Sometimes you have to care less...

 

 

 

I read this on Facebook this morning: "Sometimes you have to care less, to see if they'll care more." Sadly, I can say, been there done that, and was truly disappointed by the results.  What does this mean?

To me, when you quit making the extra efforts to care for the relationships and people in your life, and they choose to leave your life, they choose to do even less to show their appreciation, a relationship falls apart or people just continue to take advantage. This have been proven to me time and time again. 

You can only do so much, try so hard, give so many concessions for poor behaviors, and let so much go; then you have decisions to make. Only you know what those options look like, for you. In society today, priorities have flipped. People value things, and use people. That in and of itself is messed up. For some of us, attempting to be caring, empathetic, and helpful leads to turmoil, upset and even anger. Long term repetition of the same actions damage relations, whether friendships or partners, work or family. It can lead to serious self-esteem issues, self-doubt, and as I have been told the past decade...it leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms. It is the catapult that drives hyper-attention. For example, when you have areas of life that fit this scenario, you tend to be controlling, excessive, or for some...even compulsive. 

In my life, I either cut people out completely with or without notice OR I simply keep everyone at arms length. No one gets close enough to hurt me or break my heart. I don't allow the closeness anymore. Yes, people change and/or apologize. That does not mean they are instantly allowed into my inner circle. 90% of the time, they will never be there again. That's not to say I don't forgive, but I will not forget either. As life goes, sometimes you can fix areas that you regret by becoming better, facing issues and working through them. Other times, there are regrets that can never be repaired. 

I have spent a lot of years constantly playing the referee in so many areas. I've gotten really tired. I no longer have the will to play this role. I've extended as many olive branches on behalf of others as I am currently capable of extending. One of my biggest goals for 2023, set defined boundaries and enforce them. I have allowed too many to use me as a door mat for their gain, for their lack of effort, for their lack of empathy, and for their inability to manage their own thoughts and feelings. I am not everyone else's beating post, nor will I be the scape goat for poor behaviors or choices. That's on them. I am ONLY responsible for myself and my teenager.My husband is a grown adult, as are both my boys. 

This little statement, that I read this morning, was the sign I needed to implement this goal. It's beyond time. So, be careful of who you push away and how far you push...they may decide they like it there...and you will be out of luck.

Salli