Back to Basics: Starting with you!

 

Some of the biggest steps you can take, begin with you and your home.

It can be very difficult to admit to our own flaws, quirks and lack of knowledge. The absolute best place to start for everything, is with you! You have to be healthy - both mentally and physically, you have to be whole, to be productive in every aspect of your life. Realizing that you are only entitled to whatever you have personally earned and worked for; in everything from relationships, to finances, to employment, everything! It ALL starts with YOU! 

I have seen so much insecurity over the past decade that is difficult for me to comprehend. Especially knowing my own. I have said for decades that jealousy is not something I get. I don't find it necessary to check my husband's phone, or follow his every move. I am worth more than that. I learned many years ago, all that nonsense is not worth it. If he can't see the value of having me in his life, that's on him, not me. Sure, it would be heartbreaking, but not my problem. Jobs are the same way. I give all I have to give when I've had jobs...if what I bring to the table is not working for them, it's their loss...not mine. I am capable of moving on. I don't need others to make me happy, I am capable of that, on my own. I don't need a relationship or job to "complete me," I am whole alone. They can compliment who I am, but will never make or break me. I guess that either comes from being a strong person, or just too stubborn to ever truly "need" anyone. 

In today's world, it brings to mind the society and way of life we are living. 80 years ago, the majority of households had 2 parents, 1 income, children were cared for by one parent, the majority of household food/goods were handled by home gardens, chickens, and local capitalism - other local farmers. Communities were pretty close knit, and everyone helped each other. Now, with a measely 45% of household with children having both parents under one roof, both parents are forced to work massive amounts of hours, the children are over scheduled and over stimulated, they are being fed all sorts of chemically laced crap from the processed foods at the box stores, and most people don't even know their neighbors anymore. It's really quite sad. Do you know, even 50 years ago, 80% of the food consumed by U.S. households was home grown, or local farm grown? We have reached a point now, where there are several generations that no longer know how to grow, let alone preserve their own foods. This whole "prepper movement" was a way of life until the last 40 or so years. It wasn't a trend...it's how nearly ALL our ancestors survived. 

That is really the direction I want to go today. It has taken me a long time to get back to the roots of my own ancestors. Although, I am not even close to where I would like to be, I work hard to keep moving that direction. I have learned to cook from scratch, grow and raise my own food, preserve my own food, and continue to work towards keeping my home prepared for any type of emergency. As I look at this today, I am thinking of those that are just starting out or just starting to grasp the reality of keeping a stock pile for emergencies. The question being: Where do I begin?  That is a pretty loaded question, as there are a number of steps that need taken almost simultaneously. So, let's start a running list:

*Keep an inventory of what you eat, how often and how much

*Sit down with a budget. Try to keep debts paid off, or work on paying them off, while also keeping any possible cash in hand. You may want to invest in a fireproof/waterproof safe...you do not actually own what you do not hold in your physical hands.

*Keep an inventory of what you have in your home - food, paper products, medications, pet supplies, etc. 

*If you can't seem to have any extra cash, see where you can make cuts. Even if it's one meal out a week, one day without a brand name coffee, etc. 

*Whatever you can save to have an extra $10-$20 per week to help you start building up an emergency supply. Also remember, that you will need to rotate this stock every 6-12 months, so building up some cash reserves is helpful in that.

*Make sure you have some sort of extra freezer. This is hugely important. There are many things you can freeze! Have extra onions, peppers, milk, eggs, bread, etc....you can learn how to freeze them to avoid waste! Remember our grandmother's theory: "waste not, want not!"

*Air tight containers in a multitude of sizes. These are such an invaluable asset to your food storage. 

*Grow your skills!!! I can not emphasize this enough. Learn how to grow something, preserve something, cook something from scratch or on an open fire. Learn to sew, learn to repurpose items, learn to build things. There are a million videos online, many Farmer's Exchange offices offer trainings, and there are even many universities that offer online training - cheap or free.

*A little more extreme, take your home off grid for 24 hours. See what hiccups you find. Keep notes so you can be better prepared if that weren't a drill. I know we found holes in our preps when we were without power for 27 hours...and I have quite a battery of preparations. Just know you will never be 100% prepared BUT if you can give yourself enough to survive 3-6 months, you have a chance. 

*Education! I can not stress this enough. I know everyone is busy. However, you need to KNOW what is happening not only in your immediate area, but in the areas that can seriously hurt you too. The financial markets, the banking industry, new laws, executive orders, etc. These areas can seriously impact not only your life, but your finances, your retirements, your pensions, and your banking. 

So, this would be my initial starter list. Obviously, I could add hours of information to this, from my own trials and errors. However, I believe this will be a great starting point for my Back to Basics. Feel free to add your thoughts to the comments!

Coffee Chat

 

We are a little more than half way through February. This year is a leap year. Boy, has this year been a challenge already...after major challenges ended 2023. Some days, I sit back and question what the hell happened, when did it happen, and where was I?! Other times, I ask..."so, this is what we are doing now?" People I have respected have made me question that respect, question my loyalty, and a lot of other things too. I have spent a lot of time the past few years praying for direction, guidance, and help getting through some tough areas. There's enough people claiming to "talk to God," I am not one of them. However, I pray, and many times, my dreams or instincts guide me. So, today's coffee chat, is going to be a collaboration of updates and these instincts. 

We'll start with the farm. This area of life, although busy, is so fulfilling. We began our lambing season in January. We had 2 groups this year, each group with about 34 sheep, to have lambs. The lambs are our farm income annually. This livestock helps pay for our equipment, our expenses all around on the farm. When the lamb market is bad or we do not have a good turn around on the lambs being born...that knocks out a chunk of our annual income. So, it is imperative we do everything within our power to care for these sheep. That means a lot of sleepless nights for my husband, lots of time during the day for me to be checking them, and even now - having 4 bottle raised sheep in my house.  This is in no way ideal...I have allergies, so this tends to get tough the older they get. However, we bust our butts to save every possible lamb we can. We have experienced, for nearly 4 years now, exorbitant expenses in fertilizer for the hay and pasture ground. Again, when the lamb sales and number of lambs to sell, do not do well, that is more money from our regular budget. When fences need repairs, the neighbors chemicals kill off our hay/pasture grass, the run off from the fields wash out our land...these are our expenses and require immediate attention. None of this even accounts for repairs or updates to my house, vehicle expenses, or the regular bills. None of this touches the expenses that most don't realize; gravel for drives, barn repairs, equipment repairs - like baler belts that now cost $3000 or more to replace, the increased cost of diesel, insurance, and state/local taxes. There is a lot of underlying work that goes into an operating farm, no matter if it's crops or livestock. When you are a small farm, it gets pretty trying at times. This year, we have have to address the field run off into our barn. We have battled this for several years, but the increase in our livestock has meant having to utilize a lot more of our barn. So, it's become deciding the lessor of two evils...expand our existing barn and try to find a means of diverting the excess water or try to build a new one that will expand the birthing area, and create an automatic water diversion by raising the sidewalls with concrete wall. No matter what route we take, we will have a massive expense to replace gravel that has been washed away or sunk into the dirt.

 

We have learned this week that there are a lot of areas that have still not recovered from the illness supply issues. My stove, we bought used in 2018, has decided it's going to really give us fits. The oven quick working correctly last summer, and now it's the cooking surface. So, we started calling around to find one. Boy, was that an eye opener and an aggravation.  Not even the big box stores had what I needed in stock. It's a 2 week wait, no matter which direction I turn. Then, we find out that the manufacturers are trying to eliminate the coil type electric stoves all together. Why? The government is trying to push us away from gas stoves, now they are trying to get rid of coil type electric stoves...you can't can on a majority of glass top stoves. Well, I guess you can, but be ready to buy a new one every time that glass shatters as the pressure cookers get hot. I do not have gas in my house, and do not plan to. My husband finally found a place we could order one...but there was still no guarantee they could get it, about an hour away. We called about 15 places...including big box stores. THEN, we found out there is now some safety crap in the burners that does not work well for those who try to can on them. So, not only do you have to buy the stove, you also have to purchase different burners. Ugh! This is our government and its intrusion into everything!  Yet another reason I preach being prepared, putting money aside for emergencies, and questioning everything! We know there are some big repairs to be made to the house itself. The good and bad of owning an older home is the updating. We have done a lot of updates the past 10 years to our home but there are still plenty to do. This is also a battle of 2 evils. Do you make the repairs needed until it's paid in full or do you build new and eat your losses. Well, to this point...we keep making the repairs. I am not a fan of debt, so I am constantly working to get them paid off...not take on more. Since 2020, making those repairs have been exceptionally costly. So, we have had to juggle repairs and pray for the best. Our water lines have got to be replaced this year. Our water is so hard, we go through faucets and shower heads every few months. So, you can imagine what this does to our appliances. That is a top priority for this year. Last year, we ended up having to replace a refrigerator and a freezer, and that was a large cost. So far, this year is already the stove and the plumbing...and we are only in February?! 

I spend a lot of time determining needs vs. wants. I have wanted to put in a concrete patio on the front of our house, to allow more space for our get togethers and have a roof over it, so we don't have to depend on our big canopy. That is a want. The cost of that is much more than my budget will allow, with the "needs" we need to focus on. My constant thoughts are need vs want, access vs. availability vs. affordability. I'd love to find a way for my husband to have the barn/shed he truly could use, but the equations just don't work. I'd love to have a house that is laid out the way it would work better for me, but again...the equations just don't work. I know when it comes to a house, we won't have another manufactured/modular. The cost of them has sky rocketed. They are nice, but out of line. We've looked into the shed houses, and those make the most sense for us...but again, the equations just are there yet. Absolutely everything I do, is done with these equations in mind. My limited amount of travel, consolidating trips, monthly grocery runs instead of weekly, limiting expenses...all of it. It's called fiscal responsibility. We spent a long time handling finances poorly, and I refuse to go back to that. My husband works hard at an off-the-farm job, then comes home to work hard on our farm. I work hard here on the farm day in and day out. I do everything possible to manage things so that he doesn't have issues getting what he needs. I am still educating one child at home, high school at that. When the laws for that change annually...there is a juggling with that too. I would rather deal with that though than deal with the crap currently in the public education system. It's not what it was 25-30 years ago. I'm failing, to keep up with extended family and friends. It's a fact. I can only do so much, I am only one person. I do what I can, but beyond that, it's either respected or not that I have taken control of my life and my family instead of living off the government and generational traumas. I have worked very hard to return to my ancestral roots. 

I have time everyday that I set aside for prayer and meditation. Some days I allow for more than others. Especially the trying days. Each time, at least the past few years, has been met with either a strong gut instinct or a recurring dream/vivid dream. I listen to these, both. I keep a journal beside my bed and I write several times a day, to keep track of things that weigh on me. I've had several years now that my "feelings/thoughts" have been brushed off as this life transition, projection of my fears, or about 100 other "excuses." I began withdrawing and not talking to much of anyone, because I didn't even trust my own thoughts. That has reached a boiling point. No one has the right to tell us what we can or can not feel, but it is OUR responsibility to manage them. No one else is required to respect us, no matter how good or bad we may be, but it up to us to not lower our own standards to behave in the same manner. Guilt trips and manipulation are abuse, especially if you are using them as a means for pitty. Gaslighting, is something I have learned recently...and it falls into the same abuse as guilt and manipulation. Sadly, the verbal side of all of this can cause the same or worse damage to a person as physical abuse does, because those wounds are not visible. The problem I see, is that all of this has become a regular part of society today. It's no wonder society has become what it has. Everyone has rights but no one wants to take responsibilities. It's so sad to me, to  see good people ground into the dirt because of all of this. I have had to deal with some of this most of my life, but I have reached a point now, that I just can't. When my own health is being effected, I have to limit the amount of exposure or I will end up with a heart attack, and that is not on my agenda. 

My time this morning, ended in a strange realization that I was told about nearly 25 years ago. It was told to me then, but I didn't see it. I do now. I don't intend to do to anything with this information, but it was a shock. Sometimes, it is hard to see the forest through the trees. Just as so much as been shared with me through the years, you have to take it and file it away. Some may come in to use, but most of it is just a "heads up." I know for 26 years, I have been in a family that has taught me a lot, some good, some not. The majority has been what has shaped the person I have become. My husband's mother, grandmothers and especially one great grandmother; taught me to cook, garden and preserve foods the way they had always done it. Their lessons, even when I fought learning, have been beyond value! Because of those lessons, I have been able to continue on with what they taught me, while also growing my own skills. Yes, I pat myself on the back for what I have learned. Being part of a family, with so many generations(early on in my marriage) taking part; was such a remarkable experience. This life has taught me so many valuable lessons. 

As I jump into my day, I am doing more reflecting, once again. There is so much we, as society could be doing better. I get that respect is earned. You have to have a character worth respecting. We have to get back to having self accountability. None of us is ever right all of the time. We need to get back to having conversations(not messages that can be taken wrong), comprehending the conversations we do have, having morals and values, and understanding that every person is dealing with something in their lives. Pipe dreams, I know.

New chapter

 

What a freaking roller coaster this year has been to date! Late last night/early this morning, I found a strange sense of balance, I guess being the correct word. I have spent 25 years doing my best to take care of my husband, supporting him, and arguing with him. He and his family have helped me to grow beyond my wildest imagination. I have spent 23 years doing everything possible to be a good mom. Attempting to teach my kids values, morals and responsibility; in addition to trying to teach them. I will always stand up FOR them, even though I know their flaws. Through the years, I have dealt with effects from everything from an eating disorder to cancer, and too many losses to mention. I have seen relationships that I thought were rock solid turn out to be nothing more than lip service, and some that seemed fluid be the ones that have been impenetrable. Now, after a decade of dealing with the lovely effects of perimenopause, I'm nearing the end of that...and this is where I am turning a page, starting a new chapter, or starting an entirely new book...who knows.

For a lot of years, I concerned myself with ignoring rumors, or getting information first hand or through research. Something I do recommend. Hearing information direct from the horses mouth, may be challenging at first, but then there is no miscommunication. I have said for years, that communication break down is the problem, but I have changed my opinion. I believe that communication is essential but comprehension is a major problem. People do not like to listen, let alone admit to being wrong. Especially when you are the one defending. Anyway, it's been said that it's easier to fool people than for people to accept they have been fooled, and I believe this whole heartedly. It's been difficult for me to accept that there are areas that I have been wrong, fooled, mislead, or whatever...but wrong is wrong even if everyone else is doing it.

I have had a VERY trying year to date, after an entire year of my own issues. You see, I trust in who I am, what I believe, and the direction I am going. I trust that my prayers are heard, even if I don't always see an outcome I hope for. I pray, meditate and write to keep myself in check. Honestly, I don't care who, if anyone, reads what I write...it's more for myself than anyone else usually. It's how I hold myself accountable. My writing, whether it be in blogs/journals/notebooks...are how I manage to keep control of my temper, my attitude, and my disappointments. I set goals, every year on my birthday. I don't make promises I don't intend to keep. I trust what people tell me, until I am given a reason not to. Yes, this has caused upset and heartbreak, but it is what it is. I enjoy helping others, spending time with my kids, being on our farm and even teaching those that want to learn. That is just who I am. I keep insane amounts of notes and lists, that drive my family crazy. I have spent a lot of years putting my family first and foremost above anything and everything else. When they are happy, I am; when they are hurt, so am I. Having reached a point in my life where my children are growing into adults, I have to trust that they will be good people. That also puts me to a point of now what?! 

Something happened overnight, that I just can't explain. Maybe divine intervention since I went to bed with such a heavy heart, I don't know. I felt a shift. I spend a lot of time without actual human conversations. If my animals could talk... Anyway, I have short conversations in the mornings before the guys rush off to work, a few at supper, and a little before bed...aside from teaching my daughter, which is a massive struggle for another time. Otherwise, it's typically conversations through text messages, messenger or email. I don't go out, most of the time, I don't even like to get groceries anymore because the cost is stupid. 98% of the headaches I deal with are from 3 areas: stress, allergies and this stage of life. I know I can reign in 2 of the three. I just have to do it. Sadly, I have found myself at the point of being so overwhelmed for a couple years, that I just do not even know where to start. Spring, Summer and Fall are the times I can manage my stress and even allergies fairly well. Time in my gardens, walking bare foot through the yard and garden, windows open, and lots of sunshine. Winter has taken it's toll on me the last few years. Obviously, the month of January, has sent me into a downward spiral that I am trying to rectify. I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of putting the plan into play. This shift I feel is actually making me a little anxious because I do not do things for myself. Everything I have done for years, has been for others. That won't completely change, because that is who I am...but doing things for myself has become necessary. I wish I could explain this better, because I don't feel I'm putting the correct wording here. 

I feel clearer, less foggy...if that makes any sense. I'm seeing things for what they are. I know, in my heart, that I have let a lot run amok because it was easier than going to battle. I also know that, that is why my own health has been getting worse. I don't talk about my health because of a lot of reasons, but for most of 2 years now, it has not been good. While I have sat and worried about others, and pushed them to take care of themselves, I have not followed my own advice. It's time. When I talked earlier in the year about getting back to basics, this is all part of it. I am no where near perfect, and accept my flaws, but there comes a time to step back. I will focus on my responsibilities but also taking time for myself. How many times have I told others, "you can't pour from an empty cups?" I would hate know...but that is exactly what I am trying to do. My entire adult life, mostly, has been focused on my husband and my kids. When I am overwhelmed, I withdraw from everyone and everything, doing only bare minimum. That should have been my clue, but I missed it until now. 

I know I can be a very difficult person. I can blame a lot of things that made me that way, but I won't. The way I am today, is my own responsibility. Yes, there is a lot that has shaped me, but I am not one to use that as an excuse to not learn to be better. No matter how much we try to make things better/easier for the next generation, it's nullified by outside sources and influence. So, we have to do what we can, and pray for the rest. This is also in the part of letting go and realizing you can only do so much. Whether it's family or friends, you can only do so much until their own responsibility has to kick in. Since stress is a big health hazard, I am doing a lot of letting go. Stress has never been good to me, and the older I get, the more I realize the damages it does. 

I am taking a leap of faith. I will fix what I can, learn what I can, but beyond my own changes...is not my problem. In my house, I have always held my family to standards, expectations and responsibility. My own responsibility has gone down to just one child and my husband now. I will always be here for my boys, be their cheering section, have their back, but they are adults. They are capable young men, and I know even with some bone-head choices...they will learn from their mistakes and grow. So, as I work through whatever this shift, and whatever the dreams meant....it's time for me to keep growing too. New chapter, begins now. Responsibility, maturity, and growth required.

Here's to new pages, and not letting anyone else write my story.

Coffee Break - frayed but not yet broken

 

Today's coffee chat is going to be as generic as I can muster. It's brought to you by frustration, anger, irritation, hurt, and an overall "sick of the shit" attitude. 

 

So, it's not enough that our country has become one giant dumpster fire; facing wars on several fronts, an incompetent group of "elected and unelected" officials, out-of-control government spending, a sinking economy, increasing food insecurity, constant taxation, and a major break down in behavior.  Add in fraudulent numbers being claimed as fact...that are just a few weeks from being "corrected," on everything from unemployment, to recession, to cost of living. Throw in a serious lack of common courtesies, respect and the use of any brain cells...and that dumpster fire just gets bigger and hotter.

Naturally, watching the national crap is irritating because anyone with 2 brains can see how difficult it is to make ends meet in this country. What irritates me more right now, is watching people's behaviors. It's truly become such mess. There is a serious lack of respect, lack of the simplest courtesies, and the immaturity has left me scratching my head. 

I'm wired different, I get that. I've known that my entire life, and no matter how much I tried to blend into what was considered normal, I just have never made work for me. Honestly, I am convinced that is a good thing, even if trying at times. I've kept as many "old fashioned values" as humanly possible...even if they are getting stomped in the mud currently. I've watched as the more you try to do the "right" thing, the more used and abused you get. The more taken for granted you get. I have had the proverbial slap to the face when I have tried to keep my promises, do the right thing, and make my family my main focus. I have personally defended people, that have turned around to shit on me. I can't change other people. I can, however, change to way I will deal with people, from this point forward. I am no saint, will never claim to be, but I am a good person...one that ready to walk away from a lot of people. Saying, "I'm over it all, " is a serious understatement. 

I've warned for a lot of years that this election year was going to be a bad one. What I neglected to mention was preparing for seeing true colors of people. People, in general, react to the world around them - even if it's not conscientiously. Hard times, struggles, and outside stimuli will bring out either the best or worst in other's. I guess my own failure in recognizing this possibility, and preparing for it, is on me. So, as I said to start, The mess we are in requires being prepared on every front; not just food, water, medicines but also for knowing where you stand and who is drilling holes in your boat while you are are trying to get the water out!

Back in September, I started reading a book called Dodging Energy Vampires. I am still trying to get it read. Normally, I can read a book of this size in about 2 days. I am on page 70 of about 400 pages. I don't have the time, let alone the attention capabilities, or even the energy to read. I am trying to keep up on a house of 5 people, that rarely do squat, beside complain. I have messages that come in about the things I can not do at the time, and how bad off they are...yet, not a single one is realizing what I do...which is to a degree my own fault, because I keep my life to myself rather than to bad mouth others. I fought nearly 6 months of illness, losing nearly 25 pounds and those living in my house barely noticed...let alone offered to help with anything. So, why would anyone outside my house know anything. That is my own thing. Yep, I am a stay-at-home mom, so I guess I am just supposed to be watching the noise box/internet all day, eating snack cakes. That is not even close to reality. When you are in a constant battle to get through school work, keep the kitchen clean and dishes done, get the house clean, keep laundry done, keep up with outdoor chores, keep finances in check, juggle constant paperwork, and by the end of the day - the only true peace is to crawl in bed because it's the one place I am not constantly struggling to manage. I am at my wits end with just about everything and everyone. 

I finally got all the tax crap finished for now. Talk about an enormous amount of paperwork. Incomes, expenses, breaking everything down for a schedule f, profit/loss, farm use, business, making sure every document is kept throughout the year, and then stored for 7 more years. It's annoying to see how much goes out...especially seeing how horrible our roads are, we don't use the school system, and our fire/ambulance can't find us. It's irritating! 

The farm is truly the best thing for me. I love the life I get to live. I have learned so much, and continue to learn every day. I love my gardens, the pride I feel when I can make them grow and then preserve all of the foods that come from them...it's a big accomplishment. Knowing I have had some amazing teachers in how to preserve that food and cook everything from scratch, is a massive accomplishment. The peace I get from working in the soil, is beyond explanation. Even the moments when weather conditions do not cooperate, I love my garden time. I love getting on my mower, and walking bare foot across the grass. Although that is something that probably won't get to happen this year since there are now 3 dogs in the yard...I will just have to take my walks by the garden or orchard. Being able to experiment with seed saving, growing trees from cuttings, growing vegetables from scraps, and even learning by trial and error; these are big wins for me. 

I try to start each day fresh. Take account of my blessings as I drag my butt out of bed in the mornings. Look myself in the mirror each morning(which I hate doing) and reminding myself I am capable even when I feel like I am not. Not needing applause for anything, but knowing that once in a while, it's nice to get some encouragement instead of constant criticism. Accepting all my flaws, but praying that God work through me to do and be better everyday. 

For today, I'm going to leave this here and once again pull up my boot straps, and do what I can. I know whatever I don't get to, will be there tomorrow...so, there is no sense is stressing on that. I just know I am mentally exhausted. I am blessed but stressed too. Some days, I wish I could live blissfully unaware and shirk responsibilities, but that's just not who I am. So, it's time to move on and get busy. It is what it is, a phrase I seriously hate, but fits. One day, it will all come out in the wash.