My Blank Book - Chapter 2(February)

As February came in with many questions, it will prove to be a long month!

Feb. 6th - On the 4th, R's brother was deployed, again, to Afghanistan. I can only imagine how this is affecting his daughter. I would not want to have to explain a 1 year deployment to a 3 year old, who is 100% Daddy's girl. The same day, we found out that R's grandfather has colon cancer. After many months of hospital visits and health decreases, now it's cancer. Although I would love to do so much, I am limited with a 4 year old. Our 12 year old, has taken on so much responsibility over the past year. In addition to his daily chores, he checks on his grandmother daily and has spent a lot of time with R's grandparents. Some of the time has been for fun, while some has been to help out with younger legs. I am a very proud Mom! With so much illness in R's family over the past year, it has required both R and J to step up. Both have daily conversations about the health of family, their well being, and all though I am family...I keep my opinions to myself to avoid any backlash. I voice my concerns to R, and he takes it from there.

I keep our household running as smoothly as possible. However, many times I feel like I am raising 3 kids. The oldest(R) requires different attention, and continual lessons in empathy. J has such a large heart that I have to remind him he can't save/help everyone. Then there is the youngest. Very determined, strong-willed,short tempered and independent. Doesn't matter what you tell her, she is going to do what she wants, when she wants, and how she wants to do it. She is the type of child every parent wishes on their kids, when they are younger.(I hope you have kids just like you one day!)

Feb. 12th - What can I say today? I have terrible Spring Fever! I am itching to get in my gardens, and get the front of our house looking pretty. I am anxious to get gravel in the driveway so we can get in and out. I am anxious to have windows open, and the fresh breeze of renewed energy blowing all around me. Valentine's Day is just a couple days away, and it's a holiday that we just don't do much. I don't like all these Hallmark holidays! I am a firm believer in showing your affections and appreciations everyday and a single day of flowers/meals/chocolates, seems to be a waste of time. I'm not a typical girlie girl, so it just doesn't do much for me. When we were first dating and even first married, I would get flowers every so often for no other reason than just a token of affection. Now, I'd rather grow my own, so I have my favorites. Plus, I can grow a 14 X 3' bed of flowers for the cost of 6 from a flower shop. I don't like to eat out much, I prefer my own food. I am not a big fan of chocolates either. It was 14 years ago, TODAY, that R actually "proposed" to me. That means our wedding anniversary of 14 years, will be in June. I can't believe it's been so many years, nor the fact that we actually made it through to this point. After everything we have been through, we are still together and stronger than ever. I'm not going to say that things are perfect or always good even. We've had our share of ups, downs, bends, road blocks, and had every reason imaginable to throw in the towel. We still have moments that I think, we both would rather do so, but we've always stuck through it and battled to keep us together. Is our life perfect and free from issues, heavens no! We spend much more time talking, and exploring compromises to make sure we are both moving forward. We try very hard to avoid confrontations with each other, and even when they do arise, we work through them the best we can.

Feb. 19th - What a roller coaster of weather we've had! We've had 60 degrees, we've had thunderstorms, we've had freezing rain, and snow. Welcome to the weather patterns in Northern Missouri! Spring fever is in full swing in our house. We are itching to get outdoors and work on some much needed and a few wanted projects. We have measured off property lines, measured the front of the house for my court yard, decided on placement of trees and the orchard, decided on the placement of my wild garden, decided on the actual driveway and how to get the rock in here and keep it here. We have a lot of work to do this Spring/Summer/Fall. We know we have a lot of upgrade to do on the house, but there's only so much time and money to go around. Since today is windy(30mph), cold and just outright blah....it will be a day of housework.

Feb. 27th - Another day of reflection for me. We've had 2 snowstorms in the past week, and our little hayfield is beautiful! We have family that has gotten very ill and has given us many scares over the past week. We are keeping our lives going as we must, but some days it's a little overwhelming with everything that is going on. I try to stay positive and find something to learn from, in each experience, but it's a bit much sometimes. We are coming up on Miss C's 4th birthday and trying to decide what to do. We know that with the family health issues some family won't be able to be here if we keep the birthday party set as is, yet I worry that if we do try to change it, it will keep being pushed off until it isn't able to happen because of the health issues. I am not certain of what to do, but there have been enough changes in her life that I don't want to upset her any more by not having her party. I don't know what to do. I am struggling with this. As much as I want everyone possible here for her, I just don't know how to handle this! I guess I need to reflect and pray that something positive happens!

February 28th - As we hear about the slow fading of my husbands grandfather, it breaks our hearts. We pray for peace, comfort, guidance and healing for all our family. This month closes on a sad note, but it is another lesson in the paths all our live will eventually go. It's a reminder to spend every moment possible with family, love unconditionally, and cherish every bit of time you have with family.