New Year's Eve 2015

Not your typical coffee chat, but hey, I am unique like that! :-)

This is such an optimistic time of year. So many make resolutions to improve their lives in the coming year. While there are plenty that love to belittle those who do make resolutions, I find it refreshing. It's invigorating to think of the possibilities of a fresh year. To think of a fresh start to move your life in the direction that you want to go, to think of the promises that are a real possibility as a new year dawns; it's reviving and revitalizing for so many.

As we draw to a close this year, it's been a hard year for so many. From lost jobs, lost homes, lost friendships and so many amazing people that have crossed over to the spiritual world; this is a time for reflection not judgement. We each do what we feel we have to do. Sometimes it's reacting to a situation, being pushed into or out of a situation, and then we are faced with other consequences.

Those who are steadfast in their New Year Resolutions, will work so hard on their goals. They will make honest attempts to maintain them, however, sometimes life gets in the way. There are issues that pop up and throw your plans out the window. There are exceptional circumstances that require immediate attention and it steers you away from your goals. It happens. It's all part of life. A great friend reminded me today that "2015 has changed us all. But life is about changing, learning, & adapting. I believe 2016 will be a wonderful year for all of us." You know, I have to say that she is a very wise woman!

Facing obstacles has driven me away from my own goals and resolutions in years past. As I have gotten older, change is more difficult for me. I prefer to know my path, some little surprises are not bad, but being thrown clear off course without a set direction, tend to make me batty! Even in my home, if it's messy and cluttered, it makes my brain and honestly, my life feel the same way. I have been known to get so overwhelmed, that instead of starting where I am and making improvements, I throw my hands up and take on a pessimistic attitude...and do nothing. Then stuff piles up and I am overwhelmed but forced into action. It's a vicious cycle that drives me crazy but I have been reluctant to make the needed changes. Although I am known for being a hot-head or bitch, I do prefer to pick my battles and think before I speak, as I have gotten older. I prefer to take the time I need to cool off, and evaluate whatever situation before saying or doing something that will make matters worse. Snap decisions are really not my forte anymore. I prefer making decisions based of knowledge, facts and outcomes; as opposed to rushing into something that makes no sense.

I have always been a goal driven person. Whether it be goals or resolutions, until the past few years, I was the best I could be by focusing on the goals I set for myself. I have kind of veered away from setting the goals the past few years and I can tell in my own persona how this has upset my own delicate balance in life. I have plenty of character flaws, but not reaching goals was never one of them. Unfortunately, it's filtered into my being the last few years, and my balance has been off too.

Since I'm certain there are a few things I am not able to achieve just yet, I am setting some new goals. Resolutions if you choose to make that judgement. I have spent this year evaluating not just myself, but also the relationships that I choose to keep in my life. I have allowed myself time to focus on my own needs/wants for the first time in many years. I've attempted to be more graceful at accepting gifts, and have worked hard to boot the negativity out of my own head. I have learned meditation, practiced yoga, enjoyed music therapy, and accepted my personal being not just in positive aspects but also in areas that I know are flawed. I have left go of toxic friendships, and toxic people. Even the last couple months have been enlightening in learning to trust my gut instincts. Someday, maybe I will learn to actually listen to them!

2015 will be ending on a positive note for me. I won't be out being a socialite, instead I will be home celebrating the end of the year and our fresh new year with my family. Those that mean the world to me, even when don't agree. The 2 precious children I brought into this world, the man that has put up with so much and still claims to love me, and of course me...the one and only person capable of giving happiness, and positive impact in my life, ME! I may be the only one awake when the clock strikes 12, but I know I will toast the new year, and say goodbye to the old one.

I know there will be road bumps in the new year, that is life. That is how some of us, stubborn folks learn. There will be so many more great moments, and it's up to me to focus more on those and less on negatives. It's time for me to come full circle and find my drive and determination again. It's time for me, to accept I can't control the world (as much as I would like to), and that occasionally it's ok, not to have all the answers. It's ok to make mistakes, but owning up to them, and fixing them is the key to making progress. I know that in this year, I have grown to love my uniqueness, my quirks and yes even my weirdness. I love so many things about my life, and the few that I don't...it's time to change. In so many areas, I have accepted less than I deserve, and in others...I have done less than I am capable of. I have allowed others to determine my happiness and peace, and guess what? THEY failed. You know why? Here is the secret to happiness: "It is YOUR job, to create your own happiness!" No one else can make you happy unless you are happy with yourself. It's that simple, yet that complicated.

So, with that being said, what are your goals/resolutions for 2016? Those that tend towards negativity will ask why you set yourself up to fail with resolutions....DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM!!! Set your goals/resolutions, and work towards them. If you get off track, take time to take a look at what went wrong and then get back on track! If you find a goal or resolution that isn't working for you, change it! Make it work for you. Only you can create your own happiness. Only you have the power to determine what is toxic in your life and it's up to you to take out that trash. Toxicity breeds more toxicity. Choose your friends, relationships and situations wisely.

My own personal goals for 2016, are still being evaluated. Yes, some parts of who I am will never change, but many are changing as we speak. My biggest goal for 2016, is one I have worked towards all year, finally accepting who I am, flaws and all! I am as unique as each of you, and you know....that makes each of us special in our way. Instead of following trends, worrying about what others think, or thinking of anything beyond what is best for yourself and those you care the most about. My individual goals may come to my blog at a later time, but right now, I am working on what is best for me.

As we close 2015 and begin 2016, I wish nothing but the best for each of you. May you all find health, happiness, peace and prosperity in the coming year.

Happy New Year,
Salli

Final Coffee Chat of 2015

It's the final coffee chat of 2015. I will be taking a short hiatus while having to regroup, and find my footing again. This year has been an interesting year for me.

2015, even though not intentional, has been a year of revelations. There have been so many pieces of my personal that have hovered in a balancing act or on the brink of disaster; and everything has finally come crashing down. Now, it's time to pick up the pieces, dust myself off, dry the tears, learn the lessons I should have learned throughout my life, cut ties, and move on. Life can get pretty messy when you think what you do for others will ever be returned. It gets pretty messy when the ones you should be able to trust are the ones that consistently betray you. When those you should be able able to trust are more than happy to use whatever you have to give until it no longer serves them, only to spin a story to make them into a victim. I am not a victim, I am just someone who gives the benefit of doubt too many times, and takes people at their word too freely. Unfortunately, actions speak louder than words. I have received those actions loud and clear. I know where I stand, and although it hurts, I am walking away. You can only burn someone so many times before they wise up, and get the hell out of dodge.

The fragile balancing act I have done most of my life is done. I have a loyalty to only those loyal to me. It's already been proven to me, who is and is not loyal to me. It's already been proven that using people is the way some get through life. I guess to each their own, but that is not my way. I don't find it necessary to lie to people. I don't find it necessary to use people. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I know this is an antique idea, but it is my belief. It's come time to cut ties, and remove those causing the drama, from my life. It's a difficult choice to make, but it's a choice that has been made for me.

It's time to refind my footing, once again. I'm getting really good at picking up the pieces and moving on. We are closing in on the end of 2015, so I am pushing myself to be done with the drama, the B.S. and the numbness that has taken over my heart. Somehow, I am the one that ends up in turmoil over attempting to help, so that too is done. No more for me. The drama, is being eliminated from my life, permanently. Some thought I was a cold hearted bitch before, all I can say is, You ain't seen nothin' yet!

I am moving forward. I am done balancing and being a door mat. This is my life, and I intend to live it to the fullest, even if it means doing so, with just my little family of 4. I am a strong, intelligent, curious and fair minded person; and it has been tested to it's breaking point. Disappointment is one of the harshest lessons to learn.

I am moving on. It's done. It's over. I'm done. 2015 has taught me some pretty tough lessons. I've learned, and I won't be going back. I have big enough shoulders to take the blame for attempting to help, but it will not ever happen again. These are bridges that can never be rebuilt. Lesson learned. I wish the best to those not staying in my life, but they are no longer welcome in my life.

Good-bye 2015, good-bye to those that have taught me a harsh reality. I'm better than this B.S., and I don't need it. I'm not going to look back.

On to a better 2016. Much health, peace and prosperity to you all. This blog will become private after the first of the year. If you wish to read it beyond January 1, 2016; you will need to contact me directly. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Seasonal

It's that time of year again. The time of year that people love but hate, all at the same time. It has become such a commercialized social status, to spend money no one has extra on stuff that is going to be out grown, or lost interest in 6 months down the road. It's a time when so many max out credit cards, take out loans to buy stuff they don't need, and become irritated so that while they are shopping, they are scowling.

It has become a disappointment more and more each year, as the commercials are geared toward kids, the cost of of everything continues to rise, and no one is grateful to just enjoy each others company anymore. We just had our annual Christmas Open House. I made a ton of cookies, candies, fudge and dips. We invited our neighbors, friends and families. We had a great turn out. 25 people came to our home and enjoyed some of our favorite holiday treats, and actually visited. No one was on computers, phones, or tablets. The kids all played hard; running, playing with toys and were exhausted when the night ended. The adults talked and visited, enjoyed the treats, and many got to meet new people. During the party, there was not any technology used. It was a magnificent evening! We have requests to continue the tradition, as it's something that many used to have years ago. The best compliment I received, was how it was great to see a younger generation taking an active role to keep people interacting and to truly enjoy the season for love of friends and family, instead of the monetary value.

I really dislike the expectation of buying and giving gifts. I would rather put my time, money and love into a home made gift than to purchase an overpriced, gift that will be useless to the recipient in the near future. The gift giving has lost it's meaning to me. It isn't about knowing those that you give to anymore, it's about how much you spend or how big the gift. For me, the best gifts I could ever receive are the ones that bond the giver to me. Honestly, some of my favorite gifts that I have received were a couple of afghans hand crocheted by my stepmom, the plate of homemade cookies from our neighbors, and the amazing gifts my kids make for me, and the crocheted name doily made by my husbands grandmother. It's those thoughts, and the bond between friends and family alike, that make Christmas meaningful to me.

We have always had a strict policy at Christmas time. We buy only what we can pay cash for. We don't use credit cards for anything. So, years like this year, when we have lost our backside to falling pork, and markets, and have a lot of income that has not been there this year; buying much of anything isn't happening. I will not put ourselves into unnecessary debt. Besides, our family really doesn't have much that we need or want. We buy the stuff we need throughout the year, and our wants are bought as the finances allow. Yes, I have heard all the excuses about having big families to buy for, or kids wish lists being whatever...and I don't agree with any of it. If you have large families and find it necessary to buy gifts, consider drawing names. Draw a single name for each person of your family. In our case, it would be buying 4 gifts, instead of 20. Or better yet, don't! Make homemade cookies, candies, or treats of some kind. If you have a talent, use that to make/give a gift.

Although I had such a remarkable evening during our open house, and there wasn't anything but visiting and treats, I know that my favorite part of the holiday is past. From here on, we move into the the gifting, and the number/size of gifts game. The most important part of every single day of the year, to me, is my family. My kids, my husband, and our home. As long as I have the 3 of them, I will face all the turmoil the other side of the holiday brings.

I am counting down the last of the year. We have reached the the shortest day of the year. Winter Solstice. From here until June 21st, the days will get longer. Christmas is just 4 days away, my 41st birthday is just 7 days away, and just 10 days until the new year begins. I have some big goals for the new year, and a hope for a great year too.

I have no idea if time will allow for any more blogs this year, but just in case: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year for my home to yours.
Sal