Coffee, snow flurries, blustery, holidays and always more!

 

               Coffee, snow flurries, blustery, holidays, and always more!

I have attempted to write so many blogs over the past several weeks, and I just can't seem to put words to my thoughts...at least in a way that makes sense or would not royally tick people off. I'd like to say all these thoughts are just annoying tidbits that really don't matter, but I can't. They matter to me, and that means I have to put them into a form that makes sense. No one has the right to tell us how we should feel, or even if our thoughts are irrational or unfounded. As I always say, I speak my opinion, my truth, if you will. I say things based on what I see, hear, read and research. I will argue till I'm blue in the face if I know I am right. 

You see, I talk about energy a lot. It's because that is how I experience a lot. I feel energies long before I hear the words. It's weird, I know...I hear it all the time. It's weird to me that others don't experience this too. Anyway, for as long as I can remember, I have experienced this. When energy and words don't align, is when I get the most anxiety. When I can feel/sense that what is being said, does not match the energies...it makes me question the situation. It's difficult to explain. The energies of the world have become so negative, chaotic, and mean. For someone who "feels" these energies, it truly knocks the wind out of my sails. It does not matter if I know someone personally, or pass them in the store, get a call/text, or read a post...I feel the energy. It's truly a blessing AND a curse. So, with the world as it is, that has played into a lot of energy in my own field that overwhelms me, when I can't get a break or downtime, to unplug. That is very difficult in my current life. 

As I have talked about before, living a life in rural America, means planning 6 months out of the year, for the remaining 6 months. Typically, May thru November is our plan/prep time. It's when we start taking stock of what we used the previous 6 months, what we need to replace, what we need to restock, what we need to adjust, projects that need done to simplify drainage or simply to make our farm more productive, it's repairing equipment/tractors/buildings, it's gardening to help reduce the grocery needs for winter. It's counting left over hay/straw/small bales of hay to see what the usage was. There's a world of preparation that begins in May on a homestead. We tend to run like crazy from May until about November getting the winter preps done for the coming winter months. We never know what winter will bring from year to year, and honestly, that goes for Spring, Summer and Fall too. This year alone, we started the year very wet. Lots of rain/snow, cooler temps. Then once it turned dry...it stayed that course most of the Summer and early Fall. That meant substantially weak hay crops, higher grain costs, higher cost for having to purchase hay, and not enough grass to keep livestock on late Fall and Early Winter. Being a small family farm, we do not have the options of extra help like many of the larger farms have. We are stuck with the good, bad and ugly of whatever comes about. What many that don't live this life fail to grasp, is the amount of time/energy and money that goes into this life. It's not a thing you can just pick up or drop when you get tired, when you want to do something or go somewhere. This can be as or at times, more demanding that children, and it can be a 24/7 job. 

For me, our little farm is all of a full time job. It's daily record keeping, it's seasonal husbandry/lambing schedules, it's knowing the feed/rations/grains/needs of every animal, it's keeping a fluid budget(as much as possible)for surprises, it's managing all the extras required to keep the farm operating...all while teaching our child, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, planning gatherings, attempting(and usually failing)to keep up with extended family & friends, vehicle maintenance, household repairs, inside pets, everyone's specific needs(whether diets due to allergies or soaps, etc.), it's making menus, grocery shopping, juggling a budget, gardening or garden planning, food preservation, it's lesson plans and cooking classes, and trying to keep my family values intact in a world of greed and ignorance. It's juggling schedules for last minute changes, and never having less than 10 projects running at one time. It also requires me to continually learn. Whether that be nutrients that each different animal on the farm needs, what I can do better in my gardens, how to make my hens produce more eggs, how to care for ducks, how to cook to allow for more bang for the buck.  You see, when I first began living in the "country" here...I truly didn't know crap. What little I did know, was basic survival. In the 24 years that I have lived this way, I have learned to cook, bake, garden, preserve foods, care for livestock, care for poultry, care for kids, and keep a home. Mind you, keeping a spotless house has NEVER been a priority to me. It has spent many years covered in toys. Even though throughout the years, the toy messes became and less and less....(I miss having those toys now!)I much rather spend my time outdoors than fussing indoors! I've learned to survive on less than enough, and make the best I could of it. 

One thing I will say for myself is that it's a damned good thing I am low maintenance! This type of lifestyle is not for the weak or faint of heart. It can be very rewarding, but it can and is a lot of the time a humbling lifestyle. It can break you down, it will make you question your life choices, it will try even the best of relationships, and it can be one of the least recognition. If you were someone that needed a pat on the back, needed to be acknowledged, needed the constant romance, or needed someone with you all time - this lifestyle would not work. There are heated disagreements, brutal arguments, cutting words, and days you can do no right. Thankfully, I am not a person that really needs anyone else. I don't find it necessary to have my hair, nails or whatever done on a regular basis. I don't need anything. Although there are times a pat on the back or word of encouragement would be nice, it's not required, at least for me. There are a lot of things I am still learning, and pray that continues every day of my life. However, there are a lot of things, I have personally benefited from by living this life. Being able to stay strong, independent, cook/bake about anything, and keep learning...this to me is priceless. 

We have reached that late Fall/early Winter stage. We've had snow/flurries 4 out of the past 5 days, it's gotten cold and quite blustery. That's Winter in the Midwest. I will complain like most everyone else, but I know to expect it. The first measurable snowfall is always exciting for me. Snow around the holidays is always my wish. After that, I'd be good with 75 and sun! I know that's not realistic, so I just add more layers and tromp outdoors as I need to, and keep going. I have seen so many models of "Winter 2022/2023 predictions," I think the weather folks are just as clueless as the rest of us. We can't control it anyway, so we will just deal with what we need to and move on. After all the wind/tornado this year, I have realized that my chicken coop/goat house/duck houses all have to be modified next Spring. I'm hopeful they all last through the Winter! We need to get some tree lines established to help shield some of wind on this knob. The winds that come from the North and West, and even to some degree from the East, have effects on buildings that could get costly if we don't work on this. We are in for a bitter weekend of cold and wind. The conversation is saying negative temp windchills. My boys are already having to go out every morning to break ice in water pans, and do it again every evening. This is the type of thing we try our best to plan for 6 months previously. 

As the temps plummet, I always know that means the holidays are near. My favorite time of the year is Thanksgiving through to New Year's Day. It's always been a time, for us, as lots of family time. We have our traditions, and we look forward to them every year. Obviously, things have changed some now that my kids are older. I'm just thrilled they still get excited over the little traditions we started when they were little. Our annual open house is one of my favorites. Although I truly love November & December for all the holidays together. It's sometimes a challenge to keep this love of the holidays when surrounded by grinches and negativity. Through the years, it has weighed on me more and more. The economic hardships so many face hinder their joy through the holidays. Too many have made presents a priority over presences. The true gifts are spending time with loved ones and friends. Too many have forgotten this. It became about who gave the biggest, the best or the most gifts and that just ruins Christmas. Anyway, our first gathering of the season is less than a week away. It looks to be a smaller than normal get together, but we will definitely be thankful for all who attend! Just a couple weeks later will be our annual open house. We squeezed over 50 people in our house last year! It was so much fun, watching all the little people running around, the adults visiting...outside of my family, it was my greatest gift! 2 weeks after that is our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day traditions. I have been known to be the one going through the house waking everyone up on Christmas morning! Then a week later is New Year's Eve traditions of board games, snack foods, watching the ball drop, and then bed. 

A few things I have been learning as of late, is that no matter how much I try to help others, ultimately it is their decision whether to do the right thing or not. You know the whole, you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink... yeah, this is difficult for me. While I find it easier to withdraw from people that either belittle me or make me feel irrelevant in their lives; it does not stop me from trying. At least not completely. I do pull back, I do tend to withdraw and shut people out. It's my personal defense mechanisms. It helps me to avoid too much continuous hurt. Learning to deal with senses that not everyone experiences has made changes in my life, it has shown me people's true colors, and it has become my personal built in bullshit detector. Being basically at the end of this pre-menopausal stuff, has pushed me to understand so many things. I now understand how woman get to a certain age, and decide they are no longer tolerating crap they have tolerated for years. I now understand that no women that reach this stage are not crazy, they have just reached their maximum bullshit level. They now demand respect, they no longer put up with half truths, half commitments, or half of anything they fully deserve. This stage makes you feel crazy, but only because you are changing your boundaries, and an awful lot of people are no longer meeting those standards. During the child rearing years, women tend to forget their worth and their value, as they focus on their children and spouse. Once the children are grown/same as grown, the shift back to being not just a Mom/wife but also a woman comes back into play. It's truly a major dynamic shift. 

I am sure more blogs will be along before year's end. For today, I'm going to wrap up with this: keep stocking your pantry, help out a local food pantry and the "angel tree," in your community. Refocus your holidays around loved ones and friends instead of gifts. Help others when you can! This world needs a lot of kindness!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!