Holy crap!!! I was just making out my weekly calendar and realized FRIDAY is the 1st of December!! I am seriously NOT ready!! I have spent this entire year living from moment to moment, and drama to drama. I am over this year entirely...but I refuse to make Christmas anything but magical for my 14 year old child. While my child is pretty typical of most that age...questioning everything Christmas, not really acting over excited...yet, my child still asked about writing a letter to Santa and if we'd have our annual Christmas Eve gifts. So, my moody teen, is still somewhat interested in Christmas.
As someone who has always loved Christmas, just 2 weeks ago...I was ready to put everything back in the attic and cancel Christmas in my home. I have had it with ugly attitudes, disrespect, liars and self-created dramas. You see, I don't have the time or energy to deal with crap. I am already managing a household with adult children, a teenager, a husband and juggling the worst economic times since 2008. I am doing my damnedest to keep my own mood/attitude above the water line. Trying to paste a smile on my face, put distance between those that are toxic to me, keep up with some that time has gotten away from us, keep a house in order by myself, make sure bills are paid in a reasonable fashion, make sure there are meals prepared, food to work with, juggle the end of the year records for personal/farm/veteran event, make sure the traditional gatherings we have are planned/executed/enjoyed, and I am still canning coming into December. So, when a drama presents itself - my initial reaction is going to be very negative. Whomever/whatever creates the drama can deal with it on their own.
I learned a long time ago, an apology without changed behavior is nothing more than manipulation. Sometimes that is hard to grasp. I have always attempted to see the good in people. It's not a bad quality, but sometimes it is one that ends up hurting you a lot. I've had to accept that there are people that thrive on drama and self-inflicted turmoil. You can only confront that so often, until those repeat patterns wear thin and the desire to "fix" is gone.
As I said, I am still canning, and December begins in 3 days. Who would have thought after the serious drought this year, I would have had such an abundance of produce. I am not complaining! Although, I am about to the end of my ability to work up anymore, because I am already out of space to store them but also almost out of jars. I have already had to buy several cases of pint jars this year, and they are now all officially used. I am just about to the end of my quart jars too. It's a good problem to have. I have shared our bounty as I could. I would rather give the stuff to someone that could use it than let it go to waste. For the most part nothing has been wasted this year. I still have tomatoes in my freezer. I even ventured into making my own homemade tomato soup this year. This week, however, will be the end of my canning. After the 1st of the month, it's time to kick into baking and the count down to Christmas.
This year, I decided to add some fun things into our mix. I have put together a 25 days until Christmas countdown activity, one for each day. I got the kids each an advent calendar. I am also adding the advent candle wreath to honor my German roots, and our "Feast of the 7 fishes," Christmas eve meal to honor our Daughter-In-Law's Italian roots. We will have our annual open house again, although it will be a little different this year. We aren't making big plans for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, just because that is time for individual families to be together. We may have a few in and out, it is not organized. Some time in the next 27 days, I still have to start AND finish my Christmas shopping. I hate waiting until now to do this, usually, I am finished before Halloween!!!
I am just not feeling like myself this year, and it's showing. As a trusted friend pointed out this morning, my cup is running on empty. I'm thinking it's more like bone dry! As usual, I will paste a smile, and get through any adversity. Each day, I work hard to start fresh with the best possible attitude. Each time I see a little light, something else tries to darken it. I will prevail. I may be a lot of things, but Hard Headed is definitely at the top of that list!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment