It's hard to believe we are just 9 days from the official start of the Autumn season. The start of this week, it sure felt like late Fall...it was pretty cool. It reminded me how far behind I am on about everything!!! Time has flown by this year. We had a pretty wet Spring, so that fueled a late start to a lot of projects. Then it turned out a dry summer...meaning drought took over, kept many trees, the garden and grass from growing or producing much. My to-do lists, that are never ending anyway, have been backed up by the late start on everything else, and an unexpected death has kind of sent me in a downward spiral.
With all of that being said, I am having some serious push & pull of thoughts. Today, I was mentally going through my lists...like I said, they are seriously never ending. Things I "planned" to take time for this year, things I wanted to do, things I needed/still need to do, and conversations I need to have...none of which has been fully completed, yet. I don't know about you all, but I truly believe, I am my own worst critic. Frankly, there are few outside opinions that matter to me, but when I don't do/make happen the things I think need to happen...that mental conversation gets pretty ugly. I have worked on that, and tried to remind myself that I am just one person(a small one at that), I only have 24 hours in a day, not everything needs to be perfect all the time, and that I can not change others. Once in a while, a snarky(intentional or not) remark from someone that I do value their opinion tends to make things worse. One thing I have realized, we can have some of the best laid plans, and "things happen." Life happens. Days pass into weeks, into months, and before you realize it...another year has passed. Life has taken on a life of its own. The plans, while well intentioned, just don't come to fruition. As I am finding, you can either berate yourself(or leave it to others that are happy to do it for you), or you just keep working toward your goals and do the best you can with what you have to work with.
Many of you may be able to relate, that when you live in a household full of people...you just don't grasp how they can't see what needs to be done. I keep hearing, "just tell me what you want done." I can't help but think, do you not see what needs done? Do you not live in this house? You don't know where things are, yet everything is visible? You can't see the trash that needs emptied or taken out, you can't see dishes in the sink, you can't see laundry piled up, you can't see the dust, you can't feel the grit on the floors, you can't see the throw blankets that need folded? To me, this is called taking responsibility and initiative. This is paying attention to details. It's difficult for me to get through my lists when I am the one doing 90% of the stuff around here. I think if I hear one more time, well you are home everyday, I may throat punch someone. Yes, I am home...I'm teaching, I'm researching, I'm planning meals, I'm working the budget, I'm planning the shopping lists, I'm cleaning, I'm doing laundry, I'm working in the garden and yard, I'm taking care of part of the outdoor animals, I'm trying to learn what I have to teach. I'm attempting to keep up with extended family on 4 sides, and friends when I can. I'm juggling appointments and events. So, when I don't get through my lists...this is why. If I have been taught anything, it's how fragile time really is!
I have been taking this week, truly a day at a time. I am trying to get back to my regular schedule. Sadly, that will not happen for a couple more weeks. September is always our busiest month. We are winding the final plans for our annual veteran hunt, still working on vegetables from the garden, still trying to get everything prepared for winter, I am still trying to make sure our pantry and freezers are stocked, still trying to make sure I make time daily to get outside...not just to work but to get in some exercise. Our school year began in July, and thankfully so. It has allowed us the time we needed off the past week and next week for the hunt. Even though my brain feels like it's on a downward spiral, I know what needs done. I have given myself the break to feel emotions I usually bottle up and to release to them as well. While there is still a lot of things up in the air, I am compartmentalizing anything that is not a direct "need to do," until after this month is done.
Some days, I truly miss having a friend near by that would come out for coffee and chatting. Not even for anything of importance...just to visit. I don't get away from the farm very often anymore. I have let go of so many things I enjoyed, and honestly...I'm not sure why or even when that started happening. It seems all I do anymore is work, and take care of every. I know it's been about 7 years since I went dancing...something I have always loved. I can't remember the last time I made it a point to spend a day just capturing photos. I am really missing some of those things lately...even before the loss of one of my mother-in-laws. It's strange how life takes over when you allow it. The phrase, "you get so busy making a living that you forget to enjoy life," is completely accurate.
As I read through news articles this morning, I realized how interconnected our entire world was, even more than I had previously. The main stream news is pushing those who watch, to pay attention to empty headed holly-weird crew as they pat themselves on the back and the death of the queen. I had to dig really deep to find any information about the railroad strike, the economy, the stock market, the inflation reports, the housing markets, and even the supply chain issues. Yet, front and center was this administration celebrating and tauting some ignorant inflation act that will do nothing but raise the inflation. Not to mention spending excessively on all the set up for their celebration - at tax payers expense, of course. Spending excessively to sent more money into another country while completely disregarding the issues here at home. No one is mentioning the extension of the Executive Order, originally signed into law by President Trump. No one is mentioning all the empty buildings and construction that has Washington D.C. looking like a ghost town. No one is mentioning the massive fence still around our capital building. It's amazing. So many seem to have forgotten what the principal and foundation of our Constitution and Bill Of Rights are. It's so sad to me that our citizens have become so removed from these.
I suppose for today, I am going to finish this with a few reminders. Take time to just be! You do not need to work yourself into the ground. Make sure you learn to pay attention to details from the very small to the blatantly obvious. If you insist on watching the noise box...get online and dig a little deeper to find out what we are being distracted from.
I'm lifting my coffee cup to all, and wishing you a great week and upcoming weekend!
