When you have Christmas and a birthday over the course of time before New Year's, it gives you a unique opportunity to fore go the New Year's Resolutions. Over the 6 days from Christmas to New Year's, if you have a birthday, is the time to start your own fresh new year. Sure, the calendar start of a new year is January 1, but you can start your own personal new year; each year on your birthday.
Each year on January 1st, I coined the phrase, it's a new year and a new chapter to my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. No matter when your birthday is or what holiday or special occasion is going on; YOU can start a fresh new year. Whether it's today, or waiting until January 1st. There is no reason, if you are wanting to change something in your life, that you can't designate today as your fresh start. There is absolutely no reason, that you can't set your goals and decide that today is the day to begin again, to begin working toward your goals.
I absolutely abhor the idea of new year's resolutions. How many people actually follow through with goals they set on one of the drunkest nights of the year? How many people really want change enough to stick to their goals, UNTIL they are really ready to accept them? Not many!
So, I am changing my ideals, and starting my new chapter of life, on my 40th birthday. My goals, plans, expectations, and desires, have been changing for a few years now anyway. Why not begin sooner, and work toward everything with a renewed spirit and heart, on the day I came into this world?! Seems like a fair idea. I haven't made resolutions in years, because I don't follow through with them. I don't have the drive to make the permanent changes I need to make, when I know it won't matter because "no ever follows through with their resolutions." So, it's not as big of an issue when you fail. I am pretty hard on myself anyway, so any failure has always made my heart heavy. I was taught that failure was unacceptable. In my eyes as an adult, this is wrong. Failure, to me, now means that I have one way that didn't work...so, now it's time to try it a different way.
As someone who now lives a life that is completely different than I grew up, and not the life most live, I have found plenty of ways NOT to do things. I have slacked off on some of my expectations, desires, and even fore gone some of my own goals to allow for the life I lead to exist. I have allowed other individuals opinions to seep into my thoughts and caused me to second guess my own beliefs. With so much negativity in the air, it actually melded my own thoughts into the same negativity and caused me to reconsider everything I am attempting to accomplish. Some may call this empathy, and I do not have a better term for it. When those you are around, are negative and degrading; if you are around them enough you become just like them. Just as when you are around those like that, the thoughts you have of yourself become the same. I believe this is where the phrase, "misery loves company," comes into play. I have done this. There are days, I can't hardly stand to listen to my own self-conversations!
While I am taking a day or two to unwind from Christmas, and all the negativity in my own mind of the last few years, I am making the concerted effort to become the person I was meant to be. The person I had started becoming just a few years ago, before too much negativity. I am writing down my goals, dreams, desires, and plans; that I am going to make for ME. Not because someone else wants me to, not because I want to blend into society, not because some may believe I'm weird...I am making changes for ME, and because I know I can be so much more than what I have become. I am unique, and just blending in with the crowd, doesn't work for me. I have always loved my more eccentric side. I have dreamed of becoming the best I could be, without just being another face in the crowd. My goals have always driven me to do whatever I needed to do to accomplish them. It's just the last few years that have taken their toll. It's the last few years that have had me second guessing myself, and giving in to the negativity and outside opinion. It's time to change that, and the only one who can accomplish that change, is ME! I am not someone who can blend into a clique, or even a specific group.
It's funny for me to look at the last 2 years of my life. While I always take my responsibilities extremely series, that determination has taken on a whole life of its own. I have become the type of person I have always chuckled about. Too series, too overwhelmed, too scheduled, too "by-the-book!" As I write this, I am less than 30 hours from turning 40. I have become that person, that I couldn't stand to be around. The person who couldn't laugh at their errors, the person that had to have a schedule to survive, the person that got so overwhelmed it turned to depression, the person that had to look at the overall of society to determine if what they were doing was right or wrong. I really dislike those types of people and you know, when I look in the mirror...that is exactly what stares back at me. So, you can imagine the self-talk in my head. You can imagine nagging person that was there before, clawing and screaming to be set free again. The one that was driven by goals, desires, passions, and dreams; wanting and needing to come forth once again. The one that is there in the back of your mind, just shaking her head and saying "you don't need to be like everyone else...there's already too many of them. BE YOURSELF! Be yourself, and the right people will love you for who you really are. The right people will come into your life, at the perfect moment."
It's becoming a new era in my life, and it's time to begin again. It's time to lose the negativity and doubt, and just be the best ME I can be. It's time to re-evaluate the truth in my heart. I am eccentric, I am an outside-the-box thinker, I am an individual and there is no reason not to be. I have taught my kids to think for themselves, even when they are told by many that they need to be like others. I have taught my kids to find solutions to issues by following their heart. How bad is it, that I have not been following my own advice?!
As I wind down from Christmas, gear up to celebrate my 40th birthday :-), and begin to refocus on what I want; I am finding that my heart is feeling just a little bit lighter. I am finding that I am able to take easier breaths knowing that I am finally going to be allowing my own REAL personality to come through. I'm certain there will be obstacles, and there will be plenty of people doing their best to squash the goals I have. You know, that's ok. For each of those that go out of their way to bring negativity, and nay-saying to my life, there will be twice as many doing the exact opposite. I will have moments that I will question my path, and I'm sure I will have moments where I wonder if it's worth the fight, but I have never been one to give up easy - AND I DON'T INTEND TO START NOW!
Beginning December 28 2014 at 2:34 a.m., my newest chapter of my life will begin. It's my new chapter, my new decade, and it's going to be MY life. I asked for 2 things when this year began for my birthday: a night out dancing and a kick-ass birthday party to celebrate. (Yes, I am actually looking forward to turning 40!). One out of 2, I guess isn't too bad. Now, I am going to make all my wants, needs, dreams, goals and desires, come true. No one can make me happy if I am not happy with myself, and I haven't been. So, I am going to make myself happy.
Goals have always been such a big part of my life, and I have let them slip. I am going to change myself, for myself. I am setting new goals, focusing on what I need and want, and I am going to chase my dreams. Even if the changes I have to make for me, are a bit much for some, it's never too much when you are reclaiming your happiness. It's long past time to make changes, but it's never too late!
My life is beginning again, and this stuff of just existing and getting through each day, is over! I have the backbone, the will power, and the determination to accomplish ANYTHING I set out to do! This is my gift to myself, for my 40th birthday!
Let my new year begin!
~Sal~
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