Ya'll know how much I love being censored by social media. I have several strikes again. So, my daily thoughts are here...at least for today.
I am tired. I just had this discussion with my husband recently. While I agree that over the past 4 years, I have changed a lot, I needed to. You see, I dove into research about 4 years ago, and by 2020...I got lost in information that changed me. It changed my view on just about everything. Since then, I have continued to research, continued to get lost in information/education that I was not aware of. Much of this information shook me to my core. Things that seemed so bone chilling, turned out to be true. Although research has become much more difficult in the past year due to a lot of false fact checks, and stories being pushed...I still dive deep nearly everyday. Yes, I have changed. No, I can no longer tolerate shallow/mindless conversations for any length of time. I have no interest in gossip, no interest in television, no interest in movies, no interest in anything that is not continuously helping to keep my family or my farm safe or sustainable. I have no desire to critique anyone else's choices. I may not agree with other's, but it's not place to debate what may or may not be right/wrong. What is my place, is my own life.
My own life has some pretty big holes that could well be debated by other's who are still happy to gossip or judge. Whatever. If that petty path is what some choose, so be it. I have chosen to be diligent, work hard, focus on my own growth and continued education, and to help whomever would like to grow also. So, honestly, I actually talk to very few people...at least for any length of time. Even in my own home. You see, I know the gaps in my own areas: farm, preparations, family, finances, and improvements. I know my own faults, my own hypocrisy, and flaws. I work hard to better myself, but I am human. When you are in a position of battling alone, you change. Sometimes, those changes hit you on multiple fronts, all at once, and you are blindsided.
This has been my trouble for 4 years now. I was blindsided by my research. I did not have people to talk through some of the horrific findings with. No one wants to deal this stuff, especially when it is so dark and evil. I truly did not know the path of research would lead to so much depravity or evil. I did not realize the depth that my little bit of research would lead to. I see more people talking and sharing information everyday, that I had found 4 years ago. I am happy to see people diving into it, but I can tell you...it changed me, forever! Some things you can never unsee, or unlearn.
I am not sure I want to go back to being blissfully unaware anyway. I personally feel too much to be able to just "forget" what I've learned. My instincts have lead me for so many years, that no longer listening to them, seems illogical. I spend a lot of time looking through research and letting my instincts guide my directions. You see, my instincts lead me to moving to Missouri in 1997. Although that seemed like such a rebellious thing at the time, I was pulled here. After one quick trip, I was pulled to be here. It made zero sense to most, and honestly...it made little sense to me at the time. I just knew I needed to be away from my family, start a life alone that was separate from everything I had known. In my gut, I knew this was the place. It has only been the last couple decades that I have learned of many family lines that have also been Missourians, some were residents in areas not too far from where I currently live. Most of family lines, came from farm/homesteading lives, so again, maybe I was drawn back to my family roots. I fought this life style for a lot of years. Trying to buck this life because it wasn't what other's or myself had seen for my life. However, I have grown to LOVE my life style, my farm, my homesteading, my independence, and even my endurance. Today, I would not want to live any other way, other life styles don't fit me anymore.
In the 25 years of living more rural, I have learned so much. I learned, long before now, how to be prepared. So many don't realize what it is like anymore, to be snowed in/iced in/mudded in/flooded in. We have had ALL of these happen, at some point, over the past 25 years. When you do not live rural, you can't grasp that there are areas that can go DAYS after a snow/ice store without seeing a plow truck. You don't understand that gravel roads or even bridges can go under water when you live in areas of valley's and hills. You don't realize that there are still dirt roads! You learn quickly to always have several months of necessities on hand. You never know when you will be required to pull from those backups to get through. You never know a business will shut down, your hours will be cut, or your local economic times will be stressed so badly that you can afford to buy groceries for a month. So, you learn to stay prepared. You learn to think outside the box, and make your own paths. When you do not have 24/7 access to stores, you have an hour drive to get to a WalMart or more to get to a big box home improvement store; you stay prepared. As many are finding now, when inflation hits with a vengeance, and your dollar doesn't buy as much, you do all you can to pinch pennies. You begin to trim any and all fat from your budgets. You begin reverting to the fail safe, old fashioned ways that allowed our grandparents and great-grandparents to survive the depression and multiple recessions since. We have all grown accustomed to the "instant era." We order things online and they are there in a day or two. We don't actually mail out much, we live on credit, we have the need to waste precious money on things that we truly don't need - vacations, brand new vehicles, hyper inflated housing, etc. We have all gotten a little self-indulgent. A great example was a conversation my daughter and I had Saturday about the obesity issue. For many generations, people ate to live...instead of living to eat. People only ate quality foods and typically did not over indulge. Now, we are inundated with processed foods full of chemicals that add an addictive quality, less than 1% of American families now have even a garden let alone a farm, we are plagued with cheap fast food while the cost of quality is too expensive...yet, the cost of the healthcare to treat illness from all the cheap/chemical laced is never consider. The current healthcare system is not going to cure anything. They can not continue to make money off of patients that aren't sick. Period. My own experiences have been pretty massive when it comes to diet and chemical cleanses.
I have several things to catch up on today. I took yesterday as a mental health day. I went through paperwork, went through record keeping, went through lists, took extra time for reflection since I was pretty stressed. I find myself needing extra time every so often anymore. Especially, after trying to explain my thoughts to people that don't want to hear them. Or people that have no desire to do/be more than what they currently are. It is quite draining. So, I will be back to my farm stuff today. Back to the final days of this year's home school year. Then we are taking a couple month break. I need it and so does my daughter. I have plenty to do, and several adventures for the summer. I hope to share a lot along the way, so watch for videos and updates!
Salli
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