Drawing February to a close...

I have never been so happy to see a month end, as I have this one. I am really over Winter this year! I'm tired of the cold and the snow. I need to be able to get outdoors, and get these kiddos of mine outdoors, before we all go stir crazy! We have spent so much time indoors this Winter and that means we've all been under each others feet all Winter. Since we are in for another Arctic Blast the next 7 days, and another significant snowfall is expected for this weekend...I'm not seeing much for outdoor time, yet again! To say that Winter is annoying me this year, is an understatement!

We have begun our massive remodeling project. Of course, the room we started with...has become a very involved project. We planned to basically gut the room, but not a complete gut, and not have to buy a bunch of new fixtures. Well, that flew by the wayside very quickly! The floor around the toilet was rotting out and basically gone, the shower had been leaking and caused some damage. The vanities that had to be moved for drywall, basically fell apart, and when we took up the carpet(yes, carpet in a bathroom!)...the floor,and tub box were junk. So, we gutted it all(except my tub!). We ended up having to spend a little more to buy a new toilet, new shower, new vanities, more underlayment, and new faucets. We put in insulation, and covered with plastic to try to help that room maintain any heat it gets, since it always ran about 10-15 degrees colder than the rest of the house. We put up new walls for our closet, a new wall for the shower, and that is just the beginning. We are hanging drywall, laying new underlayment throughout, putting in tile for the floors, and redesigning the closet to actually serve a purpose now. New paint, and some tile on the walls, new plumbing, and electrical will finish out that room. We still have a handful of things to do, but most of what is left has all got to be done about the same time. The next 4 days look to finish that room off! Then it's on to the next room! Not sure yet if that will be the bedroom or the living room...either way the rest of the rooms will go smoother with less that can be wrong in them!

The past several months have been hard on me. I haven't felt like myself, and I haven't been truly happy either. I am always someone who tries to find the little ray of light in every dark moment, but the last 4 months or so, it's hard for me to see any light most days. I have a good life, 2 amazing kids, a husband who does whatever he can for me, a home/land I am proud to work hard for and with, and overall, we are all healthy. I have a ton of blessing, and I am grateful for each of them daily. However, I am finding that there is a piece missing in my life, and I can't put my finger on what it could be. As I have gotten older, I have been determined to give my kids a solid/stable home life that I didn't have. To plant roots and be proud of who they are and where they live. I want to give my kids a solid foundation onto which they can build their own lives. In all I do everyday, there never seems to be time or anything for just me. I can't even go to the bathroom without an interruption or 3! I believe that what I do is important, and worthwhile, but sometimes I can't help wondering what could have been. About 10 years ago, I gave up a career to be a Mom 100% of the time. I quit doing things for myself, and instead focused on what was best for my family. Over the years, I have been losing more and more of my independence. In perspective, I have been losing more and more of myself. Although I am happy with the overall person I am today, I really believe part of what's missing, is me. I took a night out with a girlfriend to go dancing. That ended up a disaster and opened my eyes to a side of her that I had never seen. She had been the one person who had stayed in my life, and had always made time to visit or talk with me...yet didn't demand that I talk to her every day. Since then, I spend more time to myself, and really monitor everything I say. Although, I do this with every one, she was the one person I didn't have to do that with. Now, I am more withdrawn, and really miss not having a girlfriend that I can confide in. Having someone that you aren't constantly on guard with is refreshing. I guess I will pull myself out of this funk I'm in...I usually do. It is getting harder though, when there is constantly a missing piece.

My Winter photography has gotten thrown by the wayside this year. Between the cold, the snow and the constant demands around here...the only pictures I have taken, have been from the deck, on the passing glimpse. I am hoping to get some photos taken early Spring, as the weather starts to make it's transition. I would really love to get my photography off the ground, but it doesn't work when you always have kids with you, demands at home, and are already so overwhelmed with everything that adding anything new threatens to topple the delicate schedule you already have.

In my life, it has become a lot easier to not voice too many opinions, ruffle any feathers, and to just stay at home. The disagreements aren't what they once were, but there are still plenty. Typically, they are kept at a minimum if I don't disagree and just go along with whatever happens. When I disagree or voice an opinion or a different perspective...then there are plenty of arguments. Most of the time we settle them pretty quickly, usually because I just back down, but sometimes they are just settled when one of us breaks out in laughter.

As we finally get ready to close out this month, I am looking forward to green grass, flowers, trees in bloom, finishing this massive remodeling project, and getting in my gardens. I know that March is looking to come in like a lion, so it should go out like a lamb. It's the in between that concerns me! ;) Hope you all have a great few days here as we bring February to a close, and welcome March and Spring!
Salli