Coffee Chat - Final one for 2024

 

Coffee Chat

Final thoughts for ending 2024, the year of survival.

It's been kind of refreshing to know I am not the only one that has battled everything this year. I'm going to start with so many of the women, my age, that have been working through this phase of our lives. It's tough ladies!! We are the last of our generation of this generation of independence. We basically raised ourselves, we made our way in nearly everything we have done, and now life is kicking our butts! This time of "pre-menopause" that has us all dealing with hot flashes, emotions raging, technology taking over our worlds, children growing up or careers that have taken over, the battles we faced with miscarriages, extended family, and feeling like we are on the American Eagle tracks without the cars to ride in....so many slippery slopes, and hanging on for dear life! For many, it's constantly hearing others say, it's because of this, we are being  irrational or too emotional. Girls, we have just finally reached the point of being tired of everyone else's crap! We are up, we are down but so many of us have found ourselves dealing with too much negativity and it does wear off on us...believe it or not. We have spent so many years building our lives, raising kids or building careers, making homes(a few more than others), we got lost in the mix. This new era, is now for us. I think we have to drop the negative perspective (as much as possible through hot flashes and others stupidity), and be happy that we are at this point, when others did not make it here. We may be a little crazy, but who cares!!! The people meant to in our lives will love us regardless! Those that leave, well...consider it a gift. The trash has taken itself out. One less chore for us! Now, let's celebrate together! Let's support each other on the good AND bad days, even if we are not close to each other geographically! We are not made in the same way other generations are. 

2024 has been a tough year, seemingly for many. Y'all...we have made it this far, count that as a success!! We have just a few more days to round out this year and start a new chapter. I personally don't make resolutions, because I don't keep them...I have an issue with being too hard on myself when I don't keep them. So, we need to prepare to start the new year with a new perspective. Resolutions last, as long as it takes to make them. I set goals to achieve. My new year, also begins on my birthday each year. It's a new chapter in my life...to make it better than the previous year. Whether it's the actual new year or your new year...goals have a plan, they have a priority and a date. You have to decide what is important for you. Saying you will eat healthier, get into better shape or health...is great, but it's too generic. How are you going to achieve the results, what is the overall goal and how are you going to take the steps to achieve, AND how will you get back on track if you miss a goal. We all have missed goals, it's more important to not give up but instead step up and get back on track! Don't allow those missed goals to feed excuses or negativity. 

Many of my goals every year, include continuing to learn something new, and accepting who I am. I am not blind to all my flaws, but I know I am a good person, overall. Being a good person, despite popular "memes" is not going to draw more good to you. Typically, it ends up causing you grief. Don't let that deter you though. Integrity is being a good person, even if you know others are not. When it's our time to go to the pearly gates, we will only be answering for what we have done...not what others have done. So, what are we doing to live a life of integrity? This may be an out-dated point of view, but I don't believe this thought process should go out of style. 

I am personally wanting to get myself back to a place of intention. This entire year has been one of, "ok, this is what we are doing now?" That does not work for me. I need a plan, I need some sort of organization - even if it's organized chaos, I need direction, and I need time to work through when plans blow up in my face. I am not a person that just "goes with the flow!" At least not at this point in my life. Someday, maybe I will get back to that...but it aint right now. 

I have spent the year, battling so much alone. Not even sharing most of it with those living in my house, let alone anyone else. So many like to remind you that things can be worse, but they don't grasp that what you are dealing with...is still a struggle to you and that thought ends up isolating people. Many times, talking through issues, for as long as it takes to get through them, is what is needed. Throwing someone under a bus; you probably should make sure you will never need them again. Some bridges can never be rebuilt. 

I am truly ready to kick 2024 to the curb. I am putting all my Christmas stuff back into their boxes with some sage and it's getting put up! Then, I am cleaning my house - top to bottom, with sage before 2025 even gets started. I will be opening windows to allow fresh new vibes in to start the new year. What is no longer working for me, will be removed. It's time for a true fresh start. 

Here's to a happy, healthy and prosperous new year! No "new year, new me" rhetoric! It's time to start fresh! God Bless!

Coffee Chat and more

 

I'm in a strange place right now. It seems there is always something going on, whether it be good or bad, and I'm really working to keep the negative at bay. I've spent so much time having to live by schedules, seasons, preparations, juggle those unknown obstacles, and try to keep my "feral" tendencies at bay too. I've shared just enough of my everyday life to explain a few circumstances, but nearly all my life is kept away from the world wide web. I began writing to share my own experiences of learning to live and survive on a farm, learning to manage food growth and preservation, our home schooling adventures, and even my growth in cooking & baking. Then, it expanded into issues that effected our farm, our lives, and share our perspectives. Once again, it expanded to give other hope to other women, who were tackling the challenges of perimenopause/menopause. I've shared my passion for helping veterans, and our annual disabled veteran hunt. 

 

Each year, usually around my birthday, I work on goals for the coming year. Maybe my intuitive senses are beginning earlier this year...who knows. What I do know, is that I am really feeling insightful but also a bit detached. I enjoyed Thanksgiving. I'm looked forward to our open house, Christmas gatherings, my birthday and New Year's eve; I am also feeling a bit detached there too. It's strange to have a vision of how you want things to be/go but you know it won't go/be that way. These gatherings mean the world to me! They are so much work, and a ton of clean up, but it means so much to me to keep many traditions alive, and pass them down to the next generations.  It's difficult when you don't see the younger people showing the interest though. I am going to put this out, because I give credit where it's due. My daughter and I met a wonderful man at the annual gun show we go to; one of our fundraising events for the veteran hunt. He is a "Santa Helper" that has been at a local farm that hosts events throughout the year. Because of that man, he gave my daughter her Christmas spirit back in October. So much so, that she told me then, she wanted to go see him(as Santa) at the farm, 2 months later. So, it got put on the calendar in pen. It just so happened, to fall the day after our annual Christmas Open House. We were all tired, but we went. The smile on her face, his personality and seeing my little girl(a teenager, but still my baby)still believe in the magic of Christmas...WAS PRICELESS!! It truly brought tears to my eyes. So, for that, Thank You David Boom!! You gave me another year of magic too!

Before I move into other areas, I have a tough confession to put in words. I've voiced how hard 2024 has been for me a few times. It has really come to light since October. If not for my daughter's excitement over Christmas this year, I probably would not have done anything. I had planned to only put up the main tree, not have the open house, and to not have any gatherings. I am just really not feeling Christmas this year. I am trying for her, but it's just not in my heart this year. I want time with my husband and kids, but I want to be selfish and keep all the magic I can muster, strictly for them. I have struggled throughout the year with watching others be hurt, learning to readjust as a mom with an adult child, juggling fluid schedules that do not work for me...but I have no choice to go with, learning how you can become unimportant when you are no longer needed, and trying to manage a whole lot of emotions that I don't want to deal with but am not given a choice. I am notoriously trying to run interference in situations to try to give an opposing point of view, for perspective. I try to be the one that says, yes...the decision was bad, but try to see it from the other persons eyes. It's been exhausting this year! To be honest, it has caused me to shut down a lot, withdraw from everything outside my home and immediate family and get through one day at a time. I am thoroughly overwhelmed this year and I am just ready to start seeing some sort of positive movement forward. 

Our Christmas Open House this year was really small from the last few years. We had an ice storm the night before, and had rain the entire day of, this year. Everything was pretty slick and nasty. We still managed to have about 25 people that braved the weather, and we got to visit with several neighbors, and some family. We have a lot of goodies left over, which has meant those in our house have been gracing on them all weekend! I believe I will be freezing whatever I can, and we do have some neighbors we will be taking some to, also. It was smaller, but it was a little easier to visit...even though I still didn't get to visit a lot with anyone. I had planned to cancel it this year, and my daughter wanted no part of that...I am happy I didn't. 

Now, we are less than 2 weeks from Christmas and while I am excited for my kids, I am really just struggling and I don't know how to change that. I have a lot to work on, some changes I need to make in several areas, and I just want to get out from under this black cloud that seems to be hovering right now. I'll figure it out eventually, but for now, it's a bit overwhelming. I don't want to bring anyone to this level, so I keep to myself...but man, do I miss having a friend to vent to, over a cup of coffee right now! Maybe talking this crap through would get it to make sense!

Coffee Chat - Welcome December

 

Welcome December!!

The final 31 days of this year, and 25 days until Christmas! Even watching the calendar, it's a strange sensation to KNOW we are officially in the last month. I have been given the best possible gift already this year, my kids are all super excited for Christmas! Even my 15 year old is almost the most excited of all. She is honestly the reason for me to push myself to get into the spirit this year. 

I have explained the spirit of Christmas to my kids for years. Meaning, it's not about the gifts(those are a bonus) but instead about the kindness, the time spent with loved ones, and having goodwill even when it's a challenge. We have never made the gifting about technology or big gifts, it's always been about a few useful gifts and a few fun gifts. It's been typically, someone different each year, that wakes up first...and then wakes up the rest of the house. Sometimes, that is at 3 am...other times, closer to 7. Santa sometimes, hasn't been gone more than an hour...so, that's fun. Especially, when he takes a 4 hour power nap...instead of just closing her eyes for a few minutes. It was always fun, when we had younger kids, that didn't sleep! 

2024 has been an especially tough year for me. I have worked hard to start recovering my health, weight, and energy after a couple years of illnesses. I have had to accept that I put some pretty harsh and unrealistic expectations on myself...and I do not handle failure well. I've put faith in people and things that have let down those expectations too. It's been a major challenge to accept so many things that I can not change. As someone that tries to understand people, situations and choices...learning that my instinct is either way off, or things are more deceptive than imaginable...that has left me speechless. I refuse to dwell any longer on the crap from this year. I am one person, doing what I can, to make MY world a better place. That means loving those that are dear to me, letting go, changing the importance of some situations, and making peace a priority by any means necessary. 

While I am feeling a little apprehensive, I am excited for all that December brings me and my family. I am looking forward to our gatherings, Christmas, my 50th birthday and New Year's Eve. There is a lot to do and finish right now, but I am not going to stress about any of it. I am focusing on what I can do, what I can change, and the direction I want to go. I'm starting the month on a hopeful platform.