Coffee and Conversation

 

It's incredible that we are half way till Memorial Day already! Time is flying past me, and so much is being lost as I attempt to keep up. 

I have had so many thoughts that have weighed heavily on me this year. I spend a lot more quiet time than I have for a long time. I have realized that many people can only relate to subjects that interest them or that they understand. I once believed that communication was the key to all relationships, and I know know it's not that simple. There has to be a degree of comprehension and a desire to be empathetic/compassionate too. Going through life believing you know everything, putting yourself on a higher ground than others, and/or assuming you know best for everyone; that closes a lot of doors. There is plenty that I will never understand and I'm not capable of overriding my own beliefs to try to be compassionate about. I'm human...I have plenty of flaws. I've seen and heard a lot that I don't believe I could ever do or say but I've not seen the choices being offered to know how I would react. Herein  something I'm told does set me different. I do attempt to understand differing sides to a subject, even if I disagree. Again, another reason I have become more quiet. Being human, and very independent thinking means I usually have a not so nice way telling people they have "head up the a$$ syndrome." 

Since we just celebrated Mothers Day, it had me reflecting a lot. The one thing I always wanted was to be a mom. It has been my greatest reward but also, some heart breaks. I made sure my kids never had to worry about getting attention, wondering if they were loved, and did my best to show them that a mothers love is unconditional. In being a stay-at-home-mom, they never experienced having to truly fend for themselves. They knew how to do household chores, but was never required to do them or go without. They never had their mom working long hours, not able to plan for their birthdays/special occasions. They were given everything I had to give, even on the hardest of days. Kids do not come with instruction manuals and anyone that says otherwise is an idiot! Each of my kids have unique personalities, learning styles, and attitudes. I love my kids. The part that so many don't realize until later in life, is how difficult it is when your kids are grown. Maybe because I have spent 25 years with my kids full-time, now that they are grown, it's a big ole bag of mixed emotions. I trust how I have raised my kids, even if outside interference has made relationships rocky. We can all give advice, but the advice given is usually by people that don't have anything to lose. Unlike being a mom, when our kids suffer, we suffer. So, watching our kids make decisions, we pray God guides them because there are a lot of opinions that will steer them wrong! 

I've really had to bite my tongue for several years, as I have dealt with my own life changes. Things that once were important, aren't as important...but things that I once was content with, I'm not anymore. I've joked for years about being "low maintenance," but not "no maintenance." I do not require high priced anything, I'm not a fan of shopping, and I find beauty in the simplest of things. However, some days being low maintenance, feels like you're being forgotten. This goes from relationships to everything else. I don't require validation, recognition, or praise. I can cheer myself on, but once in a while it is nice to hear something positive from someone else. I know my life is quite boring compared to some, but there are things I love to share or conversations to talk through something or areas that interest me, would be so nice. Not having to compete with the television, the cell phones, or talking to people that actually are paying attention would be incredible. 

As I said, the things I have done for years, like household chores, has been a huge point of contention for years. A little back story to the method for my "madness." I had 2 kids with differing issues that required specialized cleaning/laundry, and required me to read every label and know triggers for allergies and skin issues. So, for years, rather than others learning how to do things or asking, it was just taken for granted I would just do all the cleaning, laundry and shopping. I did it because I had to. It was obvious there wasn't a magical cleaning/cooking fairy to help out. Through the years though, this became an excuse to not help at all. I constantly heard, "well, you have a certain way to do things and you'd get mad if they weren't done right." It wasn't a mattered of getting mad, it was a matter of trying to prevent major issues and no one was willing to actually learn to be able to help. Now, I am still expected to handle everything, although I am trying to teach my youngest(who had extreme allergies) to pay attention to everything. Sometimes, having the draw of what others are doing though, has been a learning experience of what not to do. It has been so challenging to try to teach both my children their limitations when others wanted to discard or go against my teaching. Now, as much as I hate it, I have had to allow some of their issues to be dealt with the way they are told is best, by others. The cleaning part, I've had to continue some things, because my own allergies have gotten worse the older I get. One thing that people have looked at me funny for is sweeping. I can not sweep with a broom. It puts too much dust/dander in the air. I use my vacuum with the extra filters, the wand for baseboards and at the ceiling and have had to purchase the special vacuum to be able to do it. I have to sweep no less than once a day. Laundry soaps all irritate our skin, even though I found one that is better...without having to constantly make a homemade soap. I can't regularly use chemical cleaners. All my cleaning is with vinegar, essential oils, peroxide and baking soda. I've been able to use a few cleaners lately, but I can't use them often and bleach is only when required. Obviously, this is healthier anyway, but it does require a learning curve. I will say this, life would be a lot easier if I could just live blissfully unaware!

 

I know I have seen other women my age talking about this phase of life, we are each dealing with, and the pet peeves that seem to have erupted through the surface. Things that have bothered me, are now things that send me into orbit now. Things that are apparently invisible to others...the over flowing trash can(let's just push the trash down and keep adding to it so the bag rips when you try to take it out!), the empty roll of toilet paper being left on the holder while a new roll is used and set somewhere else, the dishes no one can seem to see that need washed or put away, no one knowing where things go or are in a kitchen with all open shelving, everyone wanting to know "what's for supper," yet no one has any suggestions - EVER! For me, there are days when I hear, "well you are at home, can you do this, this and or this?" Sure, let me just add those to my daily list of cleaning, school work, laundry, and my own chores. Most of the time, it's not a big deal but some days...it's the straw that breaks the camels back. I can't tell you the last time I was actually asked about my day, and I had more than 2 minutes attention to actually talk through my day! This all may seem petty to some, but these are my thoughts. Having my kids being young adults now, has thrown in another monkey wrench. I have no idea what there is beyond being a full-time mom. For nearly 25 years, my days have been full of taking care of kids. Now,  my kids have very little time for me as they begin finding their way or as they find their own path. Sure, we raise our kids so they can spread their wings, I just didn't realize how lonely it would be when they didn't have time to visit with Mom. It's strange when I have 2 opposite ends of the spectrum. My kids are finding their own paths and my own parents are too busy to be able to visit with me. It's such a weird spot!

 

So, all that being said, I have been trying to figure out "what's next," for me. It took us relocating for a couple of years to find something that truly makes my heart full(next to being a mom). I was so blessed to get to find a way to work with veterans in a way that felt fulfilling. In 2017, I started to interact with veterans on a personal level. I was part of events that showed gratitude and offered events to further help them with their rehabilitation. It has been something that has been such an amazing opportunity. I have gotten to know so many incredible veterans through the last 8 years. I know I want to continue on this path, I'm just trying to work out how. Having the annual deer hunt, takes a year to get organized/paid for but I would like to be able to do more. I just have to figure out the logistics of how. Volunteering has been so rewarding and I will continue but I'd like to find something that I could earn a little too. We'll see where this line of thought takes me. 

I believe I will finish this blog for today. I just keep hoping for conversations with grit that don't leave me feeling empty and a mind that is less full of clutter!