My Blank Book - Chapter 1(January) Review

As I personally venture into these blank pages and chapters of 2013, I find myself super excited to share with you all, the ups and downs, and the progress as we go along. Each month end, I will write a Chapter Review of our month. I will actually be writing these throughout the month, but will do a final publish at the end of each month. This will be a great review for me, as we always seem to be busy, but I'm never quite sure what we are busy doing. It will also help me stay on track for our family goals throughout the year. As I write during the month, I will date my writings. These will be written in journal style so you all can see the roller coaster of ups and downs as they happen. I wish each of you happy reading, and if some of my writings help in any way...that's just an added bonus! So, each month end, grab a cup of coffee, and read away! :-)



Jan. 3rd - With every new year, comes renewed hope that past pains, and mistakes will not be repeated and can be resolved. This year is no different for me. This year for me, is also a big reflection on where I want my life and the life of my children to go. After a tearful entry into 2013, January 1st was a pretty tough and emotional day. I have plans for my children and myself. It's very difficult to keep plans and goals when everyone isn't on the same page. We had a friend of J's over and that was a reminder of how other children behave. It was a reminder of how J. once behaved...and happens every time the other child is around. Yesterday was a day of battling wills in our house. Both my kids have my will and attitude. Even with that being said, they are the attitudes I had at different phases of my life. J is more the way I am now, laid back but willing to stand up for what he believes in. C is more the way I was when I was younger. Very determined, very strong-willed, and is going to do what she wants when she wants, and not until! So, a constant battle of wills is exhausting! After a day from hell yesterday, I gave an earful to everyone in my house. I work my tail off every single day, and I have allowed them to treat me as a doormat. Yesterday was the end of that. If laundry is left laying all over the house, it will come up missing and there is no one blame but themselves. If dishes are left on the table, they will stay there and whoever used them will have to deal with not having dishes when they start piling up.

Jan. 9th - I decided this past weekend it was time for the Christmas decor to come down. Although I already miss the warm feel it adds to our home, I am glad to be getting some organization back! After watch the dust fly while taking the decorations down, I decided now was a great time to start my annual Spring cleaning. I guess I figured, no time like the present! So, this year, by the time Spring actually gets here, the house will have been thoroughly cleaned and I can get outdoors more! The seed catalogs have started arriving, and I have getting some serious Spring fever. I am ready to get my hands in the dirt and start watching things grow. I have decided this year it's time to start pursuing some of the hobbies I have enjoyed in bits and pieces. One of them is photography. Don't know if it will ever be anything more than a hobby, but I do enjoy it. Another is learning all I can about wild grasses and flowers, and how they can be used in herbal medicine, cooking and just plain beauty. I believe we are basically done with the whole potty training thing, finally. After 3 years, and many times of basically having it done, I think we are done. Being able to stay home and just focus on the task at hand, has helped tremendously. J has decided to try raising pigs. We have 2 guilts that will be the breeders, and a Berkshire boar that will be finding his way to our pasture in just a few weeks. We'll see how all this takes shape. We raised 6 for market this fall/winter, and the final 2 will be headed to market next week. I am honestly ready for some fresh pork! We have a lot of projects to do this Spring/Summer/Fall. The list, unfortunately, keeps getting longer as things show themselves and begin breaking. We have self-waterers to get dug in, electricity to get put into the horse shed, and chicken house, finish the East perimeter fences, enclose one end of the horse shed, get the front deck built, gravel the driveway, re-model the kitchen before the cabinets start falling, and this is just a partial list. Scubbing the house, floor to ceiling, has proven to be a challenge and one that requires some help. The 2 rooms I have done, it's amazing how nice it is to be able to see out the windows and to have a fresher smell in. With 40-50 degree days this week, the windows have been open to allow some fresh air in and I am loving it! Since next week is supposed to be turning cold again, I am going to enjoy the week long thaw!

Jan. 19th - Every year January seems to be the month I dread. It's usually cold and gloomy, and after a month or so of short pay checks...it's the month I see how far behind we got in December. Since we have officially been on our little farm for a year now, it's a little easier for me to see what I can do with the budget. What expenses are variable and which ones are fixed. There are always hidden expenses when you try to live from a budget. Someone or something gets sick, the animals eat more hay than you baled, the property taxes are a lot higher than you planned, or you have someone who likes to spend money. Yes, we have encountered all of this over the past year. 2013 began with the uncertainty of our government. The tax debate that has been referred to as the "Fiscal Cliff." I can tell you, we are not rich by any shape of the word! However, after the new year, our taxes increased by $25 per week, and our tax return is going to be thousands less that normal. I seriously want to go to D.C. and tell the politicians a thing or two. $8000 a year, is a BIG increase out of our budget! Gotta love a politician that lies! ;)

Jan. 25th - After a week from hell, I am really questioning my own resolve. I am normally a positive person. I don't usually dwell on hardships, set backs, or the negative energy of those around me. However, this last week has kicked me pretty hard. I am feeling pretty discouraged. I am not accustomed to feeling so overwhelmed. Emotionally, physically and financially - I am lost. I am not finding the communication at home that I need to talk out what I am feeling. I am not understanding the complete disregard for my needs and tired of making life easier for everyone else while my life is falling apart. I try to find something everyday to be grateful for, and there are plenty of moments even in a week like this one. However, I am having a difficult time outweighing the bad and good.

January 28th - Well, my personal quest to use second-hand, or recycled materials for many of the projects we want to accomplish has finally sunk in. Just last night, my husband said we need to look at used items before getting too crazy planning our remodeling projects. Needless to say, this was music to my ears! I love the idea of using recycled materials. Whether it's indoors or out, there is no use spending the outrageous prices of new when you can purchased second-hand items at a fraction of the cost. Then you can truly make it your own, save a boat load of money, and use the savings for something fun...like a vacation! Since this conversation last night, I found and entire lot of kitchen base cabinets, not too far away and cheap! The price for all the cabinets will be what the price of one new one would be. I am happier than a pig in shit on this one! Can't wait to get them, and start sanding and re-staining! Keep checking back for my latest finds and treasures! ;)

January 29th - Wow, 3 seasons in 24 hours?! We have have had 60's for temps, now we have rain and storms, and before all is finished tomorrow night...1-4 inches of snow is forecast. Love Mother Nature's mood swings. It's such a dreary day, but I love hearing the thunder and seeing the rain. After last year's drought, the moisture is sure welcome. On another note, my knee is finally not throbbing. It popped really loud yesterday, and since then the throbbing is gone. It's still stiff and a little sore, but I believe somehow I just popped it out of socket. Glad not to be hobbling so much! Now, I just have 10 days worth of housework to catch up on. I suppose I need to finish all this indoor stuff over the next month so I will have time to get in my gardens come March! Planning so many projects for this year has given me a lot to consider, but also has me really excited to see the end results. Gravel for the drive, front deck, enclosed shed, new kitchen, courtyard in the front of the house, beautiful trellis' for the gardens, companion gardening, flower beds, trees.... I am super excited!

January 30th - After 2 days of spring type weather, woke up today to a white ground and it's still snowing at Noon! I am really getting restless as of late. I am needing some time just to me. No one demanding my time or attention, no one yelling for something. I feel like the last 3 months have been full of demands, from holiday gatherings to entertaining, to my own family demands that have me feeling like I'm being taken for granted. I love my family, but some days I just want to run as far and as fast as possible in any direction to get away for a bit. I have allowed all of my interests to be thrown by the wayside to care for my family 100% of the time. I may get an hour or two on occasion to myself, but not much more. I am needing a weekend of time to find not only a solid ground, but for some quality mental health time for just me. I am sure some will read this and think I am being selfish, and ungrateful. Believe me, I would not trade my family, our life, or any of it. So, before you start judging me, walk in my shoes, live my life, deal with the daily issues I deal with, and then you can have an opinion I will listen to. I have been judged for years about everything under the sun and quite frankly, it pisses me off. I am not perfect(nor would I want to be), I have days that everything goes wrong and I just want to cry, I have days that I don't believe in my ability to be a parent/spouse/friend, and even though I have those days..... RARELY, do they happen. But when I do have them the judgements and opinions I hear are maddening and make things worse. I know that very soon, I will be outdoors again and able to keep check on my emotions but until then I am struggling! I don't handle emotions well, so for those who are near me...please understand this. I am not mad, I am just struggling with my emotions and trying to understand.



I will be posting this journal today. It amazes me to read back through the insanity that happens in a months time in our home. Brace yourselves, January is typically our "quiet" month!

~Sal