Sadly, I think so many of us are feeling this currently. We are struggling to just get through each day, and the bleakness that seems to be lurking at every corner, is overwhelming. I'm not a therapist, so I have no "professional" opinion to give, just my own experiences and means in which I somewhat try to grasp at finding balance with it.
We are in such trying times. We may all be experiencing tribulations, and each one can be different. We aren't all in the same boat. We may all be in the same storm, our situations are all different, and the "boat," may be a boat, canoe, life raft, or even a mere piece of wood. How each of us deals with this tribulations will be different too. Even though it is extremely difficult, we have to remember to allow ourselves the time to refuel/recharge.
I have spent the past 3 years researching so much dark information, finding things that caused me to want to withdraw into myself, and struggling to have conversations due to my own need to share the information I found. People don't want to hear most things that go against their personal beliefs...and I get that. I didn't!!! However, as someone that needs to talk through my thoughts...it has made the world a very lonely place. I left a position I loved, because it no longer coincided with where my beliefs were. I have continued with the mission itself, but doing it in a means that does not require the drama. I have focused every minute of my life for the past 21 years on my family - my husband and my kids. I believed this was where my focus was intended to be. It was not someone else's job to raise my kids, educate them, or to instill my beliefs into them. Now, do not take that as negating any one else! All of us do as we have to or need to. I am just sharing my own position. I have worked hard to make sure our family had what we needed, and juggled every penny to do the best we could with whatever scenario we dealt with. I am in no way, perfect or to be admired or even a role model!! I have done the best I could with the choices I have had at the time. 2 years ago, I hurt my back terribly. I still deal with issues from it daily. It took me out of my own zone. It slowed me down, and required me to have to get help more often. This to me is a kiss of death. I have always prided myself of being able to do everything on my own. To this day, asking for help and getting all the grief that comes with that, irritates me. Many times, I do things now, and end up paying for it for weeks! Still!!! However, I have spent 2 years battling with burn out. Trying to be everything to everyone, all the time, has taken a huge toll. For about 6 months, I wake more tired than when I went to bed. I can't shut my brain down...no matter what I try. I am overwhelmed by paperwork, schedules, organization, too many projects going simultaneously to even know where to start, have so many projects going and finishing one only to find 14 more.
That being said, I have found reprieve in my gardens, in my planting, and in educating myself. I'm burnt out, no doubt. But I am working on self care everyday, while trying to work on small steps to finish the overwhelming project lists too. I am allowing myself the time to slow down in the evenings, and going to bed when I am tired...not just waiting until an "appropriate" time to do so. I work hard everyday, whether it be on laundry, cleaning, organizing, paperwork, gardens, or just doing what I have to, to get through a bad day. I push myself, don't get me wrong. Probably harder than I should. I don't let pity parties live in my head, nor do I let negative energies take up camp. When energies are low/negative, I excuse myself from the situation or people. Finding people that can have deep conversations about real subjects, is difficult still. That does make life a little lonely.
You have to find a way that works for you to release stress, and find a solid platform to allow your own energy to recharge. Not everyone will understand the path you are on, and that's ok. It's your path. Each of us has our own individual path in front of us. Getting burned out is easier do to now, with our lives facing the hardships of today. We are dealing with so much, that it can actual project onto those around us. I don't know about you, but I've heard everything from - "you have an attitude problem, to you don't know what you are talking about, to you fill in the blank." We are in hard times. Mental Health is struggling from young to old. I personally believe, even those that don't want to, are starting to see and feel everything the rest of us have. It's just hard to accept. Many of us have not taken the time to slow down, and once you are forced to...that opens up doors to realizing how much we are living in fight or flight mode. That mode is not sustainable. While I firmly believe in researching and understanding what is happening in our world today, it will create panic and it will create cognitive dissonance. It will also help to make the world a better place for everyone.
Do what you need to, but take the time to decompress. Set boundaries for yourself and for others. Learn to say no, if you just don't feel you can do something. Learn that no, is a complete sentence. Try to communicate with your family, even if they don't understand today...it may help you to be able to have a release. Accept that we are human, we have limitations, and pushing your self to full exhaustion is not going to help anyone. All it will do, is cause you health issues and resentment issues. Get out in nature, talk a walk/jog/run, sit by the water, garden, find a kindred spirit to talk to, whatever you can do to find a little release every day!
Hang in there, friends. We are all experiencing this in one form or another. Take the time you need to recharge, then get back out there and do what you need to, to make sure your family has what they need.
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