This crazy thing called life!

Every day there are different things to learn, memories to treasure and areas that you can reflect on to grow.  ~S~

 In my life, this couldn't be more true.  I have such an interesting vantage point.  I am home with my kids every single day, and I am not only Mom to them, but also teacher, mentor, friend, guidance counselor, and spiritual guide.  I have had the privilege of learning how my kids learn, their perspectives, and helping them learn to think for themselves...not just being taught what to think.  Although there are days I would love some different types of disciplines...we teach our kids to think for themselves,  ask questions, and question everything.  Not to be blindly lead just by what they read and hear.  It's amazing what kind, and how many questions a little persons mind can imagine.  The things we, as adults, think are so finely cut.  A little person doesn't have the reserve.  They naturally think outside the box, and look for the most innovative way to do things.  Even though we mold our children into what they are expected be, if left to develop in their natural way, these amazing little people can honestly become whomever they choose!

This brings me to, well, ME!  :)  Today my husband and I celebrate 13 years of marriage.  To say we've had a roller coaster relationship, is a pretty accurate description.  Our backgrounds, and geographical difference really caused havoc early on.  In 2000, we had our oldest.  After being told for years I would never have children, this was a huge celebration.  In 2001, they found the cervical cancer that was removed and still gone today.  Life was really rocky in those early days.  Lots of arguments, disagreements and being a first time Mom...lots of unsure footings.  By 2003, we were having a lot of different issues-disagreements on raising our oldest, money, different dreams, and so much more.  We actually divorced.  After 4 months, we got remarried and have been together since.  That's not to say things got better for a while.  It took us until just the last 6 years to finally get better at communicating, which in turn lead to realizing that many of our dreams and goals are the same.  Our life plan/goals, are running pretty close to parallel now.  That's not to say that our marriage is perfect!  We still have plenty of disagreements, we still annoy the crap out of each other, there's still days we look at each other and wonder how the heck we ever ended up together.  That being said, we are also now the best of friends.  We talk about everything, even if we disagree.  We make plans together, we have dreams that aren't that different from the other, and we have goals together.

Although we still have several very trying times, we do work well together.  Because we are so different from each other, it allows each of us to see a different perspective....even if we still don't agree.  We still have days that it's easier to not talk to each other, there's still days that no matter what we do-we annoy each other.  But there are many more days when I look forward to him getting home so we can have one of our deep conversations about life, kids, love, family, our goals and anything else that may come up.

I know that choosing this life has changed me.  Some days I really feel like it has made me a better person.  Other days, I'm just annoyed that I'm not the head-strong, independent person that I once was.  It's a constant ping-pong for me, as to who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.  Most days, I am happy with who I have become, although I wish I still had some of that stiff backbone I once had.  You just never know what kind of curve balls life will through at you.  As my favorite poem states...

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~Robert Frost

~~Sal~~

What are the chances?

As I was reading through some blogs today, I have found that there are a few wonderful ladies who have actually had some similar experience to what I have gone through.  It made me start to think.  These women are doing exactly what I love to do, they are receiving thousands of views everyday, getting paid to be home with their families, and the knowledge I have is just an addition to what they have.  So, it made me wonder what and why I hadn't thought of so much more of this sooner!

As a person who fears failure, but accepts it humbly....I realized that each failure is just another opportunity to grow and learn.  With that being said, it does not make any failure any easier, but it does put it into perspective for me. 

My areas of knowledge don't necessarily mean I'm an expert, but they are areas that I have learned, learned by other failures, or studied.  I am not a well-rounded person.  Until I moved to Missouri in the late 90's, my knowledge was bar-tending and business.  I knew nothing of gardening, farming, canning, or natural health.  The past 15 years have taught me much more than the first 22 years of my life.  The past 15 years have been hard, trying, rewarding, overwhelming, and many of the things I've learned...I did so to fit with my new extended family.  I can tell you that I am very glad I have learned so much though.  I still strive to learn something new everyday.

Now, I work hard to keep my family in a natural environment.  Most of our foods are grown, raised or bought organically.  Most of any illness is treated using herbs and teas, as opposed to prescriptions.  I'm not against them, as every form of medicine has a time and place, however I believe too many people are too quick to ask for an RX, before finding the source of the problem.  Our family is a home school family out of necessity.  It was not our original plan, but it is our choice now.  It's not necessarily for everyone, but it was the best choice for us. 

As a wife and a mom, I have attempted to work outside of home.  It didn't work for us.  I was basically working to work.  I wasn't making enough to justify working.  Having been a SAHM for 10 years now, I'm finding that trying to find work( even part-time) is very difficult.  Many of my skills are outdated, and I have a complete lack of patience to deal with not-so-intelligent people.  The one area of knowledge that I somewhat still have is a field that requires a lot jumping through hoops, hurry up and wait, and lots of time spent for the interviewing process.  Not everyone understands the process that goes into this field, but when you do get into it, it's a great paying field. 

I have spent a lot of time trying out the home-business industry.  I tried many different opportunities and were complete scams.  I bought into 4 different companies that worked for awhile but my lack of willingness to put the business before my family...there are just 2 I work with now.  One is fun and has made me a decent income.  The other is great, but takes a lot more time and has not made me much to this point.  My true passion is writing, helping people and caring for my family.

Now comes the interesting time.  How to make a decent income, care for my family, and find something that stirs a passion in my heart.  So, now to make a list of areas that stir that passion.  A short list is pretty easy.  Helping others, helping my community, writing, teaching children about yesteryear, spending time on my computer learning, and working in my garden.  A longer list...that's becoming more difficult.  The longer I stay out of the working environment, the less useful skills I have.  My dilemma is deciding what direction to take from here.  Do I try to find money to go back to school, do I attempt some sort of home business, keep working with home-based businesses, find a skill and charge to teach others, or what?  I'd be curious to hear your thoughts.  Please feel free to leave comments!

As I venture into this weekend, this will all be weighing heavily on my mind.  Hopefully, an evening out with my hubby for our anniversary will allow us to bounce ideas off each other without interruption. 

~Sal