Wow! Another year is coming to an end. Since so much has been chaotic not just in my own life, but also in our country, I thought I'd finish out this year with an early coffee chat finale. It's seems unbelievable to look back through this year, and even though many times it felt like time slowed to a crawl; other times flew past in the blink of an eye.
2016 has been a year of revelations for so many! From the entire political circus of an election year, to so many personal bumps in the road. Although I am very opinionated, I have tried to mind my tongue and my attitude. Neither of which usually have a filter! I didn't buy into the entire election propaganda from either party. I researched issues on my own, and turned off the television. I was not a real fan of either option. They each had good and bad about them, and refused to buy into the mud slinging or rifts between friends and family arguing over the process. I voiced my opinion by placing my vote, and no one needs to know which direction that vote went.
Our country has been held hostage by poor decisions, and lack of wisdom for many years. It continue with Obama, but it began long before that. Each president and congress has greedily and persistently been moving away from our Constitution and personal liberties for so many years, most of become blind to it. Our government has stepped beyond its intent for so many years, and neither option this year, was truly able to comprehend the understanding that the American people are their bosses. I'm glad the election is over, the votes have been cast, the electoral college has voted, and now it's time to move on. The truest test is yet to be seen, if the president-elect will truly work for the American people. Honestly, I feel it could go either way. I guess time will tell.
Getting through my personal circus has been a real challenge. 2016 began on a sour note for me, and the roller coaster has continued throughout the year! The dips and dives, have really blown my control of life, out the window! Most of this year has been spent asking what the hell just happened!!! Just as I was beginning to find some solid ground, early in the year, BOOM! Another dive, and more chaos. This time, a massive change was thrown in my lap. So, I hauled my completely befuddled mind, that has spent the year in fight or flight mode, into a new thought direction.
So, as we all know, leaving our comfort zone; that's a huge challenge. As I began wrapping my mind around the changes, another shift in direction left my family in two different parts of the state, and a world of different thoughts to manage on my own. Just as I managed to get that stage of my life under control again, everything changed again. A temporary transition, to get my family back in one location, landed us in a camper. That meant uprooting everything, readjusting to not only a new location but also to a MUCH smaller living situation, and my control to once again be thrown out the window. To say that I was hanging by a thread, at that point, was very much an understatement. The temporary camping allowed us to all be together and in one spot, but threw me into major panic/anxiety mode, again. After a few months of nothing going as planned, our temporary living quarters is still dragging out. It's not enough for someone like me, that needs control of her life, to have zero control of how things are happening, it's an unexplainable anxiety to not know how to fix it!
My life for as long as I can remember, has been one of knowing where I'm going, what I'm doing, and how to get there. I have always prided myself on achieving goals, being determined, and able to handle everything thrown at me with not even the blink of an eye. This year, I have felt like I have lost all control, lost my ability to read people, lost faith in a lot, and opened a door to a life that I can see as being great but having some major baggage that just won't go away! It's like having a constant road block for trying to better yourself.
The good part of all of this, was that I did have to step out of my comfort zone. I have become such a homebody, and not real excepting of anything outside my own normal. Making the transition that was made in September, forced me to change. The transition took me out of our rural home, and threw me into town life again. It took me out of the home I expected to be in forever, and put me in a camper in an area that I had visited only a few times. It forced me to take a look at my demons that I had chosen to ignore since the last time I lived in town. It forced me to look within myself for strength, courage, and direction. All the massive changes this year has held for me, has forced me to remember some of my past that I had long forgotten about. However, it has shown me that even though I have felt out of sorts all year, there are things about me that will never change. 1.) my family and their best interests will ALWAYS be put ahead of my own comfort and wants, 2.) even though my fight or flight response has been front and center this year...even if uncertain, I know I can handle just about anything thrown at me. I may not always be certain, but you can take it to the bank, I will make the best decisions possible, with the information I have to work with, for the best outcome for my family.
I have not done the best about keeping in touch with friends this year, honestly, because I know my constant thinking and talking through my thoughts is a real downer! I am sure I come across as complaining or whining about life this year, and that's not the intent at all! I have constantly been trying to work through my own thoughts on everything! My brain does not slow down, and it never shuts off. It moves at the speed of light, 24/7! I know there are days it's a challenge to try to keep up with, but there are a few that have this year, and I honestly would be lost without each of you!
I've been honored to meet a few people here that are good people. I firmly believe that there are still good people out there, ones that are not greedy or shady. I think connections are important, whether those connections are new or old. I have been given the opportunity to experience yet another different life style. It's been extremely difficult to fully embrace. When you have the tendency to have no filter, it's important to be around people that understand and accept you, despite your filter(or lack there of!). I have, out of respect, toned down my language. I have accepted that I am a unique individual and there are some that won't ever grasp that. I have accepted that my perspective is as unique as I am, and it will undoubtedly upset some. The difference for me, is that I am real. I am a horrible liar, I place my family on a pedestal, I am fiercely loyal until I am crossed, I place loyalty, trust, values and morals on the same pedestal I place my family, I despise liars/fakes and those that are happy to spread a rumor at someone else's expense. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but they have to want to help themselves to truly change. You can only get walked on so long before you become tired of being a door mat.
The introspect that I have experienced this year, has been a little unnerving. It's difficult for me to accept my own weaknesses. Whether they be a lack of information, a lack of solutions, lack of strength(physical or mental), or anything that shows me that I have a weakness. For me, feeling so out of control and not having solutions, is a massive weakness. This year, has definitely reminded me that I have more weaknesses than I can count! It has also shown me, that I am still a strong, independent and capable woman. It has reminded me that even when all hell breaks loose, and absolutely nothing goes as planned; I can still keep going. I can still manage, even if off balance. It has reminded me of my strengths, and my stubborn nature.
This year has definitely been a year I don't want to repeat, and I'm glad to see it come to a close. I pray to whatever creator there is, that 2017 will better. That the coming year will bring health, happiness, strength, safety and prosperity to not only my family, but to each of you reading this.
Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for an exceptional new year!
Salli
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