I will be the first to admit, I do not know everything. Honestly, I know a lot about a lot of areas, and am a master of none. I tend to follow the directions my interests take me. I'm curious, and become fully engulfed in learning where/when I can. While some lessons, I'd rather not learn...I do try to, so I don't have to repeat them. I am only human, which means, there are plenty of areas that I am ignorant to; areas that do not effect or touch my life. It's truly a dichotomy.
My personal areas of knowledge do have a large range, but focus on my family, Veterans, gardening, cooking, and research. The past decade, I've dove off into government, politics, ancient customs(religious beliefs), ancestry and state/local law. My underlying belief is that you don't know, what you don't know, until you learn it. That statement has made a huge impact on my life.
The past week, has been a busy and strange one. I've had an encounter that I had never experienced and never want to again. We are in lambing season, which means a lot of late nights/early mornings...and lots of walks to and from the barn, all day. We have entered into the second half of this home school year. It's time to get paperwork in order for taxes. I'm trying to get unfinished projects tied up, so I can finally move on to some new ones. I have barely made any gardening plans, because I just have not had the extra energy. I have worked on our annual veteran hunt plans, but I am concerned how to manage sponsorships, supplies, and equipment - when you work with other groups, you have to work with their schedules and I don't want to nag at people. Of course, there is the budget to contend with...which is a challenge when everything except your income is increasing.
Writing has always been my outlet for stress. It tends to get frustrating when there is so much I would love to say and talk about, but I just don't feel putting most of my life online, is a great idea. That is when and why I tend to withdraw. I am not feeling that my way of expressing or communicating is effective. I have shared some of my experiences, some knowledge that I have learned - sometimes the hard way, and things that I would personally do different if I could. The thing that gets me, there are actually people that want to argue about how you should feel, how you should do things, and refuse to educate themselves while belittling those that do. It's truly incredible.
I've made plenty of comments about not being a people person. Honestly, that is not accurate. I love people, and getting to know people does improve my own knowledge. What I can not stand is those that have to constantly one-up you, that refuse to listen to anything outside their knowledge, constant gossip(which is bad since I live in a county that is a gossip mill!), and those that refuse to accept responsibilities for their own actions. It's interesting to tell people that I don't hate anyone...the response always floors me. I have had people start naming lists of people they hate. I don't. I may hate a situation/circumstance, but hate is such a negative and defining emotion. It's dark and ugly. It breaks down any open communication in relationships, and sets a path of negativity in nearly all circumstances. While I personally have experienced some of that negativity the last several years...I have also known when to course correct. I learned when I was younger that self-responsibility is a must. This means you have to change your thought process, change the group of people you spend time with, change your situation, or whatever is necessary to become a better person. Ultimately, it is my responsibility to fix me, because sometimes, I am the problem.
Today, I have a continued busy schedule but am reminded to take some down time too. Being constantly busy, doesn't equal productive. Being productive, doesn't just mean getting things done...it also means taking time to visit, time to reflect/meditate, enjoying the new lives on our farm, not rushing through lessons to get to the independent study time because those side conversations matter just as much! Taking the few minutes to look over the garden lists, and dream a little.
We get so busy making a living, that we forget to make a life...at least one, we don't need a vacation from. Sometimes, we have to take a step back and remember why we chose the direction we are going. I pray each of you has a great first week of February.
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