"Take a step back. Take a few deep breaths and count to 10. Remember that everything that happens in life is happening for a reason. Whether good or bad, nothing lasts forever."
Each and every one of us will face some sort of issue or obstacle in our lives. They are not permanent, but will continue to happen until you learn from them, and can prevent them from happening again. All issues can feel overwhelming if you allow them to. The key, I am learning, is to not stress about them but to take action against them. You must learn from errors, issues, and problems to not only prevent them in the future, but to also learn how to make different decisions.
We need to learn enough to know what we do not know. I know this sounds kind of silly, but think about it. Some of us, will deal with an issues once, twice, or even continually. If you are dealing with an issue that repeats itself, you are not learning from it...only reacting to it. If we are learning from our issues, it gives us insight to see the onset of the issue coming, and being smart enough to recognize it, and prevent it. However, too many of us just react. We deal with whatever issue presents itself at the time, without much thought of learning anything; react to it, and move on. That is until the issue comes up again. Then we stress because it's happening again, yet we just react once again.
This is true for all of life...job, relationships, finances, family, basically everything. We are too busy reacting to face the issue, learn how to fix it for good, and be able to completely move on. It doesn't matter what area of life is having issues; you have to face them, deal with them, learn from them and move on. There are multiple facets to deal with. From the issues themselves, to the emotions that tag along for the ride, and even the emotional baggage that builds up when you don't deal with the issues at hand.
Learning from life's lessons can be a great experience, but it can also knock you drown, drag you through the mud, and rack your head on a few trees along the way. It can bring you great joy, the darkest of depressions, and everything in between. It can bring you peace and joy, but it can also bring you to your knees. It's how you deal with life, that will ultimately determine how happy or miserable your life will be.
Too many people use material items to try to find happiness, joy, and self-fulfillment. Whether they are looking for happiness, or trying to fill an emotion void; material items do not bring lasting happiness. Too many times people use the material items to get a leg up on others, thinking if they have the latest or greatest items, they will be happy and by being one up on everyone else, they will feel content. This is a sorry reaction at best.
We are taught as children, to get a good education, find a stable job, stay with it until retirement age, and then retire with the meager pensions they offer...oh, and social security. So many have done this, and now are in trouble. The good paying jobs, have left the country or shut down. The good education now costs 150% more now, and there aren't jobs to repay those student loans. Too many get a job, just to have an income to pay for houses they are never at, vehicles that cost as much as a house, material items that accumulate and require storage unit complexes to pop at a frightening speed, children are being raised by daycare providers while both parents are required to work to allow for the material things that are purchased and used for a short period only to be thrown into a storage shed. People are taking on an astronomical amount of debt just to keep up our one up their neighbors and friends. It's easy to see how the pitfalls of the modern age have tainted our thinking.
We've all heard the common phrase; "the grass is always greener on the other side." Guess what...It's NOT! The grass is the greenest when you nurture it. It takes care; water, nutrition, fertilizer, and patience. Have you taken time to look at your own grass lately? Is is lush, full and a beautiful green? OR, is is brown/yellow, void in a few areas, and lifeless? Here's a thought: What if, you change pastures. What if you jump that proverbial fence for the greener grass, and you get there only to find out that what you saw was just smoke and screens? Maybe what you saw on the other side of that fence was on a hill and you didn't see the backside of the hill; the part that was just dirt and lifeless. When you look back to your original side of the fence, it looks good from where you are standing. You can no longer see the voids you saw before. You can no longer see just the neglected areas. Then what? Are you going to jump the fence again? What's the point?! You can only jump fences for so long, before you are bound to get tired, and then what have you accomplished? Absolutely nothing! Why not just nurture the grass where you are, and if it looks greener somewhere else....well, so be it. That just means getting more time in your own pasture making it the most lush pasture possible.
I've always heard, "love grows best in homes with fewer walls to separate." From my own experience, this is true! We have had several homes in the time we have been married. All but one, were smaller ranch style homes. One was a big 2 story old farm house. While it was beautiful, it was so big that it never felt like a home. When I look in our area, I see big houses being built. I'm talking $300,000-$500,000 homes here(probably double that for anywhere else), and I feel bad for those who build them. When I see those houses, I see people that are trying to accommodate for something else. Whether it's trying to keep up with neighbors or just having to make themselves feel better about themselves. I can't help but think, yes they are pretty...but how can the people in those houses actually be a family? While sometimes I would love a place that I could escape to an area that is quiet, I love all the time and space my family shares. I love that no matter where in our home I am, I am never far from my family. I love having less space that I have to keep clean, and that we all are close. I love knowing my home will be paid for in 7 years as opposed to 40! We may not have the best of anything, but the bonds and closeness we have as a family are priceless.
Relationships are another area that seem to be fleeting anymore. Too many times we look at our relationships and neglect to truly see their value. We have been lead to believe that good relationships follow a single model, and that if your relationship doesn't fit in that model, then it isn't good or right. From my own experience, relationships evolve. Sometimes they are great, they fulfill all our needs and wants, and they fit the norms. Other times, they don't fit anything; including us! They are a roller coaster of emotions, experiences, and trials. There are ups and downs, in every relationship. Anyone that says otherwise, is living in a fantasy! Many times, the problems we face within relationships are caused by outside influences that make another person look good....at least until you let go of the relationship you are in. Once you make that change, you find out the truth. We loose track of all the aspects we found desirable in our relationships to start with. We start taking for granted that the person we are with, will just always be there, and then we get zinged with surprise when the relationship fails. What so many neglect to realize is that we can prevent some of the relationship failures by simply paying attention. Learn what your partner likes, what their dreams and goals are, have real conversations about everything, work together to overcome issues. Remember to keep in touch with your own true self as well. Find the things you love, the people you want to be around, take time for yourself too. Too many times we change or adapt to our surroundings without even taking notice. Although usually we change because we want to, sometimes we change to fit the environment we are surrounded by. Myself, most of my family and friends have a hard time understanding how much I have changed. I went from living in a city and being somewhat of a social butterfly - working at a casino, bartending. Now, I live in the middle of nowhere, with livestock and gardens. It was a complete 180 from what I grew up and lived until I was 23 years old. The past 17 years, I have changed a bunch! I have adapted to my surroundings. I have found so many things I love about the life I live, even though I have found plenty that I don't. I fought changing who I was for so many years. I didn't want to adapt, fit in, or even live this lifestyle. Fortunately, I got the opportunity to revisit my former life and experience it again. What I found was somewhat remarkable. I found that I no longer fit in the break neck life style. I didn't want to fit in, I didn't want to pick back up where I left, and I missed the quiet wide open space of the life I was fighting so hard to get away from. Just 5 years ago, I spent about 4 months back in the life I grew up in. It's kind of strange to not fit in where you grew up, but not really fit in where your life is either. What I have learned since then: I don't want to fit in. I am me, in all the good and bad. I am not meant to "fit in," anywhere! I am meant to have a life I love, even if that means spending some time in both worlds. I love to reminisce about some of things I love where I grew up, but I love to share all the stories from where I live now!
I have always had of love of learning...if it caught my attention. I have been given a life, for the past 17 years, that gives me an opportunity to learn every single day. I may not always like being stuck in the middle of no-mans-land, but it has allowed me time to grow spiritually. It has helped me to learn that there is nothing I can't do, if I put my mind to it. Although, there is plenty that I do not want to do, I have found so much that I truly love about this life. I love my horses, chickens, gardens, landscaping, our remodeling projects, and even our stinky pigs! I love knowing, on a normal year, that we are so self-sufficient and we are not making a huge foot print on Mother Earth. I love knowing I can walk outside, and let my kids play in the yard without worrying about drive-by shootings or kidnappings. I love knowing that I can avoid the big box stores and shop local for all our needs. I love raising my children to understand the value of things instead of the price!
When we look back to greener pastures, you can't help but look at a financial side as well. As more and more people are laid off and their jobs are shipped out of the country, it's put a huge financial strain on them. Let me ask, what would happen to your life if you went to work today, only to find out you lost your job. Aside from the emotional trauma, what would happen? According to national average statistics, the national average household debt from 2013 was over $225,000, with over $15,000 in credit card debt. This does not include student loan debt. This is HUGE and was 2 years ago! I would be scared to see those numbers today! If your household took the hit of job loss, would you be able to survive? What would your finances look like? After the housing bubble popped a few years back, it seemed everyone was surprised by number of foreclosures and bankruptcies. Too many people have bitten off more than they could for many years! Society has become so materialistic that, we want what we want and we're willing to sell our soul to get it. Think about it! People building homes that cost more in principal that they make in 20 years(and this doesn't include interest), bought houses they couldn't afford when "mortgage rates were low," or have more owed on their homes then they are worth so they are stuck paying the mortgage or lose the house. Could your household run on one income? If not, you are spending too much! I have heard more stories than I care to count about how a job loss was a surprise, how it will sink their households, and honestly, the fear so many feel when they are faced with this. As an outsider to many of these stories, I could see trouble coming. I could see jobs ending, housing bubble being unsustainable, and the spending habits of many being a major issue. My household is far from perfect but we have lived on one income for nearly 14 years, our total debt is less than half the national average, our credit card debt is less that one-fifth the national average and our home...will be paid off in 7 years. We struggle just like everyone else, but if we had to, all our debt could be paid in full in less than 5 years. What we learned 10 years ago, living on one income is rough but very doable! It can get pretty harrowing to juggle our finances, but somehow we have managed. Would it be easier with 2 incomes? Probably! However, when you factor in babysitters, extra fuel, and vehicle maintenance; it wouldn't be much of an extra income. Ideally, everyone would base their expenditures on one income, without overtime figured in. However, we told that to make the economy work, we must be consumers. That's a crock of great proportions. All that has done for our society, is cause an awful lot of people to be in debt over their eyeballs and become stressed and depressed when they can no longer juggle their finances.
When it comes to finances, it can be a relationship breaker and cause a lot of family arguments as well. When family comes into play, there is always some tact required. Relationships, whether family or significant others, tends to take on a life of its own from time to time. Whether it's your immediate family or extended family, relationships get bumpy. They have ups and downs and can get pretty tense. Since we have become such a judgmental society, the ones that seem to judge the harshest are those related to you. They feel because they are related that gives them the free pass to not only judge everything you do, but also to tell how you "should" be doing things. What so many of us fail to recognize is that family judgement is sometimes the hardest to swallow. Each of us have a way of doing things, and even if it's not the same way our families do them, doesn't make them wrong...it just makes us individuals. What works for me and my family, may not work for any of my extended family. It's all a matter of doing what works for your unique household. I've said before and I will say again, it is NOT my job to judge someone else for doing what they think is right. However, if what you are doing isn't working, feel free to change some things and find something that does work for you! Relationships are so vulnerable! Nurture them when you can, let go if you must but have the decency to admit that every issue has 2 sides, and it takes 2 people to make or break any relationship!
Facing all of life's obstacles can be overwhelming. It becomes even more so when you are living your life for someone or something else. You must find your own happiness to be able to find happiness within a unit(relationship). You must find an even ground to from, and a solid foundation too. As we all know, when a foundation is not strong, the house starts to crumble...just as relationships, finances, and life in general. Taking a "time out," to find the best course for yourself, is sometimes necessary. We may have to zig and zag around a few obstacles, but it's not impossible to gain ground. It just may take a little ingenuity, creative thinking and some trial/errors.
Don't allow yourself to be drug down by the "well-meaning advice" of people not intimately involved with you, although they mean well, they do not see what goes on behind closed doors. They may not be able to see both sides of a story, or they may choose to become selfish while blaming everyone else for their troubles. Take the advice of those outside your home, with a grain of salt. Unless you are breaking the law, your choices are your own, no one else has the right to make them for you. You have to make decisions for yourself, and deal with the consequences or results of those decisions. Take responsibility for those decisions, and learn to make yourself the best you can be without apologizing for who you are.
Life is such a grand adventure, and it's up to you decide if you are going to live on the hills or in the valleys. There will be trials, but learn from them and grow. Use the trials to pole-vault yourself to where you want to go. Don't allow your trials to bury you, and make you doubt your path. You need to face your trials, learn from them, and then move on. There is no reason to wallow in self-pity or camp out in the negative areas of life. Life is life. It's good, bad, ugly and beautiful! It is whatever you make you.
Make it beautiful!
Sal
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