Beliefs, Loyalty, Limits? What do YOU stand for?

What do you believe in? Where do your loyalties lie? Do you know what your limits are?

As someone who is constantly analyzing everything, these are questions that I consider every single day. Honestly, it doesn't matter what the subject matter is. I am constantly questioning everything I do, feel, think I know, and even people I know. It's a form of micro-managing, I guess. It's the easiest way for me to handle everything thrown at me. As someone who loves family, I don't really fit in with any one of them completely. I am essentially a "black sheep." I have my own way of thinking, doing, and living. I am strong enough to take what others say with a "grain of salt," usually.

I try to make time every day to evaluate the person I have become. There are several areas that I am not happy with, even though I accept them. Many times I question the person I am, because of the way I am treated by others. I have every reason to be hard, cold, uncaring, and hateful. However, I have never stayed that way...even though I have my moments. I have chosen to go to the other direction, almost to a fault. I try very hard to always be nice to people, always consider others feelings, always give people the benefit of the doubt, and strive to stay positive.

My belief is to treat others the way you wish to be treated. This doesn't always mean you will be, but you will know that you did your best. I believe to have a good friend you must be one, to have a good neighbor you must be one, to have a meaningful relationship you must be willing to give that too. I am a firm believer in doing everything as naturally as possible. I don't believe there is ever enough education or learning opportunities. I believe there is always more to every story, and that the story is only part of the equation. I believe in being prepared, no matter what the circumstances. I believe that you must love yourself in order to love others. Not conceitedly mind you, but respectfully. Understanding and accepting who you are, and loving yourself despite your flaws.

I accept that I will never be perfect while on this Earth, and that there will be some that will criticize my flaws to hide their own. I know that my personally views, thoughts and ideas will offend people. I accepted long ago that some people you can't please no matter what you do. I also have accepted that I am different. Is it wrong to be different? Who knows! I do know that my beliefs will not be changed just because someone doesn't like them. My views have been known to change as I research and educate myself. I do not blindly follow what the masses say/do. Which to most will be obvious! I am very aware of my flaws, and for many years, I hid behind them. To the extent of ruining some great relationships. As I have matured, umm gotten older, I continue to grow and learn. I also continue to accept that some people don't mature. Some cling to their circumstances as a way of having a crutch or scape goat. I know for me, there were many circumstances that could have caused me to follow a different path. There have been many times/issues that could have caused me to use those issues as a crutch to never grow, change, or accept those things that I can not control. I do not judge people. I know that every one has their own battles, whether they are self-inflicted or not...they are just as important to them, as mine are to me. However, I do feel that if more people were willing to use their circumstances to improve themselves, the world would be in much better shape. My theory is: "To each their own!" What others choose to do with their lives is not my problem, unless their decisions harm me or my family.

I have some amazing friends, and family. I am, and always have been, their venting post. To some degree, I don't know if that's a good thing since my opinions/beliefs are so much different. Many times, their issues take ahold of my heart, and all I want to do is ease their pain. I don't like to see anyone struggling so much that their health is affected, or even their mental health. Whether they are struggling financially(As so many are), in their relationships, with their children, or just have a day of negativity, it affects me. There have been many times I have had issues of my own and those that I am always there for, are no where to be found or don't have the time to just listen to me. I do get upset, but I would never tell them how much that hurts me.

My own personal issues of juggling children, spouse, farm, home business,cooking, cleaning, home school, extended family issues, and trying to keep in touch with friends; is sometimes too much for me to handle on my own. I usually try to keep to myself, but there are days that I just need to vent. Although, I never would, I just want to say I don't like anyone today and I just want to be alone. Am I allowed to feel that way? Probably not, but some days I do. Some days, I just need to go within myself, and find some level ground to which I could rebuild my spirit to be able to keep moving forward. Do I get those days? Yeah right! Now, to be honest, once in a great while, I will have the honor of having a few hours just to me. I have found a few things that I can just be without the demands for a short while. My gardens have brought me much contentment. It's hard work, but there is something about having my hands buried in dirt, being able to finish a thought, and have time to speak from my heart to our creator. My cooking and baking have given me some of that peace too. Being out with our horses and even the chickens givens me such a sense of spirit. My horses, are so much a part of me know. They just know when you need to talk, cry or have some peace.

I grew up thinking everything was either black or white. You were either one or the other, and there wasn't anything in between. That is really not the case. There are so many gray areas. There are so many issues that you can justify by the phrase, "every story has 2 sides." While you can see an issue, what you don't know is the story that led to the issue to start with. You don't know what circumstances led to the issue. Yes, the issue itself may be against your personal morals but you also need to see what happened to cause an issue that led to the current issue. Now, I'm not saying that either way is right or wrong. I'm just saying that if you truly want to be honest, you have to see both sides. As I said before, no one living on Earth will ever be perfect or free from flaws. Every single one of makes mistakes, tries to better themselves the only ways they know how, and no one likes to be judged for trying to find a better way.

Personally, my horizons have been expanded enormously over the past 20 years. So many faults I found with others, as well as myself, have helped me to become who I am today. I am not saying my personal beliefs, thoughts, morals or limits are right or wrong...but they are MINE. I like the person I am becoming and I am proud of the accomplishments I can make for myself.

As the Winter months can become long, and many days are dreary, I encourage each of you to take time to find what you stand for. Not what you see on television, or read in print, or read online...but for what YOU stand for. What makes you tick, what stirs a passion deep in your gut, what issues have you allowed to hold you back from becoming a better person, and what can you do to become the best YOU possible!

Peace,
Salli