Coffee Chat

Welcome beautiful September! Fall is such an amazing time. To see the magic of nature throughout each season is impressive. Fall has always been a favorite season of mine. I love the changing leaves, the cooler temperatures, and even the shorter days. For more than a year now, I've worked hard to appreciate each season, and each new adventure my life has taken. It's been a huge struggle for me. I'm more of a creature of habit. I like routine, with minor surprises. I like my own space as much as I crave interactions.

This coffee chat is met with some pretty mixed emotions and feelings. We have officially been in our new location for a year. We are still trying to sell our house and remove the stress that has entailed with it. We have began building our lives here and had some pretty remarkable relationships formed. However, there have been some areas that are putting a hitch in truly moving on.

Sometimes, it's a positive stress that helps keep things moving forward. Other times, it the negative stress that is so unbearably heavy that it heavy enough to put pressure on other areas and cause them to break. I believe that is the position I'm in. With so many areas still unresolved, each piece of negative pressure is finding every crack in every area, and the whole foundation is ready to crumble. While I've really tried to do the right thing, take the high road, and stay positive; I'm human. I am not perfect and quite frankly, I'm freaking tired of it all.

I have struggled for so many years with some areas, that I just don't want to do it anymore. I want to be happy. I want to watch my life progress on the path that feels right. I want to grow and learn from new experiences and I want to succeed in my goals. I will be back on a farm, with our livestock, and have the homestead that I've achieved before. I am not a town kid, and I'm not content with living as we have the past year. Paying house payments and 2 sets of utilities; has been a financial burden that has negatively impacted so many other areas. I'm done with this too.

When this transition began, I gave it 1 year. After 1 year, I was going to re-evaluate everything, and decide what how to progress. Well, we are at the official 1 year mark. I'm still evaluating, but I can tell you, being here has opened my eyes to so much. A year can change so much. I've struggled with this change. I was not prepared for all the changes, as I thought I was, but I've adapted. I was not prepared for the headache of paying for 2 locations, for over a year. I was not prepared for the emotional toll of making this transition. I was not prepared for toll it would take on me, at all.

There have been so many positive changes in the past year. I've met some great people, been given a remarkable opportunity to help Veterans, I've been able to find the person I am and appreciate her. I've managed to find my way around the area we live in, and even found some great locations. I've managed to make each new situation work to the best it could. The kids have been so resilient in all this. They have grown both physically and mentally, and they are so happy.

So, even though there are some pretty major issues, still, overall life is pretty good. I don't ever expect people to change, that's unrealistic. I do hope that people will grow and become better people. I know I work everyday to become a better person, learn everything I can, grow spiritually, and I'm finally happy with the person I am today. I know there are bad areas, I struggle with how to fix them everyday, but I'm learning the only thing I can do is fix myself and my actions.

With so many issues, I can tell you my relationship has struggled, still is, and I pray that some areas of stress will be eliminated before they cause enough pressure to break it too. I also know, that whatever my intended path is, will prevail. It takes two to make or break a relationship. With each issue that confronts us, I've learned more. I just am hanging on to the single thread of hope that remains, that things will work.

As with all areas of stress, I'm not dwelling on them anymore. I'm doing all that can and when I no longer have anything to offer, I will walk away. It's the best I can do. So, I'm moving on with my day, with my daily prayers and meditation, and wishing you all a great week.

Salli