A few thoughts

 

 

 

As usual, my thoughts are too much for a generic social media post. So, a quick outline on subjects...but we all know I rarely stay on the straight path. 

*Support Local Business

*Technology Challenged

*my 50th trip around the sun

*mish mash of thoughts

 

First, local business. I have used big box stores and even online shopping. So, that disclosure is first! I have spent several years trying to support small, local businesses. To me, it is not just about keeping our money in our communities, although that is a major bonus.  For me, it's about keeping businesses in our communities. I have seen a lot of our smaller communities severely impacted the past 25 years, by the rise in big box stores, corporate farming, the lingering effects of recessions and housing collapse(2008), and the increased need of instant gratification. The rise of big box stores and online shopping, has killed thousands of smaller businesses, and even competition. Growing up, we could go to a mall, have no less than 10 stores with similar items to choose from...now, we have Walmart, Amazon and to a much lessor degree Target. We have seen the news of Dollar Tree/Family Dollar, Big Lots, and now Kohl's closures. We've watched as Sears, Penney's, Bergner's and so many similar stores have disappeared. On the smaller scale, I have seen so many of my local communities struggling to stay relevant. Many of the towns that had post offices, churches, a bar, even a single store in them, have whittled away to nothing more than a cluster of residents; all swallowed up by mismanagement of government and big business. When we do not support our local small businesses, they can not stay in operation; and in turn will close. This has a bigger effect on the communities; from job losses, people leaving these communities, smaller schools closing forcing a large centralized school that requires long periods on a bus, and another community is left desolate. We have seen this happening to many of the small towns in my county. None of this allows for competition either. 

Growing up, in the time I did, I was part of the last generation that did not have technology until I was older. While my husband and I have a different experience with this, in my school...we didn't have computers until I was in high school. Then, it was those great big, massive boxes, that each one took up an entire desk. I think we had 8 of them to start with. I didn't have a cell phone until I was nearly 20 years old. I can still count on my hands, how many times I have played a video gaming console. I went through high school learning to type on a typewriter, learning shorthand - because it was what was taking over the business world, and learning every ounce of accounting paperwork - hand written. At 22, I started learning the computer business models in college. While I know that technology can be a great tool, and I use what I know how...I can definitely see the values of NOT having it. I know this is no longer an option, but I am struggling with how to use/learn technology beyond checking social media, emails and these blogs! Every ounce of education I received, is useless! I am not going to take on massive debt to go back and try to relearn everything I already learned...just on a stupid computer. Sadly, that leaves me and some others like me, in a predicament. No marketable skills after being out of the workforce for 20+ years. I don't have a means of learning the new programs, because they are outdated as quickly as you get them. Not to mention, as I said above, I live in a small community...and jobs are limited. While I can manage a lot of things, I am good at a lot of things, none seem to be beneficial off my farm, but are immeasurable on it. Asking for help to learn, is an option I have done...but it takes patience for anyone trying to teach me, and I usually get "let me do it, it's fast that way." So, for a couple more years, I have time to figure some things out while I finish raising my youngest, but time is flying. 

 

Ok, so I just had my 50th birthday a few weeks ago. Hallelujah!!! I have loved all but ONE of my birthdays...the one that hit me hard was my 30th. Anyway, I love it. 50 years of growing, learning, experiencing, and even the challenges; are incredible blessings! I won't tell you that live is all sunshine and roses, cause that would be a big ole lie! There's days it's a challenge when I realize the little things I can't do anymore, or when I go in search of reading glasses so I can read a text message, the time it takes to recover from illness/injury kinda sucks, but for each new day...I am given another opportunity to grow, learn more and hopefully inspire my children to do the same. I can tell you, my 40's were tough years! Especially the 43-49 range. Those years I struggled a lot, I watched my oldest go from baby to getting married and moving out without a second thought, I have dealt with perimenopause all these years(still, to a degree), and having more changes than I ever thought possible in my life. There are a few things I would never change: being a stay-at-home mom for my kids, home schooling, moving to our farm, taking a chance on the sweet - if not a little forward farm kid(husband), learning to make any and every house a home, pretty much most of my adult life - I wouldn't change. I don't do things I feel like I will regret later. I did that when I was younger, it didn't pan out so well...so, I adapted. While I devoted my life to my kids from the first to this last one, trying to be everything to them that I needed growing up, while trying to teach them to be of good character, integrity and honorable people...I missed the memo, about overdoing it and not letting them see the faults in people, the poor character of people, or having to manage the fall out from those situations. I kept that from them. That was a mistake on my part. But now, at 50, I'm looking to find who "Salli" is now. The person away from being a Wife, and a Mom....it's a bit intimidating but also a little exciting. Who knew you could reinvest yourself, or revive yourself! I am excited to see what this year and beyond bring. 

We are half way through January already! We are about a week from our lamb season starting for 2025. I love the baby lambs, but the weather is always a concern. I would like to believe we won't have any lambs to raise on a bottle this year, but that is unrealistic. We have an average of 4 each, sometimes more, sometimes less. That means all night feedings, just like a baby for 6 weeks minimum. It also means cages in my dining room, wood chips all over, and my husband will spend as much time in the barn as he does the house - for about 6 weeks. It's almost time to start preparing for the garden, which is undergoing major changes this year. No more "big gardens," but some smaller garden areas, and some fun gardening/projects.

Coffee and Conversation

 

I am really battling having to minimize my thoughts on social media. So many people read about 3 sentences, like the post and never pay attention. It takes too much time to consider anything, so the mindless scrolling continues. So, I am putting my thoughts in blogs, if nothing more than my own personal journey. My coffee & conversations is replacing coffee chats...because the focus has changed. 

This morning, I spent a couple hours learning some new skills for gardens and trees. There is still a LOT to learn, but I don't see any reason I can't learn these skills and actually use them! Not only are these skills beneficial to the direction I am wanting to go, but they are the fiscally responsible way to go too! Bonus, and big win, in my book. I have used several big plots of land, over the years, to have a traditional looking garden spot. It has worked for a few years at a time, then the soil requires a lot of maintenance to maintain its productivity - a lot of provisions; wood ash, manure, grass clippings, etc. This is all fine, and I needed the large area to have enough growth to preserve large amounts of vegetables & fruits. As the number of people in my house has decreased, so has the unbelievably large amounts of food I need to produce. Now, I get to have some fun with my gardening. I can play around with different growing methods, different small plots and containers, and do more focusing on raising a medicinal garden too. While I have experimented with different things through the years, it's always been with a backup source in the event of failure. After 7 years of gardening for required produce to feed my family, maintain a supply of quality and quantity of food for as many as 10 people for meals; this will be my first year of gardening for 3. Both my previous beds will be allowed to go back to grass, and my fun gardening gets to take hold. I do still need enough for 3 people in my home, but you can't imagine how much less that takes, and how much actually grows - even in experiments, that will provide even if I end up not liking whatever I do. I have several classes/tutorials lined up, even hoping to finally get around to the herbalism class I have wanted to do for over a decade. 

Before my birthday, I wrote up about 4 pages of general goals and 3 pages of dated goals, for my year. I have extremely high expectations, and that really played into 2024 for me. Expectations are great, but as my blunt daughter enlighted me to, "Momma, not everyone is like you." So, having expectations is setting yourself up for a lot of let down. So, I'm returning to my own tried and true knowledge of goals. My goals are something, I can control. They are not based on anyone or anything else. So, if I fail to meet one...it's MY job to start again, try again, and find a way to succeed. This can be daunting when you are surrounded with negativity, but that is all the more reason to persevere! I forgot this for a spell, but now it's time to succeed. I've found many things that do not work, I just keep going until I find something that does! 

Another area, that is my main focus until late Spring, is my house. My home has gone through 7 years of being a revolving door for people needing a place to stay. In turn, that meant cramming a lot of stuff, where ever it would fit, and generally not eliminating clutter before someone else moved in or out. Remodeling projects went on hold, and have not been finished yet...that is also changing. We had 2 open rooms once everyone moved out this last time, and they are being repurposed completely. One room is becoming the pantry, the other is my husband's business/man cave. I have spent this week going through my daughter's disaster area. I will tell you, overwhelm does not even touch that! I started in on her closet over a year ago, and I dropped the ball on that; but my lack of completing her closet remodel, resulting in her entire room being unorganized, cluttered and awful...and her being a slob, did not help! We are working on it together! Although a break today was necessary because the dust in there is killing my allergies!There are several areas that need fixing, and they will be get done too. Each room is getting a thorough cleaning - washing walls, windows, trims, cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, and finished before moving on. My daughter's room and one extra room, are the worst....but when I am done with them, the rest will be easier. At least until I get to the kitchen, that requires finally getting rid of that popcorn ceiling. That will be dusty and nasty, so it has to be warm enough to open some windows! My chicken coop/goat house/duck house is a major priority this year. It's been in bad shape for a couple of years, but it's now leaking bad and the amount of daily you can see from the inside is not good. I just have to decide how I want to handle that. Maybe by summer, lumber prices will be back to a respectable price. Even if it's not, I have to fix that this year. There is a lot of clearing out to do outdoors too. We have utilized some reasonably priced items for storage(since we didn't have enough barn space) but they have worn out their time as objects and are now also leaking/falling apart. So, we have some decisions to make...if we intend to stay put, building a larger shed/barn is going to be necessary. Then there are a lot of factors to figure in about size, interest rates, overall use, etc. We originally set everything up to be temporary so we could build something better by now. There's been a LOT of water under THAT bridge. This year for my little family, is a lot of decisions that have to be made and set in stone. 

I have some other decisions to make also. Now that my kids are all but grown(youngest will be 16), I have a serious case of empty nesting and needing something for myself, finally. I've had to accept the fact that everything my college degree trained me for is no longer being used. So, my degree is worthless! I can run a family, manage our farm, grow and raise stuff...but have no usable skills to speak of, off the farm. I refuse to go back to get another worthless degree, at this age. I am really hoping to find something I enjoy, can learn some skills along the way, and maybe make a little something in the process. 24 years ago, when my oldest was born,and again 16 years ago when my youngest was born, I devoted everything to my kids. I put my whole world into them. My kids always have and always will, come first, above and beyond even myself usually. That meant I basically did not do anything without one or both of them with me, 24/7. Now, the oldest is married and on his own and the youngest is pretty self-sufficient; this mom no longer has direction. We all remember at 24, you know everything about everything, so mom isn't that important. That's honestly how we want to raise them, it's just hard to accept that success. So, there's not much guidance to give there. The youngest, outside of required education and trying to teach life skill basics...mom is just not needed as much either. Then there's "Mom," for the first time in 24 years with some time, not being needed every second of everyday, wondering "what do I do now?" I have to find things that interest me again, that will allow for the things I still have to do. It's a bit terrifying, I will admit. 

 

My journal writing, my blogs and the conversations I carry in real life will guide me, along with God's hand; that I pray for each day.