Hosting an exchange student

I have had several people asking me about my experience in hosting an exchange student. While every experience is different, I want to share mine. We had talked about this type of things for YEARS! Finally, last January, it seemed like the time was finally going to work out, after seeing an ad through one of the online groups. We contacted the lady that had posted the information, looking for further information. It seemed easy enough; Application, back ground checks, provide a bed, meals, and a home for an exchange student for either 5 or 10 months. This all seems simple enough, but in my experience there is a lot more to it. There has to be to have good experience.

Taking our time, we looked through the students profiles, we wanted to find a student that would compliment our family and our home. We don't have several of the luxuries that we had seen other host families having. We don't travel, we live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and we do not have the extra time available for a student that wanted to be over-involved in everything under the sun. Not only were we looking for a student to fit our family, we were trying to look out for what was best for the exchange students. Putting a student in our home that was accustomed to being in 4 different sports, and was wanting to travel all over would have mode the student as well as our family, unhappy. Another area we looked at was the ages. We have a 10 year old and a 19 year old in our house. Having a student in the age brackets we were looking at, was concerning. Teenage girls tend to be more dramatic and even those from different countries have some pretty massive adjustments to make to come to a different country. Many of them had never traveled away from their parents, and that would mean having a massive adjustment in and of itself. Not to mention, the issue of being homesick. Teenage boys can have as much or more drama. While many of the same adjustments as the girls, boys tend to be more involved, more ego driven and honestly there weren't many profiles for boys when were at that stage of our decisions.

Now, We made our decision to host a student in January of 2019. That gave us plenty of time to get to know our student prior to her arrival here in the states. I HIGHLY recommend this if you are planning to host a student. The longer you have to build a bond with your student, the better experience you will have. We had to learn about an app on our phones called Whatsapp. I highly recommend this too! It allows you to text with your student before they ever arrive. You can text, send videos, and I believe even video call. Skype is another priceless tool for getting to know your student. You really need a few months of getting to know your host student, their personality, and learning about their family. Many times, this will help you both adjust once they are in your home. Being completely honest with them about your home, your expectations, your family and your lifestyle is one way to eliminate any hitches.

With your application complete and accepted background checks done, then comes the home visit. A representative that is local to where you live will come to your house to visit with anyone living in your home. This is sometimes a bit unearthing if you are like me and have an issue with people going through your house that you do not know. The thin to remember is that this is for the safety of the students coming from different countries. You would not want your child thrown into a host family that had not been completely checked out or a home that is unacceptable. These reps have to have continued communication with the students in their region throughout the students time in the states. I was fortunate enough to have found a friend in our local rep. Each student is given contact information for their local, regional and national rep, in the event they have an issue. Once you have completed your home visit, you select a student that fits your family, then you will receive their full biography, their contact information and typically a letter from the students parents. At this point, this was when we started preparing for our student. We told our families, and started preparing for having an additional young person in our home. While you can prepare for months, there are some things, you can't prepare for.

Prior to our student arriving, we had an orientation meeting with our local rep and the other host families in our area. This meeting required an hour drive in each direction. This meeting was great to get to meet other hosting families, and getting the final details before our student got here. The local reps have several events they schedule throughout the time the students are in the states. While this is a massive inconvenience for my families lifestyle, it is good for the students that want to interact with other exchange students. For my family, taking time away from our farm is just not financially or even time wise possible. For us, taking time away, takes a major undertaking and tends to cost me money that is just wasted.

Speaking of time and money. This is where I think more needs to be said when advertising for host families. Yes, a bed, food and home are the foundation for hosting a student; but that is just the bear bones, in my eyes. Hosting a student means opening your home, your family, your life and your heart to a young person; potentially across the globe from their home. This is by no means going to be easy and sometimes personalities just don't coincide. This is where taking the time to get to know your student prior to their arrival helps! When they arrive to the airport nearest to you, they have just flown across the globe and spent 2 full days on an adrenaline high in a city that never sleeps. They are going to be absolutely wiped out! They are probably going to spend the better part of 4 days sleeping! Do not schedule anything, I mean absolutely nothing, that first 4 days. They will not remember any of it! Hosting a student is all volunteer. You are not paid for food, mileage, time you have to take off work for events or illness, nothing. So, if you host a student that is involved in every sport, club, and activity...this is YOUR expense. If you host a student that has specialty diet needs, this is YOUR expense. It is also your job, the first week they are at your home to make sure they have a cellular phone to use in the states(this is their expense) and that they get enrolled at school. Make sure that the school district they will be attending doesn't have extra expenses. We found out about a computer rental requirement the day our student enrolled, and they did not have the extra cash available at that time to cover it.

Here are some of the things we were told when we attended our orientation meeting. The students are responsible for having $150-$250 monthly available for their expenses in the states. If your family decided to go out to eat you can tell your student they have to pay for their own(not my idea of having them part of your family), you can limit what they are allowed to eat in your house(again, either welcome them into your home or don't), you can leave your student unattended(again, I don't leave my own kids I will not be leaving someone else's). The students can not drive anything with a motor...this means vehicles, 4-wheelers, lawn tractors. This was very difficult for me because living on a farm it's very irresponsible and could be very dangerous in the event of an emergency.

While we have followed most of the guidelines, I refuse to have anyone in my home, that is not made fully welcome. If we decide we are going out to eat...we are paying for it. Whatever food is in my home, is available to anyone here, anytime! I do not leave my own children unattended. We haven't done any work on the farm since our student has been here, that hasn't meant the whole family being involved in, so far. You need to prepare as much as possible, not only financially but also mentally. Taking the responsibility for a young person that is so far from home can take its toll. You need to be prepared to handle homesickness, to handle the differing geographies/seasons, handling the changes they must make to fit your family, not to mention the extra finances of extra food, extra fuel, and anything that may present itself to you as you both adjust.

Our experience has been incredible. We haven't just hosted an exchange student, we have acquired another daughter. We had 6 months of getting to know our host daughter. We texted and sent videos back and forth the entire time. We were very honest from the start about not traveling, living in rural America, having livestock and dogs. We learned about our host daughter and her family, and her culture. One of our biggest driving points for choosing her, was that she was family oriented. She was used to having meals and spending a lot of time with her family. She was not interested in joining every sport or activity. She had one sport she considered, we went and watched one practice. She decided it wasn't for her; she was happier to spend the time with us. We are not rich, and we don't have much but we have allowed for the extra expenses for food, and for her birthday and Christmas. We have made a few changes to our diets and grocery shopping to allow some of her recipes to be included in our menu. She has met several of the young people in her classes and can say she is friends with a few. She's being urged to attend prom, and while I hope she does...that will be her decision. It's not my job to decide for her. She has build a very strong bond with not only her host brother and sister, but also her her host dad and me. We know she has to go back to Italy in May, she doesn't want to leave and we don't want her leave. We know we will see her as soon as she can get away to come back to America. From what she is telling us now, she wants to be able to spend 6 months here and 6 months at home. We would love that, but we will happily enjoy whatever time we can share with her. We will miss her terribly when she goes home!!

I know there will be so many more evens to take place before our host daughter returns home; including a few mini vacations and a work trip or two of mine that will be added in. For anyone considering hosting a student this year, just keep this information in mind. If you plan to host a student, truly welcome them, help them integrate into your family and your community, be mindful of how you would feel or how you would want your child to feel. Bringing a young person into your home and not treating them just as fairly as you would treat your own child, is not setting up a good scenario.

It's important to have your expectations in line now. Make sure you are honest on your application, and you consider your needs/wants as you look through student profiles. Make sure mentally and financially you are prepared to take in a student that could eat substantially more than you or requires a specialty diet. Once you choose a student, learn their culture, learn their traditions, and make sure to allow them to teach about it. I can tell you American spaghetti is NOT Italian!!! Lessoned learned for me, and I will never make it that way again! True Italian is ten times better!!!

I hope this will help those interested in hosting. It can be the best experience of your life, if you let it. I will gladly answer any questions, or concerns. It can feel a little overwhelming in the beginning, but having someone that is hosting now, may help!

Salli