It's a late Thanksgiving this year, and I'm really thankful for that! As I work through my never-ending lists, a later holiday has actually allowed me to catch up some. After spending so much time in the past few years, being sick or injured...rebuilding my health has been a difficult, and constant hurdle. I have started feeling more like myself, but the damage done, sometimes feels insurmountable. I know many won't understand but, I have always struggled to gain weight. When I stress, get sick, or get too overwhelmed...I lose weight, and quickly. I don't have much to lose. Gaining a pound or two back, is a major undertaking, let alone the nearly 25 I lost. With that also is the challenge of not being able to eat much at one time. If you think about when you get sick, and don't eat much. Your stomach actually does shrink to fit the intake of food. After a 2 year health battle, my husband said I wasn't eating enough to feed a bird, but I would eat as much as I could. So, it's been a big struggle, and added stresses only make matters worse. Add in the joy of menopause, and the randomness of symptoms there...and the economic troubles, loss, and family...it's been tough. I struggled to enjoy so much of the outlets I once enjoyed, found myself feeling like I didn't really fit into anything, and there was more stress. While I began feeling a little lighter a couple months ago, September was a real turning point...so far.
I have always valued my independent steak and not needing recognition to do good things. I don't need them to succeed, but sometimes negativity begins to overrule even the most positive reinforcements. It's kind of funny to me to read the memes on social media about true friends, family and even spousal behaviors. If I followed those things, I'd be in serious trouble. Let's see if I can name a few: "if your spouse has a lock on their phone, they are hiding something from you." "If friends are true, they can see when there is a problem, even if you don't tell them." "Family - blood is thicker than water." "People will make time if it's important to them, no one is too busy." Geez, I could fill pages with this nonsense. It's really easy to understand why so many are depressed, jealous, and have gotten so set in a world of unrealistic. The more you are focused on negatives, the more you will get...that is just the way it is. I've started allowing myself to have a moment to whine about an issue, but then I turn it to this: "whining has gotten me no-where but more upset. How can fix whatever it is that is challenging me?" One area I really struggled with, after reaching out to others for help, lead me to a friend that helped me jump a hurdle I didn't know how to fix. Another area, I am working hard on, is the negativity. There is so much of it anymore, and it comes in so many forms. So much of it, is unnecessary, but we open our lives to world through social media and even our circles. I quit sharing the majority of my life on social media and even in my blogs. So, if people feel the need to gossip about me, that's all it is because no one outside my immediate family and inner circle knows what goes on here. That inner circle keeps getting smaller with poor behaviors. I'm not better than anyone else, and I don't try to be...but I work hard to be a better me, every single day. I'm finding that some positive recognition is quite nice. Having a few trusted people that I can turn to as friends that will listen to my nonsense, and then give me a fresh perspective to rebuild the steam I need to keep going, is invaluable!
So, just getting some of these thoughts out today is helpful. I have 6 days to get ready for my absolute favorite meal of the year! I have a lot of people coming to celebrate Thanksgiving, and I am excited. I have quite a list of chores to check off, but there are great rewards this time of year. My beautiful Christmas decorations are going up, nearly all of the items needed for Thanksgiving have been gotten, and even getting the winter prep list knocked out has been happening.
I pray each of you have a bountiful, healthy and happy Thanksgiving!
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