People Watching

If you haven't figured it out, I am a people watcher. I am always amazed at the personalities of different people. Between the personalities, opinions, physical appearance, and knowledge of people; I am always captivated. Being back into the field of bartending, has put me back into the unique position of people watcher and psychologist - all in one. I love what I am doing for a job, which is another topic that is unique. I've been really evaluating everything for about a year now, and the more I learn, the more questions I have. So, I am going to offer up my opinions on a few areas that have intrigued me lately.

People watching - some people call this by other names, but it's basically just being aware of those around you in the sense of physical appearance, and attitude. This is something I have done for so many years. I am always amazed by behavior, attitude, appearance, and lack of self-respect. The latter of these, has become so much worse over the past 20 years. The idea of building self-respect was introduced to me in high school. A class was offer through my high school, called "I can." It was simply a class offering to teach us how to respect ourselves and those around us. Although I loved the class, and am very firmly an advocate for having self-respect; I can't help but wonder if we haven't taken this concept too far. Everyone is so worried about other people's feelings that they neglect to take responsibility for personal actions. Children are being forced to become victims instead of standing up for themselves, and adults are becoming wishy-washy wimps. Everyone uses excuses for their behavior, attitude and personality; my parents were strict, my parents are divorced, I had a rough childhood, or whatever excuses there are...everyone uses an excuse. To some degree, the excuses we all use are accurate. However, too many don't take what they have learned to better themselves. These excuses may be the reason we allow ourselves to wallow in pity but these excuses can also be used to push ourselves to be the best people we can be. A driving force of sorts.

I know almost everyone is aware of the web site called people of Wal-Mart. In my eyes, these photos just prove a point. Not to mention, the insane amount of jealousy that I have heard about. It's amazing to me, all of this! I do not shop at that store often, but I am never disappointed, when I go in, that there will be plenty to watch. Do people really have so little respect for themselves that they dress in pajamas to shop, that they wear clothes half the size they need to be, they go without undergarments and have no right to do so, or allow their children to act like heathens? I don't care about the financial end of things, though I know I am told this has a lot to do with it. Personally, I rarely ever purchase brand new clothes...unless there is one heck of a big sale. I don't understand why people would allow their appearance to slip so badly. I don't care if you make $1000 a year or $1,000,000 a year, you should always look your best when you go out in public. I have always been told that you sell yourself, whether you are applying for a job, or making an impression. Why sell yourself short? Why degrade yourself so badly, and even make the possibility of a web site like that, to be possible?! I don't know anyone, that once they get dressed up, even if it's just in their best jeans and a nice shirt, that doesn't feel better - more confident.

I was always told you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This goes right with the attitudes of people. I am a firm believer in treating others with respect, when it's earned, but also treating people nicely. Very rarely will you find me being an ass to someone without first trying to be nice. I will be nice first, and if that doesn't work, then I become more aggressive. However, watching people so much, I am finding the majority are just the opposite. Which just tells me, that folks are just out for themselves. As long as people are getting their way and others are jumping through hoops for them, they are happy, nice, and easy to work with. When the opposite happens, they are having to work toward their intended purpose, they are cruel, mean, and rude. Here is an idea, when something isn't right or going the way you want it to go, try being nice first! Try using common courtesy first and see if you can't just get a little further than jumping up and down like a monkey! Don't be disrespectful, so that the other person you are dealing with becomes defensive. Something that is always going through my head, whenever I deal with anyone, is that they may be going through any number of issues of their own - so treat them the way you are wanting to be treated! Pretty simple!

Opinions and knowledge go hand-in-hand. For any of you that talk to people, you know that everyone has an opinion and many times, their opinions are not based on knowledge. To me, when I think about some opinions, I think, wow - this person is really ignorant. Unfortunately, there is enough of a lack of education anymore, that people don't know the true definition of ignorant/ignorance. So, here's a Language Arts lesson for today -
IGNORANCE - ig-no-rance - NOUN - a lack of knowledge, understanding or education: the state of being ignorant.
For so many, their opinions are based on what their parents believed, what their jobs believe, what they just see on the news or hear from someone else. I guess, for me, I question everything! I never take what I hear, see on the news, or what anyone has said, without evidence. I will argue my point, but if there is something brought up that I am not aware of, I will go research it and if I am wrong...I will happily apologize and alter my opinion. However, never will I just follow what I am told. To me that is just asking for trouble. I really believe that without knowledge, you have nothing. I was raised that no education is ever a waste. I still believe this, to this day. The more I learn, the more I question, the more research I do, and the more knowledge I gain - and I can voice educated decisions, and opinions. I am not overly biased about anything. I will admit my own faults, errors and mistakes. I know no one is perfect, and we should all account for that...but why not educate yourself in areas that will allow you to better yourself?

People watching while I work, is always interesting; sometimes entertaining, and sometimes aggravating. Off and on, for the last 19 years, I have done some sort of bartending work. I love the work, the people and the uniqueness of each shift. Most bartenders will tell you, when you become a bartender - you also become a psychologist. Some folks come in to just unwind from their day, some come in just to eat, and others come in looking to talk about their life. I am kind of a strange breed of person, and in each of those circumstances, I enjoy the atmosphere. I grew up with a parent that drank, I had a couple of wild years myself, and now...I don't drink often nor do I drink a lot, but I wonder about the need for alcohol in such great amounts. I know that alcoholism is now diagnosed as a disease, but I can't help but wonder if it's used more to dull a pain or drown an underlying issue. Anyway, watching my customers now, I think about their unique personalities. Other bars I have worked in have had their own uniqueness, but the one I work in now...it's different in so many different ways. The people are not anything like most I have met. These folks are hard workers, they have spent most of their lives busting their backsides to make a living. Some are couples that come in an hang out together, some are there for a game or race, others are there to socialize. I have had the a great opportunity to meet so many of these folks, get to know them, and while it's a different atmosphere...it's the same as every other bar. There is drama, and games but there's something more. This is such a remote area, while people may not live that far apart, they don't gather but at the bar. We have a diverse crowd that ranges from children coming in with their parents for a good meal, to elders that come in to enjoy the camaraderie of friends. With such a small, rural area, you have a uniqueness and a bubble like area. It's difficult to break through the barrier of friendship in such small areas. It's also unique to be able to watch from an outsider view, before breaking through. For me, it has allowed me to see people not for just the persona they put out, but also for the person they are beneath that persona. I love my job, which I'm sure there are some who would love to judge me on that, but I do. I love laughing with my regular customers, I love some of the elders that come in and visit about their grandkids and my kids. I love the folks that come in to watch the games/race, the couples that come in together and visit with each other and you can see the respect they have for each other, and even the singles that come in are great. Some are a little different, but interesting none-the-less. I have a few that visit with me about issues in their lives, a few I have become friends with, and I love when new people come in and I am happy to share what I know about the beautiful area they are visiting. While I get along ok, with most of my co-workers, a few I have gotten closer to and have respect for. My 15 hours a week, may not sound like a lot, but it's plenty in my crazy schedule, is my time to enjoy people watching. It's my time to interact with other adults and have fun. When it's no longer fun, it's not worth being there. I know there are times it gets frustrating, whether it's customers or fellow workers, but honestly...the customers are always the best part of the job.

Is it just me, or has the ridiculous emotion of jealousy taken on a life of its own? I know in my psychology class, we were taught that jealousy, and insecurity were fueled by an individuals lack of respect or a degradation of self. Whatever. Personally, jealousy has never been an emotion I understood, let alone one that I dealt with. I was brought up to be independent and a strong person. That meant, to me, that it didn't matter what was going on...you depended on yourself, period. I have seen, through the years, when couples are jealous of people that the other talked to. Seriously, I don't get this. That type of insecurity, says more to me about that couple than anything else. No matter what the relationship status, I don't find a need to deal with jealousy. There are so many other issues couples face, and that one to me is pointless. The one issue that has recently come up, and has been a regular issue I've heard since I have been bartending, is either of the people(usually the men), come in complaining because their wife or girlfriend talks to another man or dances with another man. Always my first response is: SO? Do you know what the typical response is? "He/She is flirting with them." Again, my response is SO? I personally, still talk to most of my ex's. Honestly, I don't think that someone flirts, talks to, dances with or even visits with, someone of the opposite sex is an issue. I think it's amazing that people are so insecure that these little things become such a major issue. Real issues are agreeing finances, how to raise kids, where to live, or employment. I think society, as a whole, has become so needy, that we have lost sight of what's truly important. Fortunately, my husband and I do not deal with the jealousy/insecurity issues. He talks to women all the time. Whether they are ex-girlfriends, friends, or even just people we meet in different locations, and he flirts...although he says he's just being nice. :) It is what it is, and I think it's funny how nervous women get, when they see me with or realize I am there. Relax ladies...I have more respect for myself than to worry about that! I have always had more guy friends than girlfriends. So, I talk to guys a lot, I am a flirt to some degree, and that will never change. I will not ever tell my husband who he can or can not talk to. That is just wrong, disrespectful and pathetic...in my eyes. Maybe, that is the underlying issue with jealousy, disrespect in relationships. I don't know, but I know it seems to be ramped anymore. It seems to me, to be a complete waste of energy. My husband and I have had our share of difficulties, but not a single one of them has stemmed from jealousy or insecurity. While I have seen fights break out, and spouses fight amongst themselves because of jealousy, it's always such a waste of time to me. For those that read this, and most are women, here's a little advice that I learned MANY years ago!: If you have a boyfriend or husband, don't be petty. If he talks to another woman, dances with another woman or even flirts...let it go! Just like kids, if you are continually pushing them away from something or someone...that is the direction they are naturally going to go. It's like hearing so many accused of having affairs. Seriously??? Do you think, by constantly accusing someone of having an affair, or even constantly telling them not to do something, it's going to work in YOUR favor? It's not, all you are doing is pushing the person in your life, in that direction. You can only be accused of something for so long, before that's exactly what is going to happen. That brings me to one more tidbit that I have learned through the years. When someone is accusing someone else of having an affair...typically it's because the one accusing has done that exact thing.

I am not very old in years on this Earth, but I have learned a lot by watching/listening to people. I have learned a lot through research, but honestly people are the best sources of information. You can learn a lot by hearing both sides of a story...even if you just end up piecing pieces of information together to find a partial story. You can learn so much by just keeping quiet, watching, listening and observing. If we were completely honest with ourselves, we would all know most of this.

I think if more people were to respect themselves, there would be so fewer issues. Rather than be jealous, have respect for yourself and your partner. Rather than dress like slobs, whenever you will be in public...dress nice...you only get ONE chance to make a first impression! Rather than mindlessly following the crowd, research and educate yourself. Rather than hating your job, or drudging through it, find a way to enjoy it. You have to have an income anyway, you might as well find a job/career you love, and one you can enjoy.

Just a few thoughts, from my people watching. I have always enjoyed doing that, but what better way to learn to love what you do, than to find something that makes a job fun. Try people watching some time. Go to a mall, restaurant, bar, whatever...and just sit back and observe. Listen to conversations, and interactions. It's quite educating sometimes!

Salli