Cross roads. The place in life when you may falter, but you have a goal to achieve. You have the ultimate goal in mind, and a cross road is the means to get there. The cross roads are bound to cause some level of anxiety; not knowing what you will encounter while on them. Most of the time, the roads to your ultimate goal are not smooth or a direct path. They will have twists, turns, bumps and you may even have to turn around and start all over from the beginning. It does not mean you just give up and quit. It means you evaluate the path you have chosen, you take a deep breath and you begin again. You will eventually find the path that works for you.
No matter how many different paths you try, never give up! Each of us has a path that will work, it's just a matter of finding it. Life was never promised to be easy, but it is promised to be worth it. Set your goals, and take every path necessary to achieve those goals.
This was the basic teaching of one of my favorite high school teachers. He taught these lessons, among many others, and because of his ability to be an outstanding teacher...it's one I have never forgotten. Though there have been many times I have brushed this knowledge aside, I have not forgotten it. Once again, in my life, this knowledge is popping up to help me through another cross road in my life.
I am looking at the calender and it's reminding me that in just 6 short months, I will be turning 40! 40 years I have been on this planet, and I am still trying to reach my ultimate goal. While most that know me, know that I am extremely goal driven, almost to fault! They know I am head-strong, determined, hard-headed and driven. Anyone that knows me well, will tell you that chaos and a lack of organization drives me up a wall. They can also tell you that the person I am know is no where near, who I once was.
Through many different cross roads, I have made some extreme turns, some that have been hardly noticeable, and some that have made no sense to others. While I make decisions based on my knowledge and needs, some of them have not been good choices. I know that all of the choices/directions, have lead me to where I am. Some of these directions, I am still trying to regain my foot work from. They were not the direction I intended to go, and do not want to go back to. Some however, helped me to see the "the writing on the wall," that I had missed earlier. Some of the turns caused my head to spin and had me running in the opposite direction. Other turns, it broke my heart that they did not work the way I wanted them to.
In this journey through life, nothing is guaranteed. Too many times, we get so busy making a living that we forget to slow down and make time to enjoy our lives. Many times greed and the desire for material items drive our ambition instead of choosing to be happy first. Too many of us, have dreams and goals that we wish for and attempt to achieve, only to have a huge wall of obstacles thrown in front of us. Some are strong enough to overcome the obstacles, while others are not.
When those obstacles are so dense that it's hard to see through, many give up hope and just continue in the mundane activities to get through each day. Others, however, face them head-on and eventually make their way through to clearer roads to their hopes and dreams. No matter what the obstacle may be: Relationships, family, children, friends, careers, and even losing your own identity; All of these can be fixed/repaired or let go. Depending on the different sets of circumstances, the best way of dealing with any obstacle is facing it head-on. I'm saying this and shaking my own head while typing! If it was only that easy!
With any obstacle, it may continue to rear its ugly head over time. If it continues to pop up, it means you have not solved the issue, but instead just tamed it enough to push it aside. This is the worst way of dealing any obstacle. I am horribly guilty of this.
You smooth over what ever nasty issue comes up, just to make some peace and it seemingly goes away. That is until the next time it comes up. There will be a next time, if you do not confront the issues. There will be issues that get swept under a rug, you believe will that issue has been resolved, when all you have done is postponed the inevitable. You have to deal with the issues, no matter how painful, how ugly it may get, and no matter who it involves.
All of this being said, you have to be ready to face the issues, yourself. You have to understand that it takes 2 to make or break every issue. You have to be ready to accept your role in any issue. You also have to be able to forgive yourself. Holding on to the stress of any issue, will just make you ill. You have to be able to accept when you are wrong, and be able to apologize. In turn, you have to be strong enough to accept an apology, be able to accept that everyone has faults, and accept that whatever challenge has been laid at your feet, is there for you to learn something. Do not negate that the issues at hand are there as a means for you to learn. You may need to learn patience, trusting, love, acceptance of others and yourself, and accepting that sometimes, things in your current path just can not be solved and you must turn around and start over.
It's these cross roads in my life, that I am finding the hardest to deal with. My own happiness, internal peace, love, patience, and acceptance has become the current obstacles. Attempting to achieve my own goals and dreams, have collided with the hopes/dreams/goals of those in my family, and they don't meet each other. They may not be too far apart, however, the roads to achieve each of them goes in different directions. When you reach this point in any obstacle or cross road, it's best to take a step back and evaluate the best course of action. I tend to shut myself off from the outside world when I reach an impass at a cross road, and right now is really no different...except this time, the stakes are high, the goal is huge, and the outcome has to change the constant repeat I have been on.
After 15 years of marriage, you will undoubtedly find yourself in a rut of some sort. After years of one life style, you will find areas that need improvement, and after years of issues that also seem to be in repeat mode...you know the time has come to put a permanent end to them. How? I have NO idea! The choice has to reflect in each individual situation. Asking for help or advice does not show weakness, nor does it mean you will follow the advice/help that is given. It means you are looking to alternate information, from an outside source to help you find your way.
You have to be willing to be completely honest with yourself on every subject at hand. It may mean that you have to accept you are not who you thought you were. It may also mean that some of those involved with your life, may not be the best for the direction you wish to go, also. You don't want to make drastic changes immediately, but you need to build/work up to that. It may not be drastic changes you're needing, but just minor changes to help you achieve your goal.
While I am currently at a huge cross road in my life, I am depending on the conversations I am having with those who are involved or have the time/ability to help me see different aspects and views. I have asked for opinions/advice. I am talking to most of those involved. I am pushing myself for complete honesty, to myself. I am working through some issues that have long held a portion of the stress I am facing.
While I wish I had a few of the friends to talk with that I could always count on for their candidness, sometimes those are the paths that for whatever reason, weren't meant to be right now in my life. As I face my current cross roads of obstacles, I will deal with the struggle that it's presenting, but I know in the end, I will come out stronger that before. I also know that there is a lesson to be learned from this major distraction. I just need to find what it is.
May you each find your own cross road, and may the obstacles be nothing more than a few speed bumps!
Salli
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