to get through life as a child, and even a young adult.  It was the person, that I now dreaded having to pretend to be!  

I was always a confident person, and did what I felt was right at the time.  However, during the span of 1999-2006, I went from that confident, self-sufficient person to a bumbling mess.  I had my first baby, battled with post-pardom depression, faced cancer, had a marriage that spent more time on the verge of divorce than not, had no idea who I was or where I wanted my life to go.  I knew that I no longer fit in my former life, but I didn't fit with the life I was living either.  I was in a horrible holding pattern just trying to find a place to land.  I had always prided myself with being able to adapt to any situation, but it was that point in my life, I couldn't adapt.  Life wasn't going the way I wanted it to go, I couldn't focus, I was an emotional nightmare!

It was late 2005/early 2006 that a break-through of sorts occurred.  It was during that time, that I realized that the life I had fought so hard to hold on to, wasn't MY life anymore.  That within itself, was a powerful break-through.  It was at that exact moment in time, that I began re-assessing not only myself but also what I wanted for me, and at the time...my only child.  I wanted the best possible life for BOTH of us.  I never wanted him to feel unloved, or unstable. I wanted a life for us that was drama-free, lie-free, and never a feeling of being unloved, unwanted or "in the way!"  It was from that point on, that I began my own journey of discovery.  I began focusing on our family more, on my child more, and on the life I wanted for us.

I am here to tell you, when you begin to look within and make discoveries and changes within you, you WILL be met with some major challenges and backlash!  I began withdrawing from people that made me feel inadequate, unwanted, unloved, and unstable.  I started changing my priorities, and finding an inner spiritual person that had nothing to do with religion, but more to do with faith.  I began building myself back up to be a person more positive and optimistic than negative.  I began learning the lifestyle that I had already spent 5/6 years fighting.  I devoted my life to my marriage, and my child.  Within 3 years, we were blessed with the biggest surprise of our lives...my 2nd baby.  I can't tell you that the devotion hasn't been met with plenty of trials and arguments in my marriage, but through it all, I have grown to be a person I like and I try daily to grow into the person I want to be.  I have learned a lot about the life I have now been living for 13 years, and I continue to learn everyday.  I can honestly say, even through the pain and hardships I have experienced in my life, I have become a strong person.  I have walked away from my former life, with not much more than a backward glance on occasion.  I have dealt with those from my past criticizing my current life, and the way we live, and even some of those in my current life that have criticised.  I have grown and in the course of that growing, I have learned so much.  As my husband tells me on a regular basis: " those that criticize are the ones that are insecure in there own lives."  

Although we still face trials, we still have very differing opinions, my husband has become one of my best friends.  We now share everything; from our goals in life, to our ideas on our home, to raising our kids, and even our thoughts and fears.  I'm not saying our life together is perfect, but it's pretty good-most of the time.

It's at this point in my life that I can say, without a doubt "I have found my home!"  It's not where I once was, who I once was, but it's who I am now.  Agree or disagree....either way, it's OK!  I now know me, who I am, who I want to be and just as important....where I am going!  It's such a tremendous feeling being comfortable in your own shoes.

May you all find "Home!"

~S~

Homestead, canning, pet peeves, and more!

"Today, as I thank God for all the blessings in my life, I can't help but also thank him 

for all the trials and speed bumps too!  Every emotion, every trial, every obstacle 

course has made me who I am and continues to push me to be a better person!" ~S~

It's amazing to me how much some individuals in our lives cling to the past.  Who we are and where we want to go, are the stepping stones to our future.  Free of the chains that held us back.  Free of the anchor the holds us down, and free to create our future the way WE want it.  Not what others want for us.  Too many times, our past or who people believed us to be, hold us back from becoming true to our selves and growing into the person we want to be.

Since we began our little homestead, in November of 2011, we have accomplished so much more than we could have hoped for.  What began as a failed buying experience on September 17, 2011...turned into buying our home, our little piece of ground, horses, cows, chickens, and now pigs.  All in less that a year.  Yep, it's been such a massive change and adjustment period.  For someone who did not grow up this way, I am very proud of who I have become and how much I've been able to learn.  As we grow to fit our needs, I am able to continue learning and growing.  Our gardens this year have produced very well.  We took an all organic approach this year, and I am personally very impressed with the outcome.  Corn, peas, onions, radishes, potatoes, green beans, kidney beans, horticulture beans, bell peppers, jalapeno peppers, cayenne peppers, pumpkins, watermelon, and cucumbers have all produced exceptionally well considering the drought.  We battled through critters eating our chickens to butcher over 200lbs of chicken and still have roughly 50 head for layers.  Even ended up with a beautiful black rooster!  We have gotten our son's calf to a year old, and looking good, plus purchased 4 other heifers(3 are going to calf in September).  Lost a calf to coyotes, we think.  Purchased our beautiful horses for our own enjoyment.  So now, the next logical step in our pigs.  We have our cows for beef, chicken, our garden, and now we'll have pork too.  It seems so surreal to me to think that 95% of our food, we either raise or grow ourselves.  I know some people think we are crazy, but my thought is this:  "we won't look so crazy when every ones grocery budget is tripled this fall/winter while our budget is cut to less than a quarter of what it is now."  Is it a hassle and a lot of work doing what we are doing? HELL YES!  However, I can tell you, when you are able to grocery shop for a family of 4, on less that $200 a month....that hard work pays off!  When everyone else is shopping and their groceries bills double or triple in price because of years of drought...mine does not.  There is no greater feeling than knowing that so much of the food you and your family will eat has been grown by you, without chemicals, without carcinogenic preservatives and without all the added crap!  For me, all the hard work is worth it's weight in gold!  I know my family is getting the best possible food.  

Our garden producing as it has this year, has given me ample opportunities to sharpen my canning skills.  I have not gotten to can much over the past few years due to flooding and last year we didn't plant a garden since we were supposed to have bought a piece of property and would be moving in during canning season.  When that fell through, and we ended up not moving until November to our homestead...I didn't can anything and we ran out of everything I had canned from prior years.  This year, I have been blessed to can/freeze so much!  Corn, peas, green beans, horticulture beans, kidney beans, cabbage, tomatoes, and even some of our potatoes.  And we still are canning!  Our tomatoes are just now starting to ripen and our plants are loaded, we are still picking and canning green beans, horticulture beans, and kidney beans.  I have more jalapenos and cayenne peppers than I know what to do with (not really!  they freeze up nicely!).  I have green peppers still to freeze, and the pumpkins, watermelon, cucumbers, and zucchini are still going strong!  For us to get through a Winter without having to purchase more than $200 a month worth of groceries, we need to can a minimum of 525 quarts/pints of vegetables out of our garden every year.  I can tell you that can be a little daunting at the start of every year!  This does not include our meat consumption.  Since we figure that on an annual basis, it breaks down like this:  156 lbs. of chicken, 800 lbs of beef, and 525 lbs. of pork.  Since our food needs are figured on an annual basis, we usually have some left over at the end of the year....but not much.  When you total up, on an annual basis, what you spend on groceries - just the food part, I bet you'd be amazed to find out how much you are really spending.  I know I was!  Our grocery budget is a bit different that some, in the fact that I cook/prepare 3 meals a day.  So, if you work and have children in school or childcare, it will be a lot different than ours.  For us, an annual food budget of $4100 covers our food needs.  That's for an entire year!  The rough break down looks like this:  Our store purchases - $2400, Garden seed and canning supplies - $200, Meat; including processing - $1500.  This is by raising our gardens, raising our own chicken, pork and beef, and utilizing bulk purchasing to make almost everything from scratch.  I am able to purchase unbleached flour in 50 lbs bags for $40, and raw organic sugar in 50 lbs bags for $40, as well as bulk spices for a quarter of the cost of any major store.  I highly recommend locating a small, family owned general store.  We live in an area with a high concentration of Amish and Mennonite families.  They have several stores that we shop in, and the prices beat the big stores by A LOT!  

On to some other topics that have come up in the past week.  As I get older(and less patient, as my family says) I am finding that some of my pet peeves are intensifying.  I try to keep my nagging at a minimum, but some days........I can't!  I have always said that everything should have a place, and whatever I am looking for(or tripping over!) should be in it's place!  I hate when people get up from the table and their chairs are left out, or when I ask someone to clean the kitchen and the counters/stove/microwave/and coffee pot are left dirty.  When I ask for a bathroom to be cleaned, I expect it clean....not a quick brush over on the surface to appease Mom!  Toilet cleaned, sink and vanity cleaned, tub/shower cleaned, floor swept and rugs in their place.  When I ask that the living room be picked up and I walk in, after the vacuum has been run, and there are still piles of stuff vacuumed around on the floor and stacks of books on the hearth...that is not clean!  Clean clothes that don't get put away, and you don't want to put them away...does not mean I want to rewash folded clothes in the laundry room!!!  Since we seem to have several "catch-all" places; counters in the kitchen, 2-half walls, and the dining room table.....I am constantly struggling to keep them at the very least, presentable!  When I make dinner, and can't find a place to sit at our dining table...I get a little irate.  No, correction...I get a whole lot irate!  Then I start cleaning off the table only to find dirty dishes, buried under the days mail and newspapers, used napkins, and toys - of all the damned things to find on the table!  Yep, as I get older, I expect my family to do their part in keeping our home looking decent.  I don't live in our home alone, I do not expect to do all the work alone either!  I have a full enough schedule without tackling all the farm management, all the finances, all the meals as well as our children's education, and my own business.  In my eyes, every person in our home is capable of picking up after themselves, and therefore, should be!

As always, I have decided to include a bit of my attitude in this post.  I am a firm believer in free speech, and the liberties given to us by our Constitution and Bill of Rights.  However, I get so tired of hearing all the political b.s. that is going on right now.  You can only believe a fraction of what ANY politician tells you, and watching any news source is just going to given you the information they want you to hear.  I quit watching ALL news sources several years ago, and you know, it has allowed me to make my own educated decisions without all the bias.  I don't do mainstream on much of anything, and get really aggravated when I am attempting to give an outside-the-box, viewpoint, only to be ripped to shreds by those following one party or the other.  I can and will respect your opinion, but in turn I expect my opinion to be respected as well.  This pertains to all areas of my life...not just politics.  The decisions I make, are the ones that we feel are best for our family....not necessarily for anyone else!  We don't follow trends, nor do we buckle when we are pressured to "be like everyone else."  We are not like everyone else, and we don't want to be.  We are happy, overall, with the life we have made for our family.  Being respectful of others seems to be something that is rapidly decreasing....along with common sense!  

When we began home educating our children, aside of the general misconceptions, we found that many in our area were very much against bucking the "normal" systems.  Since we made this choice together, it's been a lot easier to deal with the negativity that comes from thinking outside-the-box.  I have my own support system within my husband.  He has been instrumental in helping me to deal with negativity and misconstrued opinions.  We agree on how we want our children raised, educated, and how we want them to grow up.  We want them to grow up questioning everything, not just going along with the crowd, and we want them to be able to think for themselves and not have them just follow what a majority is doing.  We want them to understand the importance of hard work, patience, persistence, and dedication.  We want them to be able to be comfortable in their own skin without the confines that society has been placing on several generations now.  Now, we are in our 3rd year of educating our oldest and our 1st educating our youngest.  We have had to make adjustments to our schedules, to the way we live, and even a few curricula changes to match learning styles.  It's not always easy, and there are days that we have a hard time getting motivated...but we are able to make adjusts to fit our needs.  We have found a great curricula now that fits both learning styles of the kids, and allows for a lot more hands-on learning.  While some still consider our lifestyle weird, or hippy-ish, we find it refreshing and it allows us more time as a family without outside interference.

In our little bubble, here on our homestead, we live our lives simply.  We treat each other with respect, we learn, we teach, we speak honestly with each other, we share each others feelings and thoughts without fear of discipline or vengeance, and we spend all the time we can together.  Both our kids help me in the kitchen, both kids help with laundry, both kids help with the gardens and animals, our son is learning to sew, while our daughter is learning how to care for the animals.  Our son knows how to care for the animals and is learning how to break horses.  Our daughter loves being with the animals, she's constantly roping something, but still loves all her girly stuff.  The kids play with farm toys, and occasionally our daughter can talk her big brother into a tea party.  Both kids can shoot a gun and a bow.  Both kids love to play, and help me cook.  Our lives are constantly intertwined, which allows my husband and I to really get to know our kids.  We spend so much time with them that we know their personalities, we know their likes and dislikes, we know their learning styles, and we are able to have real conversations without worrying about peer pressure and other influences.

We have been given a very unique opportunity, in our lives, to live so simply and fully immersed in each others lives.  We know we are blessed and we work very hard to keep it that way.

~S~

Finding your space in this world

"Quite often you find yourself having to make decisions about your life.  You are metaphorically at a cross road in your life as often as daily.  Many choices are made without much of a second thought.  Other choices require some thought.  Many times the hardest choices to make are the ones involving those you love, respect or admire."

Some choices are made for you, while others are made against your will.  You don't realize how often choices are made or made for you.  When you think of the cross road/choices, many people just think of the monumental choices they have to make.  They don't realize that choices can be as simple as what to have for a meal, what clothes they will wear for the day, the thoughts they choose to listen to daily, and it extends on to the biggest choices in their lives.  Anytime you have to decide on anything, you have a choice.  Some choices don't have any significant consequences, while others are life changing. 

As choices go, I've learned the toughest choices involve those that you love.  You can love, respect and admire your loved ones while still holding strong negative opinions of them.  We are each individuals with individual opinions and thoughts.  While we typically don't all agree 100% on every subject matter, having respect and tolerance for others opinions is what allows us all to consider ourselves free people. 

In my own experience, when you make large changes in your life and accept that who you have become is not who you were...others will either constantly degrade you and make you feel like the dirt under their feet or they will just stop talking to you.  Even some of those who you are closest to, whether it be family or friends, they will either neglect to accept you or will find any excuse to treat you with disrespect.   

Years ago, I had a dear friend that I spent the majority of my time with.  As we got older, I found that the one person I trusted and admired, took someone else's word over mine and the friendship was over.  There have been many times over the past several years, I have thought about this friend and wished we still spoke.  In the same type of instance, when you have family members that constantly look down at you or treat you with disrespect, you learn to withdraw from them as well. As someone who has made some drastic life changes over the past 15 years, I can tell you, you learn who your friends are, and you learn the family that loves you no matter what.  You also learn where you stand with people, whether they are friends or family.

Sometimes, there are some old mental wounds that have never healed, that cause you to change.  Other times, it is out of desire that you change.  Either way, there are learning curves and roller coasters to go through before you find your space.  In my case, it has taken me years to find a space in this world that I can be comfortable and call my own.  There have been ups and downs, there have been tears of joy and sadness, there have been a myriad of people I've had to walk away from and there are still more that I have had to accept as just acquaintances that I once considered friends.  Many times I find myself looking through my past life and wonder how everything became so insane.  I grew up in the years of still playing outside, getting paddled by my parents, television was typically only for Saturday morning cartoons, and it was still safe to ride your bikes through the subdivision to friends houses without the fear of abduction or getting run over.  In our subdivision, all the neighbors watched out for all the kids....whether they were theirs or not.  We had trouble makers and bullies, but we handled them.  When we were getting bullied, we just pounded the bully and went on.  It wasn't a deal of the bully having rights....a bully was the bad guy, there for they had no rights!   Although none of us had a lot of money, or material possessions, we had everything.  We had enough toys to keep us busy on rainy days, bicycles, friends, the "neighborhood parents", and REAL parents.  Not the kind that gave their kids money to get them out of their hair, or the kind that just let their kids run wild.  Kids then had respect for other people and other peoples property, and they had disciple. 

Many times, I look at the kids and even some young adults, that you see and wonder how the hell they had any parental guidance in their lives.  They truly make me cringe!  Since the early 90's, many Moms have been forced into the work force because of the economic trials, and that leaves kids with who?  Babysitters, day cares, or all alone.  While I'm a firm believer in women having independence, and the education to support themselves, I can't help but wonder if the extreme it's been taken to, hasn't caused these problems.  I'm not saying that women shouldn't be able to have rights or choices, but typically in my generation, the Mom's were home while the Dad's worked.  There was always a parent present in kids lives and there weren't the troubles that we see in society today.

As I get older and since I have children of my own, I worry about the direction of the world.  Not to mention, the friendships and family that my children are around.  I am very fortunate to be able to be home with my kids everyday, but as much as I would love to shelter them from the pain, bad friendships, and negative family influence; I know that I can't.  Some lessons are best learned through experience.  Although I some influences I can protect them from due to distance, I can not protect myself from the same influence and hurt.  I just have to do my best to not project my own emotions onto them.  This is usually easier said than done!

As I am continually looking for my own space, I am finding that not only are some old wounds are still unhealed, I'm finding that some just grow deeper.  Fortunately, I have a great husband who allows me to vent and tries to help me put it all into perspective.  Since I have taken the life changing role into his world, I find that I really do enjoy the way we live...even if I do get restless on occasion.  I wouldn't want my children growing up any other way.  Life is slower, although still crazy, they know where their food comes from, they are educated by my husband and I, they have grandparents and great-grandparents that they spend a considerable amount of time learning from, they have pets and livestock to learn about, and they have 2 parents that give everything possible to make sure they have what they need and teach them how to be productive members of society and not just another name or number on a docket.  I'm not saying that we are always right or even the best at anything.  However, our kids are fully aware of how life has ups and downs, and they will know how to live in any situation.

As we venture into a new month, and since it's been kind of a nutty Summer, there have been many realizations.  As I try to grasp some of them and reflect once again, I am amazed.  I am reminded of a phrase I saw, and it's perfect!

"I am not who I want to be, but I'm better than I once was." 

Finding your groove in this crazy thing we call life, isn't easy.  Sometimes it takes us well outside our comfort zones, and can even through you into a downward spiral.  It's each of our responsibilities to take the time to explore what we need.  Take time to find your way and explore new avenues of living, not just surviving.  

Wishing you well

~Sal~