Parenting...it's not always sunshine and roses!

Every time you read an article on parenting, all you ever hear is the "sunshine and roses." Every story is about the great things parents are doing with their kids, the great trips, and how wonderful being a parent is. Yet you never hear about the days when the kids are wound for sound, bouncing off the walls and the parent(in my case, the mom)is ready fly!

Well, from a mom who has reached that flying point, and it's only Wednesday...it happens. You have one kid who is old enough to give direction, and follow direction with mostly good results. Then you have the second one who is in serious need of time outdoors, but the weather will not allow this. Both kids have too much pent up energy for having to be indoors, the youngest has a terrible temper, and a mom who needs time outdoors and a bit of a break from responsibilities to boot. When you have children with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...you tend to get overwhelmed. You find out that your patience are thin, your desire for adult conversation increases more everyday, your abilities to parent are questioned regularly, and your will power disintegrates rapidly. Any resemblance of independence, or individuality disappears. You no longer have a name other than Mom or "honey." Your entire life revolves around these two young people you have brought into this world.

In my life, there isn't time for anything else. My days are full of kid activities, cooking, cleaning, laundry, constant scheduling, and playing referee. The evenings include more cooking, cleaning, playing referee, trying to pay attention to the husband talking about work or hunting, trying to get the kids bathed, fighting with one kid to brush her hair, finishing laundry, cleaning up supper messes, and attempting to get the kids to bed before 11. By the time they are asleep, all I want to do is crash! You throw in remodeling an entire house, putting in a new furnace, trying to keep everyone in line for what their responsibilities are, trying to get through my schooling, and taking orders for my business, and I am beat. No where in all the chaos is their time for me to be "Salli," let alone time to try to catch up with friends. You know, I have a few friends that I haven't spoke to, on the phone even, in more than 3 months. Although it didn't turn out good, the last time I went out with a friend was 8 months ago. Before that, it had been years. I went out this past weekend with my husband for the first time in probably 6 months. It didn't go as planned, and even though it was nice, it wasn't what I had wanted.

So, as I get out of my pity party, I will tell you my thoughts. While there are so many great days with kids, those days you read about, the ones that are considered "perfect parenting," there are several days when it's not good. Those are the days that you really wonder how you will make it through till they are adults. The days when you question every single decision you have made during that day. The days when you are crying your eyes out because you aren't a better parent, and you know you will face another day tomorrow. The days when you just want to hug your kids and tell them that you are not perfect, you have and will make mistakes and say things you don't mean, that you love them more than life itself but you really just need some time alone to regroup. And in then, at the end of day, you tuck those precious little people in bed, kiss them good night, and pray that you will be granted the strength, courage, ability and patience to do it all over again tomorrow.

As a stay-at-home-mom, I may not have a full-time job away from home. I may not ever get a pay check, or a retirement, or sick days...I have a pretty tough job. I do not get to clock out at 5, or take a weeks vacation every year, but I do have a job. A job that requires being on duty 24/7. I have a job to raise our kids into productive members of society. I have the job that requires more devotion than I have ever known, not to mention patience! I have a job that changes daily, and sometimes hourly!

While I have not been the best friend, daughter, or sister...I am being the mom I can be. I have never regretted being the one who chose to be a full-time parent, but there are days I miss regular adult conversation. I do not regret that I have been able to see almost ever "first" my children have had. I do not regret being not only Mom but also educator. My biggest regrets, you ask? Not being able to keep schedules clearer so we can have time for more play dates, more lunch dates with friends, more evenings of friends and family chatting over multiple pots of coffee. I do regret that over the course of 16 years, I haven't been able to spend more time with my extended family. I do not like not being able to be with my extended family when there has been illnesses, deaths, births, marriages, or other celebrations.

I do try to do my best with extended family. I try to remember every birthday, anniversary, or other momentous occasion. I try to make sure that all my family and friends know and feel welcome when they come to our home. I try to schedule different occasions here to fit around my families schedules so none of them ever feel left out. I try to make time whenever a friend calls to visit with them. If any happen to come to our home, I hope they feel welcome too.

This has been a bad week for me. I have had my patience tested, my kids have proven to me that I am not a super mom, my ability to keep up with house work and remodeling is poor at best, and even though I am positive by nature...I am not beyond have a dark cloud loom over my head. I hope the week ends much better than it has began and wish you all a positive and productive end of April.
~S~