Trying to find balance

While I do not believe in the proverbial "perfect mom," status, I do believe that there are many good moms out there. Every woman has their own belief in what it takes to be a good mom. As so much television and internet exposure has given us examples of what we should be or should not be, all it has really done is provided others with a way to judge Moms.

After listening to a podcast this morning about this subject, I am finding a need for balance. I personally need to find balance between being a mom, wife, educator, home manager, and Salli...as a person. My life for almost 13 years has been devoted to my husband, kids, and home. For the past 4 years, it has been entirely devoted to kids, husband, home educating the kids, managing our home, finances, cooking, cleaning, and juggling life circumstances. During the years of being a mom and wife, I threw in learning a new life style, juggling my family/his family/my friends, trying to overcome the distance between my life now with my past and my family 400 miles away, and my own changing opinion and views.

I have a beautiful life, and I know this. I get to be a stay-at-home mom, I have a home business that allows me to earn a little extra money on occasion, I have a healthy family, and a beautiful home. I am very blessed by all of this. In saying that, I still find myself less than content at times. This is not saying that I am not happy, because I am. I am just finding that I need something more. I need me.

Somewhere over the course of 15 years, I have lost me. I lost many of the passions I used to enjoy. I lost the person I was, and the one I liked. While I have been working at re-finding the person I am, there are many days that the constant demands of children, juggling finances, laundry, meal prep, meal cleanup, school schedules, housework, business, gardening, food preservation, animal care, farm life, and still trying to find time to be a wife....has me running in circles and not accomplishing a single thing. Those are the days that I find myself in a negative state of mind. Those are the days I hear myself asking, over and over again, "isn't there something more to life?" My days are basically all the same...wake up, hubby goes to work, oldest wakes up and starts talking about his latest invention ideas, I work on the computer and check emails, youngest wakes up, breakfast for the kids, school work/morning chores/kitchen cleanup, referee many battles, fix lunch for all, all 3 sit down for lunch only mom is up 14 times in 30 minutes for forgotten lunch needs, I finally get tired of trying to eat and throw half my lunch away, clean up from lunch, kids play and have multiple battles, I work on cleaning house/doing dishes/doing laundry, sit for a few minutes to catch up on facebook, start preparing supper and send kiddos out to do evening chores, finish supper and start to eat only to have items that were forgotten(and of course needed) for supper, after many trips to the kitchen I finally sit down to eat cold food and honestly not really hungry anymore, then it's clean up/put supper up/do dishes, continue refereeing, find time to do more laundry, and now throw in canning/picking from the garden, and by this time it's almost 10 and I am exhausted. I have yet to get a shower, the kids get their showers and hubby gets his. However, by the time they are all done it's almost 11 and there's no hot water left. I am ready to collapse from exhaustion and I crawl into bed only to toss and turn all night while my list of projects/to do list items that have not yet been done, runs through my head. I am back up the next morning by 6 to start all over again. Now, in the mix of all this, there isn't one single thing in my days that is actually for me. My days are 100% revolved around my home, and my children.

All this is my life. Yes, I have a great life by many standards. I don't know that I would ever change my life style but I am going to change the fact that my life just exists. Although I have no idea how, I am going to find Salli again. I am going to find a balance between being a mom, wife, and being Salli. I am going to help my family to see and understand what I need to be a happy, fulfilled Mom/Wife. While I know that this transition will be a challenge with the constant needs my family has, I know that by finding my own contentment, I will be a better mom and wife and less overwhelmed.

Wish me luck on this venture, I know I'm going to need it!
Salli

A leap of faith to a time of my past

After much debate, I decided to take a leap of faith and attend an all school reunion for the high school I graduated from. I was concerned about so many people and classes being thrown together, however, after attending...I have decided it was the most sensible thing to do. 73 years of classes, the oldest Alum being from the class of 1934, all the way to the class of 2013.

While many of my graduating class neglected to show up, those of us that did...enjoyed catching up. A big part of those there were there were from out-of-state. There were 4 from Missouri, 1 from Arizona, 1 from California, and 1 from Oregon. There were 9 that lived local. I was thrilled to see so many from other classes that I was friends with. My dear husband was introduced to so many that I'm pretty certain he will never remember all the names! My best friend came out and we discussed so many memories from our high school years. So many times we got in trouble for things that happened that were not planned, and some that were. Caught up with several that I had been talking to online and had really enjoyed getting to know again. 1 person I hadn't seen since moving to Missouri, 16 years ago, and was so thrilled to see again.

In the weeks leading up to this reunion palooza, I really questioned why you would have an all school reunion. Having the pleasure of attending, I can't imagine having anything else. What I expected would be a complete cluster, turned out to be fairly organized, several bands donated time, several of the area restaurants were there to have food on site, and it was an outstanding event!

Making the time to revisit a piece of my past that I try to avoid, was a bit of an undertaking. Emotionally, it was a struggle. This was the first trip back to my home town since one of my friends past away. It was quite a difficult time keeping my emotions in check. Our class has lost 5 members over the years. I was fortunate enough to see the parents of my dear friend, those I refered to as mom and dad also. They were another set of parents who I still love to death! Making the trip to my home town is about a 5 hour trip. It's physically not that far, but far enough to be taxing. It is far enough to have to plan for a visit months in advance. Mentally, it's a challenge since my husband is not from there. I know he does not enjoy being up there, and he does not have many common interests with those I grew up with. So balancing the emotional side, and the desire to reconnect is always a struggle. My husband was a real trooper though. He mingled with me, talked and visited with so many, and even acted as though he enjoyed himself. Whether he did or not, he made sure I enjoyed myself.

While I didn't do all that I had hoped for, I did enjoy a relaxing time. I didn't make the catfish days in a neighboring town or a picnic by the river...but there's always next time.

Very happy I went and really enjoyed seeing old friends.

The winds of change....

"Warning, warning, emotional overload to commence in 3, 2, 1........"

In a split second, the switch has been flipped and the steam is coming out of your ears. One wrong move and the top of your head could come blowing off like a fiery top. The right move can remove the steam, and make for easier breathing. What is the right move? If you wait too long to make a decision, that steam could fuel any flames and cause the proverbial pot to boil and eventually boil over. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!?

Sound like a horror movie teaser? Imagine that being your temper. You are on the brink of an emotional meltdown, and you have to make a decision. What is the best decision for you. How do you handle the anger, or in some cases raging fury? Do you "blow your top," and go on? Do you talk through your anger to allow yourself time to "cool down?" Do you allow your anger/frustration to just boil until you've reached your boiling point; then get mad enough that you bring up every single wrong doing from years past? How do you manage your temper?

While I am not a doctor, psychologist or any other medical personnel, I have been taught in the ways of Natural Health. Natural Health is the belief that you must treat your whole person, in order to heal any symptoms. The whole person refers to mind, body and spirit. Temperament, attitude, and personality play into matters of the mind, which in turn also play into the ills of your body and your spirit. When your thinking, attitude towards issues and your personal self talk are negative, or angry; this is how your body and spirit will react to everything in your life.

By learning to manage your mind(i.e. temper, attitude and personality), you can manage everything about your self. While some would complain of too much stress, too much anger, not enough time, too many outside influences...this is when you have to take a step back. This is the time you have to find a way to manage your stresses. Managing stress is one of the first areas most people need to address. You can't eliminate stress, and anyone that tells you otherwise is a fool! You have to manage it. You have to find an outlet. Find something that will allow you to be still, in mind and body. That will allow you to think your thoughts, work through your emotions, and be calm. Once you find your calm, that is when you will be able to think clearly enough solve problems, have a civil conversation, readjust your attitude and eventually you will find your inner peace to get through each and every stress.

For most of us, finding a way to manage our temper(for those of us with a temper!)is of utmost importance to deal with others. Finding a way to manage our tempers without becoming a doormat is a constant balancing act. You can find your inner peace, only to have it tested by those that try to take advantage of you. While there are times having your temper explode may seem like the best way to handle a stress, a majority of the time...it's not. Too many people react first without thinking a stress through. They speak long before they think. Other times, you think for too long, and allow the stress to fester and build until a simple, unimportant event cause the top of your head to come spinning off in a fiery ball and it blows into some outer atmosphere. Once that happens, many words can not be taken back and many reactions can not be erased. This is why it is so important to learn to manage our stresses.

No matter how you deal with your stresses, it's much easier to manage them than to let them manage you. Temperament is just a first step to managing. Then you must decided how best to address your attitude and personality. Since each of us is designed differently, each of us will handle situations differently. Attitude is all about how you handle your stresses. If you have a poor attitude, your handling of stresses/issues will be poor. If you have a good attitude, you manage your stresses/issues as they are presented with a positive thought. An example would be a difficult person.
Poor Attitude: This difficult person knows exactly what buttons to push and sets you into orbit with just 5 minutes of
conversation. This person makes you angry and stressed out. This person makes some snide comment that just absolutely
has you fuming! Your response: You are instantly angry. You do everything in your power to put this person "in their
place." You yell back at them or turn to someone else and talk about how horrible this difficult person is. In turn, you
are now angry, fuming, and your stress level in through the roof!

Good Attitude: This difficult person knows your buttons, but you aren't concerned with them. You know some people are just
difficult by nature. Rather than giving them the joy of seeing you stressed, you take a deep breath, count if you must,
and allow their ignorance to go in one ear and out the other. You know your inner peace is much more important than this
difficult situation and you can "bless and release" this person. You know that this difficult person has not found their
inner peace and finds pleasure in "misery loves company."

While I am aware that some difficult situations are not as easy as the examples, the majority are if you have found a way to manage your stress. I am also aware that every situation is unique and some situations will bring out our worst; once we learn to manage our temper, control our attitude, and be who we are without apology...it makes life a little better.

I am personally making this journey again. I realized this past week that my attitude was really bad, my temper was getting worse, and dealing with my stress...HA! I was stressed out, angry and anyone I dealt with only ticked me off more! I realized that my inner peace has been gone for awhile and it was taking it's toll on my health and well being. Since I refuse to give ANYONE that much control over me, it was time to readjust. As I always say in trying times, "The winds of change are among us and it's time for them to switch directions."

Wishing you a new direction and much peace!
~Sal~

Chapter 6 - June

While the start of the year, I made a decision that each year, we are given 365 blank pages and 12 blank chapters to make the most of; I had no idea where my life would take me. I am a firm believer that we choose the paths we take, whether that is done by allowing our circumstances to control our path or if we choose to take a path different than our current circumstances and change our directions completely.

I am guilty of letting my current circumstances guide me, instead of saying "I don't like this path, it's time to take a new one." I do try not to do this...but there are times, it happens. I have used some negative circumstances as a crutch to not better myself. I have used multiple excuses to not change a bad situation and make it better. The one thing I have found, using excuses/negative circumstances to not make changes does nothing more than make the situation worse. At times, it may feel like I am trying to make changes but to look and be completely honest about it, all I was doing was complaining. That gets none of us anywhere!

So as the story goes, crying "wolf" is only effective for so long before it is no longer believed. This happens so many times now that social media has become the trend. With such an abundant use of sites like FaceBook, it has become easy to complain about our lives, our jobs, or any number of other things. It has become easy to share a status and have multiple people voice their input, and many times, this only complicates matters. We share happy occasions, we share meal ideas/meal plans, we share our illnesses, and even our anger. I know that that particular social media site is the only I personally use, and it's a soap opera ever day! For some, that is the only way they communicate. It's really quite sad that so many in the younger generations don't know how to actually socialize other than through social media.

While I am not into all the technology, I do know that some is now required. Even though I would personally prefer actual interaction with real people, I do enjoy being able to keep up with family and friends that I know longer live near. I do wonder what folks would do now, if they didn't have internet/social media or cell phones. Myself, I really think life would be much less stressful!

My 365 page blank book is a constant journey. Sometimes the pages are beautiful, full of magical moments. Other times, the pages are like a horror movie that haunt me to my core. While I intentionally look to find positives in everyday, there are some days I close out with just a quick prayer that the next day be a whole lot better!

The month of June was a busy month. We worked on baling hay in between rains. We had a boat load of repairs to make to equipment, we had my nephew here for 2 weeks, and we had our 14 year anniversary...not that we did much to celebrate it. It was a roller coaster month for me. I have spent every possible moment in my gardens, and find myself just looking at them and smiling knowing that the 3 gardens this year are my accomplishment. I designed them, I planted them, and I am the one taking care of them. They are beautiful and have already given us several pieces of produce. As the month of July is already half over, and it has been total insanity around here, it will only continue.

Anxious to see where the rest of the month has in store.
~S~

My curiousity...what are your thoughts?

I know I rarely get comments, but I would be interested in others opinion on this!

I did not grow up in a family where you were handed everything on a silver platter. My family had to work for everything we ever had. We had the necessities, but above that meant getting a job to buy it. I am not a high maintenance person now. I hate shopping, even for groceries! I am not a big fan of jewelery, I don't require 15 pairs of shoes(I actually have 5 prs!), I don't do manicures or pedicures, I get my hair cut twice a year and it's $15 each time. I love garage sales, and old fashioned everything. When we decided to buy a house, I was the one who suggested getting a trailer house or a manufactured home because they were so much cheaper than building one. I am the one who refuses to purchase a new vehicle, opting for a good used one instead. I am the one who will find a million things to make out of older items or scrap...just because we already have these items and it seems senseless to buy something new when you can make something old work. I am the one who stresses over paying off debts so that someday we not be reliant on the banking industry roller coasters. I do not ask for help often, and mostly because when I do ask for help I end up getting all kinds of grief, or it ends up causing me more frustration.

So, here's my dilemma. By being so low maintenance, and not needing anything of any value, does this put me in a position of being taken advantage of? Does this make me an easy target for disrespect? I ask for many reasons, but mainly because I feel like I am taken for granted and the few things I do want become such a hassle to get that I just choose to not do them. Is this wrong? Maybe.

When I became a Mom, my world became focused on my kids. Once in a while it's nice to get out with my husband for a night out, but my entire life revolves around these 2 kids. It was recently that I had an invitation from one of my best friends to go out, girls night. When I mentioned this, I was told I would have to find a sitter. While I will not let my kids stay with just anyone...that means typically there are 2 people I turn to to watch my kids...my mother-in-law or my hubby's grandmother. Both of which I completely trust with my kids. Since his mom has had her share of illness over the last year or so and his grandmother has had some major changes in her life...I don't like to ask too often, for either of them to watch the kids.

Recently, I learned my high school was having an all school reunion. 73 different class reunions, at one time. While I talk to most of the people I went to school with that I want to talk to, there were several people in older classes that were friends and I would get to see. Some I haven't seen since high school. Originally, we agreed we would go and make it a weekend trip to celebrate our anniversary since we didn't even get to go out to supper for it. As time went on, then it became a deal of the trip would depend on when we got done haying and strawing, or if several other things were going on. Since then, a comment was made about not going at all and instead making an overnight trip to a local town instead for a get away. While I have been up in arms over this reunion thing just because my class has neglected to have a decent reunion since we graduated. I really want to go, but I don't want a lot of grief from going. I don't want to hear the lecture about how the reunion was or the money we spent to go.

Is it too much to ask that I get to spend the $350 that it's going to cost to go? I don't plan for trips anymore, to go back to visit family or friends because it's such a hassle.

Respect, and the lost art of doing more than just existing in life!

Are you feeling the strain of how fast life seems to be moving? Are you stressed or feeling sorry for yourself? Do your days end with you wondering what you actually got accomplished? Do you have so many projects that you haven't been able to finish any of them? Are you comparing yourself to others?

So many of us can answer "YES" to every single one of these questions! Why? In my opinion, it's because we are ambushed with information. We are all connected, all the time. Whether it's through television, cell phones, or the internet; we get very little "down time." We stress over things we can not control, we stress over situations that we have no control, some issues we stress about are brought about by our selves, we refuse to turn off the noise boxes(television), we refuse to go without our cell phones, we don't turn off the computers, and we allow other peoples opinions to matter. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off to accomplish everything possible in a days time. We turn to fast meals so there's less time spent cooking, we turn to our computers to catch up with friends, we can't miss a single evening news cast because the world will end if we aren't being fed a bunch of crap about violence, or some politicians latest act of stupidity, and we worry about what neighbors, friends or family will think of us, our homes, our vehicles, etc. WHY????

This has become the norm for the majority of us. Life isn't enjoyed any more. Life has become all about just getting through. Having barely enough money, and living on loans/credit cards have become the way of life. Many people have more cars than they can drive or spend more on their vehicle than they make in a year. Many people run themselves so ragged just trying to keep up with what the neighbors are doing that they aren't happy but stressed. Too many times, people are shamed into doing what has "always been done," because if you do something different you are called/considered weird or extreme. And because everyone is connected ALL THE TIME, everyone knows every single thing you do...and they are more than happy to discuss you with everyone BUT you!

People have become quick to judge and slow to mind their own business. They have made it their mission, so to speak, to know your business and share it with whomever they can. Which brings me to a conversation my husband and I have recently had, about life, family, the fact that so many don't have financial sense, ignorance and just plain stupidity. We are amazed by how so many can be highly educated yet so ignorant to common sense. Not to mention how many families are not only greedy but have no idea how to treat others with respect. While we try to stay out of both our family issues, sometimes it's very difficult to keep quiet when different issues actually hurt one of us on a mental level. Both of us come from bigger families, both our parents have divorced and remarried, we both have siblings and we both have had issues within our individual families. While we try to stay neutral, there are times when our family members have or are being wronged. When that happens we do open our mouths, and usually get plenty of backlash from it. I guess it's ok to defend when it's benefiting certain ones and not ok when it goes against them.

Since we are who we are, we tend to pull away from people who do not respect who we are and what we do. We do not compete with anyone...ever! We do what we are capable of doing and the rest is let go. I am much more high strung than my husband in many cases, especially when family members are hurt, being mistreated or threatened. He lets things roll off his back much more than I do, and once I get mad....I am mad for a long time! I try to get all sides to a story before I say much but there are times that I really don't care about the story...I just want our family members treated they way they should be and with respect. While we have both had many years of family issues, now that we have a family of our own...we spend a lot of time sharing with each other the issues of the past. For me, it's nice to have someone that I trust to share every detail both good and bad. Especially since there are still plenty issues for both us.

We do things very different from most. We are more styled to our grandparents generation of how we live. We don't use credit cards, we actually spend very little, we re-purpose as much as possible, we try to live below our means, we are happy to garden, can/freeze, raise our own food, we hold family dear(even though it's not always reciprocated) and our family is the number 1 priority to us. We don't have a lot of debt, we plan to pay off our debt and live on a cash only basis over time, we cook 95% of our meals, we don't buy pre-packaged foods, we work hard, and we have at least one meal a day as a family.

It's very difficult for me, when I don't feel respected. It's even harder when there is no way to get that respect when so many others do not have it. However, we are raising our kids to be respectful and when others are not. So, maybe there will be a few in this crazy world that will respect others, things, and life.

So, as I begin a new month and a new chapter in my book, I am taking a step back. I am going to spend more time offline this month. I am going to spend more time focused on my little family, less time with the noise box on, less time on the computer and more time enjoying my life. Any issues that are brought to me; better be issues that will affect me or involve me. Otherwise, with due respect, I don't want to hear them. It's time for people to grow up, take responsibility, and take control of their life! I am taking control of mine!

~Sal~