Coffee Chat

 

Welcome to the end of January! 

It always seems as though January takes like 12 years to get through! It's the month of nothing happening. All the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's gatherings have ended. Schedules get all sorts of messed with November and December for holidays, gatherings, etc. Then January rolls in and you have nothing. The weather is cold, gloomy and all the pretty holiday decorations are put away. It's really kind of a depressing month. As someone who would much rather be outdoors than in, it's a tough month for me. 

I have really tried to control my emotions and in turn, my mouth lately. It's upsetting when you attempt to help others, and then it comes back at you as nothing but grief! Honestly, it doesn't matter whether it's family or friends. I'm always saying, don't ask my opinion unless you truly want it! Also, my opinion is just what I see from my perspective. I just shared a memory on social media this morning that I had forgotten about. It said "do you want comfort or solutions," and a comment said, "are we listening or problem solving." I really believe this should be a mantra for every household and relationship! It's so much easier to know where we need to turn our thoughts....especially for those of us that are fixers!

I have had a couple of years now that have required me to take a look at myself and where I stand. It has caused me a lot of upset, to realize that a lot of past hurts had planned largely into my own personality and character. I'm old enough to know that playing a blame game at this point, is useless. However, those hurts and early lessons will stick with you for a lifetime. Taking a look at them, and having to overcome them after-the-fact, has been painful and insightful, in equal measure. While I despise whiners and people that use those things as crutches....I found myself inching closer to being in the same boat. I found myself needing validation from others, to verify my worth. I found myself needing validation from others to know I was "good enough." When I wouldn't get it, it left me feeling bad about myself. That is a psychological result from unhealed trauma/issue. I refuse to allow that to go on for another generation. So, I've had to "fix" me....not really fix but heal. That's a difficult feat when you can't go back in time. That's when you have to learn to heal without a apology, without closure, or whatever you may have needed previously. I have spent a lot of years living by the theory of being to others what I needed. The only thing I can tell you from doing that is, you end up trying to pour from an empty cup continuously. You can't be everything to everyone. No matter how hard you try. You can't fix everything for everyone else. You can be supportive without taking on other's issues as your own. Again, this is difficult for those of us that are fixers.

 

It's so difficult to spend so much time alone. Many find they get bored or even depressed. It's also difficult to slow down and force yourself to work on self care. Many times, we end up finding things out about ourselves that aren't what we thought, or we find that we have done things that do not really go along with our character. Facing those things, head-on, can be difficult too. Especially when it goes against the very values you hold within your heart. Forgiving yourself for making a mistake or being human, is necessary. I learned a long time ago, to not need anyone, to not fully trust anyone, and I have spent a lot of time on my own. Even now, I spend more time in silence than I do in conversation. I have connected with people, at times, that I feel the Universe put in my path, for a reason. You know.... either a blessing or a lesson. Sadly, most of them have been lessons. However, those lessons were there to remind me of my own values, my own worth. No one is allowed to tell me what those are. That is mine, and mine alone. My value and my worth are not based on anyone else's opinion. I think this is a lesson too many of us forgot or were never taught in our growing up years. We spend too much time trying to prove our value/worth to employers/friends/spouses/etc.  We base those on what we have for salaries, material items, and such, when those have so much less to do with anything more than the flashy outward appearances. When we can not place value in ourselves, we will not place value in anything else. 

 

Ok, I'm done philosophizing for now.  We are getting closer to moving into the technically the shortest month of the year...although sometimes it feels twice as long as January! We know the Spring Equinox is just over 6 weeks away. While here in the Midwest, that doesn't mean Jack!! It does mean we are closer to the warmer months of Spring, the grass greening up, leaves popping back out on the trees, and the beauty of nature rebirthing. I can tell you, I am beyond ready for that!! 

I have a lot on my plate this year. A lot of decisions need to made in the coming months. I have spent the month re-evaluating so much. What do I want, what direction do I want to go, how do I want the results to turn out, who do I want to include, and how much do I want to disclose. I've also been thinking a lot about how I intend to move forward. I've reached a stage in my life that has me seeing more of that empty nesting. Kids are older, no longer needing constant care. One kid planning to get married. Being closer to 50 than 40, and finding a new normal. I've found myself at the whim of change, as the next phase of my life is happening. Honestly, I've read so many of the women in my age group dealing with this same overwhelming part of life. It's more comforting, than not, to know this is not just something I am facing alone. It's difficult to explain to anyone that has not or is not dealing with pre-menopause or menopause. 

With all the insanity that goes along with this stage, is also the "joy" of redefining relationships. This has been tricky for me. I have been Mom first for 21 plus years, then wife, then everything else. While I will always be Mom....now, my focus and energy is shifting. Now, it's trying to deal with my body doing odd things, and finding a neutral area of re-establishing my relationship with my husband. That has never really left, but it was different than where it goes from now on. It's finding a common ground to relate, finding things that we can do together, learning that there are things we will never agree on, and learning or relearning boundaries that really couldn't exist with small children. It's truly a strange time in life. I get why people refer to this stage of life, a mid-life crisis. Although I think that is a bit dramatized, I get it! 

Anyway, I believe I will end this here today. It's another day of a lot of insights, and emotional juggling. Have a beautiful weekend!

Salli

Salli's Soap Box

 

                                                                    DIVIDED WE FALL

As I dive in today, I am going to do a little digging into History, but I promise to not go too deep. I know I lose people on that subject. So, I'm going to dive into several subjects with just a a quick trip into History.

We all know the History and stories we've been told about 1776. We know that what is now known as the United States of America was founded on the belief of freedom, with the collaboration of visionaries to create the very freedoms we grew up to believe in. While I could deep dive into a LOT of untold History here...I will keep it to a minimum. The U.S. Constitution was in place, as written, only until the Act of 1871. Due to soaring debt from war, America was bankrupt. The agreement made when the Constitution was written, was to never borrow money from England(the crown). That agreement was broken during Lincoln's presidency(Civil War) and again in 1871. In 1871, the Act of 1871 was put into place. It was not only un Constitutional, but done by illegal procedure. That act, was put through and it bypassed Congress. Quick side note: Remember we have 3 branches of government to have a checks & balance system.  That act, allowed for grammar changes in the Constitution, making the U.S. into a corporation, allowed the central banking(federal reserve) to be brought in, and in turn opened the door to the IRS, taxes, the stock market collapse(Great Depression), and every poor monetary policy since. Obviously, there is a LOT more to this...but I am attempting to put it in a nutshell for those that have commented about not needing a history lesson.  To be blunt, Every single law, policy, election, clear through the formation of agencies; has been illegal. Period.

With this in mind, the Constitution of the United States, limits the GOVERNMENT; NOT THE PEOPLE. Our Constitution puts the powers into the hands of each individual state, I.E. the federal government has LESS power over the American people than each does. I was taught this in public school. Now, with all of that being said, it appears our country has been taken over by a mafia of corruption.  With the research I have done, it is looking more and more like we haven't had a true free and fair election since 1871. What are we, as American's, going to do about it? For years now, those in power have set about a campaign of divide and conquer. The "elite" we'll call them, have baited American's against each other for their own gain. NOT because they have ever actually done anything to improve anything, for anyone, except themselves. While I listen to a younger generation on a daily basis, I realize how the slow desecration of free and critical thinking has taken place. I personally have long time friends that could fall into a multitude of the "elite" categories.  IF you know me, you know I HATE labels! However, for the sake of explanation:  Black, White, Hispanic, Straight, Gay, Religious, Pagan, male, female, etc. In my eyes, even if we disagree....we all bleed red! Not a single one of us has a single right to judge anyone else, just because they may sin differently than we do. I say this, to point out, we all deserve EQUALITY NOT EQUITY!!! Who actually controls what pay an employee receives? The company owner.  If your pay is based on anything other than your work ethic, THEY are at fault. If you put up with it, because you "need a job," that is on you! Maybe instead of all this feelings education crap, we should be teaching self-esteem! I grew up knowing that you dress for the role you want. You run around in yoga pants, or looking like a complete slob all the time...that is how you will be treated! Dress for success people!!!

Ok, off that soap box! Let's move on. 

Let's take a look at some issues effecting our country. Gosh, where do I start?! I firmly believe is separating church from schools. If people choose to pray, that is their choice...just don't participate if you disagree. However, just as we have found in the last 2 years, government and corruption has destroyed our schools and our education system. We have some incredible teachers out there!! However, so many of them are being forced to "teach to a test," and become a "spy police" of the children and their family. Just as the medical industry has...but more on that later. Our children should never be used as pawns. Our schools have gone from public schools, to government run schools. Now, parents are being threatened with jail for getting pissed about what our government schools are teaching or not teaching our children.  Instead of actually educating our children with information and skills they can use in adult life, we are neglecting them. Our lack of actual education, is harming them in an unprecedented speed. For 2 years, we have damaged them with all the illness restrictions; from cancelling classes to forcing them to breath in their own waste discharging breath for 8 hours a day. Those freaking face diapers hinder their oxygen intake, and not only slow their learning are making their immune systems weakened so they can't naturally fight off any illness. Any real doctor/nurse would advise against this!!! Any doctor or nurse that is supporting this for the elderly or our children is complicit in crimes against humanity AND children! Our children need to be focusing on reading, writing, math, history, home economics, and being children! Instead they are forced into over-activity, over-stimulation, and stresses of activist educators. If your students know your political beliefs, you are failing as a teacher. 

Just as I stated above, our medical industry has become tyrannical and out of control too! The medical "professionals" take an oath, "to do no harm." The past 2 years, this has become the protocol, for this illness. You have these medical personnel across the country refusing to treat patients with KNOWN treatments, forcing an Emergency Use Authorization(EUA) experimental vaccine, denying treatments/care for those that choose NOT to be guinea pigs, and using federal protocols that have been the cause of 90% of the deaths linked to the illness.  I do not know how these doctors and nurses can live with themselves!!! You are forced to get a test prior to any medical treatment, forced to get an EUA to travel, forced to wear a face diaper, forced into quarantine even if you are not sick...just because you were in contact...all of this is not only unConstitutional, but ILLEGAL!!! The fact that so many are living in fear of something that even for the most unhealthy, has a 94% survival rate....is PATHETIC!!! Instead, you are allowing this elite/corrupt group to literally kill you. Can we say Auschwitz? Ever wonder how Hitler got all those people to the camps? It started with a virus!

Ok, now, let's filter to government. This starts at our local levels. It is our responsibility, as American's, to choose who we put into place to be our voice. This starts at the school boards, the city/county politicians, clear up to state politicians. These people work for US, not the other way around. I know from experience, school boards can be as much or more corrupt than even the federal level. When the superintendents start dictating the school boards, you have a problem. Those school board members are voted on to give a voice to the people within that district. There should be a voice and a vote given to each one, without any type of threat. There will be disagreements, that is part of learning to work together and communicate what is most important for the children of the community. It should NEVER be dependent upon a board member being too afraid to speak up for fear of retaliation. It should NEVER be dependent on a non-elected body to control. In my state, since March of 2020, the local health departments made the rules for the school districts. NOT THE PARENTS by means of the school boards. Health departments, doctors, etc. have zero right to make any rules for a school. They are not elected and therefore, do not speak for those who would be spoken for. In city and county offices, the same holds true. It is our responsibility to elect these officials based on their merit, NOT their party. Our last election, we had some serious question about the results, but somehow that news just got pushed under the rug. For me personally, I think every result from 2020, bottom up, should be audited!! There was an awful lot of issues that scream of fraud. Every state, every county should be audited!! If the results are real, there should not be any concern. However, with all the backlash for the audits...that throws a huge red flag. Anyway, our state elections fall in line with all the rest. Stop looking at party, and state looking at results. What have these people done to better our communities and our states? Where did their campaign financing come from? What are their platforms? Have these people actually talked to anyone in our communities or are they buying their way into a position? I'm not a fan of Senator Grassley personally, but I believe, twice a year he tours every county in Iowa. This should be a requirement for ALL these people seeking to get our votes. Get out of your glass houses and go to the very communities you are representing!!! Get to know your constituents! Learn the issues, FIRST HAND, facing each individual community. Here in Missouri, a large majority of candidates, focus on the main cities and forget the small towns and rural areas. I have honestly never seen a Governor in my county. Why is that? Oh yeah, our votes here are just added to the totals of St. Louis/Kansas City/Jeff City/Etc.  We don't matter because our county won't pull in hundreds of thousands of dollars for their re-elections. Instead, we just keep seeing our taxes increase, our state government taking more and more handouts from the federal government, and more and more unelected powers taking aim at small businesses in these communities. I'm going to back track just a little. We need to remember that we also elect our sheriffs. These Sheriffs, have an immeasurable amount of power, by the Constitution. So, as we look into voting for our local Sheriff, we need to find out which ones are Constitutional Sheriffs. If they are not, we should NOT be electing them. If our local Sheriffs want to be trained as Constitutional, go find Sheriff Mack. He will get you on track!! As I have shared before, I will be researching my state elections beginning in February. I will share my findings in a new blag form. 

I am curious how many of you know ALL of your elected positions?. I honestly did not. I am still learning the state and local levels. This is a serious default of mine. I'm ashamed to admit that I couldn't tell you most of the people in elected positions locally, let alone at a state level, 6 months ago. I had dropped that ball, terribly!! You can bet I will never let that happen again. While I am just me, I will gladly interview any candidate and ask the questions that matter. I don't care what party, because to me that does not matter. I want to know, and hold accountable ANY person elected to serve. 

Next up, Businesses. I am a staunch supporter of small business/family owned business. The past 2 years has shown me, how important it is to keep and grow these businesses. As the country was forced to lock down, we saw so many small/family businesses shuttered while these corporate conglomerates made billions. Why???  So, Wal-Mart and Amazon were ok, but John's Deli wasn't? Weren't the products all still being handled the same way? We could go to the big box stores, stand behind the plexi-glass, while the cashier touched every item we were taking home? Prior to that, ALL these items were handled from factory, to shipping, to trucking, to warehouse/store, to the display shelves...ALL THE SAME AS A SMALL BUSINESS. Except, in honesty, it would have been handled LESS by a small business. Instead, the federal government, state and local governments, FORCED many small businesses to shut their doors. Some of these will never open again, and have lost everything they worked for! We have become a society that is so focused on right here, right now. We spend excessively on items to get the latest and greatest, yet can't understand why we are constantly broke and in credit debt. We have bigger and bigger homes and still have to rent storage units to hold all this stuff we buy. For what?! Because it's capitalism?! WRONG!!! It's because of 2 reasons: greed and keeping up the neighbor. So, while we are constantly consuming more and more, companies are making more and more. In turn, they are making them in more quantity and less and less quality. So, the fridge you bought 30 years ago, that is still working, will inevitably outlive one you bought 5 years ago. Just think about the furniture. You go spend $1000 on a pressed wood table and chairs. Sure, it's pretty but will it withstand use for 20 years? More than likely not. I can tell you I bought a new sofa and loveseat in 2017.  Both of those items were broke down and the mechanisms in them were junk in less than a year...and they weren't cheap!!! However, I built my dining room table and benches out of solid wood in 2015 and aside from the wear....are just as solid today as the day I built them. I spent maybe $200 on the wood and screws. Start looking towards your small/family run businesses. Not only are they 100% better than any corporation, but if you don't....we won't have many of these small businesses left and many communities will cease to exist too. 

Finally for today, let's look at smidgen of economics. I don't have to tell you all how important a budget is. For most us, budgeting is a requirement. It means doing what must be done to live within the income you have. Even if that means making sacrifices. When you put that to the level of local, state and federal...you can clearly see a massive problem!!! We as citizens, don't have the luxury of just going to the printing presses to make more money...although that would be convenient. How many cities/counties/states/federal budgets are NOT running in the red? Let's just go right for the jugular...the federal government. Our federal debt has now exceeded $28 TRILLION. How in the hell did it ever get to this level? When was the last time America did not have debt? WHY and HOW are we handing out money to other countries when we are flat busted? When did "We The People," APPROVE a payroll for the federal elected politicians? WE did not!!! THEY voted to pay themselves, and subsequently, THEY have continued to vote for pay raises and all sorts of fringe benefits that WE THE PEOPLE pay for!!! Personally, I believe it's time we minimize government, massively reduce the pay and benefits, make them pay into social security and regular health insurance, limit the terms they can serve, require balanced budgeting, STOP payments to ALL other countries, and start taking care of American's first. This has all gotten out-of-hand, and it is time for the true powers of our country (we the people) to take a united stand.

We are not all going to agree on everything. However, when we are censored from even having a conversation; that stops progression. Am I right or wrong? That remains to be seen. However, I am not afraid to have the conversation, ask the hard questions, voice my opinion, and stay true to my own values. We all need to stand together in our own resolve to come together, find a working medium and get back to values of family and community. 

Salli

Salli's Soap Box

 

Today I decided to write, the actual topics could have varied quite greatly. However, I believe I will stick to my soap box. I am amazed by grammar changes that have completely mind-boggled some of America. 

January 17th, was the observed day to honor the great Martin Luther King Jr. A man that, by all accounts, was catalyst to end segregation. The man that had a dream of his own children growing up without their skin color even being recognized but instead by their strength of character being the guide. This was also the man, assassinated for trying to bring Equality NOT Equity to our colored brothers and sisters. A man that was truly a hero for ALL of society. If you haven't heard it lately, you can probably still find it online, go and listen to his "I have a dream" speech. 

Sadly, there are still too many that live by the divide of Democrat VS. Republican. This has got to be one of the biggest "slight-of-hand" schemes I have ever seen. We've all heard the concepts of "left-winged" or "right wing." Just from the realist point of view...aren't the left wing and right wing still a part of the same bird?! It is truly the exact same as stating that the United States is a Democracy. We are most certainly NOT, a democracy. The United States For America is a Constitutional Republic. Do you know the difference? I would venture to say there is a large portion of Americans that either don't know or were never taught. A Democracy means the majority rule, e.i. if you have 3 people running a business, 2 people that have the same opinion will rule out the 3rd...even if the 3rd person has the same amount of power. In a Constitutional Republic, the people utilizing that business would control how it operated, e.i. if that business had 100 people using that business and those 2 overpowering owners decided to make bad choices....those 100 people could choose to ban using that business. They could take their business else where, demand it be closed, or start their own business with better practices put into place. In a Constitutional Republic, the PEOPLE, are the controllers, and the STATES have more power than the Federal Government. I was taught this in Civics class. 

Let's continue with the changes in grammar that have been grossly adjusted. As I stated about Martin Luther King Jr., he had a dream of equality....NOT equity. What's the difference? Before I go any further, know that there is a HUGE difference. Equality is means we are equal on all levels. Equity is basically a race to the bottom - justice administered between litigants, which is based on natural reason or ethical judgment. How, where and why did this become so messed up? Dr. King wanted EQUALITY, not EQUITY!!! I believe the majority of Americans want Equality!! 

Sadly, even while media viewership is sinking rapidly, they are continuing to push Equity. So, they are either ignorant or stupid. Again, grammar and definitions matter here.  Ignorant is a lack of knowledge, Stupidity is know the difference and ignoring it - typically because they have some form of profit involved or their bosses do...or there is also blackmail now coming out too. Again, it's sad how many are still just going along with this disrespectful narrative. The media, at least in the U.S., is ALL owned by 5-6 people. Did you know that? Go look it up. It's insane, a massive monopoly, that should be illegal. Every group we all have watched, CNN/MSN/ABC/CBS/FOX - yep, 5-6 people own all the stations. Why are they all delivering basically the same play book? Oh, wait....I forgot, this is all conspiracy theory. Except, it's not theory at all. With even an elementary education, you can do just a small amount of research and find it to be FACT. Similarly, I am going to encourage everyone - if you hear something that is labeled "conspiracy theory," go check it out for yourself. That was what originally began my research. A theory that seemed so far fetched and off-the-wall...well, it turned out to be true, with a mountain of evidence to back it up. Now, I will tell you, I can not find much on Google anymore. They seem to be censoring just like all the major sites. I recommend duck duck go. So far, you can still get info there. In March, it will be 3 years I have been diving into research, theories, and incredibly disturbing information. So, as I share information, know that I have been walking the walking! Until 3 years ago, I bought into a lot of the hype. By the time 2020 lockdown began, that just gave me more time to dive deeper. I can tell you, the more I learn, the more I want to learn. Additionally, some of the disgusting crap I have found, is beyond anything that anyone with a soul, a heart or any compassion could ever do!!! 

Anyway, let's look at this "boogeyman illness." What is classified in medical journals as a common cold, is now being blamed for hundreds of thousands of deaths. That's not even touching the "boogeyman poison." This is just the illness alone. So, for those that are tuning me out, you can go directly to the CDC website and see the number of deaths annually as a whole, and also broke down by catagory(heart attacks, flu, cancer, alcohol, vehicle, etc.). I'm going off memory here, so don't shoot the messenger, but I believe 2018-2021 the average annual deaths total was around 32x,xxx. So, over the 4 year span, that number did not vary much. Even through 2 years of a "pandemic." How is that possible? If this boogeyman was actually going to be a massive number, wouldn't the overall death count be much higher than normal? Don't give me crap about people wearing masks. If you have done any research at all, you know the boogeyman is of a size to even go through the highly rated N95 masks. Please stop buying into a chain link fence stopping mosquitoes!!! A lot of people die annually from colds, flu, pneumonia, and other respiratory illnesses. Think about how many people get flu injections annually, and how they are always changing from Influenza A or B, and how they typically get it wrong, every year. How many people die every year from Influenza? GO LOOK IT UP, and then look up how many died in 2020 and 2021. 

While I am on "controversial" issues. Let's have a little chat about the term used by so many to discount any information that comes out that is different from the narrative: Conspiracy Theory. This term pisses me and when it's used, it tells me the person using it is not educated and just following the masses. The term was invented in the 60's by the CIA, to try to ward off any discussion about the Warren Report, the investigation into the assassination of John F. Kennedy. That was also the time frame that the CIA admitted to Operation Mockingbird, AKA Mind Control. This was also after Operation Paperclip, where many NAZI officers, supposedly being the best of the best, in science/technology/medicine were brought into the U.S., thanks to Allen Dulles and George Bush Sr.'s CIA.  This was after the mind altering drugs(LSD) was given to Americans - unknowingly.  After our military was given experimental vaccines and sent abroad, effectively spreading the very illness, they claimed to be trying to protect against. Think about all the veterans AND active soldiers that have been exposed, knowingly, to Agent Orange. Think about what is currently happening to our soldiers today with the boogeyman poison. Don't want to believe any of this information? Great! Prove me wrong!! I will gladly admit that I do not know everything, but until you have researched and can provide me facts....I will stand by my own findings! 

While I try to be mindful and as respectful as possible, sometimes I just can't hold my tongue. I don't care if buy into any theory, but you have got to see how wrong and messed up this country has become. When exactly did prices increasing become a sign of a bettering economy? When did inflation, equal an improved economy? When did fuel, heating oil and food expenses doubling IN ONE YEAR, become a good thing??? We have become the laughing stock of world powers, our citizens are now second class to illegal immigrants, you can no longer question your child's education without the fear of being labeled a domestic terrorist, we have literal political prisoners in the vassel state of D.C., we have elected leaders - in BOTH parties, with evidence have been caught in insider trading...yet are not charged, we have MOUNTAINS of evidence of election interference both foreign and domestically...yet our courts are captured entities and refuse to hear the cases? When and WHY is free speech being taken from our citizens, when it is our FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHT? 

Ok, ok....now, on to more.  Even if we can see that things are really messed up, what can we do? This is an area that is a little more tricky for me. I firmly believe we have to get involved locally and statewide. Do NOT vote by party!!! That is our biggest mistake! Get to know your candidates, find out where their funding comes from, and get a receipt for your vote! My next stage of research begins today locally. I live in a very rural area, so I am in no jurisdiction for any real significant positions in local government. I got away from our local school district a decade ago, because it is corrupt. My research is beginning with my state and my county. We have midterm elections this year. Who is on the ballot, what do they stand for, who funds them, what are their credentials, what are their planned platforms? I have seen and heard of some running for our state, but all I have seen is a bunch of ads and political fund raisers. I have NOT seen these people out actually talking to the residents of this state. Some have been talking AT us, but as many in my area know....we can talk till we are blue in the face and not have them hear one single word we say. So, I will be sharing every single candidate, and all I can find out about them. I recommend everyone do this in their own areas as well. I also recommend finding out who your local/county officials are. I know the county I live is is pretty topsy-turvy in my eyes. I don't have much faith in our local school board but changing them out is nearly impossible. I've seen several try, but the same ones, typically with names of influence in the county, run the school board, and none of them seem to have a backbone to go against the superintendent or he makes sure they don't stay on the board or don't get a voice. Anyway, I will be going through all my state and local officials over the coming months. I will not focus on their party since both parties are the same....I will be focusing on their platform, their financing, their record, and their character. From just a 30 minutes research this morning, I learned who was going to be on our ballot and their campaign finances as of January 15th. Now that I have that information, I can expand from there. For those running for an elected position, you better stop smoozing with the donors and start getting out with the PEOPLE. You want to keep an elected position, you better be up to the job and have a track record that shows you are. It's game on for the future independence of our country. 

As I begin digging into my state and local elected politicians, you can be assured I will continue my research into the rest of the chaos in the world too. I'm not here to make anyone change their opinion, quite honestly, you have determine what morally feels right to you. Frankly, if you vote for someone just because you don't like the one already in that position....you are pathetic! Stop behaving like door mats, before you end up losing ALL your freedoms. Start researching for yourself, start questioning why so many things don't make sense, start asking yourself what YOU can do for your country. STOP complying with all the bullshit, and make our soldiers proud that they fought(and so many died) to protect the very freedom you are knowingly and willingly giving up! The Supreme Court has already ruled that the boogeyman poison mandate"requirement" was unConstitutional, so ask yourself WHY you are continuing to follow it. Flip-flop Fauci has flipped so many times in 2 years about whether or not masks work...yet we are muzzling our children 8 hours a day, many adults are muzzling themselves everyday, and their constant fear mongering has you afraid to not wear one. You may not care what's in that boogeyman poison you just put in your body, but for all those Christians that are bullying everyone to get this poison...you do realize it is PROVEN to have aborted fetal cells in it, correct?! Maybe if you were more concerned with the crap the medical industry is pushing into society, and less concerned with binging on Netflix, you would know how deadly all of it is!! Maybe then, instead of preaching Bible passages, and judging others for their decisions to educate themselves instead of blindly follow the masses, you would grasp the reality of their population control agenda. Oh wait, sorry, that's just another conspiracy theory, right? NOT! Start listening to Gates from back in the 80's clear through the present. Ask yourself why his foundation is in the top 5 of donors to the WHO, and who the top 5 are. Ask yourself why he, among others have pushed to integrate humans being chipped. Do you realize that many insurance companies are not honoring life insurance policies if you received the poison? Ask yourself why you can no longer give blood if you've had the boogeyman poison! 

Just some food for thought.

Farm Chat

 

Something I have neglected talking about for a bit, the crazy happenings of farm life, especially during the cold months. Here in N.E. Missouri, we get pretty cold during the Winter months, sometimes we get a lot of snow while others we get nothing. Sometimes ice. This year has been overall pretty mild...until January. Our first snow fall, I believe was on the 1st. It accumulated 10"-12" it was hard to tell since it was the powdery type that blew everywhere! Until 11th, we had some pretty bitter temps thrown in to boot. Some wind chills that measured at -25F. This is especially difficult when you have livestock AND people to keep warm. Thankfully, for a few days we are expected to get back into double digit regular temps and even into the 40's. It would be nice to see less snow! Although, melting snow = MUD! I guess it's a lesser of 2 evils....snow or mud. Either way makes for more work, more clothing, and a greater chance of bloopers! 

As a small person, I am usually cold. So when the temps dip below 20...I hibernate! Quite literally. I don't drive on snow/ice covered roads, I don't go outside unless absolutely necessary. This Winter, I am finding it more necessary to take the time and make the effort - even if it means looking like the state puff marshmallow man to get out with my critters. Honestly, most of the time, I would rather be with my animals than people. Anyway, when I walk out to the gate, and start talking to them, they all start "talking" back. The goats, the chickens, and the ducks....even the dogs and sheep weigh in on occasion. It makes you slow down, take a deep breath(as deep as possible when the air hurts your face), and appreciate God's creation...from the critters, to natures noises to the impeccable art in the sky. It has been my saving grace when I get too stressed. Taking the time to interact with the critters, they like to crawl all over me when I kneel down. The goats like to find my hair, which is apparently great to chew on. The ducks, while not overly interactive, still have to see what I am doing in their house as I gather the eggs. 

With animals/livestock, Winter months can be especially trying. This year, the cold broke and so did many of our necessary contraptions to keep water tanks open. So, many of them had to be replaced this year. Not a fun nor financially positive task. Again, with animals just as with humans, you do everything you can to make Winter a little less sucky. It's months of preparations, literally from the moment Spring arrives until the first snow fall...is all prep time for the Winter months, then you start all over. It's finding/buying straw to bed the animals, it's baling enough hay in Spring/Summer to get through 6 months, it's repairing fences only to have them break or taken out in the Winter, It's always having enough feed/mineral on hand to get through at least one delayed delivery. It's planning for vet needs, baby animal arrivals, and so much more. It's incredible to me, even as long as we have been on the farm, how much prep work is involved...for the animals AND the people.Even as I type, we are in preparation mode for our lambing cycle to begin. Since we lost several last year due to that extreme cold snap in late January/early February 2021....I pray we don't have that experience again. Small family farms can not absorb the massive loss or inflation, nor the increased feed pricing. Please always support your small family farms!

As we are literally in the middle of Winter, it's seems crazy to be considering my next topic...but that's how it works. Gardening! I have always loved my gardens, even when I get frustrated at them not growing or weeds trying to take over. There is no better energy release than having your hands and feet in the soil. It is a lot of hard work, but the reward is beyond miraculous! I've heard many mockingly talk about it not being cheaper than just buying things at the store, and honestly, that's probably pretty accurate. However, the benefits of growing/raising/harvesting and preserving your own efforts are amazing. It's pretty easy to average a small garden will cost about $200 to plant...that's seeds, plants, tomato cages, organic fertilizers, etc. If you are just going to grow enough to eat, you can get by with a lot less. We grow ours to eat, but also to preserve for later use. Everything from juices, to sauces, to freezing, or adding to something else. I believe this is a lost treasure in regards to not being dependent on supply chains. Last year, I decided to down size the garden, to try to make it easier to manage while working. This year, I will not be working, so I believe it will increase in size. Last year, was a first for getting fruit from my trees and vines. I'm anxiously hoping to see even more this year. 7 years is a long time to wait to see the "fruits of my labors." In addition to my enlargement of garden, it's time to plant some more trees, expand an area for a flower garden, and work in some berry bushes. The first 6 years of living on our farm, I worked hard to become nearly self-reliant when it came to our food consumption. Our short stint away from the farm, reminded me exactly what my goals had been. It's just taken me a little bit to remember. After several months of personal dilemmas, I'm ready to get back on track. 

Having a life that revolves around our farm, that means vacations and trips away are pretty non-existent. The Summer of 2020, I took time to build a fire pit area and an area around our pool to give us our own "resort" atmosphere. Sadly, 2021 didn't allow for us to relax as many things required us to work harder and longer hours to cover the expenses used. While there is always a lot of work to do, my goal for 2022, is to utilize these amazing features, much more! Taking some time, as a family and as a couple, to just relax. We have had the pleasure of meeting so many incredible people through different veteran events we have hosted. I am hopeful that we can continue that into 2022. With so much uprooting in 2021, it's taken a long time to find my feet again. Now, I am focusing on the many areas of importance to me: our family, our farm, our son's upcoming wedding, our farm events and the veterans and groups that have impacted me so much. 

Being the "manager" of the family, farm, business and everything else...puts me in a unique position. It gives me the opportunity to oversee all operations from the sheep, to the small animals, cattle to dogs, gardens to budgets, business to events. It does tend to also give me plenty of headaches! Sadly, I manage to get through my days better with plenty to keep me busy. Too much down time is not good for me. Anyway, being nearly half way into January already, it's great time to start the prep work Spring/Summer. Maybe even a few building projects and photo shoots will be able to happen this year. So, with snow still on the ground, I'm going to be dreaming of a few months down the road, when I can get my bare feet back into the soil, watch seeds begin to sprout, see the leaves begin to fill the empty branches and watch baby lambs grow into beautiful, but spoiled young sheep! Spring, Summer and Fall farm tours will hopefully get to happen this, so be watching for those! 

From our family farm, 

Salli

Coffee Chat

 

Good morning! With all the censorship, I decided to turn my thoughts to a coffee chat. It saves me a lot of headaches in the long run!

I want to start out with a couple of huge thank you's.  My venting post in so many areas of my life gave me a small kick in the ass again last night. I actually took some time out to soak, and reflect. Taking time to reflect, and to use a nice soak in cleansing waters was needed. My future daughter-in-law reminding me of a holistic need that although I had already thought about...needed to be a priority as soon as possible. Last but most certainly not least, my husband. This man, although a pain in my butt, is always there. He has put up with my mood changes, my hot flashes, my anger, and so much more! Lesser men would have walked away years ago!!! 

If you have read/followed me for any time, you know I speak my mind. That involves the good, the bad, the ugly, the right and even being wrong. God knows I am no where near perfect, but I do try to be the best person I can be everyday. That is not to say I don't have bad or completely rotten days. I have had a lot of struggles over the past months. Some I had no control over, some that have overwhelmed me, and some I've allowed to happen. I have done what I needed to do, and taken time away from things that, although important to me, were not as high a priority. My highest priorities are always my family. 

Ok, now to "the rest of the story." Many times, we base our thoughts on expectations or hearsay. We base our opinions off our knowledge...even if it doesn't include the whole story(which it rarely does). Our level of understanding is typically based off that knowledge or our perceived knowledge. Rather than getting all the facts, we go off what we see/what others say.  Some of us have the "what we feel," experience thrown in too. See, I was raised that there were 2 sides to every story and typically somewhere in between was the actual truth. This lesson in life, has been how I have always lived. I can tell you my side of a story(as I remember it) and someone else could tell theirs(as they remember it), then in the ground between the 2 stories...that is where you will find the truth. So many times, I find myself having to dive deeper within to get to the root of an issue. Then, once you dive in...it becomes all encompassing. You find one string of information and that leads to more strings, and before you know it....you have wadded up mess of information. That wadded up mess is where I have found myself for more than 2 years now. Not just in my own personal life, but in world information as well. 

October until presently, found me in a mess. Between illness, personal life issues, trying to find a balance, world information overload, and a change in livelihood; took on a life of its own. I was overwhelmed. I had set my expectations so high, found them unreachable and ultimately was disappointed. Sadly, after being disappointed too many times, you learn to turn off some emotions. Then it becomes anger instead of hurt, or anger instead of saying what you need to for fear of tipping over the boat, and causing even more chaos. Ultimately, anger becomes the go to emotion. That ends up making matters worse. You feel horrible for being angry, you let yourself stew instead of saying your piece, you allow external behaviors to affect your own. Without a release, a balance, or a massive change; you can't move forward. You find yourself feeling trapped.

It took a few good people to help me see that I had become trapped. Trapped in my own thoughts, emotions, circumstances and feelings. Even though I have my peaceful release with my critters, it's not enough for me right now. I'm at that stage in life, where my kids are all basically self-sufficient, not needing me for everything. I was no longer pushing myself to build something for someone else; there fore, I was not pushing myself to get out and about everyday. My house doesn't really messy anymore, so I wasn't in a constant struggle to maintain that. It's Winter, so most of my outdoor stuff is shut down until Spring. Even the cooking and baking that I have loved for years wasn't as enjoyable. I'm missing time with my youngest child as she now has other people with her everyday and it has kind of felt like a gut punch to not have that one-on-one time anymore. I'm missing time with my husband, since I'm completely drained at the end of everyday...I just don't have the energy to go any further. While I don't have as much to keep up with, I have been feeling more overwhelmed than ever. 

I reached a tipping point yesterday. It was kind of the straw that broke the camels back. I know me, and even though there will be down days, I knew I had to fix something. I hate whiners that don't try to fix issues. I allowed myself to fall into that rut. You know, the whole pity party, woah is me crap?! Yeah, I don't deal with that well. Although I still have to find a means to fix things, I saw the picture...very vividly. I don't sleep well on a normal basis. Typically 3-4 hours of actual sleep while another 3 hours or so of hearing everything that goes on around me. My mind moves a million miles an hour, ALL THE TIME!! It truly never stops. I have too many people that demand my time, energy and anything else the may need; all the time. I rarely ask for help, because it's either not taken care of or ends up in a circus of excuses why they can't do it. Too many have what appears to be hearing issues, and don't hear me when I do ask for something, or claims I haven't said anything. So, I take care of everything, making everyone else's lives easier, while making mine more chaos. Everyone wants something from me. It gets overwhelming to say the least. 

So, today, I am going back to my lists. I am going be forcing myself to get out of this rut and back on stable ground. I can not depend on anyone else to do this for me...this is my responsibility. I have allowed myself to become a door mat for others. It's time to suck it up, or as my daughter says, "cowgirl up." I will always be me, the good - the bad- and the ugly. I will have plenty of snark to fill the entire state. I will never stop learning, growing, or trying to find my place in this big, beautiful world. However, I do not have to tackle everything at once. It is not my job to fix every issue that comes up, or find everything that others have lost. I got an amazing gift certificate from my husband for Christmas, and that is going to mean taking some time for me. An amazing massage and a Chakra healing session; tanning and who knows what that could lead to. As soon as the weather allows, I will be breaking out the sage to cleanse my home. I will be breaking out the incense to put positive energy into my home. The negative energy that has transitioned into my home is going, one way or another. I am no longer going to be the driving force around here to get things done, to make things right, or be everyone else's battering ram! 

When exhaustion goes bone deep, it is time to turn the tides. Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual exhaustion causes too many health issues and I refuse to let this happen to me anymore. Leave your negativity at the door, leave your issues where ever you reside, don't tell me your issues unless you are planning to fix them, don't whine to me because you have made poor decisions and do not ask me to cut corners. I care about people, probably too much, but I'm tired. My cup is empty. As I refill my cup, those that drain it again will be out of my life. I'm not dealing with energy vampires anymore. Enough is enough. 

Today, I'm moving forward. Today, I'm taking my overwhelmed attitude as a challenge to grow, learn, and become better. You may see me struggle and even fall....but you will NEVER see me quit!

Salli

Getting to my heart...

 

 

 

 

It's the first day of a new year, and I'm as agitated or even more so, than I was. I'm not sure what I thought would happen. Did I expect to wake up this morning and all the B.S. was just a dream(more like a nightmare) or that I'd wake up with some sort of positive energy that would just radiate through me? I'm not really sure WHAT I expected....but whatever it was, did not come to pass. If anything, I woke up edgier than when I went to bed. 

 

I don't do resolutions. I will not stick to them, so I don't even bother to try! I've tried, I really have. I just don't always feel the same about them a week, month or even 6 months later. I live by what I feel in the moment. That's why I set goals and constantly revise them. Each year, I revise my goals around my birthday. That's the start of my new year. For about 6 years now, I've slowly let go of my need to control everything in my life. This has been a major pitfall for me. I have felt more and more out-of-control with each passing year. I've let things go, let things happen, and became more passive...none of this would have even been considered 8 years ago. The phrase "oh, so this is what we are doing now," has fit too well. I've allowed myself to be used, taken for granted, and left feeling like I only matter when someone needs something from me. While I get a lot of crap for all my lists and notebooks upon notebooks of notes, (most of it is in fun, but still hurtful), that was how I kept everything lined out. 

 

Everything became super chaotic a few years back. A restructure on our farm, trying to work full time, plant/harvest/preserve gardens, keep up with budgets, livestock, meals, groceries, kids, laundry, and a half a million other projects; left me spiraling. None of this even includes dealing with a stage of life change, or some of the issues that were magnified from that-which included massive headaches. I became completely drained - mentally, emotionally and physically. Then the Summer of 2020, a back injury completely stopped me for months.  Recovering from my injury still has not happened to 100%. It's really hard for me to swallow, not being able to do everything for myself, as I have always done. I have never needed anyone, as I learned early on not to. What I didn't know, I learned. What I didn't think I could do...I would try and find a way to do it. As I have progressed further into Peri-menopause, headaches have become a normal. These kicked up the past year, many of them are migraines. They come on out of nowhere, knock me clear down - sometimes for days. Fortunately, I can usually feel them coming on, so I can limit or reschedule things I need to. However, a lot of people just don't understand and then it's another stress on me. 

So much of what I deal with, no one knows or understands. I'm not real forthcoming in my personal life. Especially online! I don't have those friendships that I can just openly talk about anything going on in my world. I have some that I trust, but there are areas that are just too private to talk about...even though sometimes I wish I could. Trust is a major issue for me. I know this. It's not something that comes easy, and a few that I have trusted - have burned that bridge. I have a couple of great friends that know most of what happens in my life, and they are priceless to me!! Too many people only want to know your business to use it against you. 

I think I am going to set a resolution this year... I am going to work on me. I'm going to work on placing more value on me - not letting others use me, not letting others walk on me or treat me as if I don't matter. I'm going to work on rebuilding my physical strength, my mental strength and set boundaries and limits for what I need. I constantly work on me...this is something I do everyday anyway...but rebalancing myself and refilling my own cup...that will be new. 

I have let go of so many things that I truly enjoy doing; photography, furniture building, hiking, anything in nature. I need to take time for me. My family is all old enough now to manage some of their own care. I will always be a Mom and Wife first, but I can't be the best person possible when I have nothing left to give. Maybe I need some friends to hold me to account. Help remind me that I need to take some time to focus on me. Who knows. I just know that it becomes too easy to just push the things I want to do off, as opposed to what needs done. I make life easier for others while complicating my own. I don't believe I could ever be selfish if someone really needed me,  but I need to learn how to say no, how to say enough is enough, and how to say this is how it is...deal with it - without feeling guilty. 

I've had enough of never feeling like enough. I give too many chances, and I have to accept that not everyone is good. Not everyone is going to feel as I do. That's a hard pill to swallow. Somewhere, over time, I have lost my voice. I let poor behavior slide with excuse after excuse. Life can be a struggle for all of us, but that is no excuse to behave poorly. Just because we may not know other's situations, does not mean it's ok to be ignorant. 

So, there you have it. A step into my truly personal life. A resolution for the first time in more than a decade. Maybe writing this here will help keep my focus on this. Maybe not. Either way, it's a new year, so I will try something new. Setting a resolution, and actually sticking to it. Ha! We shall see! As my mind moves a million miles an hour, all-the-time, 2022 may prove to be a busy year here in this blog! From my personal journey, to our farm adventures, to continuing to help veterans however I can, and hopefully a few adventures along the way. I hope you will continue to follow along with my coffee chats, soap boxes, and maybe even some video blogs...if I get real adventurous! 

Here's to new adventures, resolutions kept, finding balance and making time for some fun too!

Salli