It's incredible to me that we are a third of the way through July already! It has been a tough few weeks and my entire attitude is teetering on the edge of a melt down. So, I'm going to write through these roller coaster of thoughts so I can hopefully keep moving forward as I have worked hard each day, to do.
Let's start with the foundation of my thinking. The world, as much as myself and many others have tried to make it, is not just black and white. What I mean, is that there is more than one way to live, behave and exist. While I am a firm believer in being on Earth to help others when you can but do your best not to hurt...that, too, is a gray area. My view of right, wrong, and appropriate, may be completely different from that of someone who is doing their own thing and being productive in their own lives. I see this nearly everyday, in my own life but also in how people speak to each other. While you all know, I believe in researching and questioning everything! I practice what I preach. I also believe that people have forgotten how to use/communicate with proper language verbiage. I have gotten quite a laugh out of the "pronoun" phase. People can figure out pronouns, but not proper grammar, proper terminology, or how to communicate beyond slurs/slang. I've heard so much negativity about physical appearances, and while I do have my own opinion, I try not to judge based solely on that. I have met some of the best people that are covering in tattoos, piercings and wild colored hair...and some that appear to be proper...are the most hypocritical I have ever met. So, I work hard to not judge, but we are all guilty of this. Eventually, my opinion is based on merit/character and for that I am happy to keep a more open mind. After so many of decades of research, I find myself at that judgy spot on a lot. I attempt to use proper grammar, because the lack of it being used, really irritates me. I grew up with terms like retard, stupid, idiot, numbskull, and meathead. The weird thing to me, is that somewhere along the way, the term retard began being directed at the disabled. That was never a term for disabled in my world. I guess I am the weird one, because retard to me, always meant someone that had no disability but was really not smart. It's just like the word ignorant. The actual definition of ignorant, is not knowing. Again, it's a lack of knowledge that has led to so much hostility today, I believe. In a world with every opportunity to gather knowledge, information and facts...society has become less smart.
Carrying forward from the last thought, technology has become a serious point of contention for me. I use it, and depend on it...BUT I hate it! I get so sick of hearing I'll text, message, email, etc. No, how about you call me, stop to visit with me, schedule a time to meet, or something of the sort. Technology is not dependable and it has proven time and time again, to be the cause of MANY misunderstandings! Humans were meant to interact. We have to experience body language, facial expressions, and tones. ALL of that is lost in technology. Even though I love my time away from groups of people, when I go too long, my own communication abilities take a hit. Thus we have keyboard warriors that have zero accountability.
One of the hardest lessons I am personally facing, is the "empty nest" thing. We bring our children into the world, and they need us for everything for just a few years. We look forward to them reaching their independent milestones; walking, talking, having friends, etc. We slowly adjust to them spreading their wings a bit, and then BOOM! All of a sudden, they are gone. As I was reminded recently, we have to cheer for their independence because that means we have successfully raised these precious babies of ours. That is a success that doesn't feel as such, as I am adjusting to my "babies" being adults/young adults. I devoted my entire life to these babies for nearly 25 years, and now what?! My oldest is married, has his own home/farm, and life. I rarely see them anymore. I don't get to share in their successes or be there in their failures. He and I basically, grew up together. My youngest is a force, all on her own. Independent, fierce, opinionated, open minded to a fault, and beautiful beyond appearance. While not quite an "adult," it's so close I already am feeling the loss. Now, I keep asking, "what am I supposed to do now?" My hopes and dreams have already left; and I am not sure what or how to go forward. It's a daily struggle. I see so many former classmates/friends that have grown children, they are doing incredible things or spending time with their adult kids and/or grandkids. Many of them never gave up their careers, or their interests. I did. I dropped everything and everyone, to focus solely on my kids....that's what I thought was the right thing to do. I even put my relationship behind my kids. Now, trying to find a common ground, feels unreachable. It's a really big challenge that I am not navigating very well.
The one interest that I have kept dear to my heart, is helping veterans. It took a giant leap of faith, and a 2 year move off our farm, to find this passion. Since then, it has been a very big part of my life. With a few road bumps along the way, I have had the honor of meeting hundreds of incredible veterans over the past 8 years. I have been blessed to hear so many of their stories along the way, and the hunt we host every year has been a highlight to each of the almost 7 years, so far. I've been welcomed into a local veteran group, so warmly, they feel like an extension of my own family. I put out a request at the last meeting to one of the Veteran Service Officers, to see if they could come across any updated training since I have done some work with veterans that manage PTSD. Just a few days later, I had an email with my first course. So, I am jumping into updating some training on PTSD/TBI, and caregiving through the VA. This year, we have 10 disabled veterans attending our hunt. Some of the veterans are returning and few are coming for the first time. I try to prepare for any issue that may come up. Not because I don't want them, but because I care about those that are coming and I want them to know they are going to be able to relax and enjoy their weekend...not stress. Sometimes, it just takes a willing ear and willing person to talk through the demons they are battling in silence. When I hear the statistics of veteran suicide and homelessness, it breaks my heart. As with so much of my life, I want to help.
Today, I just want to be a reminder. We don't know what all other people are dealing with, please just be kind. Sometimes those that seem to be angriest and most awful people, are the ones that need the best version of you. You may be the only one to be kind to them today.
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