Coffee Chat

Good Morning! It's amazing how quickly April has creeped up on me. I've spent a lot of time reflecting over the past year. It's amazing to think of the changes that have encompassed my life, over the course of a year. I try not to be negative but there are times you become so overwhelmed you end up on that path. It becomes a vicious cycle of overwhelm, frustrated, and annoyed; and you have no idea how to get off the roller coaster ride! So, today's coffee chat is about the snippets of my life that I care to share.

Last year, in April, we decided the move to Southern Missouri was in our best interest. It also meant selling our home, uprooting our lives, and learning a new culture/region. While the job market around our home was rapidly diminishing, it was terrifying to think of everything that needed to be done to prepare for the move. Naturally, I feel like the main dynamics of the move fell on my shoulders. I struggled with the move. I had a home that I was making my own, and aside from the job market...everything was pretty good. I will say, I told my husband when he mentioned moving, that I would go where ever he wanted to go. I never dreamed of the chaos that would follow.

After waiting nearly 3 months, he needed to start the job he was offered or lose it. The house hadn't sold yet, the house we had considering buying here was a complete joke and so was the real estate company, and we had no options...except him moving and us staying. Obviously, that was not ideal either. From the time he moved, the kids and I did chores, kept up with the yard work, continued their schooling while I kept up with the house, bills, meals, real estate marketing, showing our home, and managing the kids and my own adjustment to not having my husband there. A couple months into separate households, it became apparently that that was not going to work for much longer. We decided that with the harvest season approaching, we needed to be here, because he wouldn't be able to make the 6 hour drive on weekends through harvest. Our couple months of being in a camper turned into nearly 7 months, and the house still hasn't sold.

So, we decided a camper would be a temporary solution for harvest season. First of all, I do not recommend this, ever!!! We had to pack up the house initially for the move, then unpack and repack to fit in a camper, and leave our big animals and most of our belongings scattered from one end of the state to another. It was horrible! It's still a struggle every day. Knowing we have the livestock in one location, still have belongings at our house, now we have a storage unit in town, and our rental house here too. I am feeling a little more settled, but there is still stuff scattered. We have stuff crammed into our rental house, but I do really like it and it's location. We were able to find a rental house that gave us most of what we were used to, and most of what I needed to function.

I am pretty blessed with finding this rental house. It sits on 6 acres, has room for a garden, the kids have room to run, we have a home to live in until something gives with the sale of our house. Although, I am really sick of paying for 2 houses. I have prayed for months, for our house to sell. I have to believe that there is still something the Universe wants me to see, and that is why it hasn't sold. I sure wish the Universe would give me some indication on the lesson though...I'm tired of dealing with it all!

I have spent nearly 7 months feeling like a piece of paper tossed into a tornado. Feeling so scattered, so torn, and crumpled; is exhausting. The first month or so in the camper wasn't too bad. Then, the loner it drug on, the worse it was getting. Too small of space, no room for the kids to play, no quiet space, and cooking was a joke. It was causing the kids to battle constantly, my husband and I were arguing regularly, and the overall morale, was bad at best. The only thing good that came from that camping experience was meeting a couple of good friends.

Now, we have our rental house. It's about 1000 sq ft smaller than our house, but it has a LOT more room than the stupid camper. We have 2 bathrooms...and bedrooms that allow all of us to have space. We have a full and functioning kitchen that allows me to cook and bake the way I like, a living area that is big enough for all of us to sit together, my dining room table that has bore witness to so many conversations, outdoor room for a swing set/garden/games of catch/and bonfires. We are far enough off the road to not be bothered by road noise, no sirens wailing at all hours, and no campground own complaining because my kids are outside without me standing over them! I know this rental house is not permanent, but it is a nice and peaceful place. I also know that someday, hopefully sooner than later, I will be back on a farm. I will be able to have my horses and the kids cows again. I will have larger gardens and plenty of room to store everything I preserve. Until then, I'm am trying to make the best of the best situation we've been in for about a year. Now, if our realtor would just get our house sold!!!!

This past weekend, my husband tilled up an area for my garden. Thankfully, a good friend had a tiller he let us use! So, I have a 43x22 garden for this Summer. I'm not sure how to handle this small of a garden, but it sure beats the heck out of no garden!!! I get to learn how to garden in sand. The soil here is mostly sand and clay. Neither of these, do I have experience with. But I love a challenge, so I'm about to learn. I got all the seeds planted, and can hardly wait to start seeing them grow! If everything grows well, I should be able to can/freeze a good amount of vegetables later this Summer. Taking my shoes off to garden, has always been my thing. However, the threat of sand burrs changed this years course on that. I did clear an area that allowed me to ground in the garden. Sand is so different that black dirt. Not just in the obvious sense, but also in it's grounding effects. I'm still learning and will continue to learn and grow.

I have almost gotten our rental house unpacked. There is a lot of clutter right now, and it's frustrating to me, but I'm working on it. I need to build some shelving units to allow for the smaller space. We got rid of our dressers, years ago, when we started making all the closets in our house customized with clothes bars and shelves. The closets here are decent but not set up for not having dressers. I need to figure out a space for a desk; build that and a cabinet for my husbands guns, and a small cabinet for the kitchen too. Unfortunately, I can make everything, and have them all designed but paying for two houses has the budget so tight, I just can't make it all work, just yet.

If you have never done it, imagine paying a house payment and utilities - in two locations, for nearly 8 months! I can promise you that the finances will suck the life out of you in a hurry!! I have always done the responsible thing, but there are days...I just want to walk away and be done with it! It gets very frustrating to watch so much being wasted on something you are no longer using. I'm going to stay positive for now, and know that everything will happen at the right time...even if it's not in our time.

We have been in our rental house for a month now. I keep praying for everything to work the way it's intended to work. The kids are adjusting well, and loving having space again. I have begun feeling settled and have found time to just be without letting stress overwhelm me, and I hope that relationships, finances, and life will adjust and allow for growth.

For today, I'm going to end this blog with a positive. I am no longer stuck in a sardine can, feeling trapped and ready to go postal! HA! It's all good. Everything will work out the way it's intended to. I just need to learn the patience to not be so demanding, I guess!

Have a beautifully blessed day!
Salli