Coffee Chat

This mornings coffee chat, will be a little shorter, I think. In my world, life has been a little upended, and a lot emotional. November 20th, I lost the last remaining grandparent I had. I am going to be a little selfish and I know he was the last parent to my Mom and Aunt, and he was not only grandfather to me and my siblings and cousins, and 11 great grand children; however, for just a bit, I am going to focus on what he meant to me.

My maternal grandparents were more like another set of parents, than grandparents. I spent as much time with them as I did my parents...even as an adult. Grandma was the strict one of the two for me. Even though she and I were close, she was always the one to be feared if you didn't do what she said. She spent many years ingraining how to be classy, proper, and respectful. Grandpa was always more of the silent type, until he and I were alone. Then, I would get to hear what he really thought. I was lucky enough to spend more of my 23 years, living close to them, than not...learning and watching a man I admired. He worked hard, always provided for my grandma, and rarely balked. I learned how to build, do carpentry, roof a house, side a house, how to build and work on remote control vehicles, we spent many hours working on his electric trains and the village he build for the trains to run through, and most of all, he taught me how to think for myself. He always told me I could do anything I set my mind to do, yet would remind me that there were somethings that were better off if I didn't do. He taught me how to use projects to control my temper, and to use them as a release when my brain would get to chaotic. A lot of what he taught me, I need to remember now too! I would get to hear a few of the stories from his military years during World War 2, the early years of he and grandma's marriage, and any other story he could tell me to distract me when I was feeling unsettled. He was truly a remarkable, admired and loved man in our family. Through the past few years, I watched him start to take the turn downhill, and it has shaken me to my core. It's hard to watch someone you love, go from the stubborn, never fazed person you had always known; to the frail, not talking much, not able to handle life person he was just a month ago. I was very fortunate to spend 5 days last December with him, and 8 days in October with him, but anytime I was in the area, I would go visit. I do regret not taking more time to get up there and visit but I know I have a life here that requires most of my attention.

My grandpa has been reunited with my grandma, and for that I am thankful. He was suffering through pain that was unbearable, and even though I know it was his time, selfishly, I wish he was here and healthy. Grandma and Grandpa loved this time of year. Most of my life has been spent preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas throughout the year. Everything from furniture arrangement to make sure there was always a place for the Christmas tree, to getting outside lights put up to welcome Winter and Christmas, many years of Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and the many years of Christmas songs playing while the card games and snacks were going in the dining room. This year, in my home, is going to be a little different. My husband and son are taking a hunting trip about 6 hours away, but Thanksgiving and the weekend that follows will have my house full with some of my family. I hope it will be as lively as possible, there will be plenty of food and snacks, and we may even break out one card game that I somewhat remember. I am putting up Christmas decorations this weekend, even though my house is in shambles with the remodeling going on, I am going to bake some, but most of all, I am going to enjoy the company of my extended family.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away. As I am every year, I am thankful for so many blessings in my life. I am thankful for my own family - my husband, and kids, are my life. I am thankful for my extended family and the friends that have become family, I am thankful for overall good health in our home, and the amazing home we have. I am thankful for the extended family on my husbands side, and the friends we visit with when we can. I am thankful for the mess in my house since it means we have a home, and people who are comfortable to live here. I am thankful for the never ending housework, that means we are all eating, have clothes to wears, and a roof over our heads.

This Thanksgiving, I want each of my readers to remind themselves of what they are truly thankful for. Even during times of hardship, there is always something to be thankful for. May each of you have someplace you can go to share the holiday, have food to nourish your body, have a warm place to rest your head, and love that unconditional. No matter how difficult life gets, how tight finances get or how many family disagreements take place; slow down enough to care. Take time to help who you can, take the focus off of money and replace that focus with value, and never let petty differences in your family unit disrupt the unconditional love you have for each other. Life is so short, my friends. Live each moment to its fullest!

Our world continues to spiral out of control! I personally think everyone is going through some sort of mid-life crisis! It's all of a sudden blown up into skin color, race, sex, or religious group; all demanding respect, and equality. The entire world is sure that each individual thought is right, and others are wrong. When everyone is wanting the same thing, there shouldn't be an issue, yet people are blowing themselves up, shooting/stabbing others, the governments are antagonizing each other, suddenly only certain lives matter, yet rather than getting respect they are committing crimes. The world has become a crazy place. The media outlets are only telling half-truths, at best. The political parties are greedier than ever and using the chaos to manipulate the people. The very foundation and liberty our country was founded on, has been decimated more and more each year. The freedoms we had have been limited, or withdrawn completely to manipulate people. You have citizens arguing amongst themselves because each believes they are 100% right, and are unwilling to even listen to what others have to say. Everyone seems to know everything, yet know nothing. Our society has lost sight of greatness that our country once held. Between corporations being allowed to ship the good salaried positions out of the country, the constant financial turmoil our country has seen for a decade, the low paying jobs that have been created, and the high price of trying to live; just in the U.S. alone, people have forgotten how to be humble and have humility.

In our country alone, you have races and religions believing one is better than another or deserves more than another. People's decency has flown out the window. Rather than treating each other with respect, it's become easier to rip them apart. Rather than having peaceful disagreements, you have towns getting burnt down, looting taking precedence, and lives of anyone disagreeing with them being taken. You have a group of people pledging to revoke part of our Constitution and Bill of Rights, while sending arms to known terrorists. You have people judging others for matters that should be private, but have become a political spotlight to gain favor. Our healthcare system is crumbling while citizens are being taxed for not buying into that healthcare shamble. Disagreeing with anyone, puts you into a potential hazardous situation. People have become offended by everything, yet accepting of the crimes/criminals that are egging on the problems.

Is saddening that people like my grandfathers and my dad, found in all the wars to protect the very freedoms that are now being taken from us! It's angering that people of all races, colors, and religions can't get past their own judgmental views to see what their ignorance is doing to our country. It's worse, that both political parties, are using these stupid events to their advantage. You have good and bad in every race, religion and nationality! That goes for employment as well. I don't care what color of skin, a differing religion than my own, what country you come from, or what job you hold; if you are a good person, someone who works hard, and who follows the laws, I will not have an issue with you. The ones I have issue with: the ones that demand something because they are female, white, black, red or purple, those that will lecture me because my belief system is different than theirs, those who expect everything for nothing, those that claim a crime is ok as long as it gets you where you want to go, those that judge other life styles because of the ignorance of believing they know what is best for everyone else(yet their own lives are a mess). There have been too many chiefs and not enough Indians for far too long.

In my opinion, if you get jobs with decent wages brought back to the states, get the cost of goods and services back into manageable amounts, treat EVERYONE with the same respect you want, stop taxing those working into poverty, get the government out of our everyday lives, get our education system back to teaching the facts without all the statistical testing, and focus on the importance of family unit again; this country would recover quickly. Right now, it takes 2 working parents to make ends come close to meeting. It takes 2 sometimes 3 jobs for a single parent. Our elders are thought to be disposable, instead of focusing on the value of their teachings. Our healthcare system is about to crumble from the over population of former uninsurable people. The taxes that the working are paying, are so high that even with a good paying job, you fall into the poverty level after taxes come out. The groceries to feed a family, now take a full paycheck to buy. You are now required to have auto, house, and health insurance; and even when you make too much to get the welfare forms...you don't make enough to afford. Then you aren't covered if you don't use modern medicine. The cost of utilities is constantly on the rise, and for many on set incomes, is unattainable. The tax codes have become a maze of stupidity! You have to have a CPA license just to understand them. Then, God forbid, you or a child decide to go to college. The cost of a 4 year college has become unattainable without taking out a loan. Then you are locked into a government loan, because regular banks don't want to touch them! You have higher interest, thousands of dollars of debt, and no jobs when you are done. I'm sorry, but if I spend $50,000 to get a 4 year degree, and have to get a job making less than $100,000 a year...IT IS NOT WORTH IT! That brings up another thought. Loans. Here's an interesting concept. You can't afford something on a $10 hour wage, so you go take out a loan for a vehicle, house, furniture, or whatever. So, now you have whatever, and your wages weren't enough to start with, so now not only are you locked into whatever you bought for 2-40 years; now you have to go get a second job to make that payment and pay your bills. Not a lot of common sense there. Rather than carrying around thousands of dollars worth of debt, why not just get what you can afford?! So you need a car, why do you have to have a brand new vehicle? Sure, they are nice, sure you can get 0% financing, sure you can get a cash back incentive...so the hell what?! The way I am understanding of that kind of life is this: by having a new vehicle it makes me look important. It makes me look worth more than I am. It makes me look accomplished or it fits in my neighborhood. So, looking at it from this stand point, means that by putting yourself in %20K-$70K worth of debt for a vehicle, it raises your self esteem, and keeps up with the neighbors? DUMB, DUMB, DUMB!!!! I'm sorry, in my eyes, I will go buy a used vehicle for $4K-$7K, and have a small debt for a year or two, pay it off and actually OWN IT before it falls into a pile and I still have to pay for it. I will own a cheaper, more budget friendly house so I can pay it off in a fraction of the time, so I am not so finacially strapped that I can't do anything but work. I will take all the grief of being a stay-at-home-mom, and not having much, so I can raise my kids...not a daycare. I will sacrifice manicures, hair appointments, costly vacations, and daily trips to a coffee shop, so I can provide a home for my family with real food not processed, being with my kids every minute possible before they get old enough to be on their own, I will juggle finances, learn to concoct means made out of whatever is left in the pantry when finances are too tight to buy groceries and pay bills. I will go to yard sales and clearance racks to purchase clothes rather than spend full price on clothes that are in style.

I have found that my simple life now, has changed my perspective on most things. I spent my early adult life, thinking brand new was the only way. Now, I have learned enough, that I know what is important to me. Material items, do not fit into the important categories. My importance is my family, our extended family, and those we love and have friendships with. Anything beyond that is just a bonus. I will not ever try to keep up with anyone, especially when it comes to material possessions! I am juggling our budget to get what debt we do have paid in full! I have been told that living debt free is not possible, so me being me, that is now my goal! To live debt free...and it is possible!

I'm going to end this coffee chat, and get ready to attend the services for my grandfather; a great man, and a veteran. A man that was part of the greatest generation in our country. A man that knew what it was like to live through hard times, a man that made a home and life for a wonderful wife, 2 amazing daughters, 7 doting grandchildren and 11 enthralled great grandchildren. A man that would help anyone that needed help, was the pillar of his family and never expected more than he earned.

This coffee break is dedicated to my Grandfather. May he finally be a peace and free from pain, and may he, Grandma and all in our family that have passed before him, rest in eternal peace.

Salli