2025 has been my year of revelations and learning acceptance.
This year has brought a lot of changes, a lot of heart break, some incredible moments and a lot of lessons learned. I could run through a laundry list of revelations from this year, but I won't. The few that have left some serious marks: the most impactful was losing my Dad, learning to accept the phrase "it is what it is," accepting that you can love from the depths of your heart but not everyone is going to love you to that same depth, and realizing how each of us are all living our lives each day - for the first time...which means we are going to make mistakes and learn as we go.
2025 was a trying year for me, from the start. With a lot of questionable events the first few months of the year, it left me floundering and very angry. The few high points were all the lambs born on the farm and my daughter's 16th birthday. The Summer was full of work around the farm and trying to get our annual veteran hunt organized. I had hopes of getting extra help this year, but that fell by the wayside too. I eventually got that all done with the help of some incredible ladies. August brought another round of revelations. September had the 7th annual veteran hunt, but ended with the loss of my Dad. I then spent 7 weeks at my Dad's trying to go through his affairs, and get his home cleaned out. During that time, I was given such a remarkable clear sight. While losing my Dad has torn my heart out, and left me feeling very lost...so many of the things he and I spoke about, at lengths, has become my priority now. That included many of our traditional gatherings, no matter how difficult they have been...and how many little details I have forgotten. I have felt the pull to try to keep my family and extended family together, and to allow people to show who they are without making excuses for it.
As always, my new year begins on my birthday. This year it's my 51st birthday. I am going to make the coming year my best one yet. I'm not saying, "2026 will be my year..." Every year is just another year, it is what we make of it and how we manage the hiccups that will inevitably happen. I have always been a "strong" person. I've always been the one everyone goes to when they need to vent, I take charge when things go sideways because I don't believe in whining...I work to fix things, my loyalty is life long - no matter if we fall out or not, I always give the benefit of doubt until I'm given a reason not to, I truly care - probably more than I should, I write to express myself and if I'm expected to write good things - then it's only fair that good things have happened, I will work hard to be tactful in conversations - until I'm given no other choice than to be brutely honest. I have spent 40 years learning to manage my temper, heal from things I no longer talk about, and to become someone I can accept when I look in the mirror and sleep at night. When that healing is challenged, and I see that control slipping, it's time to make big changes. So, my 50th year, was that challenging year. That year is over! I gave away too much control, I let others make me feel unworthy in too many areas to count, I saw true colors that broke my heart, I lost the one person that I always depended on - BUT, I was so fortunate to have had him for most of 50 years. My 51st year, is beginning with acceptance.
After a few years of being in a really dark place, I hit rock bottom. So, as my MIL just said...now, it's time to start on solid foundation and go up. This coming year is about actions. Words can be very eloquent, pretty, and they do have a place; but words without action is crap. I'm focusing on me; what I need, what I want, to be healthier, to eliminate most stress, to remove people that are not respectful, and to focus on what it important to me. No one is allowed to live rent free in my space...meaning, if you are going to be in my life, I want you here...but you do not get to determine my value, my worth or even my decisions. I do not try to change anyone, and I expect the same courtesy because I will overlook your flaws and accept your decisions when the same respect is given. We have had too many years of people being allowed to dance on feelings and emotions without consequence and too many years of entitlement attitudes that took away accountability.
Enough of that. My 51st year, I have a running list of what I want to do. I'm going to work towards achieving most, if not all, of that list. I have spent a lot of years withdrawing when shit goes south...not anymore. Trust is a huge thing to me, once it's broken, it can be rebuilt but it may never be the same. Response is another thing...if I am taking time to contact you, have the common courtesy to respond. I'm never asking you to take on the world...I am worth a response, period! Honesty, oh how this hits. I may get mad but if I am not valued enough to be honest with...please just stay away. If I care enough to offer my opinion, I don't expect you to take it, I just care enough to try to give you a different perspective. I'm not saying I am right or wrong...it's just a different point of view, from my personal experiences. I want to see everyone succeed, honestly, from the bottom of my heart! I have nothing to gain from helping anyone, I do it because it's the right thing to do. My priorities: God, my husband, my children, my extended family, my friends, my veterans and anything beyond that falls where it will.
I'm learning new things in my new year. It began today with Tai Chi. This will be added with my morning devotional/meditation time. It has become too easy to be more stationary. When our bodies ache, it's easy to get trapped in non-movement. My health directive this year is all about mind, body and spirit, and tying them together into overall health. Learning to say "No" when I mean no...instead of saying "Yes," so I don't upset someone. It's so easy to get lost in people pleasing, and losing yourself in it. While I am in the last 16 months of home schooling, I am taking on some schooling for myself. I've done a lot of free classes online, since Covid, but the last couple of years I got too overwhelmed trying to be everything to everyone, and quit. My mind stays sharper when I am learning too. I'm going to make a couple trips this year. Not long ones, but there are places I want to go back to and one I have been trying to get to for several years. It's not easy to get away when you have animals, but I will figure it out. I want to spend a lot of time on gardens this year. Not just my vegetable gardens, but flower gardens, orchard, and anything that catches my attention on those lines. I no longer need a large garden, so having smaller ones are easier to manage and allows me to be creative too. On the creative front, I will continue writing, but that is changing too. I have no desire to be "internet important," I do want to share things I find important. If it can help someone else find there niche, that is a bonus. If you don't like what I write, you don't have to read it. There are a ton of local businesses, local attractions, veterans and veteran events, my gardening successes and failures, and inspirations. All of these I want to share with others.
That is just a few of my goals for my new year. 2026 will look different for me. I am excited for this refreshed start, humbled and beginning on a solid foundation. I will continue praying everyday for God's guidance, and working hard to be a person my Dad...both my parents really, can be proud of. While I built my family as designed, I honor and respect my parents. I continue to work to keep them an important part of my life, just as it's written in the Bible.
I am sending each of you many blessings, as the actual new year approaches. May God guide, protect, keep you healthy and safe each and every day!
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