Facing Life - Obstacles

"Take a step back. Take a few deep breaths and count to 10. Remember that everything that happens in life is happening for a reason. Whether good or bad, nothing lasts forever."





Each and every one of us will face some sort of issue or obstacle in our lives. They are not permanent, but will continue to happen until you learn from them, and can prevent them from happening again. All issues can feel overwhelming if you allow them to. The key, I am learning, is to not stress about them but to take action against them. You must learn from errors, issues, and problems to not only prevent them in the future, but to also learn how to make different decisions.

We need to learn enough to know what we do not know. I know this sounds kind of silly, but think about it. Some of us, will deal with an issues once, twice, or even continually. If you are dealing with an issue that repeats itself, you are not learning from it...only reacting to it. If we are learning from our issues, it gives us insight to see the onset of the issue coming, and being smart enough to recognize it, and prevent it. However, too many of us just react. We deal with whatever issue presents itself at the time, without much thought of learning anything; react to it, and move on. That is until the issue comes up again. Then we stress because it's happening again, yet we just react once again.

This is true for all of life...job, relationships, finances, family, basically everything. We are too busy reacting to face the issue, learn how to fix it for good, and be able to completely move on. It doesn't matter what area of life is having issues; you have to face them, deal with them, learn from them and move on. There are multiple facets to deal with. From the issues themselves, to the emotions that tag along for the ride, and even the emotional baggage that builds up when you don't deal with the issues at hand.

Learning from life's lessons can be a great experience, but it can also knock you drown, drag you through the mud, and rack your head on a few trees along the way. It can bring you great joy, the darkest of depressions, and everything in between. It can bring you peace and joy, but it can also bring you to your knees. It's how you deal with life, that will ultimately determine how happy or miserable your life will be.

Too many people use material items to try to find happiness, joy, and self-fulfillment. Whether they are looking for happiness, or trying to fill an emotion void; material items do not bring lasting happiness. Too many times people use the material items to get a leg up on others, thinking if they have the latest or greatest items, they will be happy and by being one up on everyone else, they will feel content. This is a sorry reaction at best.

We are taught as children, to get a good education, find a stable job, stay with it until retirement age, and then retire with the meager pensions they offer...oh, and social security. So many have done this, and now are in trouble. The good paying jobs, have left the country or shut down. The good education now costs 150% more now, and there aren't jobs to repay those student loans. Too many get a job, just to have an income to pay for houses they are never at, vehicles that cost as much as a house, material items that accumulate and require storage unit complexes to pop at a frightening speed, children are being raised by daycare providers while both parents are required to work to allow for the material things that are purchased and used for a short period only to be thrown into a storage shed. People are taking on an astronomical amount of debt just to keep up our one up their neighbors and friends. It's easy to see how the pitfalls of the modern age have tainted our thinking.

We've all heard the common phrase; "the grass is always greener on the other side." Guess what...It's NOT! The grass is the greenest when you nurture it. It takes care; water, nutrition, fertilizer, and patience. Have you taken time to look at your own grass lately? Is is lush, full and a beautiful green? OR, is is brown/yellow, void in a few areas, and lifeless? Here's a thought: What if, you change pastures. What if you jump that proverbial fence for the greener grass, and you get there only to find out that what you saw was just smoke and screens? Maybe what you saw on the other side of that fence was on a hill and you didn't see the backside of the hill; the part that was just dirt and lifeless. When you look back to your original side of the fence, it looks good from where you are standing. You can no longer see the voids you saw before. You can no longer see just the neglected areas. Then what? Are you going to jump the fence again? What's the point?! You can only jump fences for so long, before you are bound to get tired, and then what have you accomplished? Absolutely nothing! Why not just nurture the grass where you are, and if it looks greener somewhere else....well, so be it. That just means getting more time in your own pasture making it the most lush pasture possible.

I've always heard, "love grows best in homes with fewer walls to separate." From my own experience, this is true! We have had several homes in the time we have been married. All but one, were smaller ranch style homes. One was a big 2 story old farm house. While it was beautiful, it was so big that it never felt like a home. When I look in our area, I see big houses being built. I'm talking $300,000-$500,000 homes here(probably double that for anywhere else), and I feel bad for those who build them. When I see those houses, I see people that are trying to accommodate for something else. Whether it's trying to keep up with neighbors or just having to make themselves feel better about themselves. I can't help but think, yes they are pretty...but how can the people in those houses actually be a family? While sometimes I would love a place that I could escape to an area that is quiet, I love all the time and space my family shares. I love that no matter where in our home I am, I am never far from my family. I love having less space that I have to keep clean, and that we all are close. I love knowing my home will be paid for in 7 years as opposed to 40! We may not have the best of anything, but the bonds and closeness we have as a family are priceless.

Relationships are another area that seem to be fleeting anymore. Too many times we look at our relationships and neglect to truly see their value. We have been lead to believe that good relationships follow a single model, and that if your relationship doesn't fit in that model, then it isn't good or right. From my own experience, relationships evolve. Sometimes they are great, they fulfill all our needs and wants, and they fit the norms. Other times, they don't fit anything; including us! They are a roller coaster of emotions, experiences, and trials. There are ups and downs, in every relationship. Anyone that says otherwise, is living in a fantasy! Many times, the problems we face within relationships are caused by outside influences that make another person look good....at least until you let go of the relationship you are in. Once you make that change, you find out the truth. We loose track of all the aspects we found desirable in our relationships to start with. We start taking for granted that the person we are with, will just always be there, and then we get zinged with surprise when the relationship fails. What so many neglect to realize is that we can prevent some of the relationship failures by simply paying attention. Learn what your partner likes, what their dreams and goals are, have real conversations about everything, work together to overcome issues. Remember to keep in touch with your own true self as well. Find the things you love, the people you want to be around, take time for yourself too. Too many times we change or adapt to our surroundings without even taking notice. Although usually we change because we want to, sometimes we change to fit the environment we are surrounded by. Myself, most of my family and friends have a hard time understanding how much I have changed. I went from living in a city and being somewhat of a social butterfly - working at a casino, bartending. Now, I live in the middle of nowhere, with livestock and gardens. It was a complete 180 from what I grew up and lived until I was 23 years old. The past 17 years, I have changed a bunch! I have adapted to my surroundings. I have found so many things I love about the life I live, even though I have found plenty that I don't. I fought changing who I was for so many years. I didn't want to adapt, fit in, or even live this lifestyle. Fortunately, I got the opportunity to revisit my former life and experience it again. What I found was somewhat remarkable. I found that I no longer fit in the break neck life style. I didn't want to fit in, I didn't want to pick back up where I left, and I missed the quiet wide open space of the life I was fighting so hard to get away from. Just 5 years ago, I spent about 4 months back in the life I grew up in. It's kind of strange to not fit in where you grew up, but not really fit in where your life is either. What I have learned since then: I don't want to fit in. I am me, in all the good and bad. I am not meant to "fit in," anywhere! I am meant to have a life I love, even if that means spending some time in both worlds. I love to reminisce about some of things I love where I grew up, but I love to share all the stories from where I live now!

I have always had of love of learning...if it caught my attention. I have been given a life, for the past 17 years, that gives me an opportunity to learn every single day. I may not always like being stuck in the middle of no-mans-land, but it has allowed me time to grow spiritually. It has helped me to learn that there is nothing I can't do, if I put my mind to it. Although, there is plenty that I do not want to do, I have found so much that I truly love about this life. I love my horses, chickens, gardens, landscaping, our remodeling projects, and even our stinky pigs! I love knowing, on a normal year, that we are so self-sufficient and we are not making a huge foot print on Mother Earth. I love knowing I can walk outside, and let my kids play in the yard without worrying about drive-by shootings or kidnappings. I love knowing that I can avoid the big box stores and shop local for all our needs. I love raising my children to understand the value of things instead of the price!

When we look back to greener pastures, you can't help but look at a financial side as well. As more and more people are laid off and their jobs are shipped out of the country, it's put a huge financial strain on them. Let me ask, what would happen to your life if you went to work today, only to find out you lost your job. Aside from the emotional trauma, what would happen? According to national average statistics, the national average household debt from 2013 was over $225,000, with over $15,000 in credit card debt. This does not include student loan debt. This is HUGE and was 2 years ago! I would be scared to see those numbers today! If your household took the hit of job loss, would you be able to survive? What would your finances look like? After the housing bubble popped a few years back, it seemed everyone was surprised by number of foreclosures and bankruptcies. Too many people have bitten off more than they could for many years! Society has become so materialistic that, we want what we want and we're willing to sell our soul to get it. Think about it! People building homes that cost more in principal that they make in 20 years(and this doesn't include interest), bought houses they couldn't afford when "mortgage rates were low," or have more owed on their homes then they are worth so they are stuck paying the mortgage or lose the house. Could your household run on one income? If not, you are spending too much! I have heard more stories than I care to count about how a job loss was a surprise, how it will sink their households, and honestly, the fear so many feel when they are faced with this. As an outsider to many of these stories, I could see trouble coming. I could see jobs ending, housing bubble being unsustainable, and the spending habits of many being a major issue. My household is far from perfect but we have lived on one income for nearly 14 years, our total debt is less than half the national average, our credit card debt is less that one-fifth the national average and our home...will be paid off in 7 years. We struggle just like everyone else, but if we had to, all our debt could be paid in full in less than 5 years. What we learned 10 years ago, living on one income is rough but very doable! It can get pretty harrowing to juggle our finances, but somehow we have managed. Would it be easier with 2 incomes? Probably! However, when you factor in babysitters, extra fuel, and vehicle maintenance; it wouldn't be much of an extra income. Ideally, everyone would base their expenditures on one income, without overtime figured in. However, we told that to make the economy work, we must be consumers. That's a crock of great proportions. All that has done for our society, is cause an awful lot of people to be in debt over their eyeballs and become stressed and depressed when they can no longer juggle their finances.

When it comes to finances, it can be a relationship breaker and cause a lot of family arguments as well. When family comes into play, there is always some tact required. Relationships, whether family or significant others, tends to take on a life of its own from time to time. Whether it's your immediate family or extended family, relationships get bumpy. They have ups and downs and can get pretty tense. Since we have become such a judgmental society, the ones that seem to judge the harshest are those related to you. They feel because they are related that gives them the free pass to not only judge everything you do, but also to tell how you "should" be doing things. What so many of us fail to recognize is that family judgement is sometimes the hardest to swallow. Each of us have a way of doing things, and even if it's not the same way our families do them, doesn't make them wrong...it just makes us individuals. What works for me and my family, may not work for any of my extended family. It's all a matter of doing what works for your unique household. I've said before and I will say again, it is NOT my job to judge someone else for doing what they think is right. However, if what you are doing isn't working, feel free to change some things and find something that does work for you! Relationships are so vulnerable! Nurture them when you can, let go if you must but have the decency to admit that every issue has 2 sides, and it takes 2 people to make or break any relationship!

Facing all of life's obstacles can be overwhelming. It becomes even more so when you are living your life for someone or something else. You must find your own happiness to be able to find happiness within a unit(relationship). You must find an even ground to from, and a solid foundation too. As we all know, when a foundation is not strong, the house starts to crumble...just as relationships, finances, and life in general. Taking a "time out," to find the best course for yourself, is sometimes necessary. We may have to zig and zag around a few obstacles, but it's not impossible to gain ground. It just may take a little ingenuity, creative thinking and some trial/errors.

Don't allow yourself to be drug down by the "well-meaning advice" of people not intimately involved with you, although they mean well, they do not see what goes on behind closed doors. They may not be able to see both sides of a story, or they may choose to become selfish while blaming everyone else for their troubles. Take the advice of those outside your home, with a grain of salt. Unless you are breaking the law, your choices are your own, no one else has the right to make them for you. You have to make decisions for yourself, and deal with the consequences or results of those decisions. Take responsibility for those decisions, and learn to make yourself the best you can be without apologizing for who you are.

Life is such a grand adventure, and it's up to you decide if you are going to live on the hills or in the valleys. There will be trials, but learn from them and grow. Use the trials to pole-vault yourself to where you want to go. Don't allow your trials to bury you, and make you doubt your path. You need to face your trials, learn from them, and then move on. There is no reason to wallow in self-pity or camp out in the negative areas of life. Life is life. It's good, bad, ugly and beautiful! It is whatever you make you.

Make it beautiful!
Sal

"let it go"

I keep singing that beautiful but some what addicting song as I think about this blog! It's such a remarkable phrase. How many of us have issues in our lives, that we need to just "let it go?"

As an empathetic person, who is highly sensitive, it's difficult for me to just let things go. I can usually sense when there are issues on the horizon, I tend to take in other people's feelings without even wanting to, and even though I know I should not take everything personally...I do. It's who I am, and I have been learning to deal with it. I have opportunities now, to release those emotions/feelings without letting them overwhelm me too much. I may spend a day or two working through whatever I am feeling, but then I can stiffen my back, and "let it go!" Usually!

I have had 2 long years of reinventing myself or re-finding myself....however you want to look at it. I have had a few great people coaching me, letting me cry on their shoulders, and just voice anger or upsets. I have reached a phase in my life that I can only describe as a massive learning curve with a lot blunt realizations.

So here is a short list of my realizations: I married my husband at 25, had my oldest child at 26, had cancer at 27 and was told I would not be able to have any more children, had multiple miscarriages from 19-30 years old, started going through an early menopause(symptoms) at 28, got the surprise of my life with my youngest child at 34, and entered into this crazy two year "mid-life crisis" as some call it at 38. During all of this, there have been so many moments of happiness, loss, unexplained sadness, loss of friendships, finding out who true friends were, learning that love has many areas/people/things that need to be considered. I've found moments that shattered everything I thought I knew, moments that confirmed my beliefs, moments that strengthened relationships, and moments that have weakened relationships. I found that my gypsy soul has so many areas of interest, so much to give if given the opportunity, and so much passion that has been hidden. So much of who I am has been tampered with to try to fit into what everyone else believes I should, and so much of who I am is captured behind walls that have gone so high, and are so thick; they are almost unbreakable. I have learned that letting those walls down, ends up overloading my senses with feelings/emotions that were not dealt with when they should have been, and even current issues that I have no control over. I have learned that who I am today for the most part, is not who I want to be, need to be; not even close! I have also learned that I have no idea how to get from who I am to who I want to be. Point A to Point B is looking pretty winding and bumpy! I have learned that no matter what you do or do not do, someone is going to fault you, use you, gossip about you, ridicule you, and leave you feeling worthless. I've learned that while some people are always there and loyal to no end, others are only there when they feel it's convenient for them. I've learned that you can love not only people but also things and ideas; but so much of what is considered love to one isn't to another. I've learned that actions speak so much louder than words, and just because someone claims to be there for you...when you need them most, they aren't. I've learned that you can love someone with every ounce of your being even if you don't always agree. I have also learned that love is something that requires work, dedication and action is needed to keep it from getting stale. I've learned that I love being a full-time Mom even when the days get rocky, I know I am making a difference for my kids. I love being married to a man who is a jack of all traits, and who proves to me over and over he will be there through thick and thin. I love living in such a rural environment with the animals, land and nature all around me. However, I don't love feeling stuck. I don't like knowing that with all the chores here, I am tied down without a break to take off for a few days of relaxing. I don't like being so far from my own family that I am considered blood relative, but not included in their lives or even considered family unless there is a wedding or funeral. I don't like being shut out of events going on with my extended family. I don't like constantly feeling like an outsider with my extended family, or my husbands.

Yes, this is the short list of what I have been dealing with for 2 years now. There are days it's overwhelming, and all-consuming. There are days I just throw my hands up and say "ENOUGH!" Then there are days like today, when I am feeling strong enough to walk around singing, "Let it go!" I have always been the responsible one, that was there for everyone when they needed me, that spent more than my share of time playing mediator, that has spent more than my share of time walking on eggshells with different people and subjects, and I have spent WAY too much time pushing aside what I want and what matters to me. I have spent too much time consumed by issues affecting those I care about, and not enough time on me - what I want, what I need, and issues that bothered me have never been given any credit. I am told to not worry about it, not to let them bother me, let it roll of my back. You know, that may be how others deal with things, but I am too caring and considerate to do that. If I have learned one important lesson through all of this chaos; it's that no matter who I am around, or what issues I have to face, there is nothing more important than taking care of myself first. If I am not 100%, I can not give 100% to my husband, my kids or anyone else. I can not keep making withdrawals from myself without making some deposits. If I am not whole, I don't have what I need to give to my family. I have not allowed my family to see the real Salli, for so many years that I'm pretty sure they have forgotten. As I said before, I have no idea how to get from Point A to Point B, but I'm working on it. I'm learning how to let it go. Letting go of the preconceived notions of who I should be, who I'm expected to be, and what is expected of me. I need to be completely engaged with my own family, and not let those that continually push me away have any bearing on me.

I have struggled with a "duty" to be there for extended family and even some friends, only to feel used. To feel like the only time I am good enough to talk to, or be around, is when they need something. I refuse to be used. I refuse to continue feeding into someone's need to use someone else. I am trying, to be graceful and respectful in my own need to shut out those that have hurt/insulted/used me. I have begun putting the walls back up around me, not to shut out those I love, but to protect me from those that have used me. To protect my peace, I am closing the line of communication and I will not be taken for granted. Everyone is busy, myself included, but no one is too busy for a phone call. A little thing to say hey, hope you are doing good, how's the kids, how's the farm, how are you?! I know visiting is a little more tricky with distance, but nothing is impossible with a little desire to do so. I do not ask for much, never have. I simple ask for respect, honesty, loyalty, and to take my feelings into account before you drag me into your issues. I don't need daily phone calls, or even weekly, for that matter. I just ask that you think of me more than just when an issue pops up and you need someone to talk to, that you know won't go gossiping about it everywhere. Anyone that truly knows me, knows that any conversations I have - stay with me. I don't have the need or desire to go telling everyone in 3 states what has been told me. That's not how I work.

I have dreams, passions, and skills; that I have never fully explored. More than just being everyone's venting post and friend of convenience. I would be curious to know how many people actually know me. I know there are 2 for sure, but beyond that, I would be willing to be that there are not many. I have pushed aside the things that matter to me for many reasons, but now, I have found that I can not keep pushing them aside. It's pushing aside my own wants/needs, that have pushed me into this dark hole I have dealt with. It's continually pushing aside my own wants/needs to allow for supporting everyone else, that has left me feeling so desolate and lost. I have allowed the issues of many, collide and trample my own needs and wants. I have allowed everyone's wants, needs and demands to overrule my own. I can't help but ask myself, "why?" Why have so many been allowed to use me and throw me away like a piece of trash. I have allowed it. I have become the proverbial door mat. This is just a heads up...THAT IS OVER! I will NOT be a door mat for anyone! I will not be used or treated as less of a person, by anyone for any reason. I will NOT be a convenient friend, or family member. Family is family, and always will be; but there is no acceptable reason to treat others so poorly. From this point forward, I will be treating people as they treat me.

I have spent too much time feeling sorry for myself, feeling sorry for friendships I no longer have, feeling sorry for all the time I pushed my own needs and wants to a back burner to allow everyone and everything else to have their limelight. That is done! I am letting go of everything that does not serve a purpose, or that constantly brings me grief. I will no longer be a convenience, I will no longer be the venting post for temporary friendships, I will no longer be a door mat for ANYONE! You can either accept me for who I am, flaws and all, or you can find your way away from me.

I have felt hurt, insulted, used, and belittled. I have struggled with trying to be everything to everyone; only to find that I am nothing to most, unless they need something. I have made plenty of mistakes, and have spent so much time not living up to my full potential, but I am finding my way again. I am Letting go of the negativity that has surrounded me for more years than I care to count. I had lived with a lot of positivity as much as I could, but for years I have hidden behind what was expected of me. I am not a carbon copy of anyone. I am me, in all the good and bad, it's time to shed the masks.

"this wind is howling like this storm that's swirling inside of me, let it go, can't hold me back anymore. I don't care what they're going to say, slam the door." "It's time to see what I can, to test the limits and see what I do." "That perfect girl is gone,"

It's time start releasing everything that has been hidden behind the expected behavior. It's time to release the struggles people have placed on me, in their times of need. It's time to let the true Salli shine. This is a journey, especially since the real me has not been seen by many since I was in my 20's. There have been too many hardships of my own, too many needs and wants I have neglected, too many dreams that have been squashed, to allow someone else to have their needs, wants, dreams and desires to come to fruition. I am raising my children to find their dreams, and passions; why on earth would they want to listen to advice from someone who doesn't follow their own advice?! It's time for my family to finally see what their true wife and mom is like. It's time they get to see me truly happy, truly content, and truly me.

I have kept everyone, including my family, at arms length for years. The neglectful way I have been treated, has caused my own defensive mechanisms, the walls if you will, to be too high and to impenetrable for even them to get through. It's not fair to them, but I have kept everyone out. It's been my way of dealing with everyone and everything. I get overwhelmed with so much on my plate, and I don't have anywhere to turn to release the issues, so I hide them/bury them so deep that I can keep moving forward. I have been friends with my best friend for 22 years, and to be honest, I think she is probably the only person that knows me completely. She has been there through everything and is still there today. She is truly more valuable to me than I could ever express!!! She and I have can have truly open conversations about her life, my life, our dreams, our goals, our issues, and the problems of the world; and never would we ever judge each other. Never would we not be there for each in truly serious times of need.

I have had people in my life that have seen different sides of me, not only friends, but guy friends/boyfriends that have seen different pieces of me. Until recently, I have not ever really felt comfortable enough with anyone besides my friend, to be 100% me. I know I have seen struggles both single, and married. I have seen good times too. However, I have never let my whole self be present ever. I have always been what everyone thought I should be.

I'm tired of constantly trying to be everything to everyone. It's exhausting to constantly be pushed to be what is expected. It's exhausting to keep pushing my own wants/needs deeper, to allow everyone else to strive for their goals. It's time for me. It's time to let go of the reigns of fear, struggle, and expectations. It's time to understand and find myself again. It's time to let go and be me!

I need to work toward finding my own path again, and letting my family truly see me. Let them see how freeing it can be to be honest with yourself. It's time to start bringing everything I have hidden from myself and everyone else, to the forefront. It's time to put a voice to my needs and wants. It's time for Salli to be honest with herself.

A new day has dawned, and this spark of fire I have tamped down, is about to grow. I just hope that as it grows, the lost and restless feelings I have had for so many years, allows me to finally be happy. I hope that as I let everything, the overwhelming struggles I have had, are finally released.

I am moving on, letting go and using this time as a growing experience. I don't know what the path will be from Point A to Point B, but I will get there, eventually. I will be a better person for everything I have gone through and everything I am currently faced with. I have already learned the true friends I have, and even some friends that I am finding to be dear to me. I have learned that my husband is here through everything even with the lack of direction I have dealt with all these years. I am learning how to handle issues thrown at me, and I will prevail...even if it takes time. I am a strong person, independent, reliable, honest, loyal, hard-working, and always willing to learn. However, I am not someone you can take for granted anymore. I am not someone who will continue to be a door mat for anyone. I am letting go of the anchors in my life.

"Let. It. Go!"
Salli

Is someone else getting the best of you?

image found at abetterdaybyday.com



"Is someone else getting the best of you?"



Distractions seem to be everywhere. It seems that everyone has become easily distracted and giving their best everywhere else. When you have a job, you give your best there, when you have a relationship that is new; you put your best foot forward, when you have a family; at least in my household, I am best during the day. What we seem to forget or not pay attention to is the overall details of our lives.

In my household, we have this issue regularly. We have a regular job, the mom job, the teen job, the home education, the homestead, and livestock. I am very guilty of giving everything I have, all day, and by the time my husband gets home...I am completely wiped out and ready to drop. I have dreams and goals that I pursue, even if at a much slower pace than I would prefer, and I throw whatever energy I have left into that. By the time night falls, a few short conversations of "how was your day," and my mind either shuts off or goes into self-preservation mode. Meaning: I want more time to talk about any issues around our homestead, kids, or just life. OR I start down the selfish path of why can't the kids just go to sleep so I can spend some quality time with my husband.

The job my husband has isn't a typical job. Yes, he works regular hours...usually, but then there are the evening phones calls, the weekend phone calls, the holiday phone calls, the people that just show up at our house to discuss work, or any number of other distractions. Aside from his regular hours, everything else is just done without pay, or acknowledgement...but interfering in our home life. We will just get into a conversation and his phone will go off, we just sit down to dinner and the phone rings or someone shows up. Not to mention, the regular hours of putting up with inability, lack of work ethics, and ignorance; when he comes home in a horrible mood and my household has to bear that wrath.

So many times, we give our best during the daytime, and by evening we just want to unwind, and shut down. We just want to curl up in a cocoon and shut the world out. We have given so much of ourselves during the day, that there isn't anything left to give by nightfall.

In my household, I am home all day everyday. I have 2 kids, animals, housework, 3 meals, my school work, kids school work, and am constantly "entertaining" at least 1 child all day. Aside from a few short term jobs, I have been home everyday as a stay-at-home-mom, for over 14 years. So, for more than 14 years, my life has centered around my home and keeping it moving as best as possible. I make 3 meals a day, more snacks than I can count, do laundry, dishes, school work(that amounts to 5 plus hours 5 days a week, plus try to keep up with family, friends, our livestock, my gardens, and find time to do something I enjoy. By the time nighttime rolls around, my brain is fried, my communication skills are shot, my attitude sucks, and I just want quiet. No noise, no television, no phones, no technology, nothing! I don't want to visit, I don't want to deal with child drama, I don't want to do anything that requires me to have to think or feel. I just want to shut down completely. So, in my case, my children and household, get the best of me. I don't have much left to give to my husband by the evenings.

I'm sure it isn't much different for my husband. He has to deal with employees, and customers all day. I know many of the issues he deals with daily and he is wiped out by the time he gets home. He doesn't have much that has to be done here at home, so he can shut down. Although, the many phone calls and people that stop by our home for work issues, sometimes drags him out of that shut down.

Then I hear from others about them giving so much not only to their jobs, but also to relationships, kids, and any number of other things and I wonder how they do it! I know each of us has different priorities, but we all get the same 24 hours in a day. I don't have anything more to give.

My husband and I try to have coffee every morning together although we don't always, because our youngest child doesn't like to sleep. So, occasionally he won't wake me up. On those days, my days are off. I need that half hour to hour of adult conversation. I need that time to actually connect with him when there isn't noise, there isn't phones ringing or television noise, when there aren't little ears and we can actually communicate. Even if nothing of importance is said, we can be just us.

I have had a couple of nights that I have taken as a "girls night," in the last couple of years. This is nice, since we all know that communication with girl friends, is much different than that with our significant others. However nice, it's the lack of true quality time with my husband that plagues my thoughts and usually our girl conversations turn to any issues that should be discussed with our spouses, but we don't get the opportunity to. When we do get to go out and spend time with our spouses, there tends to be a myriad of things to still take care of. Sometimes, our date nights end up being a trip to multiple stores, and a nice dinner. Then we come home and crash. Or if there happens to be a DJ playing I can get a few hours doing what I love and supper...and then we come home and crash. It's become so difficult to get time to just sit, relax, talk and share; that by the time we actually do, we don't have much to say because we have drawn into our own little cocoons, or we just pass out from exhaustion.

I can't help but believe this is what is causing so many marriage failures today. Aside from the lack of conversation, it's a lack of time to slow down, and a lack of opportunity to still date our spouses. When you have young children, especially high maintenance children, the actual relationship between a husband and wife suffers almost insurmountable damage. I know there are plenty that will disagree with this, as they have figured out how to juggle everything, but I am not one of them. I have not figured out how to juggle time and energy for my kids, my husband, my extended family and friends. I have not been able to muster up enough energy to not feel completely and emotionally drained by the days end. I have not been able to steer clear of the harmful vices that get me through a day(i.e. cigarettes, too much caffine, etc.). I have not been able to maintain enough will power to not only eliminate the harmful vices, but to make and keep changes that allow me to have energy at the end of the day for my husband.

I believe, that relationships take a hell of a lot of work. They require constant effort to just keep them going let alone have them become great. If the efforts are put in, relationships begin to fail. Even if it's so minuet in the beginning, that it's almost unnoticeable. By the time it becomes noticeable, even to those involved, it's sometimes too late. Relationships between a man and a woman, are easy in the beginning. Both people have their best foot forward. Both people are trying and giving so much. It's when the cloak of newness wears off that the real work begins. I read an article about this crazy saying all over social media, about marrying their best friend. I can tell you, I did NOT marry my best friend, yes we were friends, but not best friends. My best friend, I love her to death, but not my thing! She's fun, crazy, loyal, honest, and we have shared more than half our lives together...good, bad and ugly! I married a man I had become friends with, a man that caught my attention for a reason I will never understand. I married a man that has BECOME one my best friends. While there are still plenty of things my best friend and talk about that I wouldn't with my husband...he honestly wouldn't want to know. We can be raunchy in our conversations, and sometimes too emotional too. However, I do not keep secrets from my husband and if he wanted to know, I would tell him about our conversations...although I know he would just roll his eyes and think we were crazy. There are things I discuss with him, that I would never discuss with anyone else though. I depend on his friendship just as much as I depend on my best friends!

I have seen so many relationships fail, and so many that are constantly on the verge of failure, that it has made me really take a step back. There are relationships I have seen fail lately, that have left me feeling quite a bit withdrawn. Every single one of them lately, within the last few years, has been long term relationships. Every one of them has surprised me to some degree. It has really made me question the validity of not only relationships, but marriage too. I will tell you that I have never been a big advocate for marriage. I have seen more marriages fail than I ever want to count. However, what I can understand about relationships, marriages or just long term relationships, is that working at them is required...by BOTH people. I know, in my own household, we can communicate but our communication styles are on opposite ends of the spectrum! While we may be saying the same thing, we are saying them completely different. In my household, my husband is very outspoken, gruff and when he's angry...he blows is top and it's usually over. I am more reserved, typically the quieter I get...the angrier I am. I am not one to blow up and be done. Once I am mad, I am mad all over and I will not be calming down anytime soon. When I feel like my spirit has been broken, or a dream has been crushed, I wander aimlessly for awhile until I can figure out a new path. I am someone who will remember something that was said or done to me as long as 30 years ago, and I may forgive but I will never forget or trust again. I may be friendly, but I won't allow those who have broken that trust to ever be close to me again. My husband is more of a "let it roll off your back," type of person. This differing personality traits may be what has allowed us to keep our 17 year relationship going, but it has also been the cause of many issues. With all the relationship struggles, I know ours is on firm ground for now, but it worries me that the firm ground could cave anytime.

I think as children, we are all read fair tales, and have the convoluted idea that once we grow up, we can have that "happily ever after." We can find our prince charming or princess, and everything will just fall into place for a perfect life. I think we are seriously mislead into believing that anything is forever. Marriage is just a piece a paper, through the legal system/religious rhelm. While some have found their perfect partner and managed to go through their married life together, the majority - atleast anymore, do not. When the statistics show that failed marriages now, total upwards of 60%...it's concerning to me. With more than 60% of all marriages ending in divorce, why on earth would anyone want to get married. That means 6 out of 10 marriages fail. The odds really aren't in our favor. With multiple marriages, shouldn't we learn the first time, that marriage doesn't work? I know religion says that living together is a sin, but to me, the truth is...it makes more sense. Supposedly, marriage is forever; "until death do you part." So how is it that any religion can accept divorce, let alone allow remarriages? In my eyes it's a double standard, a hypocrisy.

This blog isn't about religion really so I am moving on. Today, in our world, we accept marriage, we accept divorce and remarriage, we accept living together, and even most people today accept affairs. We accept other people telling us what is acceptable and what isn't. We accept that everything is as it appears. We accept people lying to us, even when we know the truth. We accept that, as adults, we shouldn't dream too big because it's just not possible. We accept taking on financial responsibilities that go against our common sense, and against our income. We accept that it "it's OK to keep up with the Jones'." What we seem to not accept: that people can live within their means, that people can survive without having 2 vehicles to every driver in the home, that people can love each other even if they are the same sex, that by spending more time focusing on our own households we don't have time to worry or judge anyone else. We seem to be in a phase of judging everyone for everything, yet getting pissy when someone judges us. We are more than happy to repeat some rumor that we have heard, instead of knowing the truth of the matter.

While our world seems to have completely lost it's minds, I can't help but think that the relationships everyone has, suffers when we give so much to everything else that there's nothing left to give at the end of the day. When we have so much that we need to focus on and take care of, the just isn't anything left. There's no energy, no time, no peace and no "want-to." You can't give something when it's not there to give.

For me, I can't continually give all my emotion, my physical strength, and my mental strength; when's it's completely drained from me by 4 in the afternoon. As much as I love my husband, I have nothing left to give by the end of the day. By the end of the day, I can't even muster up enough energy for myself let alone anyone or anything else. I love my life, and my children, but it all drains me. I am not one who will give up, until I absolutely can not do anymore. While I may be drained, I continue to have some thread of hope that will keep me moving on. It's when that last little thread of hope is gone, is when most relationships fail. As long as there is hope, there is still something to work with.

With relationships failing all around me, I have once again crawled into a bit of a shell. Some have left me feeling remorseful, some were surprising yet expected, and one in particular has left me feeling sad, unsure, and withdrawn. While I do understand the thoughts of that one, It still has me feeling a little unsure of how I should feel. As a friend explained, the child in me has to come to grips with it and go through a grieving process. While the adult in me understands, it still wants to jump in find out what is going on and try to understand. I know there is a lot that goes on behind closed doors, that no one would see. I also know there are two sides to every story. With that particular relationship, I have only heard one.

As we are all giving our best to everything, we can't forget to keep some on reserve to give to our spouses and family. I have no idea how to do this, so I won't even try speculate on that. I just know that when my husband and I go too long without time as a couple, our seemingly minor issues, become major. My own insecurities and needs, become the driving force for wanting more. I believe this is true for many, and the cause of many "retail therapy," sessions. We seem to keep trying to replace the emotional connections we need with material items we don't. Yes, it may feel great initially, but it doesn't last. We all have emotional needs, even if they aren't admitted, and when they are not being met; many will go in search of finding a fix to those needs even if it's through a temporary source. For some this may be retail therapy, others may turn to food, some turn alcohol or cigarettes, and some turn to other people. When any of those temporary sources become necessary, you know there are issues you are not dealing with. You know there are issues that need to be fixed. Everyone has issues to deal, some obviously more so than others, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There is no possible way to put 2 separate people into a committed relationship without some sort of issue popping up. Ideally, two people will discuss their wants, needs, dreams, goals; prior to jumping into marriage. We all know how that goes, usually. We "fall in love," and everything is good; we date and everything is good...even the little quirks are cute; we move in together and things are good - the quirks are cute even if annoying; we get married- things are fine...for awhile; the more years that pass the more the quirks annoy, the more the outside influences annoy, the more drawn apart you become. By the time you have invested years of your life with someone, you are either still tolerant of the annoying quirks and or you decide you can't deal with quirks and other issues that have shown up, to boot.

In my family; both sets of my grandparents were married for years! They struggled, they fought through their issues, and they figured out how to handle their differences and issues. My parents divorced, and both remarried. While as an adult, I believe that my parents brought out the worst in each other, I know their marriage was up and down for MANY years. They both had issues that caused them to behave as they did. When they each remarried, I had hoped for happiness for them, even though as a kid, I had hoped they would find their way back together. Although I still believe they bring out the worst of each other! Of all my siblings(4 of us total), we have each found relationships that bring out the best and worst of us. We each have had someone in our life that was an anchor, and someone that allowed us to truly dream. 3 of us have had more than one marriage, and the one that hasn't - I hope will dissolve the issues they are faced with. I will never judge anyone for not staying in a relationship that they are not fully content with, but many do.

Relationships are pretty fickle sometimes. You can love someone completely, without liking them. As an adult, I have found that love does not solve everything, as we are lead to believe as children. Love really complicates things. You can love someone so much it hurts, but not be able to live with them. You can love someone completely yet not be able to be a part of their life completely. I fully believe, you can love more than one person but in completely different ways. We are quick to say we love someone, when if we really took a look at the feelings, it becomes more of a habit than love. We can quickly misconstrue love, habit and fear of being alone. I won't even get into a conversation about marriages of convenience!

I believe, if we truly looked at relationships realistically, we would see so many grey areas that we are not told about growing up. We would see that all the taboo subjects - even today, are completely realistic areas that should be discussed before jumping into marriage, especially! I think as we change, as individuals, throughout our lives, our needs change and so do our wants. If you have a strong relationship, it can evolve with the changes; if not, the relationships fall away.

This is part of a very introspective look at my own feelings the past few weeks. Many thoughts, emotions, and overall feelings have been shredded because of divorce/separation news. I still am not sure how to handle the news of one, completely, and I have been told there is nothing to handle. I have been told that there's nothing to feel. Unfortunately, for me there is. For me, my emotional axis has tilted and even though I understand...it's been difficult to accept. I am fortunate to have my husband to talk to, cry on his shoulder, and vent to, usually...sometimes, you just can't put words to emotions. Sometimes, the thoughts you want to express are so tangled in your head and you just can't sort them out. I am there.

I will end this blog with this: love is a powerful feeling. It can take you on a roller coaster of emotions. It can bring out the best of you, it can bring out the worst in you, it can bring you to knees, and it can leave a gaping hole in your heart when that love is not shared with the right person. Love and marriage are two separate entities that should be considered as such. You can definitely have one without the other, but if you can find both together you are lucky. Myself, I am finding that my view point on marriage is getting worse, and my view on love is continually evolving.

~Salli

Stepping out of the destructive box of negativity

"Trying to hang on to anything positive in a world that has become so negative, becomes a full-time job."



Have you ever just listened to the conversations around you or listened to a single 30 minute newscast? It seems that no matter where you turn, the negativity is creeping into society like an errant leak that hasn't been detected. Between the news, and typical conversations, you hear complaints, ranting, raving, and general negativity. People complain about their lives, their jobs, their spouses, their kids, the schools, politics, their neighbors, the price of things, etc...you get the picture. Very rarely to do I hear of anyone actually DOING something about any of it! Why, has become my mantra, of sorts! Why, are people not fixing what they see as a problem? Why, are people not taking action to the outcomes they are looking for? In my humble opinion, most people are afraid. Whether it's a fear of change, a fear of stepping outside that destructive box of negativity and going against the mainstream, or just an overall fear of the unknown.

I know many people that when I mention changing whatever is not working for them, the response is immediate, and always the same: "no way, I am not going to step away from this or that. I am not going to look bad because this is what everyone else is doing, so it must be right and I just have to deal with." I am going to apologize ahead of time, because I know I am going to offend many! I am calling those who believe or think like this, out! These thoughts, these reactions, and this crap; are the exact reason that so much of society is so negative.

We are a society that has been buffaloed into believing that, society is a "one size fits all." Seriously! If the issues causing all the negativity were clothing, and we were expected to wear "one-size fits all," there would be a lot of wrongly dressed people! Think about it. How many people actually fit into those "one size fits all," clothing?! Why on Earth, should society be a "one size fits all?"

You have school systems set up to teach a "one size fits all," curriculum. You have entire subdivisions set up for "one size fits all," with the HOA's and regulations on a home YOU bought, you have a job to pay for that house that you rarely get to enjoy, you get married knowing that through the religious belief - it's supposed to be "until death due you part," but through the judicial system it's a division of property, a signature, and a court date away from divorce. You pledge your life to one person, only to find out that that one person isn't the one for you. We are led to believe that raising our children takes a village, but that's just not true. It really takes 2 parents, working together with the same values, morals, and beliefs. It takes a steady, firm, and forgiving discipline to teach those kids right from wrong, respect, and honesty. We hear so many complaining about our political system, and yet, the same politicians continue to be elected. We complain about the price of food, and groceries; but few are stepping up to grow their own. I can't help but wonder when our society became so dependent and needy!

If you research, just a little, what life was like after the Great Depression; you find so many useful tips to live a life that is simple. A life that does not revolve around consumerism. When did it start to make sense, that it was ok to spend more money that you made? Our society has become broke, poor, sickly, uneducated, unskilled, and seriously lacking common sense.

I do not claim to know all the answers, I do not claim to have life or society figured out, but I also do know that the track society, as a whole is on, is not sustainable! How many people today, would know what to do(let alone know how) if the power grid went down indefinitely? Would you know how to take care of yourself or your family? Do you realize that if the power grid goes down, that would mean no power, no water, no cell phones, no television, no real communication unless you have people close. Would you be able to handle a week, month, or year without all your modern conveniences? Most newer vehicles couldn't even function if the power grid went down! Would you know how to forage for food, would you know how to grow your own food, would you know how to barter, would you know how to filter whatever water you could find so it could be drank? I would be willing to be that 90% of Americans could not and would not be able to handle that. Obviously, this would be worst case scenario, but never-the-less, it's something to think about.

I catch a lot of flack for the life style my husband and I live. It's very simple and so much less materialistic than most. Anyone who reads these blogs, knows our life. It's a small homestead, in the middle of nowhere, getting by(barely sometimes) with one income, home school, holistic health, and trying to leave as little of a footprint on Mother Earth as possible. Myself, I would love to be more self-sustaining. I would love to say we don't have any modern conveniences...but that's just not realistic. We have power, rural water, vehicles, internet, computers, gaming systems, and tractors. However, we do not use chemicals(when we can avoid them), we use holistic medicine, we grow as much of our food as possible, we have livestock that provides our meat. We teach our children at home, and we question everything. We are not a family that just blends into the mainstream mold.

We love our life. I love showing my children how to raise or grow their own food. I love teaching them lessons that will help them in their adult lives. I love teaching them how to care for their illnesses with foods and herbs. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "I GIVE UP!" I was not raised that way though. I was raised to stand proud when I believed in something...even though as a child, I'm pretty sure my parents would rather have had me be more passive. I was raised to do what I felt was right. I was raised that no matter how difficult life was, giving up was never an option. I live by the lessons my parents taught me so many years ago, and we are raising our children by those same lessons today.

When I hear so many complaining about everything under the sun, I just want to ask them, "so, what are you going to do about." I know I have days when I complain about everything, but I have done something about the issues I had. Even when I may have bad days, the choices we have made about our life, have been what allowed us to step out of the constant complaining stage. The choices we have made, meant living a simple life so that we could kind of survive on one income, not have to pay someone else to raise our kids, not allowing the whims of a "one size fits all," education system determine how smart our children were, not letting our kids grow up believing that food does not just come from store shelves. We have transitioned our lives to include lessons of budgeting, finance, and loans; and how each should be used responsibly. We are teaching our kids that hard work and earning their way, is the only way. The understand that you never get something for nothing, and that depending on some large entity for means of support is wrong. Even through all we are teaching our kids, knowing that for these 2 kids, there are millions of others that are doing the exact opposite. It's heartbreaking for me, to see and hear of so many that lose everything. Yet, I know the choices each of us makes, is what make or break us.

As I finish up this blog today, I ask just a small favor. For the next 7 days, whenever you think of a complaint pertaining to your life, write it down....then stop complaining! At the end of each day, look at that list, and determine what you are going to do about each complaint. Don't stew about it, don't make excuses, don't just brush it off. Face those complaints, make a plan to FIX those complaints, and DO IT! You will find a million excuses why you can't, but just remember that's all they are - excuses. You can fix whatever is not going the way you want it to, if you are willing to work on it. It may not be something you can fix overnight, most things aren't! Make a plan, work towards that plan, and cross it off your list! It's up to each of us to fix what is not working in our lives, however we possibly can. If it's meaningful enough for you to complain about, it's meaningful enough to try to fix. If it's not meaningful enough to try to fix, complaining won't help anyway!

~S~

A video caught my teenagers attention...

Last night, my 14 year old son came to me with a video that caught his attention. Sometimes, as a Mom, when your teenage child tells you about about something that caught their attention...you cringe! You go through all the possibilities, and in your head you are thinking of some kind of explanation for everything under the sun. We were getting ready to eat supper, so I told him it would have to wait till later. This helped buy my a little more time to contemplate a few more ideas to explain away whatever he had found online.

When supper was over, dishes were done and it was time to sit and relax, he brought out his tablet, and said here Mom, I want you to see this. It didn't surprise me that the person doing the video was a girl, after a minute though, it registered who the girl was. It was Sadie Roberts from the Duck Dynasty family. (He loves the show, by the way!) I didn't catch who it was at first, because she was make up free. She had a powerful message that I was very proud to hear.

As many of my readers know, I am very spiritual but not religious. However, I have taken my children to different churches so they can choose the best form of spirituality for them. So, they know the Bible, they know religious beliefs about God, etc. When my son spoke of how this video touched him, I began thinking.

It's difficult for me to speak and have a deep discussion without gaining some research, so I stumbled through our conversation some, but I told him if it spoke to him then that was what matter. It wasn't until everyone was sleeping, and I had the opportunity to watch the video again, that my mind began to wrap around so much of what the video would really mean to so many, not only young people but possible to some older people that are struggling too. So, here I am writing again with some insightful words of my own.

Knowing my son, I have hoped that as he grew into a young man, he would respect women and men,know what working hard meant, knowing that you have to move beyond outward beauty to find a truly beautiful person, that material things were not what mattered, and that family, above all else was what was important. I am very proud of the young man he is becoming, even though some of the teenage drama still filters into our home.

Here is my thoughts on Sadie's video. I think this young lady has a level head, and has been raised right. Her overall message was to just be you, even through different problems, you can turn to the Bible and prayer to get through whatever you are going through. Finding confidence where you need to, to not only deal with every day challenges but to accept the body you have. Miss Sadie Roberts, you may not be my daughter, but I am proud of the young lady you are. You have found not only an avenue that works for you and have shared your true self with so many but you have inspired so many other young people; my son included.

So many young people today are ambushed with materialism, and consumed by all the things that just don't matter. The one thing she brought up and I have heard locally is "thigh gap." Seriously?! This is a concern for girls now?! Girls, here's a thought...quit worrying about such foolish things when you have so much potential for so much more! Your outside appearance, although you need to take of, is not who you are on the inside. The "thigh gap," makeup, brand of clothing, are all just material and unimportant things that will change with time and age. Being real with yourself and those around you is what will make you stand out from the rest! Being with family, being honest and loyal, being true to your form of spirituality, staying true to you own beliefs....that is what will never fail you. Setting goals for your dreams, getting the best education possible, and becoming strong independent people is what young and old need to work on today; Not just following a crowd of people because of what's "popular," right now. Aside from academics, 95% of all the crap that goes on throughout the years of school-through high school, WILL NOT MATTER, later in life! To tell you from my own experience, most of the "popular kids," I went to school with, did not end up any better off than I did. The majority of them did not go on to be pro-athletes, they did not go win a Nobel Peace Prize, not a one of them is the next Ben Franklin, Ammelia Earheardt, or Albert Einstein. To this day, not a single one of them is President of the United States, and only one has gone on to be in Congress or Senate. Some of those all powerful, "popular people," are working in fast food or retail because they found out the world did not revolve around them!

My message today is to all the young people today. Find out who you really are: loose the make up, loose the attitude troubles and stop bullying others, forget about all the material items others may have, forget about the superficial clicks, and stop doing things just because others are doing them. FOCUS on what is important! Your family will be there even if everyone else leaves, once you loose all the superficial stuff you can connect with other people that like the same things you do and build strong, lasting friendships, don't stress/worry over body flaws...your body will be changing a million times throughout your life, don't be a follower!!! Find your own path, and don't be concerned about the stereo types from people that are not capable of being real. Remember that even though people act one way in school, there may be a million issues going on at home for them. Look beyond the shell they present on the outside and look for true beauty within. Don't be a gossip!

As a Mom, I have tried to teach my son so many things that will better him, as a person. I don't tolerate lies, he understands that women can do anything a man can do, he knows that family is always the first priority, that education is not only important but ongoing throughout life, that having faith/spirituality in some form is highly important, that having a good work ethic will take you far, being willing to earn the material things he wants but doesn't need isn't easy, understanding that just because there is some new gadget on the market does not make it better than the tried and true, and above all else, staying true to his own beliefs and values will never steer him wrong.

I have tried to be sure that both my kids understand the importance of family. You know they've heard it a millions times, when even my 6 year old told everyone at her birthday party, "I love my family!" Since we home school our kids, I have the privilege of having 3 meals a day with my kids, we sit down at the table together, eat and share information. We do our studies together, and I learn right along side of them. Although I may be teaching them their subjects, they are teaching me so much more! We do not deal with superficial in our house. We do not try to keep up with anyone, and those that do get to spend time with us can not be that way either. We don't care if people wear name brand clothes or shoes, we don't care they have brand new vehicles or Flintstones mobiles(for the adults reading!), We don't care if you are rich, poor, or somewhere in between. We care about loyalty, being real, and being around people that share our values. We have plenty of flaws, have plenty of areas that we could improve, but we are who we are. We love to be at home, with our family. We would rather sit around our bonfires, work in our gardens, work on anything around our farm, than spend any time with people that are superficial, gossips, and trying to keep up with the neighbors.

These are the values we are raising our kids with. These are the values I wish more young people had. I know from the few years our oldest was in public school, that kids today are cruel. They have no class, no respect, and honestly...many of the parents don't either. When I see a child speak to their parents with so much disrespect it not only makes me cringe, but makes me want to shake the parent and ask why they allow it. To see the kids and some adults, walking around with the jeans hanging half way to their knees, just ticks me off...I have offered to buy many belts! To see the girls wearing barely there dresses at junior high level, I think...there is no freakin way will I ever allow it, let alone encourage it! Then you have the girls that wear the shorter than short, shorts or see through shirts and all I can do is shake my head. These things are never acceptable! Girls, have some respect for yourselves! Cover your bodies. Any guy worth catching their attention, will be attracted to your mind and your personality! That brings up another area that has me a little touchy. This whole dating thing, in junior high. Really?! Girls and Guys alike...it's great if you find someone you like, it's great if you spend your time together, but to listen to all the drama that goes on, it makes me question the logic. I have told my son, having girl that is a friend, is great. Since 99% of any relationships that are started in junior or even high school ever work out, it's more important to be friends. Yes, I know I will catch grief for that but how I see it, I know a handful(5) couples that got together in high school, and only 1 of them is still together. I am not a hypocrite, since I know what I did though high school. I am however, trying to save my kids a little grace, a little frustration and a whole lot of headaches. I know they will do things that will be questionable in value...that's part of being a kid and growing up. However, my kids will have many morals, values, and lessons to be able to face their lives. They earn my trust, they know they can talk to me and I will be honest with them. I will share what I know, my feelings and thoughts, but it's ultimately their decision to be respectful, honest, loyal, and follow our family values. If I do all the choosing for them, they will not become the responsible people they should become.

I am so glad that my son has found some inspiration from someone that is so levelheaded, from a good family oriented television show. With so many of the "reality" shows out today, at least there is one that has some of the values we stand for.

Salli