Would you?

 

A while ago, I was asked one of those questions that I probably thought too much about. I tend to think a lot about life in general, but for 9 years now, I have analyzed so much of my life. What began nearly a decade ago with the loss of a friendship that wasn't what I thought it was, turned out to be a breaking point for me. Not only that, I was in a stage of life that had me evaluating every aspect of my life. I was restless, had found out that a friend was pulling shenanigans I wanted no part of, was pouring every ounce of energy I had into my family but I felt lost. I had reached a breaking point, if you will. I had completely lost sight of who I was. It's difficult to explain. I was overwhelmed by a lot, restless and needing something that would allow me to just be me not just mom/wife, watching my children need me less and less, struggling to find my own path. I broke down and contacted a friend within the counseling community. I was trying to find solid ground to built back from. 

I have always stood strong. No matter how many times I've been knocked down, I get back up stronger than ever before. So finding solid ground was imperative. I had spent so much time focused on being the best mom I could be, the best wife I could, learning to do things that were not in my wheelhouse of knowledge, feeling isolated from the world, having to face the fact that I was trying to pour from an empty cup. So, the question really made me think, again. 

"If you could go back and change your past, would you?"

 

Initially, I thought sure...there are some things I would change. You know, going back with the knowledge you had today, and doing or being a better person. Then, I broke it down. If I went back and changed even one part, it would have changed the entire direction. So, my answer was No, I would not. Everything I have done in my life, has either been done because I wanted it at the time or because I did what I had to do, to get through whatever I was dealing with, or it lead me to where I am now. 

Changing even a single second of my past, could completely alter life as I know it now. Would I have preferred less struggle, less heartbreak, less stress, less headaches, less deception, or less of any other emotion/situation...sure. But what would I have learned? I know everyone has their own paths in life to take. My path has been a bit bumpy, but it's made me who I am today...and I'm beginning to really that person. My entire life path has been about learning, growing, adapting, and ascending to where I am meant to be. I'm not there yet. I'm still learning everyday. 

Some lessons are tough, some are ruthless, and some are just a blip in the screen. However, every single day is the promise to grow and become the person you are meant to be. Without apology, we need to grow. We need to strive to be a better person every day. Not better than anyone else, but a better you than you were the day before. Each of us are here for such a short time, we need to do our best to make a positive impact while we are here. 

Loving each other for who we are, just as our creator has promised. "We are made in the image and likeness of God." No where in that statement does it say to shameful of yourself. Appreciate who you are, what you know AND what you don't know, and even appreciating the physical body you've been given. Every single one of us is different for a reason, just as every single one of us is on our own mission through life. So, be kind to everyone you meet and those that are numbskulls and don't appreciate you...let them go. Our paths cross each other for us to learn. Figure out the lesson and move on. 

So, what would your answer be? Would you go back, knowing what you know now, and change your past?