Coffee chat for January

It's hard to believe this month is almost over! It doesn't seem that it's already been a month since Christmas. Yet here we are a week from the 1st of February. Just 21 days until Valentine's Day, for those who celebrate the Hallmark holiday. This blog is going to be a modge-podge of topics, hence the name "coffee chat." As with most of my coffee conversations, the range of conversations may make some heads spin, but when I get together with friends for coffee; most of our conversations go this way. So, grab your coffee and let's solve the problems of the world! :-)

Before I start any blog, I typically know what I want to say in an outlined version. I take time to locate images to fit my desired topic of conversation, and take time to write out, at least some, of my thoughts. I have also learned that I need to keep some of my thoughts to myself. There is only so many nasty emails, a person cares to receive. Even though freedom of speech is supposed to be a liberty we all have, it's only so when it agrees with everyone else! So, I'm sure some of my coffee chats rub on nerves of those who disagree with me, but these blogs are my opinions, my thoughts, and if you don't agree that means you are thinking for your own situation. If you do agree, GREAT! That means there are more of us out there! ; )

Over the course of many years, I have been able to find what works for me. Whether this involves: politics, spiritual beliefs, education, health, or whatever area I needed. Most of my thoughts and opinions are very unique. They don't tend to be main stream, for that matter, they tend to go against most main stream thoughts. I tend to read, A LOT, and research. I have this unquenchable desire for knowledge. I question everything I hear. I have never been one for much gossip or rumors, but that seems to be par for the course in most small towns. From who's sleeping with whom, to what this person or that person is doing or has going on in their life, and even to relationships or lack there of. I know the rumor mill in our small town, is ALWAYS busy. Then you have some that just like to add fuel to the fire, and they make gossip either part of their daily routine or they give those that gossip plenty of fuel! Myself, I hate gossip. I hate hearing some talk about how horrible some of the gossip is, yet they are more than happy to share whatever they have heard and add to it. I prefer to keep to myself, not really socialize much with those outside our family, and keep anyone that is known for gossip - clear the hell away from us! I don't have the tolerance for stupidity, ignorance, and small-mindedness. I don't have the energy to deal drama and the he said - she said game.

I am learning VERY quickly that I don't have much tolerance for those that are uneducated either. In a world run by technology, our population as a whole, is becoming dumber than a box of rocks! Have you tried to carry on a conversation lately? Between the damned cell phones and text messaging, phone calls and lack of vocabulary...it's frustrating at best! In our household, we recently went to "smart phones." This was totally against my better judgment! I have a serious love/hate relationship with technology. I love the idea that I can share pictures, messages and news with loved ones and friends from a distance, but I HATE that we can not sit down to a family meal without someone's cell phone going off. I hate that we have to have televisions in each room in order for my kids to "survive." I hate that the technology in our home takes up about $500 each month of our budget. Could we live without technology, of course, but to some degree it's helpful. The biggest advantage: keeping in touch with family and friends that live a distance from us. Beyond that, it's a complete nuisance! Then you throw in the cost of keeping the equipment working, or replacing it when it quits working and honestly, all it does is piss me off more! We have these amazing digital cameras that allow us to see our pictures immediately, but we take so many pictures that we can't ever seem to get the put into physical prints. When all is said and done, all our memories are on temporary technology. I can't help but wonder how our society will survive, if something happened to our power grids and we lost the very technology everyone is becoming/has become dependent on. I know it's become bad enough that most younger generations can't count back change, they can't carry on conversations with those outside their age groups, and even some in my generation have lost all social skills because their noses are buried in technology.

I have watched my kids with technology. What started as a video game, turned into gaming systems, cell phones, text messages, satellite television, and of course, computers. I spent many years trying to keep all of it to an absolute bear minimum in our household. Now, I remember why! We have 3 computers, 3 tablets, 3 cell phones, a Wii system, a play station system, 3 digital cameras, satellite dish, internet on the computers and cell phones, a tracking system, and a GPS system. I would love to get rid of all but 1 computer, and 1 cell phone!I would love to sit down to dinner with my family and not have phone calls or text messages interrupting our family time. I would love to not have the noise from 3 televisions. I would love to be talking to someone, and not have them either on their phones or having to check their phones every 2 seconds. That to me, is not only VERY disrespectful but it's RUDE!I would love for my kids to be able to actually talk to their friends without all the stupid text message abbreviations.

That brings me back to education. UGH! I know this is a serious point of contention for many. Our belief, mine and my husband's, is that children today are not receiving a quality education. We began our home school journey after many months of dealing with a bully situation in the public school system. When the problem could not be resolved, we were given 2 options: pay an out of district fee to send him to a different school or home school. Since paying an out of district fee was not economically feasible, we chose to home school. That was in 2009. 6 years later, we are still home educating not only our oldest but also our youngest. We are fortunate enough to be able to guide our children down a path of education that is not centered around whatever some bureaucrat decides is the way of today to teach. We get to decide the best path to teach our children, in the best way for them to learn. Since every child learns differently, teaching 20 kids, all the same way, seems to defeat the purpose of education. Before anyone thinks otherwise, there are so many great teachers out there, that really do care about the kids and want to help them, but their hands are tied by the system. We love the flexibility to move through our schooling as we are prepared to, and being able to take more time in areas that need work. We love to learn from experiences, trips, and everyday life. We are able to teach the love of learning without burnout. We love getting the compliments of how our children can talk to all age of people without the air headedness that comes from lack of socialization with adults or children in different age groups than them. My kids don't know a stranger. While there are so many stereo types out there about home schooled children, the socialization one, is one that always rubs me the wrong way. Believe me, if we have heard the socialization argument once we've heard it a zillion times! Honestly, we have spent some time with children the age of mine over the past year. So many of those children appall me! When I was child, if I had spoken to an adult the way most of the children today do, I would have been eating my teeth!!! To hear a child today, tell an adult that they don't know what they are talking about, or that they are stupid...I shudder at the thought! To see my kids friends, most of which are in public schools, it makes me cringe to be around them but it also makes me take a long look at the parents. It makes me question the parents education, their own respect issues and honestly, I would rather my kids stick to friends that are also home educated or that have parents that are intelligent. Too many of the parents I've seen are disrespectful, or trying to push their kids to be something they are not. Kids are so over scheduled, being pushed to do something the parents couldn't do, or are being molly-coddled through life. I'm sorry but I lived my childhood. I did what I could do, and it's not up to my kids to live life where I left off. My kids have unique interests, some of them are my interests but they make up their own minds. I don't throw out guilt trips to get them to do what I want them to do, that won't help them in life - AT ALL! If I make all the decisions for them, that will make them dependent on me their whole life. I want them to exceed anything I have ever done! I want them to blaze their own paths, not follow a crowd just because they don't know any different!

I tend to get a little edgy when it comes to my children. I do what I feel is best for them, since I know them best. I am with them all time, my kids talk to me about everything and they share their thoughts with me. I love the closeness we share. Although we have our bad days, like everyone else, the time I get with my kids; has strengthened the bond we share. I get to help them pursue their dreams and passions. I get to share with them my life experiences, they get to spend more time with our extended family and hear their stories too. My kids are not perfect, but they are perfectly them! Each one has a unique personality and spirit. Each of them have explored new areas of interest, without so much white noise thrown in. As I said earlier, we have spent more time over the past year, with children from the public school system. While I know the kids are getting yet another learning experience, I am frustrated. There are too many ignorant, meaning not knowledgeable, people. Too many parents are quick to throw around the stereo typical(lame) theories about home education. Too many should learn to keep quiet when they don't have a clue. As I said, we have heard it all over the past 6 years. While we get the typical responses, a few make me laugh. What we have heard: "what about socialization, you are ruining your kids because they don't get to socialize with other kids. What about sports and other extra-curricular activities? Don't you worry that your kids will be dumb when it comes time for college? Will your kids even be allowed to attend college? Don't you get tired of spending all your time with your kids? I could never do what you do, I love my kid but I can't spend that much time with them." Ok, so this is just the short list. While I tend to get overwhelmed at most of this, and frustrated enough to just want to yell, "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!" I have learned, through the years, that most of the time, when we hear this stuff...it tends to be a lack of knowledge leading the conversations. Socialization to me is being able to carry on a conversation, respectfully, with any age, gender, or race. It means being intelligent enough to know how to talk and interact with those both older AND younger than their age group. It is MORE than just being able to talk to kids their own age. It is being able to actually carry on a conversation that does not include technology. There are too many adults that don't know how to socialize, respectfully! As far as extra-curricular activities go, most public schools in our area allow home schooled children to participate, that's a none-issue. My kids are and have always done above average when it comes to school work, so no, I do not worry about their academics. They are smart and they are learning about real life, instead of just what is written in a book. Home educated children have proven time and time again to excel in college and life, alike. So, yes, if my children decide that college is the route they want to take, not only will they do well but they will be able to attend just like public schooled children. I was cursed with the attitude that I did not have children for someone else to raise. I say cursed, because this has been a huge point of contention too. I love spending every possible minute with my kids, they are growing up way too fast. Does this mean I don't need a break from them on occasion? No way! I love when I get a break from them, but I spend 24/7 with them for the most part. I do love some down time though too. There are plenty of Mom's that have to work and depend on someone to help them with their kids...you have to do, what you have to do. I have been fortunate enough that my husband believes as I do, that a mom should be at home with the kids. As for all the excuses I hear about why others can't home school their children, that's just not true. Everyone has the ability, I just would prefer that people would speak the truth, instead of the excuse that they couldn't do it. It's more accurate to say they won't do it. I haven't met too many that I would say were not smart enough to educate their children. They just choose not to, whether it's easier so they can have a career or they just don't want to deal with the backlash the rest of get from making the step. And believe me when I say, the backlash can do irrepairable damage to relationships! Sometimes though, you learn a lot more about those that accost you at every step. I am smart, I have a degree and 2 certifications and working on the 3rd. I carry an IQ of 134 and have learned enough about life to want the best for my children. In my opinion, I am doing just that, giving them the best I can!

We are a simple family. We have morals, values and beliefs that are based on our own life. We don't struggle to keep up with the neighbors, nor do we do stuff to impress anyone! We don't care to have all the latest and greatest gadgets. We drive older vehicles that are paid for, have old machinery that is paid for, and at times, still struggle to make ends meet. We believe in family first, family knows no boundaries, we believe in honesty, loyalty, respect, being faithful to a power greater than any of us, staying true to self, having fun after responsibilities, being open to new experiences, saying "I love you!", and not being ashamed to show affection. We are guided by our love of the land, our family traditions, and the hunting/gathering traditions of my ancestry. We prefer the ways of ole, to the new ideas and explore our roots. We value relationships that are real, and not based on some notion that we should change others to fit some version that is expected from a large part of society. We are who we are. We will only change for ourselves, not because someone expects us to be someone different. We talk to each other, in depth. We do not have the surface conversations. We actually have real conversations about goals, dreams, attitudes, and feelings. We share our opinions with each other and there isn't much we don't talk about. When we discuss anything going on in our lives; relationships, finances, friends, etc. We do all of this as a family. Anything that can affect any part of our family is discussed and usually at great detail and length. Not a major decision is made without all 4 of us being able to state our opinions.

We have found areas that work for us, and areas that don't. We are always discussing options and ideas. We don't pressure our children to follow what everyone else is doing...honestly, we have taught them to think for themselves. To make decision based on their beliefs and goals. We let them make decisions, and in turn, they are learning to make decisions on their own. They are told about issues that come up and are allowed to come to their own conclusions. They are definitely learning to handle life.

Our family works hard. We struggle sometimes, like many. However, we never question each others loyalty, honesty, respect or love. We would do anything possible to help each other, and we would never allow someone outside our family to drive a wedge between us. When that happens, the people that cause the issue, are eliminated from our lives. We know there will be involved in our children's lives as the years progress, and I hope that those who want to stay around will understand our bond and not try to change it. If they do, I have a feeling they won't be around long. As with any Mom, I want the best for my kids and that includes the best people in their lives.

As we move closer to Spring, and the start of our busy months of the year, I am looking forward to the promises of change, improvement, and growth. I look forward to watching my children grow and explore their goals and ambitions, and improving our lives however that needs to be accomplished. I look forward to finishing some projects and starting others, and I look forward to the promises that lay on the horizon for our family. There are so promises, so many changes that our family could experience this year, and so much hope to improve our lives that it's almost overwhelming. Well, that's my coffee chat for now.

Time to work on some projects, and get ready for the start of growing season!
~Salli~