What plan are we on now? X? Y? Z?

When the plans aren't going as planned, what do you do? Well, in my house, you change direction and make a new plan. I can tell you from experience, we live life on multiple plans, any given day of the week! I can juggle MANY changes of plans, in a single day. I'm not saying it's easy...but it happens.

My husband laughs at me because I usually have notebooks full of lists. I'm talking grocery lists, event lists, school lists(for both the kids and myself), project lists, lists of animal health and husbandry, financial lists, gardening lists, etc. You get the picture...lists EVERYWHERE for every possible thing going on in our lives. At any given point, I will be working on at least 5 of those lists.

I like organization and to feel like I have at least a little bit of control over most situations. While anyone whom has ever built or remodeled a home can tell you, NOTHING ever goes as planned! It's true to every aspect of our big remodeling projects at home. From busted plumbing, to Mother Nature's major PMS this year, to insane schedules, and many other distractions....it's been a pill at best! Our remodeling projects have had a major hindrance from Mother Nature. Between the early cold spells and the rainy Summer...many of the outside projects have been delayed. Once we were finally able to get a reprieve from rain, the new addition to our home went up pretty quick...at least until it was time to put the roof on. We do have half a new roof on our home, but once again, Mother Nature has put a damper on moving along with that project. We were finally able to electrical run in the addition, and insulation up in the exterior walls, but now...we have to turn power off to the whole house in order to put in a new load center. So, the heat and of course, more rain...have delayed that. In all of my planning, lists and typical material planning...I managed to forget 2 key items. Door Knobs...WTH?! Of all the crazy things to forget! I was so mad at myself for awhile! Now, I am just laughing about it. Seriously, in all the material lists for all the remodeling...I forgot door knobs! This big remodeling project began in February. We are now basically in September and we are not even close to being done! I know when we are finished, our house will be beautiful...until then though, it is unorganized, cluttered and driving me bonkers!

On to the next subject matter.

My ideas are so prevalent, sometimes I scare myself! :-) I am finding that several of my ideas are becoming plans, and even more projects. Many of them are my own little projects, and some require extra hands/strength. I am attempting to get my own schooling finished so that would be one less project on my list to cross off. Between working again, trying to keep remodeling projects moving forward and a few other unplanned events...I am finding it very difficult to stay focused, and finish each subject in the time frames I have set for myself to get done. I have notebooks of furniture ideas to build, but have to finish some remodeling before there will be a place for them. I have been working on landscaping for 3 years now. I would be willing to bet we have planted over 30 trees, and only have about 12 that have survived. I did get some mulch put in this year, but there are still pages of ideas that I want to get done...once again, have to finish remodeling so the landscaping won't be in the way. None of this accounts for wanting have a clean, clutter free house! In case you haven't been able to connect the dots, almost all my plans, depend on us getting this remodeling project finished. Almost all my ideas/plans are hinged and connected to finishing this crazy project list, also known as remodeling, and finally getting some organization in our lives.

So, as the picture says, I believe it's time to "go left." Maybe by taking a left turn, we'll be able to keep moving forward?! Well, sort of anyway :-) As we all know, when plans aren't going as planned...it's time to find a new plan. I believe, I am at a good point to say, whatever happens...happens. We'll just go with the flow and hope for the best!

On to the next plan.....
Salli

Refocused and ready to thrive!

A few ideas are beginning to take shape for me, and look like they will be able to be achieved. As a goal driven person, when I look for ideas or plan anything; I look at the realistic approach to achieve those ideas or plans. If I can not see a productive end result, I usually won't do anything with them. I like to be productive in my endeavors. I don't like to waste my time on things that I can not see a positive ending.

As my current ideas and plans are taking shape, I am seeing so many benefits to learn/grow and find peace-of-mind from. I'm actually really excited about each of them. Even with all the other projects we have going on, I am finding my excitement for them again too. We are moving along with our other projects, and even though I know there will be more frustrations with an entire house remodel, I also know it will all get done, as we can! Now, onto my current ideas and plans!

After finding my green thumb has turned black this year, I have decided to refocus on garden plans for next Spring. Eliminating 2 gardens that are currently there, refocusing on the larger upper garden, the pumpkin patch, and a smaller garden area for vines/potatoes/and the kids. Maybe a regular garden area, the pumpkin patch, and a couple little gardens will allow my green thumb to return. I have been really disappointed in our gardens this year, the weeds took over after having to use hay instead of straw when we ran out last year. The wet weather and weeds have rendered our gardens crap! I will fix the gardens and have good gardens again! The plans are in motion to fix the gardens, make the necessary changes, and have exceptional produce again next year!

The next few ideas, have a lot of planning and learning attached to them. Planning and learning = happiness for me! The first is refocusing on my photography. I love taking photos of nature, my kids, animals, etc. The beautiful areas I live and travel through, provide some amazing images to take photos of. Living in a farming/rural area, there are lots of old barns, houses, forest preserves, livestock, and the likes. It's so beautiful when you look at everything through the eyes of history. Aside from the obvious historical value of our area, and the historical structures; you can look at the heart of rural farming communities all over the United States. So much of our nations history has been based on farming, raising your own food, and learning to live life attached to the natural ecological model.

To a much lesser degree, I have found a need to be able to work with my hands, i.e. building things. The funny part of this is that both of my other ideas, are building things...but in completely different ways. First, is my furniture building. I loved this so much when I made our bedroom set. It was a thrill with the planning, using old items and a few new to build a completely different item - it was such a tremendous feeling of pride and accomplishment for me!
Here is a picture of the finished furniture:

The next building idea, is more just to prove to myself I can do it. It's decorating cakes. I know there are so many folks that do this, and they do so much better than I could thrive for, but I want to be able to this for my kids cakes. I have made and decorated a cake for our daughter, and overall, it turned out better than I could have hoped!

Not too bad since I had never done anything like this before!

This year, I will be making our sons cake so, I hope it turns out as well as our daughters did. I do have several ideas for his cake, and I hope I will do them justice!

As I said in an earlier blog, I am on a mission to find something that brings me internal peace, and still allows me to grow and learn in the process. I am certain there is something that I can excel in, find peace in, and will keep my curiosity alive and growing!

As we start moving forward in the new addition on our home, I am seeing a light at the end of that very dark tunnel...finally! Some insulation in the exterior walls, the wall surfaces, the under layment, the tiles, and a new load center will finish those 2 rooms off and allow us to start moving the items for those 2 rooms where they belong. This will also empty some of the stuff out of other rooms that are too cramped and cluttered for my likings. These rooms will allow my boys to have an area to keep their hunting stuff, so it's out of my view. It will also get all our freezers into one area, and have a mud room area that will keep some of the mess of coming in and out, away from my living room and dining room. Having a little more room with a lot less clutter will definitely ease my mind some!

Once the addition is finished, we still have windows to put in, the new furnace lines to dig in, the power to our sheds to put in, the siding to put on, and 7 more rooms to redo inside, before we are finished with this project. My hope is that we can have everything finished up before Christmas. That way we will not have so much mess and clutter for the holidays.

While I am working part-time, finishing up my own schooling, and keeping the kids schooling moving forward, I will be working on the remodeling projects and taking a few hours each week to get lost in my photography. Once my schooling is finished, I will refocus that time to one of my other ideas. I will be refocusing my thoughts to keep moving forward with a positive outlook! I am going to realign my time to manage some of my own needs too. I have neglected myself, my time, and my peace of mind for way too long!

I've heard and preached for many years that you can only make so many withdrawals before you are deficient. Now, it's time to start making some deposits within myself so that I won't be deficient that I become the shell of a person I have become the last 10 years! I am moving forward, not only in projects but also in my trek to fulfillment!

Refocused and Revived!
Sal

Finding my place in this big, crazy world.

So, as much as I can usually pull myself out of a downed state of mind, this time seems to be more difficult. I'm not down, really, as in my state of mind really. It's more of a feeling of needing to make a mark in this crazy world and/or the need to find my true calling. Overall, I am very proud of the person I am becoming. While I am a strong and stubbornly independent person, I am also a caring, compassionate, empathetic, and selfless person. I would do just about anything for people I care about, even if it didn't fit in with own situations. I know who I am, and definitely know who I am not. I am not overly emotional(usually), I can be hard headed/stubborn/strong willed(whatever you want to call it), I can be as cold as ice, I can turn off emotions only to have them come back at the most inopportune times. I tend to withdraw from people and life when I have too much on my mind. I always have way too much going on in my mind, at any given point, to ever truly relax. I am an overly protective Mom, and dote on my kids. I have a very out-of-the-box way of thinking, that many who have known me do not understand. I am sometimes too opinionated, too judgmental, too willing to give too many chances to people that do not deserve even a single chance, and too sympathetic. However, I am who I am. No matter how good, bad, ugly....I can not be someone that I am not, no matter how much grief it causes me.

This morning, I am going to attempt to put my thoughts into words. The last few years, I have struggled to find my "place" in this great big world. I'm not necessarily talking about geographically, but more so towards a passion that I am not only good at, but one that brings me peace-of-mind. I have tried so many different areas that sparked an interest in my brain, and there have only been a handful that have kept my interest. I believe that everyone has a passion that will give them that peace-of-mind, and provide them happiness. However, I also believe that once you find your "calling," so-to-speak, you see life in a different perspective. I have tried to learn, and help others to see the benefit of a natural life...learning how to care for my family in a natural way without all the chemicals, medications, and junk of the world today. While I whole-heartedly believe that everything we need to be healthy has been provided to us through our creator, and nature. I can only do so much to have people actually HEAR what I can tell them. I can not make them listen or follow my own lead. I am a walking workshop on home schooling, gardening, canning, and budgeting. I have made baked goods, for years. I love to cook and try new recipes, but even though it usually brings me happiness, it doesn't last. I love my photography sessions. I love to take photos and show the world through my eyes. I rarely have time to do that anymore though. My photography, aside from my family, is mostly nature. It's nature that I can always find beauty, peace-of-mind, and a peaceful soul. Working with wood, and building furniture, has shown me once again that I can find peace-of-mind.

I am really needing to find my place. This need started surfacing about 5 years ago, and has increasingly gotten strong through the years. Now, it's rearing it's ugly head, and I can not side step it anymore. While there are so many different areas that I have knowledge in, areas that I do pretty good in, there is a nagging gut feeling that I am not being/doing all that I can. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am typically an active person. I do so much in a days time that many have asked me how I can get it all in just a single day. The days that this nagging feeling hits me the hardest....I do not get a single thing done. I draw into myself, so to speak. I withdraw from the world, my family, everything! I become an inverted bundle of nerves, self-loathing person. I hate that I can't pinpoint my own attributes. I hate that, even as an adult/parent, that I still revert to shutting off my emotions to protect myself from any pain, hurt or unwanted feeling.

I have decided that the depression/sadness, whatever this is, that I have dealt with since last October; is a multifaceted issue. I know that some of this was brought on as a result of menopause. However, some of this has been an issue for many years...and has now become an issue I can't avoid any longer. I need to find the answers to the questions that have been plaguing me for so long. While some of this has not been a constant thought/need, some of them have and as time has drug on, it is becoming more constant all time time.

I know that the last 3 years have been kind of crazy in our lives, and maybe we'll be able to slow things up when we finish with our remodeling projects, but that isn't helping me right now. I went back to working, part-time, to see if that would ease some of the unsettling feelings I have had. It has eased them some, but it has also taken more time out of my week and caused a lot of tension the first couple of weeks at home. While I love what I am doing, and I have have always done good at it, I believe I could be so much more. The people are nice, the owners are nice, but the constant drama and politics are pathetic. There are days that I feel like I am dealing with a bunch of high school kids! I love having the little bit of extra cash in my hands, and knowing that the money I am making is going for groceries, and extras that won't have to come out of our regular budget. Is the money worth the time that I am taking away from home, the tension at home, or the time I have to take away from our remodeling projects? I honestly don't know. For bar tending/waitressing, I make a good wage and good tips considering I work less than 20 hours each week.

I am not an overly social person anymore. I love to go out dancing and watch people, but the more I try to get the chance to do that, and it doesn't happen, the more frustrated I get. I love the nights when my husband and I go out, but I also loved and enjoyed the one "girls night out," that I had in November. That night, I didn't have to worry about trying to pull my non-bar going husband out of his shell, I didn't have to try to split my time or my friends time between dancing and our husbands...it was just us dancing, every dang dance, until our legs hurt! We didn't drink anything more than water, but overall we had a blast. It was the first time I had gone out with anyone other than my husband, in more than 10 years. I really want to do this again soon, and it's my turn to drive. Dancing is one thing that always draws relaxation out of me. It always has, even when I was young. It always eased my mind, gave me a fun way to exercise, and gave me a little peace. Even though it's such a physical activity, it has always allowed me an outlet to release my tension. Many people don't understand this. All they can see is that I would go to a bar. Well, unfortunately, there really aren't too many places to go dancing besides a bar!

I have no idea what I need to do, or how to go about finding what my "thing" is but I know I have to. I have to find a passion that drives me to learn, while still providing stress-relief, and peace-of-mind. Finding that passion, that one or two things that will give me a solid state of mind, and still drive/fuel my soul, will obviously not be easy. I already battle to find time for just me anyway. If I'm not being Mom, wife, or working, I am working on the remodeling projects, juggling the budget, trying to finish my schooling, getting the kids through their schooling or trying to keep my business running. I constantly feel like I am juggling 4 different roles of myself. Even though there never seems to be time to just be me. Just have my own time to reflect, time to explore my fascinations, time to not have any demands of attention or time to just BE.

I feel like all I ever do is juggle one issue after another, most of them are thrown at me all at once. While I am a master at multitasking, managing every ounce of time that isn't spent sleeping, and appear to smile through it all...for just a short period time, I would love to just stop. Stop worrying, stop juggling, stop feeling over scheduled, stop feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride that won't stop. I would love to find that someone thought about me for once. Thought about what might make my life just a little bit easier to handle. I would love for others to think, care and be concerned about me, the way I am with so many others. I would love, just once, for someone to say, "you know, I know you love...(insert a hot bubble bath, a night out with your friends, an uninterrupted conversation, more time with your parents/siblings, etc.) and then to tell me, " let me handle that, arrange that, take care of that, take the kids for a night/weekend so you can do...,! Then not have to hear guilt trips, excuses why it couldn't happen, or not have to worry about the financial end of it(if there is one), or not have to hear excuses, period. I know everyone has busy lives, we are no exception, but at what point does all this busy business really matter? We are busy running our over scheduled kids from one event to another, busy working a job that you are undervalued, over worked and under paid, mistreated by those we love the most, and even though we work our tails off to provide, we are still struggling and juggling just to keep the ends close to meeting? When do we learn to live with less material stuff so that we can live with closer relationships, and less stuff? When is enough, enough?

I am getting really exhausted juggling everything. I am tired of struggling through my issues the best I can, and it's appearing that I am not managing them at all. I find a solid footing, only to have another issue/problem thrown at me and I lose my footing again. I have always been told that hitting rock bottom is a solid foundation to start and rebuild from. Well, when your solid foundation is continually yanked from under you, and the very foundation you thought was solid begins to crumble, you begin to question yourself, and having doubts about your ability to handle everything. This is where I am.

I don't want to be famous, or even known outside of my family circle, but knowing that I am important to those I love and care for, is important. Knowing I am so many miles from my extended family and most of my closest friends, doesn't mean you aren't part of my daily thoughts. I have changed so much through the last 20 years. I am not the person I was when I graduated high school, got married, had my oldest, heck, I am not even the same person I was a year ago at this time. I know that many of my friends and family believe I am too different from the way I was growing up, and honestly, I am a completely different person. However, as I have said so many times before, I am so much more. Those I have considered my closest friends through the years...are still that way, even if the feeling isn't reciprocated. I do not trust easy, so those who have had my trust only account for about a handful of people. The walls I built around me years ago, have remained intact, and have driven several people away. Some I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with, some I have not. Some family members have even informed me that even though I am biologically related, I am not part of the family because I live so far away and am not near them enough to have an opinion/thought about anything relating to the family. Guess what, crap like that is why I have impenetrable walls around me to start with! It's difficult to love and care for people who are more than happy to throw you under the bus, until they think you have something to offer them, but unfortunately, I do to some extent. Too many people have used my loyalty to their advantage, and hurt me enough, that I am feeling myself withdrawing even more. The problem, as I know from past experience, is that once I start withdrawing, I will withdraw from everyone - family and friends.

I have always been a person that has more of a gypsy soul. I have been able to move and resettle, or adjust to most any situation I have ever been faced with. Sometimes, I dealt with them better than others, but I have always been flexible. That is why I was able to pack a few belongings in a little Dodge Omni, and relocate my life to Missouri, without more than a dream, goal and leap of faith. That is why, when I married a man with a completely different upbringing, and moved to a place that was so alien to me...I was able to learn. Even with all the issues we faced, I learned and was able to grow into the life I now live. I was able to work through my own ignorance of this life and learn to live and appreciate this life. While I continue to learn more about this life, and I continue to grow too. My soul is still somewhat gypsy like, in regards to being so curious about everything, never thinking inside the proverbial box, and I continually see life from an opposite view point than most...it gets kinda frustrating. Am I the only one that has this gypsy soul? Am I the only one, that at nearly 40 years old is still craving something more from myself? Am I the only one that has a crippling fear of the unknown yet an insatiable need for it too? Am I the only one that would do anything for my family yet doesn't feel the same could be said if they were talking about me? Am I the only one that feels this way? Surely not. At least I hope not!

Curious.....
Salli

Running on "E"

Does everyone have the feeling that you are running on "E" and that your pulling into a fueling station on fumes?! Do you every feel like you are busting your ass, to get everything done you're expected to do, and your "fuel tank," suddenly sputters and your done...kaput! Your "engine" dies and without some sort of fuel, you just can't go any further?

Most of us know the general mechanics of how our vehicle engines work. You turn on the key, the dash either lights up with the electronics or the gauges register the engine functions. The only way a vehicle engine will work(unless you have an electric or hybrid vehicle) is to make sure it has fuel. While it is ideal to keep it full of fuel, sometimes...it just isn't. I'm certain that vehicles just use the fuel, but in my eyes, the top half of the tank runs much longer than the bottom half! :-) So, when you get low on fuel it is imperative to refuel. No matter what the reason, we try to push a tank of fuel as long as we can, before we refuel. Occasionally, we push it too far and we pull into a filling station, on fumes! It happens.

This has become such a perfect analogy for my life....at least lately. Knowing that I must refuel my body to keep going, doesn't mean I am. Not sleeping much or very good when I do sleep, not eating like I know I should, my school work taking up several hours a day, the kids school work taking up several more hours a day, housework, juggling finances, managing chores outside and inside, my job, trying to remember to keep up with those outside our little bubble, trying to throw in a few "fun" things when possible, and my personal "fuel" tank is running on "E." We have been working on the remodeling of our home since February, and it continues. Even though we got the new addition on, we still have to finish it, finish roofing, finish siding, finish putting in the new windows, and then comes the remodeling on the inside that we have come to a complete standstill on.

While we are working constantly on several projects, there still seems to be so many unfinished. I am winding down my own schooling as rapidly as possible, we have reduced the number of little pigs we will be feeding(which reduces the feed bill too!), and will only have a handful to feed for the next few months. We have gotten the cow in with a bull, so that we'll have another calf to butcher or increase our cattle number with next year. We have kept our chicken numbers lower, since the neighbor dogs took out half of them earlier this year, to decrease the amount of feed and upkeep with them. We have gotten all the hay baled, the alfalfa has been baled and is getting ready to be baled again, the equipment has all had it's maintenence and repairs done, our oldest has taken over the training of the horses, and the new budget/farm plan has been set in motion.

The household, itself, is getting it's obvious make over. However, the biggest make over is the way it's being run. While we have kept a strict limit for the last several years of how much debt we'd have...there are times that it gets pretty tight and my anxiety over it runs extremely high. I don't like debt, and I am busting my butt to get us completely out of debt and to not have to have any again. I know some think this is impossible, but it is possible when you change your thoughts. We began paying off debts before we bought our house. Since then, we have worked to keep paying on debts. This year took us to a new level. Every few weeks, I have been evaluating our finances. I have attempted to keep a close tab on everything going out and coming in. While I am still juggling to get everything in a firm grasp, I am finally seeing debts getting paid off. I am seeing some amounts disappearing from our budget that have been there for years. I am seeing balances drop weekly, and finding a peaceful feeling that our comfort level of debt has SOME breathing room for the first time in many years. I still have 2 areas of the budget that need attention, but I know that those areas will be taken care of in the near future. I am bringing in a little extra each month with my job, and that is allowing a few more payments to be made and a little extra to do stuff as a family and as a couple too.

For several years, we have had constant activity around our little farm. It hasn't allowed much time for anything other than being here. While anyone who has done anything with a farm can tell you, you don't get vacations when you have livestock. That is unless you have someone that will take care of chores while you are away. My annual trips to my hometown don't allow much time to see everyone, and I miss my family and friends, but my life is here. Our food, jobs, and extra incomes require constant attention. Teaching our kids at home, is a little added work, but it is the best option for us; given the experiences we had with our local school district. It has allowed us though, to use our everyday life and people in our local communities as teaching aides. It has also allowed us to have a very close knit family unit. Our kids love spending as much time as possible with their grandparents and even great-grandparents. The oldest has attended a small town city counsel meeting, several times, with his great-grandma, and loves it! The youngest is one of few girls in her generation locally. She has met and had play dates with a few little girls, and loved them, but plays so well with all ages of girls and boys. Both the kids are looking forward to their newest venture, 4-H. This is an area that we haven't done anything with, but seems to be something that our whole family will be jumping into with both feet.

For years, I have been a stay-at-home-mom. I did not have a job away from home, or bring in an actual income. My full-time job was to run our household, take care of the kids, and provide the best possible home for my family. While I have heard for years, "it must be nice..." I will agree it was a benefit to be home, what many don't seem to understand is the amount of work that went into being able to stay home, being able to juggle a household, and not to lose my mind in the process. I am a person of action. I want things done....NOW! I am not a patient person, nor am I one that fits the local adage of "it still be there when I get to it." I believe if you get things done now, you won't have to deal with it later. (As a side note...this is still my thoughts, and it does cause stress on occasion because I push so hard to get stuff done!) So, when there is projects to get done, I don't feel it necessary to go do fun stuff. I believe the fun stuff will be there when the work is done. Maybe this is why I tend to get stressed out. My husband works a regular job. He works on average about 50 hours a week, then comes home to our projects here. He is a hard worker, and does good providing for our family. I get upset though, when all I hear about is how hard he works. I will NEVER negate how hard he works. He is a great person, and does work hard. However, I get down right mad when the work he does is compared to the work I do. I do not get to punch in and out, I do not get vacation days, sick days, personal time or fun time. My job, as a stay-at-home-mom is 24/7/365. I have been out for a fun time with a friend a total of 5 hours in the last 15 years. I do not have any hobbies that take up my time or our money. I do not even get to my home town to see family or friends more than once a year. Until I started working again, the only time I left our little piece of land was to get groceries or the rare occasion we got to go out as a couple for a date night. Even then, our conversations revolved around our farm, our kids, or his phone ringing for some job related issue.

I do struggle with the lack of support, and not understanding what all I do. However, I know that if I quit everything I do, our lives would fall apart. I also know, the last several years, my husband and I have become not only best friends but also partners in our crazy life. It took many years of one problem after another and really not liking each but we got through it, only the universe knows how, and now we do pretty good. For the most part, we have gotten to the stage of complimenting each other. Between the two of us, there isn't much we can't do. I'm not saying we have a perfect relationship, that we never get angry with each other or that we don't have times that we just need a break from each other, but it's a good relationship. We get along for the most part, we share many of the same ideas and ideals, we work well together, and it's a comfortable relationship now. Although, he can still push just the right buttons, and I'm ticked instantly...he's one of the few that can still do that.

I know that as we begin to finish some of these bigger projects, my anxiety will ease some. Maybe at that point, I can begin to refuel my system. Until then, I am running on minimal good sleep, food when I take the time, and dwindling energy levels. Not to mention, the extremely sore muscles, aches and pains, that show I am getting older.

Until next time, I will just say, please tread lightly with me. I only have so many patience right now, no tolerance, low energy, and even though I love my life....I am tired. I am worn clear out, and I am looking forward to winding down some projects so I can relax some. I am looking forward to our upcoming gatherings through the end of the year...and celebrating my 40th the end of December.

Until I need a venting break again, I will salute you all and say, "onward and upward!"
Salli

My crazy, hectic, but amazing life.

What a crazy, hectic, but amazing time in my life. Never in a million years would I have dreamed of the negative feelings I dealt with for so many months. Not to mention, the crazy mood swings and emotional roller coaster! The restless, useless, and withdrawn feelings that are so alien to me overall, were part of everyday for nearly a year. A brief conversation with a very intelligent woman, recognizing the emotional and mental patterns, and finding an organic approach to level everything off; this was just the path I needed! While I still have to be very mindful of my internal thoughts, and external influence...it's almost a 100% turn around. Finding solid ground when you are dealing with a massive hormone imbalance can be difficult, but the desire to do so, is half the battle. Having people in your life you can trust, people you can talk to on a real level, and having a solid friendship in your partner will help you find your way. Even though this blog is going to touch on so many different topics today, this first paragraph is one that is resonating with me a lot. After nearly a year long struggle with emotions, unexplained anger, and zero tolerance for anything; I have found my solid foundation again.

As is with most, our lives here are rarely dull and boring! The last week of July, my husband took a week's vacation to work on our house. We took on a huge project this year. I don't think we were truly ready for all it entailed! Anyway, in a week's time, we got our new addition laid out, poles/concrete set, floor system in, walls up, rafters in, and sheathing on the exterior walls and roof. Plus, I started working outside of home again(more on this later!). We are known for starting a project, and blowing through it like there's no tomorrow. We built our covered deck and ramp over the course of 3 days, we remodeled our kitchen(including moving electric lines, eliminating gas lines, and putting in new insulation) over about 3 days. Our project this, due to a lot of issues through the Winter, included a whole house remodel, new furnace, new roof, new siding, and the addition. We had originally planned to do one or two rooms at a time, but didn't account for feeling like we were living in a barn this past Winter. With leaky windows, leaky roof, two rooms that ran about 10-15 degrees cooler than the rest of the house, the cost of propane going extremely high, and no room to move....we knew we had to do something. Adding 5 years on to our original mortgage(which is now 12 yrs instead of 7), we took off on this "adventure." Needless to say, not too much has gone as planned. There have been a large amount of issues we didn't know about, a few issues we did but took longer and were more costly than planned, and of course, Mother Nature has not cooperated much. We hope to everything completed before Christmas, but there are only so many hours in a day and our other schedules and plans have to be filtered in too.

The addition framed in.


I started back to college in March. This was a huge feat for me. An area of study that I really hadn't touched on much. While I am a Certified Natural Health Consultant, I took on Medical Transcription Editing this time. Anyone who truly knows me, knows my life revolves around my family and our home. I knew I wanted to do some kind of work to earn a little extra income for the things we wanted but didn't want to take out of our regular budget. I also, refuse to completely uproot our lives by having a job that someone else tells me what my time is worth. So, by studying MTE, I would have the best of both worlds. I could make the extra money, and still be at home with my family. I hope to have this schooling completed this month. I planned to have it done already, but I am doing what I can around everything else. I took on a job outside of home, that would allow me a little time from home, a little extra income, and I had always enjoyed. A little local bar & grill, became my "fun" job. About 14 hours a week, to be out among adults. While I really do enjoy that type of business, I forgot what dealing with people was like! I am mentally at a stage that it's easy for me to laugh off stupidity, but also to expect respect. I won't allow anyone to treat me as a door mat, or play childish games. Fortunately, this local place is small and there aren't many times of overwhelming business. It's steady, the people are almost all over 40, and I was lucky enough to find another boss that stood behind his employees. I am enjoying it so far, and it's helped relieve some of my own lack of confidence in myself.

With all the craziness around our home, it's the time of year that we add in a full school schedule for the kids too. Normally, the kids school year round, so we are able to take breaks as we need to. We actually took June and July off from any organized schooling this year. I say organized simply because, the kids still have things they learn without structure. They read every day, they have educational movies they watch, each of them has educational websites that they work on, even on their own, and each of them have an area of interest that they like to research and learn about. We are getting set to jump back into our structured learning environment and it's such a developmental year for both of them. One will be working on 8th grade work and the other on Kindergarten/1st grade work. Of all the years for me to decide to go back to work, this really should not have been the one! It's a little overwhelming for me trying to get at least, their first month planned out. I did finally get that done pretty much done yesterday, aside from the daily/weekly schedule. So, hopefully, between their school schedule and mine, and my work schedule, we can get all things accomplish in a reasonable amount of time. We'll see what the 1st of September brings as to what we need to adjust.

As with every year, August through December are really crazy busy. We have school schedules, the oldest one's birthday, hunting seasons, Thanksgiving, Christmas Open House, Christmas, my birthday, and New Year's over the course of 4 short months. This year we have my schooling, my job, the remodeling, 4-H, and my 40th thrown in too. Our oldest has gotten into Blacksmithing as a trade, so we have those meetings thrown in, in September too. While I love to have things to do, I am looking forward to finishing some projects so we can just have some down time! :) Some of our plans this Summer, have changed or been eliminated, so that has kind of caused a little friction in some areas, but overall...it's a good thing. For me, keeping up with the house, laundry, the kids, my school work, their school work, my job, my business, and helping with the remodeling has me feeling beside myself. My husband is working, remodeling when he can, and hunting when he can. We both work hard to make sure everything runs as smoothly as it can. Even though we get frustrated when things don't go as planned, we are moving forward, even if the steps are very small. I get frustrated very quickly when I don't "SEE" progress. It causes some tension between us when I am trying to push moving forward, and I come across as nagging or bitching. For me, it's all about goals. I set my own goals...many are pretty lofty, but I attempt with every ounce of my being, to accomplish them. I have extremely high expectations of myself, and I expect them of others too. So, I have to remind myself, regularly, that everyone else has their goals and they do differ from mine, but they are not slighting my goals, but following their own. Sometimes, that is a hard pill to swallow. ;) I am an overall difficult person to live with and deal with...I know this.

So, as I venture into the next 26 days of this month, I have high expectations. I also know that not everything will get accomplished, even though I will break my back trying. I know that in just 26 days, the insanity of Fall/Winter begins for us. Something going every weekend, and several days through the week, from September through the 1st of January. Having found a firm foundation again, is helping to ease the stress. I know that I will get overwhelmed at times, I always do, but I also know that I have surrounded myself with great people, positive people, like minded people, and those that give me too much stress are being pushed out of my life.

"I may not have the best of everything, but everything I do have is the best for me!"

TODAY I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, BECAUSE I CAN!
~Sal