It's Official

For someone who has a need to talk, and effectively communicate, having to keep quiet is one of the hardest things I ever have to do. When life is good or bad, I need to talk through my thoughts. That is how I handle everything, and deal with my own anxieties and worries.

I am one those who actually think. I think and consider almost everything possible. My brain is constantly running at 110, with a million thoughts. I analyze absolutely everything, from every possible angle. For me, making friends...real friends, is difficult. I need to be around people that I find intellectually stimulating. People that are more eclectic or free spirited. People that aren't judgmental, or closed minded. The people I seem to gravitate towards are the ones that can make me laugh, that aren't annoyed by my sometimes too analytical mind, or people that are following their own paths despite what others may say. The closest friends I have, know that I have a weird sense of humor, and that my moods vary by the minute. They know my heart, my deepest secrets and all my flaws....but as I do with them, they love me anyway.

The past few years, we have taken several hits in our life. From the passing of great friends, loved ones and even divorces, to the financial and relationship areas as well. My own perspectives have been challenged at almost every turn by those who I have held in the highest regard. Having differing opinions is not an issue. I am not so closed minded that I won't consider other opinions...however, being belittled and looked down upon because I choose to NOT to follow the norm, sends me into isolation. With all the different issues, came a world of loneliness, I had never known. While the idea of uprooting our lives, leaving behind some very dear friends once again, and moving to a place completely unknown is intimidating...it's necessary. It doesn't stop my mind from spinning into the "what-if's." I can be friendly, cordial, and nice. I'm not a fake though. I am not someone that has a lot in common with others. I think too much, I don't lie and won't lie for anyone, I have a passion for nature and my Native American roots and I am not typical.

Relocating to a place I am not familiar enough with to have an opinion on, has been both exciting and terrifying. The hope of the life I want, the financials being much better met, and an area big enough to not only explore but to learn new knowledge from; is the few areas I can hope for. The logistics of relocating from one end of a state to another, has been overwhelming. Having never dealt with real estate agents, banking institutions I have never stepped foot into, paperwork out my nose, planning, packing, roughing out new budgets, learning basic geographical information, all while still keeping up with current financials, kids schooling, laundry, meals and dishes here...I'm exhausted! Sometimes, knowing that things have to change, will cause you to be willing to do whatever is necessary. To make the sizable changes, we are about to embark on, has caused me to a litany of adjectives that I will sum up as, overwhelmed.

We are relocating almost 6 hours down state. The logistics of a simple move, with just a household is easy. Throw in livestock, farming equipment, and other animals...and you have a nightmare! Sure, we could eliminate the livestock, and even the farming equipment...but I am not willing to give up either. There are some parts of living in the country so long, that have found their way into my heart. My horses, and my son's cow, are like family members now. The tractor my son loves, is something else I won't allow to be taken away either. This relocation is all about making some sacrifices to allow our family to stay as one unit, and hopefully grow stronger. It's about my husband making not only enough money to allow him to enjoy life, but also to relax some instead of watching his health constantly because of stress. It's about allowing our family, to dream and grow. It's about expanding our horizons, and knowledge. It's about building a family bond that is once again strong.

Over the next 3-7 weeks, I know there will be plenty of stress while we finish packing, and get the final plans in place. I also know, that by the end of Summer, we will have a complete fresh start. A chance to begin a new life, in a new area, and hopefully with more positives than negatives! We have discussed this move for a couple of years now, and my answer/thoughts, have remained the same. Where ever my husband needed/wanted to go, we would go. I am holding on to a thread of hope, that our relocation will be all that I envision it to be.

Now, that we have told the most important people in our lives, it's official. We are on a bit of a schedule to sell our current home, so we can close on the home we now have contracted in our new location. My husband has a new job waiting patiently for everything to iron out. Now, I will be packing up our home, finishing the kids school year, and any other paperwork that needs completely.

Stay tuned, friends. I know I may miss several days of blogging, but I'm sure I will need my outlet a lot over the coming weeks.
~S~