White Flags

When do you know that it's time to wave the white flag? Whether it be a relationship, a job, a hobby, or whatever; when do you walk away knowing you've done you're best? This thought has been on my mind all night. I work so hard to be everything to everyone, except myself. While I push through everything everyone else needs on a daily basis, and I keep telling myself that there will be time tomorrow for what I want, it just never seems to come to light.

I give everything I can, to everything I do; yet it's never enough. There's either someone demanding more, someone or something putting a monkey wrench in everything I try to accomplish, or there is this crazy push/pull dynamic that constantly has me questioning not if I am doing the right thing but the loyalties, intelligence, and ability of others. I'm a researcher, I'm a reader, and none of the information I get comes from the noise box...aka television.

I despise ignorance. When we have a constant and unending connection to information, ignorance is unacceptable. Instead too many of us get lazy. We base opinions on what the media tells us, we listen to those around us, or we just decide that we don't care. The problem here is that no one really checks on anything anymore. There is no follow up, there is no accountability for what is being done or not being done.

I have spent the better part of my adult life in some form of business environment. There are so many levels to business, that it can be overwhelming. It takes an entire team of people working toward a common goal, to make a business move forward. However, when you have even a single dent in that team work, it gets all out of whack. Every business has run into too many chiefs and not enough indians, at one point or another. The thing is, it takes a great team lead to show each just how intricate each subordinate is, and how their individual parts play into the grand goal. When too many have to fuel their ego, the entire team is bound for failure.

It takes dynamic skill to lead people, to reach goals, to communicate even on difficult subjects, and to keep ego out of it all. When you are willing to work your tail off; for the principal goal, only to find that goal is only achievable IF all parts of the team of willing to work together, and they aren't...it's distressing.


In life, there is always give and take. At times, giving 100% is the hardest thing you'll have to. Especially when you know it's not being appreciated, accepted or it's adding insult to injury. As someone who can compartmentalize emotions and energy, work from home, and good from bad...giving 100% can take it's mental toll. When you are unsure if the ground you are standing on is solid, or if you're about to have the rug ripped from under you; it's taxing. There have been many times and I'm sure there will be many more, when you want to wave a white flag, and just say "I'M DONE!" Then we get back to my original question. When do you pull that plug, or wave that white flag? When is enough, enough? When can you walk away knowing you've done your best, yet you are no longer able to take anymore? At what point is it quitting/giving up, as opposed to walking away from a no-win battle?


I suppose that life is always a bit of a roller coaster ride. As my beliefs take me on the occasional wild ride, I have been blessed enough to usually see the lesson of it all, eventually. Although, those in between moments can feel like hell, I truly believe that we are taken on these crazy rides to learn and grow. It can be very painful, but as humans, sometimes it takes these painful realizations to make us truly see what we were meant to see.

The Universe puts on paths, connects us with people and places that we are meant to be. Whether we realize it or not, everything that happens in our lives is meant to and meant to teach us or help us grow. We just have to be open to these lessons, have our eyes open to possibilities, and have the ability to let go of what isn't or doesn't work. Whether we know or understand it, we are in constant motion. The words, thoughts, and even our movements, or not only fluid but also in relation to each other. We have to accept that negativity is being spoon fed to us through the constant connections of television and cell phones, and even many people we are in contact with daily. We are not taught to lift ourselves up when so much is dragging us down. We are not taught that it's ok to disagree with what others believe and still be respectful.

As I began writing this days ago, and have just had to take the time to word it close to correctly. I believe I will end this one with this: Even if we disagree, I will respect you. We are a race of ever changing thoughts, needs and wants. I appreciate all the lessons the Universe has given me, even if they have had the tendency to knock me on my butt. I will always do what I believe to be my best in everything I do. When others find it necessary to degrade, belittle or slander me, I will not retaliate, but will pray that they are enlightened. I may be a bit too strong-willed for some, but the ones meant to be in my life, will stay and appreciate me for exactly who I am. Some come for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

Salli

New year, new me...NAH!

Happy New Year!!!


As you guessed, I'm not changing much, ever! The thing is, I'm working on me. I am working towards being a better version of me, all the time. If you have read even a few of my prior blog posts, you know I have struggled with several areas of life for the past several years. There have been a lot of changes for me. The hardest part is always limiting what I say to avoid causing any more grief than I already deal with.

Here's the thing: I refuse to make resolutions. I won't stick to them, and usually within a month, I don't even remember what they are. So, this year, I have set goals to move me in the direction I want to go. No more winging it, or just going with the flow. That has never set well for me. When I see a problem, I want to fix it...not whine and complain about it. I am going to make the absolute best possible year in 2019. That may mean leaving people and/or things out of consideration. I wasn't able to get life in order once we moved back to our farm before all hell broke loose, so that is a high priority for me. I still have boxes that haven't been unpacked because life got away from me! There's been too long of a period of me keeping quiet to avoid arguments, avoid having people upset with me, and honestly...I became a door mat. No more!

When life moves at the speed of technology, there is so much that is missed. We all get too wrapped up in being connected 24/7, but forget that real connections are made from looking up from our phones. We have phones in hand during meals, during special events, and even during time that should be spent with family/friends. We are constantly connected. It's time to unplug once in a while. It's time to make time to have some fun that isn't full of technology. It's time to do something, I've never done. What that is...I'm not certain yet.

My general goals for 2019: Get Organized, Unclutter and finish unpacking, Make time for fun, Learn to say NO...and mean it!, Work on me and take time for me as needed, Spend more time unplugged, Manage finances better, Do at least one new thing this year, Learn to speak up.

While these are general, my details are already written in, and I may add to this as I complete my goals. We all know, if all we had to focus on was goals, they'd be a lot easier to achieve, but life loves to throw us a few curve balls. So, as life goes, I will continue in my responsibilities as I always do, but I may have to put a limit on my time working so I can make time for other important areas: gardening, photography, and FUN!

2019 is shaping up to be a busy year. Since the foundation is in full swing planning and fundraising mode for our Valetines for Veterans Concert in February and hopefully, our annual Paddlefest in May; there's a lot that goes into making these things happen. Our little homestead is buzzing with constant action - cows, calves, chickens, dogs, puppies, and the list goes on. As I made mention January 1st, on my Facebook page, there will be a lot of changes this year and I hope you all will go along on this journey with me. This blog will be seeing a lot of attention, as will my personal Facebook page.

As homesteading goes, there's always something that needs done. This year, we are looking at a list like this: new gravel for the drive, new fencing to repair damaged or missing fence, new chicken coop since the current one is falling apart, getting automatic waterers to help ease some of the daily chores, getting hog fencing to raise a few for butchering, making paddock fencing changes, building the rest of the deck on the front of the house, fixing our ramp on the deck, getting a concrete walkway built, and the most expensive part...replacing our old, non working hay equipment. We really need to build another shed...one that is actually enclosed, and could be used for vehicle/tractor repairs, storing tools, etc.

As is typical for this time of year, it's also garden planning time. Since I already know that I will be adding a pumpkin patch, and possibly another garden in addition to the other 2 gardens already in place. I'd love to add more fruit to the mix this year, but we'll see. I love my gardens, the peace of mind they bring and the most important thing is the produce they yield. Of course, there is a ton of work that goes into maintaining them...but it's a small price to pay when you are reaping those fresh jars of vegetables and fruits in the middle of winter.

We have roughly 3 months before the frenzy of planting begins, not only with our gardens but also with those who plant the fields. Once planting begins with the row croppers...my husband's schedule changes, and that brings changes around our homestead. My son, who is now 18, is working part time, doing his last semester of high school and is taking on his new adventure with college. He decided to begin that journey while still in high school and that has made some changes around here too. My youngest, while technically in 4th grade now, is doing school work equivalent to 6-8 grades in most subjects. So, life on our homestead is always busy, always some type of adventure, and trying to keep everything straight ends up looking a 3-ring circus of some form of organized chaos!

My own adventures have been pretty minimal, but we'll see where 2019 leads. I've let so much slip being overwhelmed, allowing too many things take up residency in my head that should not be there, and not being able to say NO and stick to it! I'm very anxious for the road(s) ahead of me. There is always dips and dives, loops and bumps; I'm excited to see where the Universe takes me this year. I hope you all will follow along, and maybe you'll even get a few laughs in our chaos.

Happy New Year to each of you!!! I hope you will have a healthy, safe, productive, enlightening, and prosperous new year!!
Salli