Family Ties

"Family ties run blood deep. No matter how you
feel about the way they live their life, you are
bound together by the blood."


One week ago today, my family lost the physical presence of an extraordinary man, my paternal grandfather. It has been a whirlwind experience that really opened my eyes to how short life really is. Three and half weeks ago, he was driving a tractor in a parade, three weeks ago today he went into the hospital with a sinus infection and a residual affect of antibiotics, and a week ago he gained his wings.

I will not claim to know many of the details, but I can tell you, when something happens this fast you can't help but re-evaluate your own life. You tend to look at life a little differently; even if it's just for a short while. At least I do.

I moved away from all of my family 15 years ago. Although I did spend a lot of time traveling back and forth for the first several years, after having children and building a life here, it has been a lot of work to make a regular trip to see everyone, too often. As hard as it is to admit, I hadn't seen some of my family members in years! In the bittersweet way the loss of a loved one has, losing my Grandpa is no different. It took something so sad for me, to make me take the time to make the trip up to see that side of my family.

This trip allowed me to see family, and open my eyes to how short life is. Seeing some family members that I hadn't see since I was kid, just proved that I can not let that many years pass before seeing them again. I have an amazing family that is so big, it's almost overwhelming sometimes!

The paternal side of my family consists of: the 9 children my grandparents had, their spouses/significant others, 25 grandkids(not including spouses), and 51 great-grandchildren. When all of us are together, it would total 102 people! That is just immediate family. This doesn't include the many that my family has adopted, the sisters of my grand parents, their children/spouses/grandchildren, and extended families. We are quite the group when we're all together. I bet we'd be able to fill a football field if we were all together at the same time! : )

Being the oldest grandchild on my Dad's side of the family, is sometimes a bit overwhelming. I have always tried to set a good example, not just for my brothers and sister, but also for my younger cousins. I spent a lot of years trying to stay away from my family, for many reasons, but mainly because I couldn't or didn't know how to associate with them. Being the oldest, puts you in a strange position. You spend your early life being a kid, and playing with the younger kids. As you grow up, and become an adult, you don't know how to make that transition. You are a niece/nephew, even though you are an adult, you don't have the connection with your aunts & uncles and the cousins, some of the are still pretty young. So, you are still in limbo as an adult. That is how I always saw myself in my family. My Aunts and Uncles are all pretty close, and my Cousins that were quite a bit younger than me were all pretty close...then there's me. Somewhere in the middle.

After such an eye opening experience for me personally, I know that I need to make more of an effort. Although I firmly believe that the roads travel both ways just as well, I know I want to make a better effort to see this side of my family more than just at weddings and funerals.

I want to find that family binding closeness with my family that I have always felt left out of. I want my own siblings and I to have a close bond that allows us to always be there for each other, and for us to always have each other no matter what is going on in our lives.

I am going to make every effort to not only make the effort to see my extended family, my siblings, and cousins more...but I am also going to offer our home as a meeting place for all of them to join us whenever they want to get away.

As I always try to reflect on life experiences, this has been no different. I watched my Dad. A man who has always been my hero, my rock, and many times my go-to for another point of view; and realized, again, how much this man means to me. Although I am too old to call him my "daddy," he is my Dad, my hero, and I love him so much. I watched my Mom, who hasn't been part of my Dad's family for 25 years, grieve a man she knew as another Dad for many years. I can't help but grieve for them too. Both lost a man, they had known and admired for different reasons, but loved none-the-less. I watched my Step-Mom, although typically hard to read, and know that the 25 years she has been with the family that she too had loved my Grandpa as another Dad. I watched so many that had been part of our family at one point or another, each of them with their own experience in our family. All of which are still considered part of the family. My family has always taken in the "strays" when they have no where else to go, those that have been adopted by our family are part of it always.

So many times, divorce enters into families, and changes everything. Our family is no different in that regard. We have had many marriages and divorces, many new people, and many that have come and gone. For me personally, it took becoming an adult, with children of my own to understand a few things. First, you are born to two parents, your Mom and your Dad. You can NEVER replace your parents! No matter how many times they mess up, make mistakes, make decisions you don't agree with...they are your parents. You love them, you forgive them, and no matter what happens, they are still your parents. You can't replace them, and I wouldn't want to! Second, even though divorce is something relatively common, finding a stable ground to stand on, can be overwhelming. You have to find stable ground to grow, and excel in your own life. You have to find a balance that allows for extended family and your own family to co-exist. In my case, many miles hinders a lot of what I would love to see happen...but it is no excuse to allow many years to go by before seeing family members. Third, sometimes no matter how much you try, there will be some that will not make the same attempts that you make. This is inevitable, but you take the high ground to always make the attempt.

There have been so many realizations for me over the past week. I can't begin to explain how much has changed for me. I just know that one night of our trip was spent with my own siblings. All four of us, and our spouses, all in the same place. It was so overwhelming to me. We bonded in a way that, I don't know if it's ever happened. We talked, and laughed, and I felt complete. I had 3 other people with me that knew me, loved me unconditionally, and although we have all grown up...I know I have 3 best friends for life. No matter who comes and go's in our lives...we will always have each other. We may all be different, we may all have our own way of doing things, and we may not agree on everything...we still have each other, and that will never change. Our bond began by blood, but will continue with our love for each other and acceptance in who we have become. Each of us with our own little quirks, our own way of doing and looking at things, and our family history of perseverance through even the darkest of times. I love you guys!

Sometimes, things like this allow you to see that some things just don't fit. Whether that be by the peoples own making or just by the design of life in general. No matter how hard you try to make things fit, no matter how long you try...sometimes they just don't. You either learn to accept that and go on, or you move on to another piece to see if it fits. Either way, is not right or wrong, it's just what it is. Some things aren't made to fit.

As I try to get my regular routines back in place, I can't help but reflect on so much. The biggest reflections are how amazing, resilient, and determined my family bloodline is. Having a family of my own now, I can only hope to pass on these traits to my own kids while they also learn about the amazing paternal sides of their family here too.