I am on a tangent already this morning! I am so tired of incompetent, lazy and quite frankly, ignorant people...I am truly at my wits end. I'm going to attempt to calm my racing thoughts long enough to get them out of my head...no promises though. This is a coffee chat but a bit of a soap box too! I have had about 6-9 months of frustration that I have done my best to keep under wraps, but I am about to blow the top off that box.
People will inevitably surprise you. That could go good or bad. The people you believe to be good, honest people will turn out to be no better than those they claim to dislike. While some that you believe to be questionable will never let you down. It's such an upside world. The ones you believe you have connections and friendships with are the ones that disappear like they never existed. I'm not talking about those that you are close to that are having to live their lives and you can only touch base occasionally, I'm talking about those that claim to be friends and disappear when the water gets a little rough. Oh well, I guess to each their own.
I'm struggling. I have been excited for Christmas this year, since this would be the first one to have all my kids home at the same time. My family was finally able to get pictures done with everyone and even our "Italian daughter" is here. However, there has been so much that has put a monkey wrench in everything that I am ready to be done with Christmas. I can't seem to get anything done. Christmas shopping has been stalled and I should have been done a month ago since I started early. I spent a week getting ready for our Annual Christmas Open House, and had such a poor attitude with that...and usually that is my catalyst for Christmas spirit. Now, I keep hearing about bullshit illness drama that is complete hogwash! You can not test for an illness that has not been isolated, let alone test for "variants" that sound like the result of an honest days work. People keep complying thinking they will be able to go back to normal...but by complying you will never get back to normal. Use your damned heads for more than a hat rack!!! So, instead the health departments are illegally using tracking to quarantine anyone and everyone in contact with a supposed illness that can not be tested for, the government is attempting - thankfully a few courts are not corrupt and are putting a stop to it - to require a gene therapy. Just in case you weren't aware, a vaccine is designed and defined as something that helps prevent the spread and protects the recipient from the illness. What is being offered does neither! Instead lots of people have allowed their DNA to be altered, and continue to do so by taking more and more of this crap into your body. By altering your DNA, they are overriding your immune system and this gene therapy is causing your body to battle itself. Anyone pushing this crap should be charged with crimes against humanity, along with anyone requiring masks for children should be tried for child abuse! Do your own research and stop blindly following the masses...usually the "m" is silent!!
Incompetence has become a major pet peeve for me. I do not purchase much online anymore. When I do, I expect that my packages will be delivered as they are supped to do. For at least 8 months now, that is not the case. A majority of companies have begun shipping FedEx. For whatever reason, 95% of the places I order from use them now. BIG mistake!!! I don't know if this is an issue everywhere or just here, but I can guarantee that if a package is being delivered by them...I will not have it for as much as 2 weeks AFTER the promised delivery date. This is unacceptable!!! If that's not enough, following their tracking information...is a joke! The latest package, has shown it to be delivered at least 4 times since the 4th of December and yet, it still shows that it is returned to the hub every single day. There have been packages showing as undeliverable due to no one at residence...there is ALWAYS someone at my house 24/7. It will show delayed, or left at front door...which is humorous since the driver will only leave packages at my gate - rain or shine. I am so fed up with the amount of bullshit that is spewed from so many directions!!!!!!!!!
I am seriously at my breaking point. I have had enough of everything!!! If it weren't for a sense of responsibility, I would take a vacation all by myself, turn off my phone and just disappear for a bit. I do everything I can to help everyone else, making their lives a little easier, and all I seem to get is more stress! Apparently, by trying to help everyone, I have prevented others from being able to function on their own without having to turn to me for guidance on everything. If I am not pushing, it's not going to get done...at least not in a timely manner. It's irritating. I have always said, "a lack of preparation on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine." Apparently, because I am home all the time, I have all the time in the world to cater to everyone else's needs, wants, and issues. By taking all this on, I have not been able to do anything that I want to do or enjoy. I have not built any furniture in nearly 2 years, I have taken any pictures really in about as long. I've missed 3 veteran coffee meetings due to illnesses and demands here. I'm tired, mentally/physically & emotionally!!! I'm trying to find solid ground but I'm just not. I'd break down and cry if I could....but I can't cry for some reason. I am so far beyond overwhelmed that I just get angrier instead of calming down. I'm tired of being told one thing and finding out the opposite has happened....or nothing is being done. I know a lot of my frustration comes into play over my own expectations. I know what I do and will do, and when others neglect to do things, it hurts me...rather than deal with hurt, it turns to anger.
I am someone, even if it has been buried for a long time, that wants to celebrate everything. From little accomplishments to big, holidays, birthdays...everything. I truly believe life should be a celebration. However, I have become pretty jaded over the years. Even though I try to celebrate holidays and birthdays still, I have neglected everything else. You get tired of being told it's stupid, a waste of time, why bother, etc. If that is how you feel, fine. It's no one else's problem to deal with but you. I've heard it all. Over the years, I've allowed these thoughts to enter into my own thoughts...and sadly, some have taken hold. I'm a strong person, I was raised to be. I was raised to be self-dependent. When you depend on others, you allow for others to have control over you. So, no one has ever fully been let into my entire being. Some have gotten deeper than others but I can't say there is a single person that knows all there is to know about me. To me that is sad, but it is what it is. A few that I allowed to get closer have let me down or disappointed my trust; so they are just completely removed from my life. As I said, I'm tired.
I could go on and on about so much irritation in my own life at the moment. I need to take a step back, reevaluate and find a new path. What I've been doing is no longer working. I believe the coming weeks will be about finding some form of balance, somehow. Until then, I encourage you all to use some sense, some common courtesies, some common sense and some compassion.
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