I'll figure it out

 

I just made this comment again this morning. It's been weighing me pretty heavily in recent months. I have mentioned many times that I am exhausted. I am truly believing that the majority of my exhaustion is stemming from emotional and mental exhaustion. So, I am going to attempt to dive into some of this. Maybe putting words to thoughts will ease it.

So, this morning's conversation stemmed from trying to figure out how to add in extra time in my day to make multiple trips to the barn to feed the bottle lambs, plus check the still pregnant mommas. All while still trying to keep my daughter's school work on track, keep up with laundry, meals, dishes, cleaning, everything else. Sure, the trips total will take maybe an extra 2-3 hours total, but that is the same amount of time away from my regular chores at the house. I love having the babies at the house, where I can still do what I need to, while caring for the lambs. As usual, my response: "I'll figure it out."

There is never a mention of getting any extra help in my schedules, I guess I am just expected to be capable of squeezing 20 hours of work into 10 hours of time. It's ok though, I'll figure it out. I always do, even if it means some things don't get done in a timely manner. Yet, I'm the first one to hear about everything I don't get accomplished. So, here in lies another thought. What would everyone do, if I wasn't here to do all I actually do? 

There is a lot of things I do, that truly suck! I hate fighting with my daughter to get school work done. I hate crunching when I walk across the floor. I hate to wash dishes in a stained sink. I hate cobwebs anywhere! I hate overflowing trash cans. I hate clutter. I hate when things are not put where they belong. I hate toilet paper rolls not being replaced. I hate feeling like I am battling a no-win battle on every front. So, now that that is out of the way, here are the things I love! Dancing at home, romantic gestures(I love you notes, an occasional flower or two, paying attention to details about me), I love conversations - deep and/or productive conversations. I may be low maintenance, but I deserve some reminders of being more than everyone's battering ram. I have always been the, "I'll figure out," type of person. It's easier to to figure it out than argue. 

The thing I think many forget, even though I CAN figure it all out on my own, I SHOULDN'T have to. I'm going to put this out there, and maybe it will inspire some thought. Do you get married, to just have the status, or do you get married to have a partner in life? In your home, do you live there and use it as much as everyone else in your home? If you do, what are you doing to help maintain that home - not just regular repairs but dishes, laundry, cleaning? When is the last time you asked your partner about their day, and actually listened? When was the last time, you actually had a meaningful conversation with your partner? When is the last time you did something, without having to be asked, to lighten the load for your partner? Do you know your partner's favorite flower/color/perfume/dreams/fears? 

So, for today, I'm going to end this writing and work on something productive. There may be some music involved while I work on cleaning up the messes around my home. 

S.