A little morning chatter

 

Good morning! I thought this might be the best way to work through some thoughts, so I hope you'll indulge me in my chatter. What better expression than a couple of hens, especially since I am currently surrounded by hens and my pet rooster. 

Turning 50 was not a big deal to me, although it was in a sense. To me age is just a number. The big deal has been about 10 years of a battle within my head, of expectations I had for this stage of my life. There are so many memes that I can relate to anymore! "it's a good thing thought bubbles don't appear over my head," "I may not say a lot, but my face has subtitles." So many times, if anyone paid attention to my facial expressions...they would know exactly what I was thinking and likely NOT saying! I grew up "checking the boxes." Get good grades, graduate, get a degree, get married, have children, buy a house, yada, yada. Well, I can check all those boxes but the areas that challenge me know, are the ones I didn't. I have a degree that is completely useless since choosing to be a Mom, instead of juggling a career and motherhood has had me out of the job field for over 20 years. Any skills I had with that degree, are outdated. I can care for kids, run a household and farm, juggle 15 activities but know just enough technology to do bare minimum. I raised my kids to be productive members of society, to work hard, to put our family first, and be of good character. All so our family unit would stay attached in a world that is doing everything possible to destroy the family unit. Well, a lot of good that does, when society, technology and some with less character invade that inner circle. It's really difficult knowing you gave everything. So, now that my youngest is a young adult, I am asking what now?! I love the time with my kids, and honestly...that was better than any career could ever be! 

Having conversations with my husband lately has also revealed so pretty big divides. While I do believe difference help balance a relationship, it's a challenge to find middle ground with 2 very stubborn people. A lot of personalities for both of us, have been shaped by our upbringing and our experiences. My husband tends to be more hard lined, brutally blunt, and unforgiving. Once someone crosses him, he's done with them. I am just the opposite(mostly). I attempt to be more empathetic, compassionate and understanding. I will bite my tongue and tolerate a lot before I pull the plug. While there are some areas I wish I could be as cold and calloused as he can be, I'm just not. I give too many chances, and will get angry because someone/something has hurt me instead of showing the hurt. My daughter is constantly reminding me that "not everyone is like you mom." Even knowing this, doesn't help. 

It took me a lot of years to realize that my own expectations of others, caused a lot of hurt to myself. I expected people to pay attention to what I said, or know how to behave and that just was not the case. When you constantly have to repeat your thoughts, wishes, or your needs; and they are serially ignored, disrespected or not heard...you lose hope. Having to repeat yourself, makes you withdraw little by little until you no longer depend on anyone. This scenario is one I've gone through, in many areas, for about 10 years now. I've found myself withdrawing from area by area. Now, I am more quiet than not, and I don't feel the need to argue. The last few years have really been tough for someone who was once an outgoing person, for someone who always looked for the good in people, and maintained a thread of hope in the eye of a lot of negativity. The one thing I continually remind myself is that I am not a mean person, and I refuse to become so cold and uncaring that I withdraw even further than where I've been. 

I have decided to change some focus lately. I scaled back my vegetable garden, I am going to work on the landscaping to make it look the way I want it to - even though it's looking rough, I am going to build a few things this summer and see if that is still something I can enjoy, I'm growing some extra herbs and going to try my hand at that - it's never gone well before, and most importantly, I am giving myself some grace is areas that I am not doing well in. You see, getting constant negativity and degradation has not made me perfect, and while I have no desire to be perfect, I can learn to accept and respect myself. Sadly, this is an area that is lacking in education and has been for decades. While doing better for ourselves is a great goal, being happy with who we are in the moment should be applauded too. 

So, there you have it. My morning chatter. Now, I suppose I will go accomplish something productive. 

Be happy in who you are today, while you strive to be better tomorrow!

Coffee and Conversation

 

The end of April. It has started out kind of rainy, cloudy and 48 degrees. We've been as high as 89 and as low as 24 this month. April has been a roller coaster. Since my home has become emptier, the need to plant a huge garden has become needless I will always have a garden, but I did down size significantly this year. Instead of nearly a quarter acre, it's down to just 2 - 4' by 48' and 1 - 18" by 48' rows. It seems so small. Yet, I have most of what I wanted and needed planted. I have one row framed in and hope to do the same with the other 2 eventually. I do like the idea of only having to weed a few areas this year. I spaced the rows to allow my mower to get in between. I wanted to be able to turn the unused areas back to grass. My husband found me so used babcat tracks to put out that I can use for a "raised bed." There are 2 of them, one will be for my mint and the other for flowers. Our dear neighbors gave me 2 old John Deere planter boxes that will become actual raised beds. They also offered me an elderberry bush that is growing out the side of their barn. I really want to get some trees to plant around the property, but I am wanted to see what the decisions are this year to decide whether I will invest there or not. There are a lot of decisions to make, and so many projects are hinged on those decisions. 

So, let's jump into my garden for a bit. We went to a new nursery this year to find plants. Last year nearly every plant package I bought, was mislabeled. There might have been 1 of the plants in a 4 pack, but the other 3 were different...sometimes it was actually 3 different plants. I was not impressed. Since last year, I bought plants at 2 different places and had the same results...this year, I went to a new location. All their tomato plants were sold in 2 packs, we got 10 of those 2 packs with 4 different types of tomatoes. Their bell pepper plants were sold in 4 packs. I got 4 of the red/green, a yellow and an orange. I got a 2 pack of jalapenos, a 2 pack of something that is suppose to be a sweet/hot combination too. I got all my herbs from the same place - oregano, rosemary, thyme, sage, basil and cilantro. I got my brussel sprouts and broccoli at our local Mennonite store. I also got some new green bean seeds to see if they will grow, since I've had 3 years of them not growing well. I got some potatoes, corn, beets, and onions in also. My husband tilled up the rows for me, and we added some manure from the sheep compost pile. My daughter and I worked together to plant everything. For years, the garden was my thing. That was my solace when I was stressed. The last few years, I've tried to share the knowledge with my kids. It went from gardening for necessity to gardening for a purpose. I want my children to know how to grow their own food and where it comes from. 

This leads to some of our home school lessons. Learning about recipes, measurements, spice combinations, what each of the spices benefit our health, meal planning, and even the clean up and organization of a kitchen/pantry/freezer. It's been an experience seeing and teaching my kids. Each one has their own learning method and style. Each has had their challenges as we learned and grew together. One of the biggest teachers has been real life experiences. Allowing them to learn through the experience of life, real world challenges and problem solving with actual repercussions/rewards. That is difficult for a mom. We want to protect our kids, yet sometimes the best lessons are the ones they learn the hard way. That does not mean, we don't sit back worrying or spend more time praying; God knows I pray for my kids - sometimes several times a day. Unlike my generation that grew up, basically by the time we were 12, and had chores and responsibilities...each generation tries to make the next a little easier. Sadly, by doing this, we create a generation that doesn't value the hardships, lessons or learning experiences. I once believed that if a child raised correctly, they would turn into a good person. Thus, if a child wasn't they wouldn't. I've learned that we can raise our children to the best of our ability, but many times they are influenced by others - even as adults, and they lose their way. We just have to keep praying they find a place to turn around and get back on a good path. Many times, those influencers haven't had a good upbringing or they are rebelling, or they are just not of good character. The worst ones, are the ones that want others to like them so much or they have ulterior motives. Whether it is trying to keep peace, trying to separate a family unit, or avoiding giving an opinion. I've always believed that our children should be told the truth; especially on matters that are important. I remember emails with my son's mother-in-law, who was concerned with their maturity and readiness to get married. I told her, "we may not agree with their choices, but we have to trust that we raised the kids to do the right thing." Sometimes, taking your own advise is a tough pill to swallow. Especially when you want nothing more that to keep them close to you, as you watch everyone trying to pull them away.

I can remember, when I was growing up, there were things that were just taboo to talk about - politics, religion, how you voted, and especially sex. When I was a kid, kids were not meant to be heard. You didn't get to voice your opinion without serious repercussions. Now, absolutely everything is open to discussion. Most things, I am ok discussing...but there are some things that need to remain in the mental health field; and there are some that need serious counseling.  I still believe children should be allowed to be children for as long as possible. Introducing adult topics to our young people is a form of abuse. 

Now that I am 50 and my home is becoming an empty nest, really quickly...my heart aches, and my brain is in panic mode. I keep coming back to the question, what now? I have devoted nearly 25 years to being a mom and I don't know how to juggle this feeling. I still have a year and a half to teach my youngest...but 16 years has already flown by. I have a degree, but all those skills are outdated. I haven't worked outside home really, since my kids were very little. The things I love doing are not income producing. I don't know what I'd want to do, so I can't update skills for a specific career. I have no interest in returning to schooling, when it would be learning things I have not used in 50 years...and has more to do with sexuality/pronouns/and being politically correct, than actually learning a new skill. I hate traveling, sitting in an office sounds suffocating, being tied to anything for more than a few hours each day would drown my soul. I haven't focused on things that interested me for decades now. I don't even know where to start! 

My volunteer work focuses on some of what is important to me. Almost all of it, works with veterans. That is where my passion lies. Doing what I can to help those that served. From our disabled veteran hunt to the monthly veteran coffee meetings; and the year round events - meals for veterans day, Christmas gifts for veterans in homes, veteran appreciation meal, etc. these are meaningful moments to me. I am gearing up to start raising funds for these events next month. 

Since my brain has been really chaotic the last several weeks, I have tried to reign it in with more prayer, meditation and writing in my journal. When there are thousands of thoughts spiraling through your brain at any given moment, it's difficult to focus. I have written a master project list, with things I know need done or I want done. As I made mention earlier, there are several decisions that need to be made and then followed through with. I am someone that has to have a plan...even if that involves a back up plan with every letter of the alphabet. I do not do well with a "fly by the seat of your pants," attitude. Many of my plans are in place a year out. So, throwing something at me a week or even a few months before, pretty much means I won't be involved. I have to have details on things. I tend to be a detail person. If you tell me there is an event; I need day, time, whose involved, what my role is, and what other events are involved.

So, as I move on to my day...I am closing the month with a thought and prayer. I am ready for warmer temps and more sunshine. I'm ready for hours outdoors and flip flops. I'm ready for a new month.

Conversation and updates

 

Well, where do I start today?! I have thought about a video for weeks now...but there is never time without wind, rain or noise. I have had so much to talk to about, but I have limited myself to really thinking about what I share very deeply before sharing. There are just too many that are not strong enough to handle my unfiltered thoughts without completely melting into a pile of offense. 

Let's start with one of the big changes for me. After being so sick this last time, I stopped smoking. 2 months now, and there have been some really rough days and some set backs...but I am pushing through. When I was smoking the most, if I was really busy...I didn't smoke. It's when I got bored, upset, depressed, or royally stressed out when I would smoke a lot. If there is one thing I know as fact...if you are going to do anything difficult, you have to want it more than anything for it to happen. As far as giving up most addictions, you have to do it for yourself. It can't be something forced, or even for other people - no matter how much you love them. It's not easy. Just ask anyone that once smoked, drank or anything else. Even after 2 months, having a really bad day or a stressful situation; there is a chance of giving in. The one thing I will not do to anyone, and try to always remind myself of anything I'm doing...beating yourself up and degrading yourself is not going to help anything. You have to take a deep breath and keep going. It took Noah, what, 40 years to build the Ark?! I can't bring myself to trading one bad habit for another...so I will do everything I can to work those tough days. 

All that being said, it's that time of year for outdoor work! My favorite times of the year...gardening, mowing and landscaping. This year is allowing me to make some changes in my gardening. There are now just 3 of us left at home, and that means I am no longer having to bust my butt to provide food for 5+ people anymore. This year I get to grow less for preservation and more for fun or trial. It's strange not needing as much but I am looking forward to making some changes. Maybe even expanding some skills and furthering my knowledge. I am planning to add some new trees and berry bushes this year also. I would also like to add a lot more flowers to the landscaping. One thing I have learned over the twenty-plus years of gardening...without flowers and pollinators, your gardens won't grow to their potential. I had hoped to enroll into an herbalist class this year, I just haven't found one available that isn't outrageously expensive. That is an area I need more education in. Anyway, I am excited to start mowing too! I know, most people dread this chore...I look forward to it! It's time when I can't hear anyone, no one can talk to me, and I can just allow my thoughts to go where they will. 

For a couple years now, I have been working on my recipe book. This has turned into a bigger project than I planned. I've found recipes that are only half there, have gotten mixed up(if multiple pages), or only have ingredients but no title or directions. So, I have to go through every one of them and try to write them legibly, with full directions and titles. I promised these to my kids 2 years ago...but was not anticipating the work I had to put in so they could even read them. It's one thing when you are a cook and know the basic directions for any recipe...it's another to have only an ingredient list and have to guess how much of each ingredient and what order to mix them, then the pan size and oven temp. At least when I am finished, they will have a good size cook book, measurement conversions, and even some natural health tricks and tips. I just hope they enjoy them and get use out of them. 

I am also moving forward with our annual disabled veteran deer hunt. I have messages sent to both large foundations we have worked with. We have secured some donations already, and are building a donation/sponsor tier to allow our volunteers to move forward in our fundraising. We are still trying to secure the items for the annual raffle, but hope to have them locked down in the next couple of weeks. I'd like to see this year's raffle kick off June 1st, but that means having everything ready the last week of May...which means getting tickets ordered by the 10th of May to have in time. IF I can get this pulled off, the raffle will run June 1st with the drawing to be held October 12th at 1 pm. This event alone this year is looking to average about $815 per veteran, for just the hunt. We had funds left last year that allowed us to give 25 veterans a free lunch on Veterans Day. We are also looking into providing veterans in local nursing homes and VA homes a Christmas bag this year, if our donations allow. Once I have a chance to visit with the foundations we have worked with, the scope of our plans will clear up a little. We are in a unique situation, as we are not locked into a single phase cause - when it comes to helping veterans, we can utilize the tools in our tool belt, to work with 2 great foundations that offer very different options to also help veterans. I am just lucky enough to have gotten to know these groups and see that their missions are truly about helping veterans. 

As for the farm, WOW! After 2 1/2 months 63 of 65 ewes have given us lambs. The final 2 are super late! We have 123 lambs on the ground(6 of those are our sons, and 1 is our daughters). Now the next phase of chaos begins - weaning, sorting and selling. This will happen in phases too. Those born in January and early February, are basically ready to wean now. The next phase will be those born mid-February to early March, then mid-March to April. We try to offer them for sale off the farm first, as this gives buyers better options at the colors and sizes they choose. The ram lambs are the same - better options of size and colors from the farm. That being said, some will end up going through the sale barn. The sheep market is ok right now, but we've seen the bottom drop out of it over the last few years...so a good year would be awesome! My chickens and ducks decided their pasture area wasn't enough, so they have decided to claim about 4 acres is their playground. You just never know where you will find a chicken or an egg for that matter. They run with the goats, the sheep, the dogs, in the pasture, in the drive...you name it! Crazy creatures just think they own the place. Ha! At least they will help keep the ticks, insects and snakes at bay! Now, I just need to keep them out of my strawberry bed! 

We are nearing the end of my girls Sophomore year. Yikes! We have met the requirements for the state, but not for this momma! We have until the end of June to complete this school year, but I do believe we will continue through the summer again, in case we need more breaks during the next school year. Trying to catch up or remember where we leave off, when things get crazy here, is a pain. Besides...that  just givens my girl and I an excuse to go on a few more adventures. 

I think that pretty much gives a quick nutshell update on everything I am keeping up. I am thankful it's Spring, but I am ready for sunshine and 75! 

Salli

Life and Farm Ramblings

 Life and Farm Ramblings...

 

 

For the moment, I can't even call this coffee chat. I haven't been able to drive coffee for nearly 3 weeks, and that makes me pretty sad. I got really sick a few weeks back, and it has completely uprooted my life. I've managed to keep off the internet because I am trying to focus on healing, but it kind of feels like being being ambushed by a dozen different illnesses, all at once. That illness resulted in me quitting smoking, after a week that all I could do was sleep...smoking and eating did not matter. Since then, I'm slowly getting a little more energy back, but still battling to eat much at a serving and going on 3 weeks without a cigarette throws in a whole other mess to the mix. The awful coughing, tastes changing(everything still tastes like ass), sinuses and allergies in a tail spin as they try to readjust to the nicotine/tar/carbon monoxide being out of my body. So, recovering from a flu and adding in the quitting smoking...it's not been a pleasant few weeks. I know I will feel much better once I get through the worst of this but right now...I'm really contemplating the benefits with how bad I have felt. 

 

So, along with everything I mentioned earlier, we started our 2025 lambing season on the 25th of January. This year, we had 65 ewes that should have been bred. We had a few slow days, but very few. As of today(2/24/25), we have had 60 ewes give birth to 119 lambs. We still have 5 that are straggling, and only 2 of those are visibly bred. So, we'll see how that all turns out. We have had some chaos, that is expected with that many sheep. Richard had to pull several babies this year. Even with the extreme cold snaps, we have had minimal loss. We have 4 bottle babies this year, which is the most we've had for a bit. We are sitting pretty good on hay, and knowing there's about 10-12 weeks left before we can turn out on pasture is reassuring. I am really happy we have our chickens still. Saturday, I went to the store and decided to look at egg prices. OUCH! An 18 pack of best choice white eggs, $13.95. I do believe if I hear anyone complain about $2-$3 a dozen of my eggs....they will be dodging them as I throw the eggs at them! 

 

Just a couple weeks and my baby will be 16. It's unbelievable how quickly the time with my kids has gone. I suppose every parent feels this, and I am no exception. My baby turning 16, has really been hard though. I have loved being a full time mom. I have loved my kids, and all the kids that adopted our family as part of their chosen family. I tried to raise my kids to understand the importance of putting our family first. I personally worked through a lot of traumas to give my kids everything that I wished for growing up. I have made plenty of mistakes as a parent, every parent has, but loving them - unconditionally, has not been one of them. When my oldest got married, I was happy to have a daughter-in-law I thought I had gotten to know pretty well. One phrase that I was told about a year ago, has sadly been accurate. "A son is a son, until he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter, for the rest of your life." It's been a difficult transition to go from a house full of young people, to only one. It's difficult to watch as the ones we raise choose to remove you from their their life and idolize poor behavior. I can just hope that when these young people become parents, they find some wisdom in the direction I tried to lead them.

 

I have had to really back off on everything that has not been focused on getting myself healthy again. Each day, I am feeling a little more human, and will be getting back in the saddle with everything. The big priorities right now, are the Disabled Veteran Hunt and the gardening. I need to touch base with a couple of the non-profits we have worked with, and get a plan in place with them; and get their sponsorship pledges in the books. I have  secured 4 donation pledges since the first of the year. I will be working to secure our raffle items over the coming month, and we will be securing our disabled veteran hunters in June. 

 

Gardening for this year is going to look a little different. Since there are just 3 of us now, I no longer have to plan for hundreds of jars of food each year. So, I am going to try my hand at some fun gardening - containers, raised beds, patches thrown in where ever the urge hits, and some flower gardens too. I will be on the look out for trees, fruit trees, berry bushes, and some wind block trees too. I will still be canning, but I definitely don't need 800 plus jars each year. 

 

Well, that's the nutshell ramblings to catch up. I'm sure there is plenty I missed, but this covers most of it. 

 

Coffee and Conversation

 

I will be the first to admit, I do not know everything. Honestly, I know a lot about a lot of areas, and am a master of none. I tend to follow the directions my interests take me. I'm curious, and become fully engulfed in learning where/when I can. While some lessons, I'd rather not learn...I do try to, so I don't have to repeat them. I am only human, which means, there are plenty of areas that I am ignorant to; areas that do not effect or touch my life. It's truly a dichotomy. 

My personal areas of knowledge do have a large range, but focus on my family, Veterans, gardening, cooking, and research. The past decade, I've dove off into government, politics, ancient customs(religious beliefs), ancestry and state/local law. My underlying belief is that you don't know, what you don't know, until you learn it. That statement has made a huge impact on my life.

The past week, has been a busy and strange one. I've had an encounter that I had never experienced and never want to again. We are in lambing season, which means a lot of late nights/early mornings...and lots of walks to and from the barn, all day. We have entered into the second half of this home school year. It's time to get paperwork in order for taxes. I'm trying to get unfinished projects tied up, so I can finally move on to some new ones. I have barely made any gardening plans, because I just have not had the extra energy. I have worked on our annual veteran hunt plans, but I am concerned how to manage sponsorships, supplies, and equipment - when you work with other groups, you have to work with their schedules and I don't want to nag at people. Of course, there is the budget to contend with...which is a challenge when everything except your income is increasing. 

Writing has always been my outlet for stress. It tends to get frustrating when there is so much I would love to say and talk about, but I just don't feel putting most of my life online, is a great idea. That is when and why I tend to withdraw. I am not feeling that my way of expressing or communicating is effective. I have shared some of my experiences, some knowledge that I have learned - sometimes the hard way, and things that I would personally do different if I could. The thing that gets me, there are actually people that want to argue about how you should feel, how you should do things, and refuse to educate themselves while belittling those that do. It's truly incredible. 

I've made plenty of comments about not being a people person. Honestly, that is not accurate. I love people, and getting to know people does improve my own knowledge. What I can not stand is those that have to constantly one-up you, that refuse to listen to anything outside their knowledge, constant gossip(which is bad since I live in a county that is a gossip mill!), and those that refuse to accept responsibilities for their own actions. It's interesting to tell people that I don't hate anyone...the response always floors me. I have had people start naming lists of people they hate. I don't. I may hate a situation/circumstance, but hate is such a negative and defining emotion. It's dark and ugly. It breaks down any open communication in relationships, and sets a path of negativity in nearly all circumstances. While I personally have experienced some of that negativity the last several years...I have also known when to course correct. I learned when I was younger that self-responsibility is a must. This means you have to change your thought process, change the group of people you spend time with, change your situation, or whatever is necessary to become a better person. Ultimately, it is my responsibility to fix me, because sometimes, I am the problem. 

Today, I have a continued busy schedule but am reminded to take some down time too. Being constantly busy, doesn't equal productive. Being productive, doesn't just mean getting things done...it also means taking time to visit, time to reflect/meditate, enjoying the new lives on our farm, not rushing through lessons to get to the independent study time because those side conversations matter just as much! Taking the few minutes to look over the garden lists, and dream a little. 

We get so busy making a living, that we forget to make a life...at least one, we don't need a vacation from. Sometimes, we have to take a step back and remember why we chose the direction we are going. I pray each of you has a great first week of February.

A few thoughts

 

 

 

As usual, my thoughts are too much for a generic social media post. So, a quick outline on subjects...but we all know I rarely stay on the straight path. 

*Support Local Business

*Technology Challenged

*my 50th trip around the sun

*mish mash of thoughts

 

First, local business. I have used big box stores and even online shopping. So, that disclosure is first! I have spent several years trying to support small, local businesses. To me, it is not just about keeping our money in our communities, although that is a major bonus.  For me, it's about keeping businesses in our communities. I have seen a lot of our smaller communities severely impacted the past 25 years, by the rise in big box stores, corporate farming, the lingering effects of recessions and housing collapse(2008), and the increased need of instant gratification. The rise of big box stores and online shopping, has killed thousands of smaller businesses, and even competition. Growing up, we could go to a mall, have no less than 10 stores with similar items to choose from...now, we have Walmart, Amazon and to a much lessor degree Target. We have seen the news of Dollar Tree/Family Dollar, Big Lots, and now Kohl's closures. We've watched as Sears, Penney's, Bergner's and so many similar stores have disappeared. On the smaller scale, I have seen so many of my local communities struggling to stay relevant. Many of the towns that had post offices, churches, a bar, even a single store in them, have whittled away to nothing more than a cluster of residents; all swallowed up by mismanagement of government and big business. When we do not support our local small businesses, they can not stay in operation; and in turn will close. This has a bigger effect on the communities; from job losses, people leaving these communities, smaller schools closing forcing a large centralized school that requires long periods on a bus, and another community is left desolate. We have seen this happening to many of the small towns in my county. None of this allows for competition either. 

Growing up, in the time I did, I was part of the last generation that did not have technology until I was older. While my husband and I have a different experience with this, in my school...we didn't have computers until I was in high school. Then, it was those great big, massive boxes, that each one took up an entire desk. I think we had 8 of them to start with. I didn't have a cell phone until I was nearly 20 years old. I can still count on my hands, how many times I have played a video gaming console. I went through high school learning to type on a typewriter, learning shorthand - because it was what was taking over the business world, and learning every ounce of accounting paperwork - hand written. At 22, I started learning the computer business models in college. While I know that technology can be a great tool, and I use what I know how...I can definitely see the values of NOT having it. I know this is no longer an option, but I am struggling with how to use/learn technology beyond checking social media, emails and these blogs! Every ounce of education I received, is useless! I am not going to take on massive debt to go back and try to relearn everything I already learned...just on a stupid computer. Sadly, that leaves me and some others like me, in a predicament. No marketable skills after being out of the workforce for 20+ years. I don't have a means of learning the new programs, because they are outdated as quickly as you get them. Not to mention, as I said above, I live in a small community...and jobs are limited. While I can manage a lot of things, I am good at a lot of things, none seem to be beneficial off my farm, but are immeasurable on it. Asking for help to learn, is an option I have done...but it takes patience for anyone trying to teach me, and I usually get "let me do it, it's fast that way." So, for a couple more years, I have time to figure some things out while I finish raising my youngest, but time is flying. 

 

Ok, so I just had my 50th birthday a few weeks ago. Hallelujah!!! I have loved all but ONE of my birthdays...the one that hit me hard was my 30th. Anyway, I love it. 50 years of growing, learning, experiencing, and even the challenges; are incredible blessings! I won't tell you that live is all sunshine and roses, cause that would be a big ole lie! There's days it's a challenge when I realize the little things I can't do anymore, or when I go in search of reading glasses so I can read a text message, the time it takes to recover from illness/injury kinda sucks, but for each new day...I am given another opportunity to grow, learn more and hopefully inspire my children to do the same. I can tell you, my 40's were tough years! Especially the 43-49 range. Those years I struggled a lot, I watched my oldest go from baby to getting married and moving out without a second thought, I have dealt with perimenopause all these years(still, to a degree), and having more changes than I ever thought possible in my life. There are a few things I would never change: being a stay-at-home mom for my kids, home schooling, moving to our farm, taking a chance on the sweet - if not a little forward farm kid(husband), learning to make any and every house a home, pretty much most of my adult life - I wouldn't change. I don't do things I feel like I will regret later. I did that when I was younger, it didn't pan out so well...so, I adapted. While I devoted my life to my kids from the first to this last one, trying to be everything to them that I needed growing up, while trying to teach them to be of good character, integrity and honorable people...I missed the memo, about overdoing it and not letting them see the faults in people, the poor character of people, or having to manage the fall out from those situations. I kept that from them. That was a mistake on my part. But now, at 50, I'm looking to find who "Salli" is now. The person away from being a Wife, and a Mom....it's a bit intimidating but also a little exciting. Who knew you could reinvest yourself, or revive yourself! I am excited to see what this year and beyond bring. 

We are half way through January already! We are about a week from our lamb season starting for 2025. I love the baby lambs, but the weather is always a concern. I would like to believe we won't have any lambs to raise on a bottle this year, but that is unrealistic. We have an average of 4 each, sometimes more, sometimes less. That means all night feedings, just like a baby for 6 weeks minimum. It also means cages in my dining room, wood chips all over, and my husband will spend as much time in the barn as he does the house - for about 6 weeks. It's almost time to start preparing for the garden, which is undergoing major changes this year. No more "big gardens," but some smaller garden areas, and some fun gardening/projects.

Coffee and Conversation

 

I am really battling having to minimize my thoughts on social media. So many people read about 3 sentences, like the post and never pay attention. It takes too much time to consider anything, so the mindless scrolling continues. So, I am putting my thoughts in blogs, if nothing more than my own personal journey. My coffee & conversations is replacing coffee chats...because the focus has changed. 

This morning, I spent a couple hours learning some new skills for gardens and trees. There is still a LOT to learn, but I don't see any reason I can't learn these skills and actually use them! Not only are these skills beneficial to the direction I am wanting to go, but they are the fiscally responsible way to go too! Bonus, and big win, in my book. I have used several big plots of land, over the years, to have a traditional looking garden spot. It has worked for a few years at a time, then the soil requires a lot of maintenance to maintain its productivity - a lot of provisions; wood ash, manure, grass clippings, etc. This is all fine, and I needed the large area to have enough growth to preserve large amounts of vegetables & fruits. As the number of people in my house has decreased, so has the unbelievably large amounts of food I need to produce. Now, I get to have some fun with my gardening. I can play around with different growing methods, different small plots and containers, and do more focusing on raising a medicinal garden too. While I have experimented with different things through the years, it's always been with a backup source in the event of failure. After 7 years of gardening for required produce to feed my family, maintain a supply of quality and quantity of food for as many as 10 people for meals; this will be my first year of gardening for 3. Both my previous beds will be allowed to go back to grass, and my fun gardening gets to take hold. I do still need enough for 3 people in my home, but you can't imagine how much less that takes, and how much actually grows - even in experiments, that will provide even if I end up not liking whatever I do. I have several classes/tutorials lined up, even hoping to finally get around to the herbalism class I have wanted to do for over a decade. 

Before my birthday, I wrote up about 4 pages of general goals and 3 pages of dated goals, for my year. I have extremely high expectations, and that really played into 2024 for me. Expectations are great, but as my blunt daughter enlighted me to, "Momma, not everyone is like you." So, having expectations is setting yourself up for a lot of let down. So, I'm returning to my own tried and true knowledge of goals. My goals are something, I can control. They are not based on anyone or anything else. So, if I fail to meet one...it's MY job to start again, try again, and find a way to succeed. This can be daunting when you are surrounded with negativity, but that is all the more reason to persevere! I forgot this for a spell, but now it's time to succeed. I've found many things that do not work, I just keep going until I find something that does! 

Another area, that is my main focus until late Spring, is my house. My home has gone through 7 years of being a revolving door for people needing a place to stay. In turn, that meant cramming a lot of stuff, where ever it would fit, and generally not eliminating clutter before someone else moved in or out. Remodeling projects went on hold, and have not been finished yet...that is also changing. We had 2 open rooms once everyone moved out this last time, and they are being repurposed completely. One room is becoming the pantry, the other is my husband's business/man cave. I have spent this week going through my daughter's disaster area. I will tell you, overwhelm does not even touch that! I started in on her closet over a year ago, and I dropped the ball on that; but my lack of completing her closet remodel, resulting in her entire room being unorganized, cluttered and awful...and her being a slob, did not help! We are working on it together! Although a break today was necessary because the dust in there is killing my allergies!There are several areas that need fixing, and they will be get done too. Each room is getting a thorough cleaning - washing walls, windows, trims, cleaned, vacuumed, dusted, and finished before moving on. My daughter's room and one extra room, are the worst....but when I am done with them, the rest will be easier. At least until I get to the kitchen, that requires finally getting rid of that popcorn ceiling. That will be dusty and nasty, so it has to be warm enough to open some windows! My chicken coop/goat house/duck house is a major priority this year. It's been in bad shape for a couple of years, but it's now leaking bad and the amount of daily you can see from the inside is not good. I just have to decide how I want to handle that. Maybe by summer, lumber prices will be back to a respectable price. Even if it's not, I have to fix that this year. There is a lot of clearing out to do outdoors too. We have utilized some reasonably priced items for storage(since we didn't have enough barn space) but they have worn out their time as objects and are now also leaking/falling apart. So, we have some decisions to make...if we intend to stay put, building a larger shed/barn is going to be necessary. Then there are a lot of factors to figure in about size, interest rates, overall use, etc. We originally set everything up to be temporary so we could build something better by now. There's been a LOT of water under THAT bridge. This year for my little family, is a lot of decisions that have to be made and set in stone. 

I have some other decisions to make also. Now that my kids are all but grown(youngest will be 16), I have a serious case of empty nesting and needing something for myself, finally. I've had to accept the fact that everything my college degree trained me for is no longer being used. So, my degree is worthless! I can run a family, manage our farm, grow and raise stuff...but have no usable skills to speak of, off the farm. I refuse to go back to get another worthless degree, at this age. I am really hoping to find something I enjoy, can learn some skills along the way, and maybe make a little something in the process. 24 years ago, when my oldest was born,and again 16 years ago when my youngest was born, I devoted everything to my kids. I put my whole world into them. My kids always have and always will, come first, above and beyond even myself usually. That meant I basically did not do anything without one or both of them with me, 24/7. Now, the oldest is married and on his own and the youngest is pretty self-sufficient; this mom no longer has direction. We all remember at 24, you know everything about everything, so mom isn't that important. That's honestly how we want to raise them, it's just hard to accept that success. So, there's not much guidance to give there. The youngest, outside of required education and trying to teach life skill basics...mom is just not needed as much either. Then there's "Mom," for the first time in 24 years with some time, not being needed every second of everyday, wondering "what do I do now?" I have to find things that interest me again, that will allow for the things I still have to do. It's a bit terrifying, I will admit. 

 

My journal writing, my blogs and the conversations I carry in real life will guide me, along with God's hand; that I pray for each day. 

A simpler life goal

 

A simple life should never be minimized as an easy life. I personally believe our societal breakdown in grammar has reduced actual knowledge of the meaning of terms. So, a quick grammar correction of definition:

Simple - If you describe people or things as simple, you mean that they have all the basic or necessary things they require, but nothing extra.

Easy -  If a job or action is easy, you can do it without difficulty or effort.

 I believe we have all gotten wrapped up in consumerism, and over indulge. If you look realistically, think about the number of storage unit facilities that have popped up the last 20 years. It is mind boggling to think about. 

How much do we really need? Many people work an exorbitant amount of hours each week; spending all that time away from their family, their home, and all the things they continue to purchase, and for what? When you require less stuff, you are not going to be required to work so much, and in turn...you will be able to actually enjoy what you have. 

2025 is my year of returning to simple. I got wrapped up, like so many others. It didn't make me happier and realistically, it stressed me clear out. Sure there are things I would like to replace, as many of the items we have, are old and worn out. That is a natural progression. Just continuing to add to the crap we already have and don't necessarily have room for, is not in my cards. It's important to me to be an example to my own children, of a simple life. A life free of the chains of debt slavery, of too much unnecessary stuff and actually living instead of existing. My children are all young adults now, but it's important they still understand now before they get too far over their heads. 

My year is returning to basics. I got lost early last year and it took me a long time to pull out of that. This year, I am cleaning out stuff! I am going through every room, the attic, every shed, pretty much everything on our property and eliminating stuff. What can be, will be donated to our local 2nd hand store, some will be dumpster filler, fire starter or hauled for scrap. My gardens are taking new shape this year. I will not be using the main garden or even the back garden. We don't need as much for just the 3 people in our home, but we are going back to a natural diet to help my health and allergies. I will be doing some container gardening, some spot gardening(small squares in areas that work for my needs), and some beds. Many of my fruit trees and vines have quit producing or need some serious attention...and I neglected them last year. I have decided I need to be a better steward of this little plot of land, in my control. I have watched a couple local farmers destroy hundreds, if not thousands of trees, because they are so fiscally irresponsible they need to farm every square inch possible to pay for all they have spent. So, I am going to be planting some trees. I probably won't get as many as I'd like to, because I am fiscally responsible and trees are expensive. As far as that goes, I'd put a house in the middle of a 100 acres of trees if I could! All this worked soil is destroying the land. Yes, we need farming, but desecrating hundreds of acres of trees is adding to the serious dust problems, soil nutrient deficiencies, and wildlife habitat. Crop rotation has helped some, but it will never solve the problem. Nature replenishes itself when it's given what it needs. 

I am redoing my firepit this year. There were several flaws in my original design, and it needs addressed. We have spent so much time racing the clock, that we have neglected to use it much. I am changing that this year, even if I am the only one enjoying it. Being outdoors and getting some down time, is a large benefit to our health. Whether it's sitting around a bonfire, enjoying the natural vitamin d from the sun, having our hands in dirt or grounding; they all benefit our health! With so much technology in our world today, it is obvious to me why there is so much illness. The EMF's coming off all the smart meters, windmills and even solar panels; disrupt your circadian rhythm. We can no longer get away from this anymore, so we must take decisive steps to heal ourselves where we can. 

This last year showed me that while I know a lot of people, and most of them are good people, the majority are not MY people/My tribe. I have a handful that, are undoubtedly my inner circle, but it has been a little depressing to realize that most are not. When you look for people who are within your field of skill, abilities, knowledge, trust(biggest), and even if opinions differ...still able to have respectful conversation; it's pretty humbling to realize who you can or can not call on when you need them OR they just show up when you need them most - without you even having to say anything! I'm not necessarily talking about in person, and that is awesome too but you get a phone call or message saying "hey, I was thinking about you and wanted to check in on you!" I guess it's the ones that you feel really listen when you talk, not that just  brush over things, or not the ones you only hear from when they want to challenge or correct you. It is humbling having to learn(relearn) the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. Not everyone is a friend, and friendship should be a coveted endearment. 

I had a lot of things blow up in my face in 2024, it knocked me down....hard! I know how to dance, but cha-cha'ing through the entire year, was almost too much. Yet, there were 3 steady Friends, that were actually there as I needed them. One of them being my husband, who sadly was the one receiving the majority of my ire. He is not one that will just coddle my moods...needless to say, he found buttons that just should not be pushed. He's been a trooper though. While we can SAY that we will be there for people, offer them a safe place to have a conversation; I personally didn't feel that "welcome" this past year. I saw a lot of judgement, a lot of gossip, and a lack of empathy/compassion for anyone or anything that had differed from the opinion of others. I know I am guilty of this, and the past year was my worst - because, for me, it was difficult to have compassion for anyone when that compassion for myself was gone. 

So, returning to a simpler life goal, has become a necessity for me. I stick to my own world most of the time. I will stay on top of things in the news, but simplicity also means knowing when to shut out the outside world. Whether that be a few hours or days; we all need to recharge. I'm choosing to recharge with eliminating things that are no longer serving a purpose for me. Getting rid of the toxicity where I can, but also stepping out of my self-induced comfort zone. You can not grow in your comfort zone. It's a great place to find balance, but you need more to continue growing. I love learning, so I'm focusing on that by increasing skills in areas that interest me. I'm not going to go learn mechanics....but I may just try my hand at some concrete work. I'd love to build my husband the grilling patio he deserves, but I have to learn how first! Having found that my computer skills are very 90's ish and not learning all this new editing crap, whether that be photo or documents, I need so big work there too. I continually learn new gardening/cooking skills...this is truly my area of love. I have just gotten away from so much after reaching a severe burn out state last year. I lost interest in everything. I will be fixing this, I am realistic enough to know it will take time, but my goals are set to fix it. 

I am excited to be on a better path for 2025. I hope to document this journey, so maybe it can help someone else too!

 

Coffee and Conversations

 

Happy New Year! 2025

My new year actually began on my birthday(Dec. 28). I have some pretty massive goals for this year, that are returning to a lot basics, removing a lot of toxicity, and finding my own balance/place again. Well, that's the generic list anyway. The new year itself, did not start on a high note for me....I ended up physically sick new year's eve and am just now feeling a little more human. Thankfully, I am finally able to eat again(yes, I am knocking on wood, as I type this)! I would love to get rid of the headache though. While I have big plans to brush off so much of the negativity I deal with, I am realistic to know that there will be some that still kicks me. So, let's get into this conversation. 

I am so much of a planner. I have notes FOR notes. Calendars in about every room, outlines; you name it. I pay attention to details, try to keep up with important dates/holidays, and make a celebration of accomplishments. When I don't do all this...life gets chaotic for me. Being honest....I lose the illusion of control. I have to control my environment to keep things comfortable for me...but that also means, I end up stuck in my own comfort zone...which does not allow for growth. It's a catch 22. The last few years have been a nightmare of life kicking me in the butt. I am working towards leveling the playing field again. This year, I want to encourage growth. This will be different methods and meaning for everyone, but I want to share my journey. If my journey helps even one person, then I will be happy. 

Now that it is January, we have some important dates to know. January 3rd - 119th Congress is sworn in. January 6th - 119th Congress will certify the November election. January 20th - 47th Presidential Inauguration, President Trump/Vice President Vance. These are Constitutionally recognized dates and procedures.  The swearing in of the incoming President can not be prior to Noon, Eastern Time. We have given this administration a priority to work for American's first. We the people, have to hold each of them accountable. For several decades, the elected people have taken tax dollars, freedoms and liberties from All American's; and now we must demand they return to being the Statesmen the Constitution required them to be. These people have been creating bills that hundreds to thousands of pages long, and they are not read before signing into law. A bill with a catchy title, typically holds 87 different laws/regulations, instead of a single one. These Representatives, that work for us, do not interact with us. They are no longer in every community they are elected to serve. These Representatives should be required to visit every county, at least, once per year...NOT just to try to get votes for an election. As American's, it is our responsibility to KNOW what is in the bills - not just what they want us to know, BEFORE it's ever put to a vote. We must demand they balance the national budget, and start paying off the national debt. Each of us is required to live on a budget, and we don't get to go just print more money. We need American industry. America has become dependent on imports, and that is not sustainable. American's must relearn the meaning of responsibility, self-preservation, and fiscal responsibility. We must also relearn the Constitution and how much has been taken from us by becoming lazy in this knowledge. 

Knowledge. I have heard for many years now, how busy everyone's lives are and how they don't have time to research. How can you know what's going on with your very freedom, if you are not understanding what is happening in your country? Rather than being dumbed down with the bread and circus of television, do some research into how your elected representatives are voting and what they are voting for. This needs to be on a local and national level. Too many of them are flying under the radar while lining their pockets, and emptying yours. Learn who your reps are, and contact them when you need to. The "news" is not an educational tool, it's entertainment at best.

We need to relearn Community. This is an important one for me. Living in a rural area for more than a decade, I have seen how neighbors help neighbors. I have also seen what happens when outside people come in upend that apple cart. People forget or don't know to start with, how to be neighbors. In our area, we have had about 10 new neighbors in the time we have lived here, with about as many that were here prior. Helping a neighbor still is a priority in my house, but so many won't unless there is something in it for them. Even then, there are some that refuse to be involved at all. It's really sad to see. It once was a normal occurrence for neighbors to look out for each other. They would be there to protect, defend, help out, and have each others backs. Now, it has become as cut-throat as the soulless cities have. If you want help, you better be prepared to pay them, in one way or another. Nearly all of the new neighbors we have, you never see let alone have talked to. It is very sad to see some of the old fashioned values and integrity disintegrate. I can only speak for my household, but we still hold those values in high regard. 

As I said, my new year began December 28th, on my 50th birthday. I can not control anyone, nor would I want that chore. I can, however, control those that have access to the things/people that mean the most to me. Living rent free in my personal space, won't be happening anymore. I care about people, but not what they think/say about me...especially when I am not in the room. One thing I have learned, if you can not respect me enough to defend me when I am not there, you don't respect me. People that must gossip, do so because they want to keep attention from themselves. "Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house." 

With this new year, I am focusing on me. I have had a few years that have been really trying and tough. I have let my health - both physical and mental, slip. I have to fix that. I have allowed too many and too much to negatively affect me. I can't do that anymore. I am returning to my basics - raising/growing my own food, nurturing my family, working with veterans in every way possible, updating my skills and hopefully learning new ones, gaining the 30 pounds I have lost, spending more time in nature and with my camera, getting back to cooking/baking everything possible from scratch, getting my allergies back under control, and so much more! As I said, I have some pretty big expectations for this year. My goals are big, and I know it will be a challenge to succeed in all of them...but I am capable! 

I will succeed even if I only reach half my goals, but I believe in over achievement, at least on the positive side. So, my blogs will return to what's happening in our country, gardening, growing/preserving foods, home school, livestock, herbalism, photography and that sort of thing. I have saged my home(although I need a new one), am working towards deep cleaning every single room, getting it organized because I want to enjoy life...not just spent all day, every day working. When something is no longer working for you, it's YOU that has to fix it. 

Happy 2025! It's a great time to set new goals and go after them!!