Gratitude

So, my baby steps toward finding my own happiness, have begun. Finding inner peace and happiness with myself has never been overly difficult for me. However, the past 9 months, it's been non-existent. I have been stressed beyond imagination, unhappy with life, and miserable. Not to mention making my family basically walk on eggshells because my moods are so touchy. I am beginning to take note of all the things, in my life, that I have to be grateful for...believe me there are so many! My journey to finding myself again, is beginning with my journal of course, and my blog.

I am taking time every morning to recognize the beauty in my life. I am also reminding myself daily that I am who I am. I am not perfect, nor do I want to be. I am recognizing that there are days that I am just not mentally capable of achieving my own lofty goals, and days I need to just take a break and read or whatever I need to quiet my own mind. I am at skilled multitasking, almost to my own undoing. At any given point, I will have a page of to-do lists going, more projects going than I don't know what, and my mind moves about 5 miles a minute. Taking time to unwind, and quiet my mind has become a necessary evil. I know there are others out there that have everything together and can do/be all, and I have tried. I can't always do that. I believe that helped to bring me down. Trying to be everything to everyone, do everything and then some that was expected of me, and biting my tongue to keep peace, hasn't helped either. Throw in the run-away emotions, hormones, and isolation and you have the recipe for depression.

So, I am sharing my recipe to happiness, for me anyway. I am starting with gratitude. Even the trials I have faced in life have brought me to who I am. They have made me stronger and more capable of accomplishing anything I choose to tackle in my life. The trials showed me that I am not only strong enough to prevail, but that no matter what the trial may be, I can succeed with a little more effort and perseverance.

Gratitude is something, I learned a long time ago, will not only make you stronger but also allow you to receive more to be grateful for. I have been shown time and time again, how much I have to be grateful for. So many people focus only on the trials in their lives, and they dwell on situations they can not change. I have become one of those people and I don't like it. Especially knowing, in my heart, that I have so much to be grateful for.

As I have spent nearly 2 weeks, finding my gratitude again, I have found my peace of mind returning, and my confidence. I am not who I once was, and I refuse to fall back into the "poor me," frame of mind. With each new day, I am finding my feet, finding the strength to pull myself out of the doldrums of misery, and I know I will find myself in the process.

My gratitude always begins with my family; my husband, my kids, my home, and our crazy but wonderful life. After packing up my old life, and leaving everything and everyone I knew behind, I found a new life. A life of farming, livestock, living in God's country, slower lifestyles, and more meaningful relationships, than I had ever known. Instead of the break neck speeds, the being friendly with people just to advance yourself, relationships that were based on lies and deceit, and never having real roots; I found not only peace of mind, but also, a slower way of life, genuine people with real morals and values, honest relationships with no deception, the value of neighbors and friends, and the craziest one of all....roots! Having roots with my own family, something I did not feel growing up or even in my early 20's. I am finding that there is such contentment with knowing that we have a home, and precious soil to call our own. A place that my kids love, and want to be. A place where we can grow, learn, and be faithful to our spirits. I am learning to accept that relationships are so much more than just a piece of paper that legally binds 2 people together. Relationships are a lot of work, require such a degree of trust and friendship that have to be nurtured. Marriage is not something that just happens, as I'm sure anyone on Facebook who reads some of the posts will agree, it must be built, nurtured, and continually maintained to continue to grow and succeed. There are no perfect relationships, nor are most relationships ones that can not last(unless it's abusive). Relationships can and do work with both partners working together, both partners remembering to consider the others thoughts/feelings, and if you walk away from those relationships, it's not because they couldn't work. It's because you chose to not make them work.

So, I am working towards my piece of mind, body and spirit. Through all the ups and downs life throws at me, I have always come out stronger and more capable than before hand. This little blip is no different. Wishing you all a little peace!

~Sal