Exhaustion runs bone deep. Accepting that you can not help those that do not want help, is difficult. It's a difficult position to accept.
Yesterday, I started writing a blog. I stopped because I was too emotional. I have struggled with a lot for quite a while. You see, I chose to dig in and figure out what has changed our country into something so evil and dark. I could not allow myself to be ignorant of the fact that so much is going on, that makes zero sense. While it may work for some to be blissfully unaware, it doesn't work for me. My intelligence goes much deeper than that. I may follow my instincts, but rarely is there actual emotion that goes into decisions. Until the past year, there is rarely emotion in anything besides my family. I figure everyone has the right to their own opinion, thoughts, and way of life...myself included. While I have spent nearly 5 years trying to help others in one fashion or another, each time has ended up with me the one getting screwed. So, when I come across blunt, rude, or any number of other adjective you choose to add...that is why. I have spent so much time learning what so many others refuse to even see or admit. That has not changed for me, I've been this way for most of my life.
There are days I wonder how much easier life would be to never question anything. To never step outside the proverbial "normal" box. Then I look and am reminded that if I was that way, I would have never broken generational cycles. I would have never taken the steps or learned the lessons of having to battle for anything I have gotten in my adult life. Sure, I might have saved several heartaches, several blemishes to my own character value; but I would still be in a cycle of life that I have know from a very early age that I did not want. The very soul of my being has screamed for so long that there are some very wrong paths going on. That you can not trust people, you can not trust emotion(it too, changes as your knowledge expands); you watch and trust actions.
In my emotional melt down yesterday, I struggled to explain to my husband how there is not a single issue but a multitude of issues that has piled up. It truly crippled me for an entire day. That does not happen to me. I don't share this for pity or even empathy. I share this because even the strongest of people, will reach a breaking point. I have spent so much of my life in fight or flight mode, and that is one thing I am trying to break. It's easy to dish out advice and opinions. Especially when it has zero bearing on your own life. I share a lot of my life, to show people that you can make changes and you can break cycles. I share in hopes that it will help others to realize they are not alone in their struggles. However, I'm beginning to wonder if people are just good with blissfully unaware. I know I will get flack for this, but again, this is my own opinion. I may be completely ignorant of this thought. I'm ok with that. Not everyone is the same, and that is a beautiful thing too.
I am concerned with our economy. I have dove into understanding economics, the monetary system, the government reporting system for unemployment/recession/inflation. I have taught myself to understand these things. I have researched, and having loved history class throughout school and that has continued through to today, I have paid attention to patterns. I have paid attention as monetary definitions have been changed, as the credit rating was cut for only the 2nd time in history(in July), as inflation has been redefined, as the US Reserve Currency is being crippled and cut off around the world, and the value of our money supply has reached record lows and what will happen when BRICS takes over and removes our currency as the reserve currency. I have watched and learn how the current housing market, interest rates and values have hit the biggest bubble in American history and that bubble is about to burst. I have learned how the stock market is being propped up by the Federal Reserve, and what exactly the Federal Reserve is. I have personally seen how this current economy is destroying the average American household, and small farmer. How this economy is making our elders have to choose between pay bills, buying groceries, and needed prescriptions...or try to find a job at 70 or 80 years old, because they can't afford to get by. I have seen young people lose everything trying to pay $1000 a month for rent or a mortgage, plus the increasing cost of utilities, food and fuel. But it is easy to spend other peoples money, so let's send our young people into unsustainable debt before they can even have chance to get started. Then there is my generation. Those of us that work our tails off, pay a boat load of taxes, a boat load in insurance costs, barely scrape by now...when just 3 years ago, we were comfortable. When your mortgage rate increases, fuel costs have doubled, food costs have doubled and then some. When the job markets are no longer guaranteed. There is no such thing as loyalty to employees and in turn the employees are not loyal to their job. Trying to find a job means going into food, hospitality, or a coffee shop unless you carry a Bachelor's or higher degree. Which means you are probably carrying a student loan debt to boot. How do you expect to get a home, vehicle, and in some circumstances - even a job, without good credit?! Yes, we are not in complete destitution yet, so some may still be ok. But what happens if you lose your job, your hours get cut, you have an illness/injury that requires time off work? Any one these alone, can play havoc on your financial status and in turn your credit score. So what then? This is NOT fear porn, THIS is a reality in the world we live in.
I will continue to share some things, but I am pulling back for a bit. I've tried to help people see what is happening around them. I am not someone who can bury my head, or put blinders on to reality. I live in it everyday. I am fearful for the young people and the elderly alike. While I do have empathy for most, I am realizing that it is going to take some sort of massive awakening to shake everyone up. That's not to be mean, just reality. Thankfully, I have done my due diligence, I am aware of what's happening. Beyond that, is outside my reach. My circle is small and there is a reason. I'm exhausted trying to help others, so it's time for me to stop. My responsibilities now, are only to those within my circle.
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