Coffee Chat

A little Luck o' the Irish to you today! Happy St. Patrick's day! Some green caffeinated chatter for this coffee chat.

It's coffee chat time. There always seems to be so much to talk about. However, keeping the conversations pretty neutral does get a little frustrating. I do try though! Today, there is a lot on my mind. There has been a major shift in my life. I don't really mean just with my little family, mostly, it's been within myself. I've noticed a shift in thinking, thoughts and resolutions. Mulling over decisions that have to be made, has become less stressful, per se. I'm not really stressed having to make some choices, but trying to make the best choices for not just my family but also for me.

When you are the one that does 90% of the work, behind the scenes, without most people realizing what all you do; it tends to become overwhelming and stressful. There are those that just read that sentence, and were either shaking their head in agreement or those that get that glassed over look in their eyes and stare blankly not understanding. I have heard people make a comment about me, obviously not to my face, that I need something to do. That I have too much time on my hands, that's why I think so much, get so stressed, or have time to write these blogs. Well, let me give you a little insight. I do not have the time or energy to deal with a job! First of all, I have yet to find any job willing to pay me what my time is worth. Second of all, with the schedule I already keep...having a job would require me to literally work 24 hours a day. Anyone that doesn't believe that, I would welcome you to come hang out with me for a day...I guarantee by the end of day, you would never make mention of adding anything else to my schedule again!

I am a Mom that had a life of unconventional living thrown in my lap, and learned to not only thrive, but love it! That's not to say that I don't miss what little time I had to myself, or having a job that allowed me to be around other adults, or even having a job to have my own money. It's been so many years now since I had a "real" job, that what skills I did have, are out dated. The world moved on while I have been busy being a mom. At this stage of my life, it would take a hell of a pile of money to make me change the way I do things. I am too free-willed and independent to deal with office politics, and drama. I am not a gossipy type of person, so when that begins...my mind checks out. My days begin around 6 and end usually around midnight or 1 am. There aren't many hours left in my days.

When my days are loaded with 2-3 meals and meal prep, 3-4 hours of teaching my kids, 8+ hours of laundry/cleaning/answering my children's bellows/phone calls/and trying to constantly learn something new myself...there's just not much left of me - emotionally or physically! For those that have suggested I need a "real" job, I'm not sure what exactly you think I do all day, but I'm more than sure that what I do, is more real than you understand. Do I need to get out for awhile? Hell yes! I need some time away to be able to do something for myself, but that doesn't fit in the schedule most of the time.

Now then, when I have all the regular scheduled stuff going on and then you throw a monkey wrench in it, with any outside issues or changes; and yes, I do get stressed. Especially when those outside issues can not be discussed openly. I am a talker. I need conversations so I can sort through thoughts, emotions and stresses. Although I don't want a bunch of people knowing my business, sometimes it helps to get a different perspective, by talking to others. So, when these decisions and stresses come into play, I do get more uptight and more argumentative. I need to work through whatever is going, and I will, eventually. I always do. I do not, however, handle having to internalize any decisions due to how others will react.

This brings me to another point. When you have 2 people, neither of those people will handle things the same way. Sure, there may be similarities, but there will be plenty of differences. Where I am a talker, analyzer, and an obsessive list maker...my husband has a different way of dealing with stresses. He is more of an internalizer. He withdraws into himself to deal with stress. He doesn't talk much, when stresses affect us - he becomes more closed off. His normal laid back, easy going personality; it becomes more random. He may stay calm but he begins snapping at people easier, his words become more harsh and hurtful, he makes threats(not physical) that cause a lot of hurt feelings, says things that should not be said, and shuts everyone out. Once he works through some of those stresses, he is ready to move on, like nothing has happened. Unfortunately, some of the harsh words, statements and being shut out; hang with me, for a long time. I have found my own reactions, to his reactions, have caused the walls I keep up, to grow more each time.

With some of the stress in our lives right now, I need a lot of conversation. However, just having a one-sided conversation tends to make matters worse. There is a difference in communicating and being talked at. I've always heard, "it's not necessarily what you say, but in how you say it, that makes a difference." This is very accurate. Talking to me as an equal, as someone with an education, and not one of the losers that work for you; will get you much further. When there are times that you truly have to question if you are raising 2 kids or 3; there needs to be raise in conversation equality. When taking care of a family, household, and everything except a paying job; I need a partner, and someone who will see me as their equal. Not above or below them.

This brings me to another area of headache. When I can see there is an issue, whether it be in my relationship, our home, a job, family, or anything else; I will bring it to attention. Whether anyone else chooses see the issue or not, is not something I can do anything about. I can see an issue, there fore, it is brought up. This has given me plenty of grief throughout my life. I do a lot of observing. I listen, not just hear. I see through a lot of the smoke and mirrors games people play, and I listen to my gut instincts. I may be just a stay-at-home mom to some, but I have an education and am smart enough to pick up on bullshit when I see or hear it. That's not to say there aren't people out there that have been able to buffalo me, there are, but for the most part...I can catch on pretty quick. Very rarely do I have unguarded conversations with anyone, except those that have earned my trust. Once a trust is broken though, it's gone. It will never be the same, even if I move past it.

Trust is an area that I have fought with since I was young. I don't trust easy, but once I do, it's there until a reason is given not to. I'm not a jealous person, I have too much self-respect for those worthless emotions. For me, I know my value, know my worth and know how to be independent; so jealousy is a waste of my time and energy. I honestly have better things to do. I do know though, that there are plenty of jealous people in the world. Just as there are plenty of people that wouldn't know how to be independent for a single day. I don't know how people can manage each day with a jealousy issue. I've seen so many that are jealous over who their significant others speak to, jealous of friendships that don't include them, and even job promotions that someone else may get. These are all difficult for me understand. It's not how my mind is wired.

For me, I figure if my husband ever thought he wanted someone else...I wouldn't stand in his way. Why compete for something that was not working?! All the times he flirts while we are out and about, not a big deal to me. I usually laugh at the whole situation. I also know, when and if I truly want something, I will go after it and get it. I just am not a person that needs much, or really needs anyone, for that matter. Sure, I love being a stay-at-home mom, but it something happened in my marriage; I know I could do whatever I needed to and survive. I have never been a person that has to go from one relationship, into another. Sure, flirting is fun, but having someone attached my hip; not really something I want or need. My marriage works now, because I don't have to deal with jealousy, or having someone by side 24/7. We have things we like to do together, just as much as we have things we like to do separately. The theory of: you go your way, I'll go mine, and when our paths cross, we will meet in the middle...yep, it works for me.

I love my time alone. I love being able to crank the music or just enjoy the quiet. I really need that alone time, to recharge my mind, body and spirit. There are a lot of people that don't understand that. While I can be pleasant, and I can socialize when I want to; I am more of an introvert. I love my quiet time, I love to read and learn, I love gardening and letting stress exit through my hands and soil. I love grounding by walking through the beautiful grass or worked dirt, bare foot. I love days when I can stay in my pj's and read or sort through thoughts by making lists. As much as I love all those things, there are times I love to go out! I loved going dancing and having a drink or two, I loved spending hours talking to my best friend about anything and nothing; while polishing off many pots of coffee. I loved hiking and letting my soul refuel in nature. I love to build things. Whether it's a small bookcase or an entire room of furniture. Tackling my love of floor plan designing, and remodeling; I would love to be able to take on building a house I designed, or taking an old house and making it new again. I love taking pictures. It doesn't matter if it's people, animals or nature...doing it for a living would be a dream come true. I usually do not see things through blinders, so I catch the beauty I do see, as best as I can. I love to write. Whether it be these personal blogs, in my journals, some stories I read to my youngest, or sharing something I have learned...it doesn't matter. Writing is relaxing to me.

These coffee chats, are a release for me. Even though I won't put everything online, I can share generic versions or ideas, and get them out of my head. Most of the time, I will write the entire blog post, before even knowing what it really says. What starts out as an idea, I start typing whatever comes to mind, publish it, and then go back through to read it. I'm not perfect in grammar or punctuation, but I type whatever comes to mind. That is why I love my coffee chats, and why then tend to be a little all over everywhere. One thought leads to another, and when all is said and done, an entire post is written in less than 30 minutes.

I want to switch gears for a bit. We are in the midst of the craziest election cycle I have ever seen. You have a bunch of career politicians and a business man, all battling to become the president. You have a bunch of congressmen, making laws they do not have to follow. Then you have all these "groups" behaving like petulant children, and people behaving in a manner that would have not only our founding fathers rolling over in their graves but our own ancestors getting a willow switch to change their behavior. I really am not understanding the direction our country has taken, or when so many in society became such wimps. Laws and regulations have now turned our children into victims, and the bullies have the rights. Police officers are now more concerned from their lives during every shift, than ever before. The bad officers are so few, yet the good ones are just as much targets. You can't say anything for fear of offending someone, causing a riot, or being ambushed with hate mail. Judgement has become so harsh, that mothers can not feed their children in public but Victoria's Secret can plaster half naked women all over the television, mall windows, and advertisements. Our freedoms of speech, right to bear arms, right to do much of anything; is being lessened every day. And for what purpose? For a false sense of security? We have 5 individuals running for the highest office in our country, and from what I have learned, none are fit for the position. We 535 individuals that are elected, without any term limits, to make the laws of the land, none of which are fit for the positions. The two main political parties are playing one against the other, when in truth, they are the same. You have individuals all over the country, willing to commit crimes, to somehow justify support for some politicians. Then you have a bias media, that is no longer informative but has become all about propaganda and adding fuel to the lack of morals of those committing crimes.

I'm not going to ever voice support for any political party. I research each candidate on their values, their standing on issues, and what they have accomplished. There isn't a single candidate that has gained my vote. I believe that whomever each person votes for, is no one's business but their own. However, more and more people are more than happy to belittle you or degrade you when do make a decision to vote for one of the educated idiots. So, even when/if I decide to vote for someone, no one will know who it is. I have my own thoughts on who I believe would be best for our country, but none of them measure up, to me. Choosing the lesser of the evils, is not how it should be. This cycle, we have the woman who is already drawing 3 pensions from tax payers and has a lot of blood on her hands. You have the old guy who has a few ideas that could work but to me is nothing more than a white Obama. You have the dip shit from Texas, who in my eyes, should not even have the validity to run. Then, you have the businessman who, although I like that he is not politically correct, is a jackass. Oh yeah, and then the one that most people have never heard of, and we didn't hear anything about recently. Seems like a big field of educated idiots, none of which would have a clue how to live in the real world.

We have a multi-trillion national debt, tax codes that more loop holes that a tennis shoe factory, increasing taxes on those who actually work for a living and decreasing for those who are at the top, an education system that is failing our kids by teaching to tests instead of teaching our children to actually learn, a ton of groups of people overstepping the constitution that were not elected by the people but instead appointed by those who have been elected - strangling any freedoms we do have left. Our financial system is a mess. Our road systems throughout the country are crumbling due to lack of funding, and all the bureaucratic red tape. The educated idiots have managed to place cause a type of civil war within our country by playing the race, religion, financial, gender, and nationality cards all against each other. You have the Hollywood group that believes they need to voice their opinions and behave with the lowest values and morals possible. You have the corporations sending people to pay our elected officials the highest money to vote which ever way they will increase their profits. You have the racial groups that believe killing, and looting, is an acceptable action to be heard. Then you have those that will defend one party or the either; even when they are smart enough to understand that they are all the same.

While my personal opinion is not worth much, and I know that, I just have a hard time understanding all the insanity. There seems to be a big lack of common sense, values, morals and self respect. I suppose it is no different than those that don't even make an effort to get out of their bed clothes to go shopping. I just wonder when did our country loose it's class, it's self respect, decency? When did it become acceptable to degrade someone for trying to better themselves, belittle someone who wants to use their ingenuity to start their own business, giving fines to kids and people for lemonade stands and selling fresh produce out of gardens. When did stealing become an acceptable thing? It's now become more profitable to live off the welfare system, than to actually have a job. It takes an arm and a leg to go to college, only to have that astronomical debt hanging over your head and no jobs to be able to repay that debt. Speaking of debt, when in the name of all things good, did it become acceptable to owe your soul to whomever holds the lien on your debts? We are told it is our job, to go out and spend our hard earned money, to keep our country moving. So, you have people in debt beyond their eyeballs, to have the biggest houses, the newest vehicles, or the latest gaming systems. Where does this make any sense?! When did we, as society, loose our sense of responsibility? What ever happened to not buying something if we didn't have the cash to buy it? Now, we are offered bank loans to purchase homes that would cost 5 years or more of gross salaries, vehicles costs are as much as a small house, credit cards are happy to offer credit to even those less than worthy, and none of this begins to cover the cost of the everyday true needs we have.

Sure, we need a house. But if that house is going to cost you a minimum of 5 years or more of your gross salary, don't you think it's too much? Then you throw in trying to one up, everyone else. This is a huge issue to me. Why on Earth, would you put yourself in such deep financial strain for the biggest, most expensive home, just to have something better than your neighbor? To me, it's stupidity! Why would anyone want a home, or vehicle for that matter, that is so expensive that, they have to have a two full time incomes. Not to mention the fact that they are forced to carry that burden of debt, and can't enjoy what they do have? Tell me, with the debt that you carry, do you get to enjoy life, your family or get aways...without creating more debt? If your vacations are paid for with a credit card, you can't afford your home or vehicle without working not only a 40 hour week plus overtime, you can not truly enjoy your life. If you are struggling to barely make ends meet...more than likely, it's because your debts are too much.

Debt, to me, is a life sucking, stress inducing, way for corporations, financial institutions, and politics to keep our society in line. By being so burdened with debt, we are forced to depend on loans, credit cards, and living a life ruled by someone else. Please don't take any of this, believing that I am any better off! We have a mortgage, a student loan, and 2 credit cards. I hate debt! I hate knowing that each month I have to make payments for something. I am working towards eliminating our debt, but like everyone else, I don't know how to live completely debt free, without living in a shack made of twigs, and bark.

Just as debt irritates me regularly, so does the lack of knowledge when it comes to our food. Food, real food, for thousands of years, was used as a means of healthcare. Too much of what is consumed today, can not be considered real food. Food that has a shelf life of years, is dangerous! You will never convince me that putting chemicals on and in food, is safe. While science can be beneficial, too much of science, in the food industry has been manipulated. With disease rates growing all time, the common denominator, is FOOD! More specifically, lack of nutritional education. You can not get needed vitamins, minerals and nutrition out of anything made in a factory! Anytime a synthetic food like product is made, it contains a cocktail of chemicals. Most of those chemicals are known carcinogenics or have never been tested, independently, for human consumption. When you have a large portion of society, that has to live on fast food or eating out, you can not expect any kind of different results in health. The chemical concoctions used in our food supply, are terrifying!

My own personal experience with Cancer, allergies, and other sensitivities; has led me to research. It has lead to a lot of criticism from some that believe eating all that crap is not unhealthy or it wouldn't be offered. I can tell you, if you knew what went into most of the foods we eat, or even the conditions of the kitchens where we all eat at; you would be physically sick! After a couple years of poor gardens here, we have had to purchase more store bought items than normal. With the increased store foods, has come increased illnesses, increased allergies, increased sensitivities, and worsening health all around. This was an unintentional lesson to me. The allergies and sensitivities we had all but eliminated years ago, have come back with a vengeance, the skin issues have become worse than ever, and hormone balances have all but flown out the window! While this has been a hard lesson, and the constant degradation of hearing it's impossible to eat totally organic, has been tough; It has taught me one major lesson...people don't know, how much they don't know. People are buying into the propaganda that the food they are eating is healthy, because it's federally approved or some naive sense that it wouldn't be sold if it wasn't safe to eat. All I can say is, if you read an ingredient list and can't pronounce the ingredients...do not eat it! We all want to do everything we can do, to keep our families safe and healthy. The absolute best place to start is, what is being put into their bodies. While modern medicine is all about covering up symptoms with fast acting medication; a healthy diet will help your body heal itself, but it will take time. You body will have to go through a detox, of sorts. It has to have the real food for the nutrients to start healing from the inside, out. Your body has not become ill overnight, even if your symptoms have. With the correct nutrients, your body can heal itself from any illness.

As so often happens, it's time to end this blog, and move on with the rest of my day. I love my coffee chat blogs, and hope you do too. As unconventional as I am, I am still learning and growing, every single day. While I can take the time to write, research and get unnerved by society as a whole - I believe there are still some remarkable people in the world. I don't believe that there are entire portions of society that are bad, but clusters here and there, that make entire groups looks bad. I don't care if you are white, black, red or brown; if you have a different spiritual thought than I do, what country you live in, or what nationality you identify with; whether you are straight, gay or bi-sexual, male or female, rich or poor, young or old. There is good and bad to every single label that has been placed. As Americans, it's time we come together, quit labeling, quit playing class warfare, and become "One Nation," once again. Quit fighting with each other, quit stealing, lying, cheating, and accepting the games that are being played by those that will profit off of it.

Wishing you all a beautiful day. My label: WARNING: highly opinionated, independent, sassy, educated, burned by life but stronger than ever, and not willing to accept that ignorance is bliss!

Too much to label,
Salli