Parenting...it's not always sunshine and roses!

Every time you read an article on parenting, all you ever hear is the "sunshine and roses." Every story is about the great things parents are doing with their kids, the great trips, and how wonderful being a parent is. Yet you never hear about the days when the kids are wound for sound, bouncing off the walls and the parent(in my case, the mom)is ready fly!

Well, from a mom who has reached that flying point, and it's only Wednesday...it happens. You have one kid who is old enough to give direction, and follow direction with mostly good results. Then you have the second one who is in serious need of time outdoors, but the weather will not allow this. Both kids have too much pent up energy for having to be indoors, the youngest has a terrible temper, and a mom who needs time outdoors and a bit of a break from responsibilities to boot. When you have children with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...you tend to get overwhelmed. You find out that your patience are thin, your desire for adult conversation increases more everyday, your abilities to parent are questioned regularly, and your will power disintegrates rapidly. Any resemblance of independence, or individuality disappears. You no longer have a name other than Mom or "honey." Your entire life revolves around these two young people you have brought into this world.

In my life, there isn't time for anything else. My days are full of kid activities, cooking, cleaning, laundry, constant scheduling, and playing referee. The evenings include more cooking, cleaning, playing referee, trying to pay attention to the husband talking about work or hunting, trying to get the kids bathed, fighting with one kid to brush her hair, finishing laundry, cleaning up supper messes, and attempting to get the kids to bed before 11. By the time they are asleep, all I want to do is crash! You throw in remodeling an entire house, putting in a new furnace, trying to keep everyone in line for what their responsibilities are, trying to get through my schooling, and taking orders for my business, and I am beat. No where in all the chaos is their time for me to be "Salli," let alone time to try to catch up with friends. You know, I have a few friends that I haven't spoke to, on the phone even, in more than 3 months. Although it didn't turn out good, the last time I went out with a friend was 8 months ago. Before that, it had been years. I went out this past weekend with my husband for the first time in probably 6 months. It didn't go as planned, and even though it was nice, it wasn't what I had wanted.

So, as I get out of my pity party, I will tell you my thoughts. While there are so many great days with kids, those days you read about, the ones that are considered "perfect parenting," there are several days when it's not good. Those are the days that you really wonder how you will make it through till they are adults. The days when you question every single decision you have made during that day. The days when you are crying your eyes out because you aren't a better parent, and you know you will face another day tomorrow. The days when you just want to hug your kids and tell them that you are not perfect, you have and will make mistakes and say things you don't mean, that you love them more than life itself but you really just need some time alone to regroup. And in then, at the end of day, you tuck those precious little people in bed, kiss them good night, and pray that you will be granted the strength, courage, ability and patience to do it all over again tomorrow.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I may not have a full-time job away from home. I may not ever get a pay check, or a retirement, or sick days...I have a pretty tough job. I do not get to clock out at 5, or take a weeks vacation every year, but I do have a job. A job that requires being on duty 24/7. I have a job to raise our kids into productive members of society. I have the job that requires more devotion than I have ever known, not to mention patience! I have a job that changes daily, and sometimes hourly!

While I have not been the best friend, daughter, or sister...I am being the mom I can be. I have never regretted being the one who chose to be a full-time parent, but there are days I miss regular adult conversation. I do not regret that I have been able to see almost ever "first" my children have had. I do not regret being not only Mom but also educator. My biggest regrets, you ask? Not being able to keep schedules clearer so we can have time for more play dates, more lunch dates with friends, more evenings of friends and family chatting over multiple pots of coffee. I do regret that over the course of 16 years, I haven't been able to spend more time with my extended family. I do not like not being able to be with my extended family when there has been illnesses, deaths, births, marriages, or other celebrations.

I do try to do my best with extended family. I try to remember every birthday, anniversary, or other momentous occasion. I try to make sure that all my family and friends know and feel welcome when they come to our home. I try to schedule different occasions here to fit around my families schedules so none of them ever feel left out. I try to make time whenever a friend calls to visit with them. If any happen to come to our home, I hope they feel welcome too.

This has been a bad week for me. I have had my patience tested, my kids have proven to me that I am not a super mom, my ability to keep up with house work and remodeling is poor at best, and even though I am positive by nature...I am not beyond have a dark cloud loom over my head. I hope the week ends much better than it has began and wish you all a positive and productive end of April.
~S~

When do you have time?

A person so dear to me asked me the other day, how I can find time to write in my blog as much as I do. Well, let me tell you. When I first started writing in a blog it was 2008. I originally started writing as a way for my family to keep up with what I was doing from a distance, it gave me an outlet when my life was too overwhelming, and I had kept a journal for years. Obviously, my most private and personal feelings will not go online, but many times writing has helped me to keep my own temper under control. Since 2008, my blog has gone from just known to my family, to a few of my blogs have been seen by the right people, and have been recognized in other blogs and a blog of mine was actually published (in part) in a magazine. While I refuse to live my life as most do, my unconventional ways have proven to me to be the right choice for me. So, I write about areas that I know or I do a lot of research to write about something completely foreign to me. I love to read, and can do so very fast, so I am able to almost 400 pages in a days time. I love to learn, and I have been able to instill that love into my children. By home educating them, we learn together. As I read, research or go off on a mission to learn something new...so do my children. So, the love of learning has continued to grow.

I try to make time, as often as possible, to write. Writing has been my outlet for several years now. It allows me to write about frustrations, my achievements, my failures, a current event or even the chaos that tends to consume my life from time to time. My blog has allowed me a place to put words to my thoughts. As I said before, my way of thinking is pretty unconventional but I will never disrespect someone with different views. Many times, I write what I think, and then I'm done. I dislike agruements, and a battle of words. It seems pointless to me to argue over opinions, unless it is truly a life or death situation. So far, our country is still allowed freedom of speech.

Since we are down to just over a week left in April, we are finally seeing Spring weather, and my own spirit is finally returning; I decided it was time to make some changes in our home. As many of you who read this regularly are aware, we began a massive remodeling project in February. The first project was the master bathroom. It did not go anywhere close to smooth, and honestly took a lot of patience as it took 2 months to finish. The project we have moved on to is the master bedroom. While it emptied fairly quickly, and the new insulation/drywall/windows went in without much issue...it has come to a stand still as I am the only working on it at the moment. The inside projects will come to a halt with the completion of the master bedroom. The new furnace is ready to be delivered, and the new addition has to go up before anything more can be done. Unfortunately, our home is fairly small and there is only so much that can fit into a room and still allow a functioning household. In the midst of all the chaos of living in a home while you remodel, is the gardens. I have 4 gardens that total about 2-3 acres that need to be planted. There are new projects in them as well. I decided to try some straw bale gardening this year, and added a 4th garden to the mix. The 4th garden is an old hog log, and will be my pumpkin patch. I have always wanted a big pumpkin patch that my kids, and other kids too, could have with. Pumpkin patches have always brought out the kid in me. I can't wait to see a half acre of orange come Fall!!! Both my kids will have their own gardens this year. They each have a portion of the other gardens that they get to plant whatever they want...that will fit. It is their responsibility to keep it weeded, watered, and tended to. They love it and so do I!

Since my oldest and my husband enjoy hunting, they have gotten back into coyote hunting. While I enjoy shooting the guns and bows...I am not a hunter. I would rather take a camera into the woods than a weapon. I am not against hunting, as some of our meat does come from their hunting, I have gone and have shot. I just don't have the patience to do it, let alone do it as often as they do. I have a rule about shooting only what will be eaten...but with the coyotes, I don't hold that rule. Especially since the crazy things come into our yard and kill chickens about daily.

Anyone that knows me, understands that my kids are my world. They come first, over and above everything else! There isn't much I wouldn't do for my kids. I know there are people that get frustrated with me when I can't go do things with them and I understand that. I have some things I would like to do but dragging 2 kids with me everywhere makes it more difficult. Especially when it comes to making any sort of trip...even just an hour away takes an act of congress to get accomplished! We make the 15 minute trip to our local grocery store and it takes an hour of prep time just to do that. Taking off for a few days, sounds wonderful, but to plan and prepare for that is a feat within itself. There's getting the clothes/luggage ready, getting busy work for the kids to have in the truck, there's finding someone to tend to the animals(if hubby doesn't go), and making sure there will be a hotel to go to(since my kids will not be calm for the first 12 hours we are anywhere!) and then it's finally on the road and go time. Then you have the constant questions, "are we there yet," how much longer, where are we, and when will be back homes. A 2-3 day trip wears me clear out! I know we have a weekend trip to my hometown coming up as my niece graduates from 8th grade, and I am already planning for the June trip. Even though I know there will be a lot involved in the planning, driving, and then driving back home...I am looking forward to a little get away and seeing my family. Hopefully, there will be time to see a few friends also!

Since I am back in school myself, I am finding it difficult to keep up with everything and still maintain my "A" average. I have a very determined attitude though, so I know I will do it. It just proves more difficult with the constant demands of my family. I spent 9 hours yesterday doing schoolwork, and during that time....I was getting meals for the kids, answering phones, juggling one argument after another and still managed to squeak through with 96%. I am very proud of my "A" average because I know the chaotic state of my home and the other issues we deal with on a daily basis. I plan to graduate in July with an "A" average. Stay tuned.

So, as I venture into another day, that began with chaos...I just keep reminding myself that things will get better and calm down at some point. To my dearest friend, mentor and soul mate...ILY! Thank you for always being there when I seem to lose sight of myself. You are always on my mind, in my heart and in my thoughts! I can only hope that everyone reading this has someone they can depend on, talk to and be real with!

~Sal~

2014 - Chapter 3...a look into my crazy life!

I am a firm believer in you receive what you put into the universe ten fold. Whether you intentionally put out negativity or if your reactions to circumstances end up bringing out the worst in you, you will in turn bring that negativity back to yourself. I also believe that we should be living, I mean really living, every single day. We only die once, but we live(or are supposed to) everyday.

For many years, I have taken great pride in being the positive soul I chose to be. Always, accepting that whatever was thrown at me, was done so, to teach me a lesson. I worked hard to turn adversity to my favor. So, as many of you that read this know, it is very difficult to deal with negativity that was being transmitted within myself. I spent almost the entire Winter depressed and off keel. I didn't know how to face it, let alone what to do to change it. I spent about 5 months going through the paces, pasting a smile on my face, and attempting to keep life going as normally as possible. Especially when I spent many days and nights in tears, and couldn't explain to anyone how I was feeling. I struggled through the holidays, usually my favorite time of the year. I even struggled through my youngest child's 5th birthday party. I lost interest in the few things I had that I really enjoyed. I began smoking more than I ever have, and became really short tempered with my family. I truly felt overwhelmed by everything. I don't know what brought this on, even to this day, but I know I am still struggling to pull out of it. What I can tell you, for many months I had very negative emotions/thoughts. I lost sight of the important people and things in my life. I fell into the notorious rut of just getting through each day. So, it hasn't really surprised me that I got so sick this Spring, nor has it really surprised me to still be sick now. In the past, meaning years ago, whenever I had negative emotions that lasted a while, I always ended up sick.

As I am still digging my way out of this rut, I am trying to relearn the simple tricks that had kept me so positive for so many years. Taking time each day to play...I mean really play with the kids, not just sit and watch them every time one will yell to "watch, Mom!" I mean, get on the floor and play, color, put puzzles together, shoot...just last night I spent 3 hours putting a Lego set together, and Sunday...I sat and blew bubbles for 2 hours and skipped through the yard. I have planted actual flowers in flower beds...something I said I wouldn't do. I went to a flea market specifically to find trash, that I could transform into something useful. I even spent yesterday out and about to go to my absolute least favorite store, let my kids eat crappy fast food and enjoyed their company and silly antics...instead of getting after them for every little thing they probably shouldn't have done. I walked through the toy section at Wal-Mart, and looked at it from my 5 year old's perspective and actually had fun. I listened to my 13 year old tell me all about his plans to become a good blacksmith, and to learn several trades. I listened as he told me about some people his age giving him static about the old trade he has chosen to pursue. His response to them..."When I get older, I want to be happy, and enjoy life. I do not want to work my life away and be miserable. I don't need to make a fortune...just enough to provide for what I need." This response is one that made this Mom very happy and feeling very proud of everything this young man has learned. To watch my son, dig through things that others may find as junk, and re purpose it into something he can use...that is a skill within itself, in my eyes. To watch my daughter's eyes light up when something she has wanted and waited patiently for, is finally hers. You know, it's funny but also humbling to me, that both of my kids understand the value of money but more importantly the worth of money. They both understand that to have things, you have to earn them. We do not just hand out money or things to our kids. They understand that it takes money for just about everything, but they also understand that there are things more important than money. They understand that to have what you want, you must work to earn it. By raising them the way that we are, they are much more respectful to not only people, but also to the things they have. They are being taught to have a mind of their own, and to think for themselves...not to just do or follow what everyone else does. They are able to voice their opinions, and our family discusses just about everything...as a family. Many people do not believe as we do, and that's ok. Everyone has their own way of handling things, but for our family, this works.

Life in our household is always chaotic at best! At least it has been for the past couple of years. We began a massive overhaul of our house this year. We bought a 25 yr. old manufactured home that had never been updated. I'm talking everything was original: carpet, windows, paneling, bathrooms, everything! Last September, we gutted the kitchen and redid it and put in custom cabinets. In February, we started on the master bedroom. We gutted it, took out walls and carpet, and began the work of reinstalling everything. It took 2 months and we are finally done. We redid all the plumbing to both vanities, the shower, the garden tub and the toilet. We rebuilt the closet and made it bigger, and put in new vanities, new shower, and a new toilet. We put in new floor tile, new window, and new insulation. It turned out well, but there were plenty of frustrations along the way. We just started on the overhaul of the master bedroom. It has been gutted, and all the carpet ripped out. We are putting in new insulation, drywall, new windows, new carpet and new lights. I hope it won't take more than about another week to finish! Then we move on to the living room and dining room, the other 2 bedrooms, a new addition, a new roof, new siding, new windows thru-out, a new furnace, and extending the deck. This is a massive project, but one that has to be done. We hadn't planned to have to do all of it at once, but this Winter proved to us that our home was very drafty and it got too cold in here for my likings!

We have worked very hard to do the right things, in the right way. We don't spend frivolously, and we don't try to keep up with anyone. However, we do what we need to do, to fit our life. Our lives revolve around the kids, our farm, and our little family. We try to help our extend families where and when we can. Even though we are relatively young, we think more as old souls than we do as people our age. We are more than happy to buy something we want second-hand. We do not live on credit, and all our debts could be paid in less than 5 years if we had to. We are very excited that our debts are being paid off, although it's a little at a time, and will be relieved when we are no longer indebted to anyone. Which is our ultimate goal.

I hope that my current schooling will help us achieve that goal in even less time. Since I am firmly rooted in the fact that no education is ever a waste(Thanks to my parents!), I strive to learn something new all the time. I am back in school, once again, this time to learn Medical Transcription Editing. It's not just Transcription, but also Editing that will allow for job opportunities even after the transition of the healthcare laws. It is something I have considered for many years, and finally decided to do. I have wanted to work for many years, but the cost of both of us working outside of home just didn't make sense. We wouldn't get anywhere, I would be working just to work. It is more important to me, to be a Mom first. This career will allow me to be home, but still earn an income around my kids schedules. I guess it's the best of both worlds.

The newest events in on our little farm, is our gardening. We decided to attempt some straw bale gardening this year. With conditioning and natural fertilizer, it should work rather well. Straw bales, once wet/fertilized, will hold heat and moisture. They provide many nutrients that are missing in soils today, and make it much easier to keep the garden weeded! Our straw bales this year will house: tomatoes, peppers, cabbage, carrots, beets, squash, cucumbers, green beans, horticulture beans and kidney beans. The straw bales will also help to regulate any excess water from the typical down pours we get in the Spring, and will help hold moisture during the heat of the Summer. The rest of the gardens will hold: corn, amaranth, 3 kinds of potatoes, sweet potatoes, pumpkins, watermelon, cantaloupe, gourds, onions, and whatever else I can cram into them! I am trying some gardening using old gutters this year as well. The gutters have: radishes, lettuce, chard and kale...so far. With all the gardening, comes the landscaping and fruit as well. We are planting several more trees this year(hopefully, some of them will survive, since none of the others have), more fruit trees, more strawberries, asparagus, and rhubarb. The landscaping will include a sand/dirt box for the kids, a swing set, and a fire pit area, not to mention new fence going up and gates at our driveway. I am anxious to see if we can get it all done before Winter again! :)

This is an update and look into my crazy life. Hopefully, you all are finding the refreshing hope of Spring!
~Sal~