Friday, January 10, 2025

Coffee and Conversation

 


I am really battling having to minimize my thoughts on social media. So many people read about 3 sentences, like the post and never pay attention. It takes too much time to consider anything, so the mindless scrolling continues. So, I am putting my thoughts in blogs, if nothing more than my own personal journey. My coffee & conversations is replacing coffee chats...because the focus has changed. 


This morning, I spent a couple hours learning some new skills for gardens and trees. There is still a LOT to learn, but I don't see any reason I can't learn these skills and actually use them! Not only are these skills beneficial to the direction I am wanting to go, but they are the fiscally responsible way to go too! Bonus, and big win, in my book. I have used several big plots of land, over the years, to have a traditional looking garden spot. It has worked for a few years at a time, then the soil requires a lot of maintenance to maintain its productivity - a lot of provisions; wood ash, manure, grass clippings, etc. This is all fine, and I needed the large area to have enough growth to preserve large amounts of vegetables & fruits. As the number of people in my house has decreased, so has the unbelievably large amounts of food I need to produce. Now, I get to have some fun with my gardening. I can play around with different growing methods, different small plots and containers, and do more focusing on raising a medicinal garden too. While I have experimented with different things through the years, it's always been with a backup source in the event of failure. After 7 years of gardening for required produce to feed my family, maintain a supply of quality and quantity of food for as many as 10 people for meals; this will be my first year of gardening for 3. Both my previous beds will be allowed to go back to grass, and my fun gardening gets to take hold. I do still need enough for 3 people in my home, but you can't imagine how much less that takes, and how much actually grows - even in experiments, that will provide even if I end up not liking whatever I do. I have several classes/tutorials lined up, even hoping to finally get around to the herbalism class I have wanted to do for over a decade. 


Before my birthday, I wrote up about 4 pages of general goals and 3 pages of dated goals, for my year. I have extremely high expectations, and that really played into 2024 for me. Expectations are great, but as my blunt daughter enlighted me to, "Momma, not everyone is like you." So, having expectations is setting yourself up for a lot of let down. So, I'm returning to my own tried and true knowledge of goals. My goals are something, I can control. They are not based on anyone or anything else. So, if I fail to meet one...it's MY job to start again, try again, and find a way to succeed. This can be daunting when you are surrounded with negativity, but that is all the more reason to persevere! I forgot this for a spell, but now it's time to succeed. I've found many things that do not work, I just keep going until I find something that does! 


Another area, that is my main focus until late Spring, is my house. My home has gone through 7 years of being a revolving door for people needing a place to stay. In turn, that meant cramming a lot of stuff, where ever it would fit, and generally not eliminating clutter before someone else moved in or out. Remodeling projects went on hold, and have not been finished yet...that is also changing. We had 2 open rooms once everyone moved out this last time, and they are being repurposed completely. One room is becoming the pantry, the other is my husband's business/man cave. I have spent this week going through my daughter's disaster area. I will tell you, overwhelm does not even touch that! I started in on her closet over a year ago, and I dropped the ball on that; but my lack of completing her closet remodel, resulting in her entire room being unorganized, cluttered and awful...and her being a slob, did not help! We are working on it together! Although a break today was necessary because the dust in there is killing my allergies!There are several areas that need fixing, and they will be get done too. Each room is getting a thorough cleaning - washing walls, windows, trims, cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, and finished before moving on. My daughter's room and one extra room, are the worst....but when I am done with them, the rest will be easier. At least until I get to the kitchen, that requires finally getting rid of that popcorn ceiling. That will be dusty and nasty, so it has to be warm enough to open some windows! My chicken coop/goat house/duck house is a major priority this year. It's been in bad shape for a couple of years, but it's now leaking bad and the amount of daily you can see from the inside is not good. I just have to decide how I want to handle that. Maybe by summer, lumber prices will be back to a respectable price. Even if it's not, I have to fix that this year. There is a lot of clearing out to do outdoors too. We have utilized some reasonably priced items for storage(since we didn't have enough barn space) but they have worn out their time as objects and are now also leaking/falling apart. So, we have some decisions to make...if we intend to stay put, building a larger shed/barn is going to be necessary. Then there are a lot of factors to figure in about size, interest rates, overall use, etc. We originally set everything up to be temporary so we could build something better by now. There's been a LOT of water under THAT bridge. This year for my little family, is a lot of decisions that have to be made and set in stone. 


I have some other decisions to make also. Now that my kids are all but grown(youngest will be 16), I have a serious case of empty nesting and needing something for myself, finally. I've had to accept the fact that everything my college degree trained me for is no longer being used. So, my degree is worthless! I can run a family, manage our farm, grow and raise stuff...but have no usable skills to speak of, off the farm. I refuse to go back to get another worthless degree, at this age. I am really hoping to find something I enjoy, can learn some skills along the way, and maybe make a little something in the process. 24 years ago, when my oldest was born,and again 16 years ago when my youngest was born, I devoted everything to my kids. I put my whole world into them. My kids always have and always will, come first, above and beyond even myself usually. That meant I basically did not do anything without one or both of them with me, 24/7. Now, the oldest is married and on his own and the youngest is pretty self-sufficient; this mom no longer has direction. We all remember at 24, you know everything about everything, so mom isn't that important. That's honestly how we want to raise them, it's just hard to accept that success. So, there's not much guidance to give there. The youngest, outside of required education and trying to teach life skill basics...mom is just not needed as much either. Then there's "Mom," for the first time in 24 years with some time, not being needed every second of everyday, wondering "what do I do now?" I have to find things that interest me again, that will allow for the things I still have to do. It's a bit terrifying, I will admit. 

 

My journal writing, my blogs and the conversations I carry in real life will guide me, along with God's hand; that I pray for each day. 

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