Life, Farm, and Adventures

For all who have followed this blog, I have shared a lot of my personal insecurities, my thoughts, and experiences; through many years. The past 9 years have been quite the roller coaster. Emotionally I have grown through my struggles. However, growing has been difficult. There have been several experiences that have have left me emotionally numb. I try very hard to give people the benefit of doubt always, but some of those benefits came back to bite me pretty hard. I have grown mentally and spiritually beyond measure. This growth has required me to step away from people that brought more negative energy than positive. When you are surrounded by negativity, nah-saying, and closed minded people; you will never expand your own mind beyond that. In the past almost decade, I found myself battling on several fronts. None of which were to better myself, those battles were the result of not following my heart, my dreams, my goals or my passions.

It's difficult to constantly feel like your are treading water during a hurricane. I have always tried to be the responsible/sensible person and to always be there for everyone. This is not a bad thing, but by not setting boundaries; you get taken advantage of or taken for granted very quickly. The demands that others expect of you or from you become the anchor that eventually takes you under. Unfortunately, too many times people don't realize they are doing anything to cause a problem; and realistically, people like myself, allow ourselves to be put into these situations. Occasionally, it takes some major event in our lives to shake us up, and make us take a look within ourselves. Yes, I've heard the medical/psychology stand points..."oh, it's just a midlife crisis. You probably had some issues as a child growing up."

Let me tell you, there were issues in my childhood that shaped who I am today. There were incredible memories from my childhood that helped balance out the issues, and yes there were things that happened that still affect me to this day. Guess what?! I can not change my past. I can not change anything clear up and to the point of right now. The thing is, while there have been areas that have given me a hard time, not all of them stemmed from my childhood. Some came about during my late teens, early 20's, and clear up until this year. The bigger thing is, you have to learn to deal with issues, and face them as they come. Some things you can fix while others you have to just learn to let go of. Letting go can be very difficult. It really becomes a matter finding your own peace of mind. Facing issues and difficult areas in your life is hard. It's not impossible though. Like I said, I have spent most of 9 years in the crazy roller coaster of being lost, hurt, trying too hard for things and people that were not good for me, trying to be everything to everyone when I could barely take care of myself.

I have worked hard to be the best mom I could be, giving my kids everything I could but most importantly everything that I needed growing up. I have tried to be a decent wife, although making a relationship work takes 2, and outside interference never ends well. I have tried to be a good child, being there for my parents/step-parents every time they have needed me. I've tried to be a good sister to my siblings, although most of the time my opinion ends up ticking them off. Being a good friend, I've tried, even though several have proven that I can not turn my back before they feel the need to discuss me with others.

Trust is something I have struggled with for most of my life. Once it's broken enough times, you find yourself closing off from most people. Sometimes, even some you don't mean to but it happens. It becomes a bit harrowing to juggle emotions that tend to ambush you. After so many years inside these struggles, I'm finally seeing some daylight. I've had to set some pretty massive boundaries, for everyone. Since I have spent the better part 20 years dedicating my life to being a wife and mom...I lost me. I've been slowly finding my way back to my dreams, my goals, and my own passions. Sadly, one area of issue in my life, ended up being the catalyst I needed to find my way. Even though those changes were difficult, and moving back to our farm had me scared that I would lose myself again...Moving, changing geographically locations several times; was precisely the shake up I needed to open my eyes. I'm not completely out of the fog yet, but almost.

As I mentioned our move back to our farm, that was both relieving and terrifying! I love my home, our area, and the opportunities to be part of something so beautiful. However, farm life is not a lazy life style. We have animal chores twice a day. There's always fencing, watering, feeding, planning, organizing, breeding schedules, feed delivery schedules, fertilizer schedules, animal rotations and vet work to be done. It's a lot to keep up with when 3 out of 4 people in the house have full time jobs off the farm, there's housework, laundry, meals, yard work, gardens, and maintenance that needs kept up with. We have lived on our farm since November 2011. Aside from the the few years we lived in southern Missouri, we have constantly spent money trying to make the farm support itself but never saw any returns. We banked local so whatever that bank was able to do, was what we were forced to work with. Typically, it meant we were trying to twice as much stuff with half the money we needed. They have been fantastic through the years to work with, but they had their limitations and it was not working for us. After months of disagreements, and bickering, we finally worked out a plan that might be able to finally take this farm where I want it to go...supporting itself and hopefully growing. While this growth is terrifying to me, it's necessary. It's time to shit or get off the pot!! So, we are expanding livestock, we have invested in better hay equipment, we have added our son to the management mix, and are looking to increase our investment enough to finally have it supporting itself. While this was my idea from the beginning, sometimes it's easier to just go with the flow than to constantly battle the waves!

We have had the great joy of hosting a foreign exchange student. This has been truly a remarkable experience so far. Although the red tape of it is a little overwhelming, our host daughter is amazing! Experiencing this has opened so many options to learn...for all of us. It's heart warming to hear her laughing with her host siblings, to watch her interact with each of us has been great! We've gotten to experience true Italian cuisine and coffee. We've shared some of our favorite things too. This sweet girl, has reminded me that laughing is contagious! She loves music, and the style of music I grew up listening to. As each week passes, I enjoy more and more having 3 kids in the house. All 3 kids get along so well, it makes this mommma's heart swell!!!

We are gearing up for one our annual birthday parties. Each year, our oldest and his best friend(who I have kind of adopted) has a big hog roast and bonfire for his birthday. This year, as it so happens, we also get to include our host daughters birthday! So, the Fall party looks to be even bigger.

September is always our busiest month. This year is no different. It's looking to be pretty chaotic, but it should be fun!
Thanks for reading my friends. Each chapter will hopefully get better from here on out but stay tuned for all the adventures!

Salli

Hosting Update - 2 weeks

What an incredible adventure!!
We have reached the 2 week mark with our host daughter Laura, from Italy. It's so difficult to really express the entirety of our experiences so far. So, I am going to do my best to explain our journey to date.

There is so much excitement that builds while waiting for the date your new family member will arrive. For my family, we had 6 months to build a relationship and bond. It really seemed like the time was dragging yet it was also slipping away as some projects we wanted to finish before she arrived. So, it was kind of tedious. Honestly, we put the final touches on the main projects the day before we picked her up! Anyway, we had 6 months to get to know Laura. We got to learn more about her, her family, and share our family and everyday lives. We didn't talk/text daily but realistically it was about every 3-4 days. We'd send videos back and forth, share text messages about events happening in our lives, and sometimes it was just a quick message to say one of us was really busy.

Living on our farm, was one of the shared subjects early on. We didn't want her to be disappointed that she would not be in an urban area. We shared that we have farm chores twice a day and lived in a very rural area. I thought it was important to understand that we do not travel often and rarely overnight. It was important to me that she knew we had dinner almost every night together and technology was not allowed at our table, that we wanted her to join into our activities and truly be a member of our family, and to make herself at home! Fortunately, we learned quickly that our family was not all the different from hers, just the farm/city lives were the main difference.

When the date FINALLY arrived to pick her up, I was super nervous. Honestly, I loved her before ever meeting her in person! I had already placed her in my heart with my own children. I think my main concern, was if she would love us as much as we already loved her. Needless to say, that concern was very misplaced! She's an incredible young lady!!!

Her adventure began 3 days before ever meeting our family. She had the long flight from Italy to Newark, NJ, then 2 days exploring NYC, then another flight from Newark, NJ to St. Louis, MO, and then a 3 hour car ride to our home. I can not speak for all the students but Laura was beyond exhausted by the time we got home! We added in a quick stop for lunch and to get soap and necessities she may need right away. The sweet girl slept most of the way home, and napped off and on all afternoon. Our local representative came out that evening to meet and welcome her. When she went to sleep that night, she slept clear through until almost 5 the next evening. She got up showered, at dinner and was back to sleep. The first 4 days were about sleeping for her and keeping my house quiet so she could sleep for me. After she got somewhat caught up and recovered from jet lag and exhaustion, we started really enjoying to know her. This sweet girl brought us some incredible gifts and I can not tell you how meaningful they were. It was like she just knew each of us! During one of the days she slept, I read the book she brought us about her town. It is such a beautiful town, full of history, amazing architecture and culture. I can not wait to continue learning more!

Our family gained such amazing young lady! I have cooked, we have eaten out, shopped for food and clothes, and the girls have attended multiple meetings with me. I was concerned if our foods here would fit the style of foods she was used to. To be honest, she is not picky at all. Here's a funny little side story. I plan my menu for 2 weeks at a time. The menu included a night that had spaghetti. American spaghetti, is just a big NO! Now, we are still laughing about this regularly because although she was gracious enough to eat it, apparently, American spaghetti is just all wrong! So, I am going to learn the art of making Italian spaghetti, the correct way!!! Another fun little tidbit, all these items in the stores that say "Italian," are NOT! It has been so fun to grocery shop with her and hear and see her point to these things and say....No, No, No. Those are NOT Italian! It's truly had me laughing so much! Clothes shopping was another great experience! I have not liked to clothes shop for more than 20 years! I never know if things look right, if the colors are right, if the styles work...and being my size, finding anything to fit right is a disaster! So, an afternoon shopping with Laura, reminded me of the fun shopping could be. It also included purchasing a few items, I probably would have looked over if she hadn't been there. Plus, we got to introduce her to cowgirl bots and Wrangler jeans.

As the days have progressed, I have looked seeing her open up even more. She has stepped in to help setting the dinner table, clearing the table, picking up after herself, getting after my daughter to keep her stuff picked up; she and my daughter have gotten so close! They have done arts and crafts, made a blanket fort, shared some hilarious attempts at my daughter trying to learn Italian words, so many giggles and out right laughter, and meal times...oh my are they never boring! Usually meal times result in everyone laughing, and so many times we have all laughed until we are crying. While my little family has been close and had so many blessings and laughs; adding our host daughter has just added one more blessing and forever member to our family.

This week, we got to attend the school orientation. We got to go to her locker, and each class while meeting the teachers. While I am was very impressed with the Principal, the Guidance Counselor, and a majority of her teachers, Laura was nervous. I truly expected this. A new country, a new school, and being in a new home and family, is a lot for anyone! Thursday was her first day of school. This poor girl was exhausted! She has to be on the bus at 7 am, then she has school all day, eating lunch at school which is different than she is used to, using a computer instead of books which is also different, changing 8 classes everyday is different, and her first bus ride home resulted in an hour and 20 minutes after school was done for the day. Fortunately, I believe that afternoon bus trip will be less after the first day confusions, but when she got home last night, she was ready to sleep! That sweet girl pushed through, had dinner with the family and even stayed in the living room with the family until after 9pm. She was still pretty tired this morning, but she was still up, ready to go, had time for her coffee and was ready for the bus.

So, here's another fun story, another learning experience for me. Apparently, coffee in Italy, is a LOT different than in America. She tried our coffee, and even tried Starbucks while in New York. It was another "spaghetti" big NO! When I asked if she was used to drinking coffee, she said yes but she would be fine without it. As a coffee drinker, that was not acceptable to me. So, I began searching. I found several coffees and coffee machines that were "Italian." Fortunately, she was able to contact her mom at home and find out which machine and coffee she was used to. A quick search through Amazon, a few clicks, and voila...they were on their way. Then we had to have her mom walk us through how to season the machine, and how much coffee to use. The first round, you could just see her eyes light up and her remark, "mmmm, this is good!" made my heart happy! So, now, we have this amazing coffee preparer, true Italian coffee, and the Italian milk frother. I will tell you, I had to try this coffee. I have yet to find a coffee that I don't like. Italian coffee, prepared as Laura drinks it, is such a savory thing! It reminds me of the coffee you would get from an old type percolator coffee pot, like my grandparents had. It's a coffee/espresso type of flavor, and you add in warm frothed milk and WOW!

Since Laura and my son have birthdays so close together, we having a joint birthday party for them. My son's birthday is the 9th, and Laura's is the 16th. So, a big birthday bash, bonfire and a chance for more of our extended families to meet this amazing young lady!

I can tell you, at this point in our adventure, it's been incredible! In my eyes, Laura is just as much in my heart as my biological children, her biological family has become an extension of our family, and hosting an exchange student is something that is not only remarkable but has the potential to change your life and views forever! Hosting an exchange student requires an open mind from both your family and your host student, but also requires making some adjustments by both, to make the experience work for all. The opportunity to grow, learn, share, and experience both your own lifestyle but also that of the host student is an opportunity that you will never regret.

I can't wait to share more of our adventures! Have a beautiful day!
Salli

Our year hosting a student has begun

Being a host family has been an idea our head for a lot of years, however, the timing was never just right. The thought of hosting a student from a different country was very exciting, but also a bit nerve wracking! There were always a lot of questions, some real concerns and for me, having 2 children that were young was a bit intimidating. 2019 was the year that changed all of that, sort of.

Early this year we saw a post on Facebook asking for host families for students from several different countries. We talked about it briefly, and then decided to ask some of our questions to lady that had the post. It turned out that the questions and concerns we had were answered very quickly, and the process to become an approved family, went just as quickly. Within just a few weeks, we had decided on our host daughter, and waited to hear when we'd get to start communicating. Then just a short while later, I got the most amazing email from our host daughter. We connected on several social media outlets, and this amazing app that allowed us to text back and forth. This communication began in February. We knew she would be arriving in August before the start of school, but didn't have an exact date. We had roughly 5 months to get to know our host daughter, to learn about her daily life and share ours, we sent videos back and forth and even got to see her family.

There was a lot of anticipation for how our host daughter would like living on a farm, how our family would adapt to having another young person in our home, and a lot of concerns that did not even come up until after she arrived. The process for being approved was really the easy part. Although my home is never immaculate, it's clean. We have plenty of food to feed an extra person, we have enough space to allow for our daughter to have her own bed, and being able to offer love and support is a given in my home.

Through the months of getting to know our daughter, we shared so many text messages, videos, and so much about our lives. It became very clear, early on, that our host daughter was loved before ever meeting her in person. I don't believe that if we hadn't had so much time to get to know each other, it would have been much more difficult for everyone to adapt. It was very interesting learning about our host daughter. The cultural differences with our daughter are not super extreme, but the communication styles are more defined. We learned about her travel arrangements from her quite a while before our local rep had them, so that was interesting also.

In addition to everything else, we had the experience of attending a host family orientation. This was about two weeks before our host daughter arrived. We got to meet some of the other families, and got to learn about them and their host children. It was interesting. From the information I heard, it seems that most school districts are very welcoming. The school district I live in seems to be much less so, to this point. I'm hopeful that that will change soon. This was one of the main concerns I had. I am hopeful that the few areas of conflict will be ironed out quickly.

On August 2nd, we picked our daughter up at the airport. I can tell you that I was nervous. Not only had I never driven to the airport...I had never been in the airport! As a side note, it was really no big deal(after the fact!). I drove there, without any real issue, even found a close parking spot, found the correct terminal and gate! I was pretty impressed with myself! Anyway, the excitement and anticipation had built to picking her up and everyone was excited. We got there to find 9 other families also waiting as patiently as possible. When we finally saw the students coming, it was a feeling of relief. It was like, finally, my daughter is home and safe! After lots of hugs, a few pictures, collecting luggage, and getting back to the parking garage...it time for the long trip home. St. Louis is an easy 3 hour drive. That does not include any stops or any excess traffic. After a 10 hour flight from Italy to Newark, NJ; 3 days sight seeing and living on adrenaline a 2 1/2 hour flight from Newark to St. Louis; another 3 hour trip home was even more exhausting. Because of the flying regulations, we stopped to eat lunch and at a Wal-Mart to make sure she had soap, shampoo and anything else she needed right away. 4 1/2 hours later, we finally got home. This sweet young lady was beyond exhausted. Our local rep came out that evening to visit and meet our daughter, and the poor thing about fell asleep at the dinner table. She went to sleep Friday night about 9, and slept until almost 4:30 Saturday evening. We got to visit a little more Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and everyone went to bed by 10...all of us still completely exhausted!

We still have a lot of expectations and requirements to focus on. We were told someone has to come out again to view our home...this seems a bit ridiculous, but whatever, we have to deal with the school district to get her enrolled and figure out how they intend to get her to and from the 25 miles each direction since they have claimed we aren't in their district and that they don't have buses out here(there are 2 we know of within 5 miles). We have to take her to get whatever school supplies she needs and a phone that will be usable here to call us if she needs us, we have to make time when she is not completely exhausted to go over our rules and expectations.

As we have ventured into this experience, we have heard some disturbing commentary about hosting students. I would not host a student unless I intended to treat them just as I would my own children, but it seems there are some that don't believe that way. I would not leave my own children(even though one is 18)home for an entire weekend alone. I would not have anything in my house if it was not for everyone living here to use or eat. I expect everyone that comes here to make themselves at home. I have 2 weeks with my host daughter before school begins. That means there are several meetings, several different things that I have to do. She as well as my daughter will be attending them with me. When I have business trips, my host daughter will go with me just as my biological kids do. While I will do my best to make sure that she does not miss any school, I can not guarantee that in the school year she won't have to miss a few days so that she is not left in the middle of no where with no transportation or adult with her. Coming into a completely different country, not being able to drive anything with a motor(completely irresponsible on a farm), having these students pushed so hard to attend the schools and activities, plus have required community service hours, and a multitude of other activities seems to be counter productive but we will see. I have a requirement from the hosting group, a promise to our host daughters family to protect her and keep her safe and healthy and the promise that I will always treat her just like she was my own with love, support and care.

The transition period I had anticipated has been happening this weekend. Lots of resting, getting familiar with our home/family and the time differences. This is already one of the most rewarding experiences I can remember, there is just a huge learning curve. As with any new adventure, there are learning periods and adjustments. This is our first year hosting a student, and how everything goes will determine if we do it again. This year, however, we are going to treasure our time with our host daughter, learn everything we can about her and her country, share our lives with her, and I know I have already welcomed this sweet young lady into our home, our hearts and our life forever!

I hope to share our adventures, and this amazing journey throughout the next 10 months. I know there will be a lot of photos, lots of holidays and even an 18th birthday! Stay tuned for more of our adventure!!
Salli