Determined by definition:
de·ter·mined
adjective \-ˈtər-mənd\
: having a strong feeling that you are going to do something and that you will not allow anyone or anything to stop you
: not weak or uncertain : having or showing determination to do something
Stubborn by definition:
stub·born
adjective \ˈstə-bərn\
: refusing to change your ideas or to stop doing something
: difficult to deal with, remove, etc.
I had a plethora of issues on my mind just a week ago. I had no idea how to handle so many, let alone how to devise a solution to any one single issue...let alone all of them. I took my own advice and decided to manage my stress. We all know that eliminating stress is nearly impossible. I took 2 hours, this past Sunday, and put myself out in nature. I spent time listening to the sounds around me, talking to "myself", taking pictures, and just breathing. Taking time to clear my head, was just what I needed to begin again. Clearing thoughts that are negative, getting a clear view of just what issues you are facing, taking deep and cleansing breaths, and looking to find even a miniscule of beauty not only within but in your surroundings; that is managing stress to me.
To put things into perspective, my stresses are probably not that different from what everyone else deals with. The biggest difference for me, is that I try to always stay positive. I don't like to focus on negative thoughts, and can usually banish those negative thoughts fairly quickly. The last few months, I haven't been able to. Issues have piled up because I neglected to tackle them as they arose, and because of my own neglect...the issues piled up and caused me more stress than I have dealt with for a long time. In turn, that also affected my health, my attitude and my ability to deal with anything else!
Since my childhood, I have always been one that was referred to as independent, stubborn and determined. I have not depended on anyone for much of anything for many years! While this is good in the sense that I can accomplish a lot, it's bad in the sense that I get overwhelmed when I am not accomplishing what I feel I need to. I put a lot of pressure on myself to always succeed, that when I don't it plays havoc on my mind.
I see so many that blame their issues on other people, that I never want to be that way. Yes, others may start the issue, but it is up to us to resolve it. When you can't get past it's because you are unwilling to try. I try not to put myself in that position, but I am only human, and it happens. A few examples: the economy is bad that's why we are broke....um, no. We are broke because we neglected to reducing our spending habits when the world around us was spending money senselessly and we need to learn to budget better. The sicknesses keep taking a hold of us, so we need to run to the doctor again. Again, no! We are sick because it's easier to run to a doctor that to take care of the only body we will ever have. We feed it food like products, put alcohol and tobacco in it that are full of chemicals, and it's so easy to run to a grocery store than to plan for a garden. Job losses are so high and there just aren't any jobs available. Huge NO! There are jobs, you just have to be willing to start at the bottom, work your ass off, and learn to budget. Jobs aren't paying what they used to, the "good" jobs have left, and it's time for you to face that and move on! Yep, you may have to take a job or two at minimum wage, you may have to learn to eat left overs to save some money on groceries, you may have to cut your cable to just basic, you may have to quit eating out, you may have to cut yours trips to just a single trip each week....it's called being responsible, budgeting, and taking responsibility for your own life. Here's an example that just came to a conversation I had this morning. A gentleman was explaining how his health is bad, he is broke, he has used up his unemployment, and can't afford to just work for minimum wage. He has a wife and two kids. Now, before I go on any further, I don't need hate mail....these are my opinions and it works for us! For me, the solution is in the scenario. The wife is working making just over minimum wage...I believe it was $9 an hour. He is currently not working and only has 3 weeks of unemployment left. He's worried about how they will pay their bills when his unemployment runs out. He's what I was told... They eat out 4-5 times a week, they have cable with all the movie channels, they have about $1200 a month they spend on rent, they always have 2-3 televisions going...all the time, they buy all their groceries at the store-as they need them, and are dealing with multiple health issues. While I understand this can be stressful to try to figure out, it has an easy solution if you are willing to take responsibility and do what is necessary. My solution to this issue: First of all, STOP EATING OUT! The average person spends $5 per person per meal to eat out. That would be a savings of $80-100 per week. That's huge! Shut off the stupid noise boxes! All they do is use energy, and cause us to judge ourselves and others. While saving some money once you've had years of excessive spending is difficult...I know! However, you are either willing to make changes to better your life or you're willing to continue the reckless life you are living. His wife works the night shift - 11 at night until 7 in the morning. The kids are on the bus by 7:30 and then she sleeps until they get home. There is absolutely no reason he couldn't take a job working the day shift or even afternoons. Her schedule is set, Monday thru Friday. In this scenario, the cable bill can be knocked down to just basic cable saving roughly $100 per month. So, already there is a savings of $420-$500 just cutting out eating out, and the cable bill. Since he is home all day, he runs to the coffee shop every time he goes to town for something, and has made multiple trips to town in a days time for groceries he forget. So, knowing this, this amounts to another $4 for coffee, $4 at least for gas, $30-50 extra for groceries...this is DAILY! So, on the low side this is costing $80 extra per week. That's $320 per month! So, in this scenario they could save $740-820 monthly in just a handful of cuts.
This scenario brings me to my own issues. While I believe that everyone is dealing with some kind of financial issue, I truly believe that there are solutions to every issue. It just means we have to really look, pay attention and be willing to make tough choices, to solve them. We are no different. While we have made many sacrifices, so that we can live on one income...we have also gotten trapped into the scenario of not being able to get by without modern technology. We did try many things, not only early on, but also within the last couple of years. Some things have worked great, while others have failed miserably! We had a satellite company when we moved to our farm, shortly after we decided to try another one that was supposedly cheaper. Not the case! Now, we are still in a contract for a few more months and paying as much as when we had the other company. However, once the contract is up...we won't have either company! We decided we'd try to raise some cows, for meat and to make a little profit. Another miserable fail that we are still paying on. We still have 3 cows, but 2 are being raised for our family to have meat in the freezer. We bought a used manufactored home, with plans to remodel a room every chance we got(I figured we could do it all within 2 years, HA!). We have managed to remodel only my kitchen. We found multiple issues when we remodeled it that has me terrified to start on another room. What we were told was a 3 year old roof when we bought it 2 years ago, is junk. We have to plan for a new roof next year. The siding is rotting off the outside too. So, that's another project for next year. Our bathroom and closet are about 15 degrees colder than the rest of the house. It's pretty chilly in there this time of the year! So, that is a Winter project that has to get done soon! My in-laws have been dealing with health issues galore lately. One mother-in-law has had health issues that have been severe for 2 1/2 years, a father-in-law that has has back issues for years and had surgery this fall, the other father-in-law taking my son hunting only to climb a tree stand ladder and have it break as he reached the top and fall 15 feet to the ground - breaking 3 ribs, and his arm. Then knowing my own family having health issues that I can never be able to be there for, 2 people that are like another set of parents that have dealt with so much loss over the past 2 years and I couldn't be there for them for any of it. One of my best friends graduating college, after working so hard at her job, and raising a child...again, something I couldn't be there for. Making a trip back home for my class reunion, and having a wound opened up wide again, because I haven't yet dealt with the grief from that. Seeing the people associated with that, and trying not to bawl my eyes out. Trying to juggle our finances to allow for Christmas and taxes this year, after several failed projects that we are having to pay for now. All of this while still trying to keep everyday life going as best as possible, trying to throw in my husbands new business, trying to find a solution for all the other issues I won't discuss and still keep the holiday spirit alive for my kids.
It's overwhelming many times, but I am a strong-willed person and I will get things done. After my nature walk, so much was clearer to me. Just as the photo above...life changes, and even if you are at a stand still you need to make it work for you. That photo, was of leaves that had turned brown, fallen off their life giving source to the ground, being in water that had froze over into a beautiful design and trapped the leaf. That leaf, even though it has died off the tree is still useful and productive! That leaf will break down with the help of Mother Nature, that froze water, and by Spring will become a nutrient that supplies the soils with needed vitamins and minerals to help it become productive once again. So, this has become my mantra, so-to-speak. Even though I am facing a standstill in my personal balance of life, I must still be productive, useful and with careful planning, I will thrive again.
So, for each of you whom are also at a standstill, look for the balance even standing still. It's there...you just have to be willing to look for it. While my balance isn't 100% restored, it is renewed. So, until I can find full balance again, I will still be productive. I have dove into getting my house cleaned and organized(which has been a headache since we moved in!), I will force a smile through the tears, I will look at the holiday season through my kids eyes to see the magic once again, I will stubbornly face whatever issue is thrown at me next with determination and resilience to thrive even in adversity. I will not feel guilty when I can not be, do, or fix every other persons issues. I will learn that no matter how imperfect I am, I am perfectly me and I can only be as good as I am willing to allow myself to be.
I refuse to stray from my own independence, determination, and stubbornness. I am strong-willed enough to pull myself up from the worst depressions, and the most trying times. This time is no different. I will work through each individual issue and find a resolution too. As I do, I will throw myself into little projects that need finished, big projects that need to be started, my favorite holiday of the year, and do only what I am capable of doing.
Salli
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